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Archive for the ‘wtf’


Ein Yolk, Ein Reich, Ein Fuhrer 198

Posted on September 05, 2014 by

Because throwing an egg is EXACTLY HOW HITLER STARTED.

einyolk

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The ultimate Britishness fail 355

Posted on August 19, 2014 by

The Times of London (to give it its full title) has been the newspaper of record for the British establishment for 226 years. It was practically the only facet of British life that survived in the dystopian future of George Orwell’s “1984”. Even though it’s now owned by an Australian/American, the brand remains one of the most recognised and iconic symbols of Her Majesty’s United Kingdom, revered across the globe.

(It even created the “Times Roman” font which is the default standard typeface of the English-speaking world, and which these words you’re reading now are displayed in.)

natoqueue

Which means there’s absolutely no excuse for this sort of cobblers.

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New frontiers in lying 140

Posted on August 07, 2014 by

Alert readers will be aware that even in a campaign characterised by dishonesty, the ever-smirking Labour MSP Jackie Baillie has carved a reputation for especially notable creativity with the truth. With our hands on our hearts, we don’t think we’ve ever heard her say anything that wasn’t a lie. However, on last night’s The World Tonight on BBC Radio 4, we believe she reached a spectacular personal best. Have a listen.

soundwave2

If you can’t quite believe your ears, we’ll transcribe that for you.

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Nick Clegg signs a pledge 265

Posted on August 05, 2014 by

So everyone will believe THAT’s definitely going to happen, then.

pledge

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Missing: one plot 140

Posted on July 31, 2014 by

We can only assume the No campaign and media are in a growing panic about the imminent TV showdown between Alex Salmond and Alistair Darling or something. Even by the high previous standards of insanity from the UK side of the referendum debate, this week has seen something of a disintegration in sanity.

Apart from the usual flood of mad scare stories, we’ve had papers like the Scotsman, Daily Record and Press & Journal promoting a ludicrous poll of a couple of hundred hand-picked expats. We’ve had the Guardian’s Martin Kettle competing with the Mail’s Simon Heffer for the most embarrassingly moronic vision of a post-independence future yet committed to print. (This time, a Yes vote sparks a new civil war in Ireland.)

And then there’s this:

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Commonwealth Games begin 355

Posted on July 23, 2014 by

Scotland enjoys the opening ceremony.

orange

The BBC, home of the facts 387

Posted on July 23, 2014 by

There’s an article on the BBC website today with the self-explanatory title of “Scottish independence: How would the UK fare without Scotland?”

bbcfacts

On the left is what it said yesterday (that losing Scotland would be bad for the UK). On the right is what it says today (that losing Scotland would be good for the UK).

Does anyone know what calamity befell Scotland’s economy overnight?

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Return of the living dead 207

Posted on July 20, 2014 by

For independence supporters of a certain age, the 1979 devolution referendum is one of the most infamous moments in Scottish history. While a wafer-thin majority of Scots voted Yes to devolution, an electoral fiddle conceived by a Labour MP meant that it didn’t happen, and part of the reason was that in effect, dead people were counted as No votes.

(We won’t go into all the details here, but basically an impossible threshold was set for turnout, and people who’d died but hadn’t yet been removed from the electoral roll were counted towards the calculation of that threshold.)

We were put in mind of it by an odd development this evening.

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The guest editor 146

Posted on July 12, 2014 by

We assume Danny Alexander has been writing for the Record this morning.

record3bn

We still haven’t been issued with our special UK Goverment Scottish Independence Costs Calculator by the Treasury, but we nevertheless still feel fairly confident that £550 million minus £250 million is £300 million, not £3 billion.

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This could be a record 259

Posted on July 05, 2014 by

There was an article on independence in the Huffington Post yesterday, which we’ve only just seen. Penned by one Dr Nicholas M Almond, a “cognitive neuropsychologist and author” who also has cerebral palsy – a physically debilitating condition but one which doesn’t affect mental capacity in any way – we think it may, word for word, be the most spectacularly ill-informed and offensively moronic article on the subject of Scotland ever to appear in a recognised and vaguely respectable publication.

howlmoon

For fun, we thought we’d count the errors.

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Twitching corpse stamped on 287

Posted on June 13, 2014 by

Daily Mail columnist Jan Moir has a piece today on the nasty comments a tiny handful of idiots made to JK Rowling this week, which – unlike the alleged “barrage” of abuse supposedly unleashed against Labour activist Clare Lally – can at least definitely be said to have happened.

janmoir

The piece is a tedious one-sided rant, but at the end something awesome happens.

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The missing (hundreds of) millions 114

Posted on June 04, 2014 by

Today’s papers are full of a report from right-wing thinktank the Institute for Fiscal Studies proclaiming that an independent Scotland would be even more unaffordable than the last time it was completely unaffordable, tax increases, public spending cuts, plagues of frogs, yada yada yada.

