This is amazing, readers. It’s an extract from this afternoon’s The Big Debate on Radio Scotland, in which a journalist – the BBC’s Gordon Brewer – finally gets round to asking someone from Scottish Labour how they can make the extra £500m they need to fund their tax-credits “policy” while keeping all taxes the same.
You might have to listen through a few times to get your head round it, because that really is what a grown woman actually tried to get away with in front of a live audience.
A convention of the world’s finest satirists pulling a 24-hour shift on Red Bull couldn’t come up with anything to beat Labour’s position on renewing the UK’s Trident nuclear weapons system. Following an overwhelming vote at the Scottish Labour conference this afternoon, these are the current cut-out-and-keep standings:
Even the alertest readers will probably already be confused by the baffling tale of Douglas and Jacqueline Wright, who sold their home to Edinburgh West MP Michelle Thomson. We certainly were last night, but on delving a little more into the media coverage of their story, things got a whole lot worse.
Older readers may remember an ITV show called The Krypton Factor, which had an “observation round” section in which contestants were shown a short video clip and then asked a series of questions about it.
Ever since the SNP’s unexpected majority in 2011, there’s been a constant low-level whine of “one-party state” from various elements of the Unionist establishment. (The first example we could find from a quick Google search was Liberal Democrat buffoon Sir Malcolm Bruce in September of that year.)
It’s a curiously bitter and irrational way to refer to the outcome of democratic elections held under proportional representation, reflecting a worrying contempt for the views of voters, but after the SNP saw the benefits of First Past The Post in May 2015 (having spent decades being its victim), the angry bleating has become far more noticeable.
(The most recent politician to use the phrase was the Lib Dems’ current leader Tim Farron. Perhaps the party is engaging in displacement activity to distract itself from its craven abandonment in 2010 of its lifelong commitment to introduce PR, selling its principles cheaply for ministerial cars and a referendum on what Nick Clegg called the “miserable little compromise” of AV, which was then lost by a humiliating margin.)
And that’s all very well, but not exactly stop-the-presses stuff – nobody reading this site is going to be terribly surprised at Scottish Labour being caught out in a lie. But the party’s house newspaper the Daily Record went for a subtly different angle on the story that did manage to provoke us to raise an eyebrow.
Mark Beggan on Before Action: “I still think my Time Machine plan is the only feasible way to solve this conundrum.” Aug 22, 09:59
Hatey McHateface on Before Action: “So it’s open season on the 50% who aren’t women? Or is Burnham in the grip of the trannies, trying…” Aug 22, 09:50
Mark Beggan on Before Action: “Neither would I. As long as they don’t shit in parks.” Aug 22, 09:47
Mark Beggan on Before Action: “Andy Burnham s pamphlet; Don’t rape women. Don’t try to swim with your clothes on. Welcome to Britain!” Aug 22, 09:37
Hatey McHateface on Before Action: “Sorry, James, but I don’t think you and I share a common definition of “officially”. More generally, I think you…” Aug 22, 09:31
Mark Beggan on Before Action: “They really get in the way of a good fantasy. With their bloody referendums and democratic processes. Stalin never had…” Aug 22, 09:28
Aidan on Before Action: “How incredibly boring” Aug 22, 09:26
James Che on Before Action: “Mark, I would never suggest any other nation of these Island are parasites, that want parts of England to become…” Aug 22, 09:25
Hatey McHateface on Before Action: “And yet it’s an easily verifiable fact there are more Scots living in England than English living in Scotland. Given…” Aug 22, 09:22
James Che on Before Action: “Retaining the SNP in a pretendy Scottish parliament and a supposed treaty that was never concluded whilst not being adhered…” Aug 22, 09:15
James Che on Before Action: “100% yes, Is there a link anywhere for everyone as this old techno I use is extremely basic. and maybe…” Aug 22, 09:08
James Che on Before Action: “As you stated Hatey, to quote yourself, the 1707 treaty of union is old guff, and nobody pays attention to…” Aug 22, 08:58
Mark Beggan on Before Action: “They are here because the cannot afford the same property in England. Purely selfish James. They are not here to…” Aug 22, 08:54
100%Yes on Before Action: “Today Wings has a wee mention in The Rag about the topic above.” Aug 22, 08:48
Robert on Before Action: “The charity has done wrong, obvioulsy. The consequeces for the individuals in the charity would depend on whether they had…” Aug 22, 08:42
James Che on Before Action: “It sounds bold, In what sense? If “we ” Scotland are not in a treaty. And treaty articles is not…” Aug 22, 08:42
James Che on Before Action: “Aye, an there english people living in Scotland that chose to live in Scotland, not England. There were people in…” Aug 22, 08:33
Rob on Before Action: “It seems to me that DCC Houston is doing his level and diplomatic best to direct our attention to COPFS.…” Aug 22, 08:31
Hatey McHateface on Before Action: “That’s all very well, GM, but if you want to be taken seriously on here, learn to drop quotes from…” Aug 22, 08:22
Hatey McHateface on Before Action: “Seems a trifle harsh, Auld Lochnagar, given that there’s in excess of 200,000 Scots living in London. You should apologise…” Aug 22, 08:00
Hatey McHateface on The Land Of Do-As-You-Please: “Ah c’moan noo, Confused. Shooting’s fer gurlies. Dust aff yer moby gas chambers. Ye hivnae fantasised aboot them for a…” Aug 22, 07:50
Hatey McHateface on Before Action: “Zat a fact, Alf? Must only be a fact you can maintain by resolutely refusing to ever look at maps…” Aug 22, 07:42
Young Lochinvar on Before Action: “Meant to add; for the best impression of The Wallace see the excellent wall mural on Castlegate in Lanark.” Aug 22, 03:28
Young Lochinvar on Before Action: “One to sadly note tomorrow; Disgusting anniversary of the 1305 judicial show-trial and judicial show-murder mob spectacle of William Wallace…” Aug 22, 01:31
Old John on Before Action: “One hopes that, as the “Turbulent Priest” of the 21st century, you will not suffer the same fate as Thomas…” Aug 22, 01:29
Young Lochinvar on Before Action: “Amen to that.” Aug 22, 01:12
gm on Before Action: “It confused me after the referendum, everything had changed. It took me until 2018/2019 to get a handle on it.…” Aug 21, 23:09
Captain Caveman on The Land Of Do-As-You-Please: “”did you think you acquitted yourself well yesterday?” In comparison to you, my meths-imbibing, solvent-sniffing pal? Fuck yeah. Who wouldn’t?…” Aug 21, 22:55
Stevie on Before Action: “All the Brit political parties are disgusting, but the worst is the SNP – they betrayed everything and everyone including…” Aug 21, 22:27
GM on Before Action: “Good news is shy these days. Well done to councillor Higgins. Any analysis yet on the repercussions?” Aug 21, 21:54
