At a certain point you just have to laugh, even though it’s not really funny.
The submission being referred to is NOT the one Alex Salmond sent to the Holyrood committee this week, but the one he sent to the separate Hamilton inquiry almost a month ago, which had been cleared by his lawyers and was published in full by both Wings and The Spectator and read by tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of people.
(For reasons we’re not allowed to tell you, the Wings version has been totally redacted and the Spectator’s has had one paragraph removed but is still mostly intact.)
Because the Fabiani inquiry won’t be publishing the document, that means Salmond isn’t allowed to discuss it when he gives oral evidence, and the inquiry isn’t permitted to consider any of its contents, just as with Geoff Aberdein’s submission.
(There’s very little Salmond actually WILL now be allowed to talk about if he appears before the committee. He might just about be able to confirm his name before the Lord Advocate has him arrested and charged with whatever the opposite of perjury is.)
In other words, the exact people who are supposed to be getting to the bottom of what happened are the only people in Scotland who have to pretend they haven’t read the evidence of the primary witness. (While also not being allowed to see the evidence of the other most important witness, or almost anything else.)
You really would struggle to make this stuff up, readers.
Tonight somebody’s sent us a copy of the SNP’s official Social Media Policy, which is exactly the sort of awful corporate wonk-drivel you’d probably expect it to be.
Our favourite part was this masterpiece of unrememberable gibberish in the vein of the Scottish Government’s hopeless “FACTS” slogan (honestly, without going and looking can you remember what ANY of the letters represent?) for the coronavirus :
And here’s a tweet from earlier today from a prospective SNP candidate:
We’re not sure which of the letters that conforms to.
Alert readers will have noticed by now that while we were at the dentist getting rid of all our excess money, the Fabiani inquiry has published Alex Salmond’s written evidence submission, ahead of his in-person appearance currently scheduled for next week.
We’re feeling a bit confused this morning, readers. Maybe someone can help.
Below is the key part of the letter sent by the Clerks of the Scottish Parliament, acting on behalf of the Fabiani committee, to the Crown Office and Procurator Fiscal Service (COPFS) a week and a half ago, requesting material for their investigation into the Scottish Government’s botched handling of false allegations against Alex Salmond.
As we’d told you at the time, the request was a sham, designed to produce nothing of any value, because it carefully excluded the only person whose communications with Sue Ruddick were actually of relevance – SNP chief executive Peter Murrell.
(Murrell being an employee of the party, NOT a member of the Scottish Government, a civil servant or a special adviser.)
Readers, we swear to you we are not making this up. What you’re about to read are genuine extracts from the SNP’s official new (probably illegal) Equalities Mechanism explanatory note, detailing what does and doesn’t count as a disability when it comes to jumping the queue for a regional list nomination.
And straight away it’s a real punch in the gut for firestarters, muggers, rapists, flashers and, in most cases, hay-fever sufferers. THIS BIGOTRY WILL NOT STAND.
Something most people don’t know about the infamous Spanish Inquisition is that it was never the Catholic Church that actually executed heretics. Particularly if a prisoner had refused to confess their vile heresy even under torture, the Church instead handed them over to the “mercy” of the state to deliver their end.
So SNP MP Kirsty Blackman (or as we understand some are already calling her, “the Tiny Torquemada“) would have fitted right in with it.
Or more likely, they just wanted to try to bury all of their skeletons at once in a single giant avalanche of crookedness. But either way, enough is enough. Criminals accused of perjury don’t get to decide if they’ll answer for their lies or not.
The Fabiani committee has the power to compel witnesses to attend. They must now use that power without further delay, or they must call on the police to arrest the SNP’s chief executive immediately and drag him into an interview room by his ears if need be with a solicitor in attendance. (Doubtless also paid for by SNP members.)
Scotland is not GoodFellas. Nobody is above the law. Stop this damn rot now.
The reaction to it was absolutely explosive. Half of the Parliamentary SNP spent the whole night running around social media frantically firefighting their own members, who were absolutely furious about what they’d just discovered. Poisonous abuse from the party’s woke faction poured out like never before. We got called every kind of bigot under the sun by SNP officeholders.
(The article, of course, made no mention of any sort of bisexual people, Jewish people, trans people or women as a group, let alone actually being prejudiced against anyone. Ironically just about the only kind of prejudice that wasn’t alleged was ageism, possibly because it might have looked a smidge too ironic coming from a bunch of bedwetting children whose core ideological stance is that anyone over 29 is a Nazi.)
But there was one thing you DIDN’T read amid the torrents of hate.
You didn’t read anyone saying a single word of the post was untrue.