(We’re paraphrasing the Executive Summary there somewhat, but that’s the gist.)

We’re just not sure everyone’s got their sums right.

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    • James Che on The Love Of Big Brother: “Lornical It is not a case of Scotlands people agreeing to the treaty of union at all, there were enough…” Oct 5, 01:06
    • gm on The Love Of Big Brother: “The labour party cancelled ‘buy one get one free’ a while back, for items they felt weren’t good for the…” Oct 5, 00:23
    • James Che on The Love Of Big Brother: “Can we presume that the not Scottish parliament politicians in Scotland would like cheaper drugs and easier access for themselves…” Oct 5, 00:02
    • James Che on The Love Of Big Brother: “Lorncal. Well said. Know our history, we are a Colony because we do nothing and avoid conversations on the subject…” Oct 4, 23:51
    • Lee on In The Eyes Of The Law: “Just attempted to donate vis a via bank app twice. Failed. Would be happy to donate by paypal. Wont be…” Oct 4, 23:51
    • Hatey McHateface on The Love Of Big Brother: “I would have thought the mega data centres, the ports, the huge pylons and the undersea cables pose far less…” Oct 4, 22:27
    • Hatey McHateface on The Love Of Big Brother: ““it has been Unionists who have acquiesced, not independistas” Naw. If anybody has acquiesced, it’s been the majority. If anybody…” Oct 4, 22:19
    • Lorncal on The Love Of Big Brother: “Can we be the only people who have actively acquiesced in our own cultural and historical obliteration, Alf, because that…” Oct 4, 22:03
    • Lorncal on The Love Of Big Brother: “Of course there is still a Treaty, Northcode, and (domestic) Acts cannot overturn or submerge primary legislation – which the…” Oct 4, 21:39
    • Hatey McHateface on The Love Of Big Brother: “I have long believed that the costs to the NHS of treating the diseases and conditions associated with tobacco abuse,…” Oct 4, 21:38
    • Insider on The Love Of Big Brother: “Alf @8.19pm Whit ??? The Burmese Imperial Police are giving the rev the runaround ? Have you told him yet…” Oct 4, 21:35
    • Hatey McHateface on The Love Of Big Brother: “So the Burmese Imperial Police “explains the runaround the Rev is getting”? Only in yer heid, Alf. I asked you…” Oct 4, 21:24
    • Southernbystander on The Love Of Big Brother: “Yes but I put ‘right’ in inverted commas for a reason – you don’t need such a right as no-one…” Oct 4, 21:11
    • Alf Baird on The Love Of Big Brother: “Join the dots, Hatey: ‘Imperial Police’? Explains the runaround the Rev is getting, and a few other things.” Oct 4, 20:48
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    • Southernbystander on The Love Of Big Brother: “The thing is though it does seem that people’s diet and lifestyles can be pretty woeful and Scotland has an…” Oct 4, 20:06
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    • sarah on The Love Of Big Brother: “O/T: Rev, sorry to spoil your Bath weather report but it has been incredibly warm here in Wester Ross today…” Oct 4, 19:08
    • Hatey McHateface on The Love Of Big Brother: “Fourth of October 2026. Another date historians of the future (assuming they survive) will be writing about long after we…” Oct 4, 18:25
    • Lorncal on The Love Of Big Brother: “Even if we are not in a Union, James, we have acquiesced for centuries. Acquiescence can, itself, be used to…” Oct 4, 18:09
    • Northcode on The Love Of Big Brother: “Correction: “Crowdjustice automatically refunds donations if the stated target isn’t reached.” Should read: “Crowdjustice automatically refunds donations if the stated…” Oct 4, 18:08
    • Hatey McHateface on The Love Of Big Brother: ““It is factual to say Scotland has a food affordability problem” Only to the extent that every other country in…” Oct 4, 18:00
    • Lorncal on The Love Of Big Brother: “The one thing that is never, ever mentioned when drugs use is being discussed is personal responsibility and the drive…” Oct 4, 17:49
    • Northcode on The Love Of Big Brother: “Either donations made to Craig Murray’s fundraiser before the US intervention were refunded or they went to his lawyers (unlikely).…” Oct 4, 17:22
    • Lee Floyd on In The Eyes Of The Law: “English, but strangely still committed to Fair Play. So I contributed. Good luck.” Oct 4, 17:17
    • sam on The Love Of Big Brother: ““The fairest conclusion is that the policy responds to a real problem but remains unproven as a mechanism. It is…” Oct 4, 17:02
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    • James Che on The Love Of Big Brother: “It is of great importance wether there are two Countries parliaments in a union, in the parliament of Great Britain…” Oct 4, 16:12
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