Northcode on Cowering From Destiny: “It’s worth remembering that Scottish universities have been international for decades. They actively recruit staff and students from all over…” Sep 26, 10:48
Hatey McHateface on Cowering From Destiny: ““these so-called ‘elite’ universities are no longer Scottish in any meaningful sense” As that was my exact point, I don’t…” Sep 26, 10:19
Alf Baird on Cowering From Destiny: “““this once Scottish university” You are the ‘haver’ Hatey, Willie is right. With some 90% of its academic staff and…” Sep 26, 09:42
TURABDIN on Cowering From Destiny: “Ramsay Mac Donald in Socialism: critical and constructive, published in 1921, wrote: «The Anglification of Scotland has been proceeding apace…” Sep 26, 09:34
Northcode on Cowering From Destiny: ““… Indy isn’t gonna come from them sitting on their arses, holding out their hands, and saying “Gonna gie us…” Sep 26, 09:02
Hatey McHateface on Cowering From Destiny: ““this once Scottish university” Havers, Willie. Even back in my day, Edinburgh was one of the two English unis in…” Sep 26, 09:00
Willie on Cowering From Destiny: “And meanwhile in Edinburgh where Edinburgh Univesity is culling some ninety arts and humanitues courses of which very very many…” Sep 26, 08:25
Hatey McHateface on Cowering From Destiny: ““the Scottish Parliament could and should call a referendum on the NHS” Make it a twofer with a second question…” Sep 26, 08:18
Hatey McHateface on Cowering From Destiny: “@Lorncal Here’s an interesting read on the qualitative differences between Yank and Covid AI: https://unherd.com/2026/09/xi-will-win-the-ai-war/ Spoiler alert: The Covid approach…” Sep 26, 08:11
Willie on Cowering From Destiny: “There is absolutely no doubt that there are plans to privatise the NHS. South of the border NHS England is…” Sep 26, 07:59
Peter McAvoy on Cowering From Destiny: “I’ve stated on comments on previous articles that the future of the NHS is in doubt,why doesn’t the Scottish Parliament…” Sep 26, 02:31
Bobo bunny on Cowering From Destiny: “My partner has just had a heart operation at the Edinburgh infirmary. The quality of care she recieved from the…” Sep 26, 00:11
Southernbystander on Cowering From Destiny: “Interesting points Hatey. I dunno, the media down here would have a field day questioning Burnham if Labour lost to…” Sep 25, 23:49
Lorncal on Cowering From Destiny: “H McH: the technology exists and we can’t turn the clock back. We can, however, use everything at our disposal…” Sep 25, 22:24
Mark Beggan on Cowering From Destiny: “‘You can count on us to stand up for fairness and justice. You can count on us to bring people…” Sep 25, 21:02
Hatey McHateface on Cowering From Destiny: “Typical, isn’t is, SBS? They’ve got a chance to put into power somebody who could increase the bust size of…” Sep 25, 21:00
Hatey McHateface on Cowering From Destiny: “Colder houses are warmer houses. Damper houses are healthier houses. Men are women. Higher taxes is more spending money in…” Sep 25, 20:44
Southernbystander on Cowering From Destiny: “Interesting stats Sam. Trouble is they are so volatile they could all be reversed by events, then reversed again. The…” Sep 25, 20:42
Hatey McHateface on Cowering From Destiny: “@ Alf Baird says: 25 September, 2026 at 9:31 am “a sign that the people may be closer to liberation…” Sep 25, 20:27
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on Cowering From Destiny: “AN TEACHDAIRE PÀRLAMAIDEACH (Bilingual Holyrood Newsletter, issue 25 Sept) « […] Tha sinn cuideachd ag aithris air Aithris Bith-iomadachd na…” Sep 25, 20:27
Mark Beggan on Cowering From Destiny: “The Ministry of Truth War is Peace Freedom is Slavery Ignorance is Strength Fear is Hope In the end the…” Sep 25, 19:56
Hatey McHateface on Cowering From Destiny: ““in more savage, feudal times preceding modern borders, democracy and government” Hmmm. I don’t quite see what was more savage…” Sep 25, 19:44
Spartan 117 on Cowering From Destiny: “We obviously disagree, however your response is to call democracy and views different to yours as “stupid”. I’m not feart…” Sep 25, 18:54
Hatey McHateface on Cowering From Destiny: ““Sovereignty is an absolute. Its restoration ought to be the aim” The unicorn believers are convinced individual Scottish Sovereignty never…” Sep 25, 18:40
Spartan 117 on Cowering From Destiny: “Sums it all up pretty well to be honest, Hatey. It’s easier to sit back on your taxpayer-funded meal ticket…” Sep 25, 18:30
Hatey McHateface on Cowering From Destiny: ““Our interest starts and ends at our borders” What can I say? Irrespective of whether the borders you write about…” Sep 25, 18:28
Hatey McHateface on Cowering From Destiny: “I guess you won’t have sussed why Swinney, Sturgeon and co are petrified of Indy support rising. Hint: It’s the…” Sep 25, 18:09
Hatey McHateface on Cowering From Destiny: “@Marie says: 25 September, 2026 at 10:08 am “The future is Eurasian” You’ll be able to get surgery to sort…” Sep 25, 17:57