In a post last month we referenced a ZX Spectrum computer game from 1984 called “Worse Things Happen At Sea”. Today as we watched the First Minister on the Andrew Marr Show, we were put in mind of another nautical-disaster-themed one from a great deal nearer to the end of the Speccy’s life.
Newspaper sales figures in Scotland now come out in a patchy and unco-ordinated sort of way, with different frequencies and at different times of year, so we thought it’d be worth collecting them together for easy reference.
The numbers below are the most recent figures for each title that we know of – for papers classed as “national” that means November last year, and for those counted as “regional” (which includes the Scotsman and Herald titles) it’s this month.
Figures have all been rounded to the nearest 100, and increase/decrease stats refer in all cases to the corresponding sales for one year previously.
It’s been a fair few months since we last documented the Daily Record’s increasingly panicky attempts to save its own hide over its infamous eve-of-referendum “Vow”.
In its growing desperation, the paper bizarrely turns today to First Minister Nicola Sturgeon, demanding that SHE should be the one to fulfil a promise that the Record made specifically in order to thwart Sturgeon’s lifelong goal of independence.
There’s an extraordinary article in the Daily Record today. Here’s a bit of it:
Alert readers might feel that a few lines have gone missing somewhere between paragraphs four and five. And the fact that they have has nothing to do with dead football clubs, and everything to do with the dying Scottish media.
We don’t follow many Unionists on social media, because you end up wasting your day arguing pointlessly with a lot of people who are never going to change their minds and getting in a bad mood. But we’re told they were all very excited about an article in yesterday’s Daily Record.
Penned by the paper’s political editor Davie Clegg, it’s a long diatribe about how the fall in oil revenues has created a black hole which now means Scotland is – stand by for a surprise! – too wee and too poor to be independent.
So far so meh – it’s not like it’s the first time we’ve heard that record played, after all. But as you can see from the image above, there’s also quite an interesting challenge printed in giant capitals at the foot of the page. We’re not in the Scottish Government, but it’s a rainy Saturday so we thought we might have a go.
The newspaper is a fantastic concept. A cheap, accessible product, it’s a brilliant way of keeping yourself broadly abreast of current affairs. You turn a page and are presented with a diverse selection of interesting stories, often on subjects you’d never have thought to go and seek out in the self-refining echo chamber of the internet.
(Theoretically links on websites serve the same purpose, but dodging “sponsored” advertorial, gutter-level clickbait, pop-ups, autoplay video and pages that judder and leap around so much while loading all this rubbish that you’re about 50/50 to have an epileptic fit before you can read the story, has made clicking on one into a game of Russian Roulette fewer and fewer people are willing to take a chance on.)
This site has never believed that the ongoing steep decline in newspaper sales is a fundamental problem with the format. Rather, the truth is that people stop buying papers because they’re full of garbage.
All five of the opinion pollsters who regularly poll on Scottish politics (Panelbase, YouGov, TNS, Ipsos Mori and Survation) have now published surveys in the past two weeks asking the independence question. So it seems reasonable to expect there’ll be no more polls before the anniversary of the referendum on Friday.
Given the conventional wisdom that the economy, underpinned by that pesky volatile oil, was the main reason not enough Scots could be persuaded to take the leap into self-government, readers might expect that the dramatic collapse in the oil price since last year (when we checked today it was trading at just over $47 a barrel, less than half the $97 it was at the start of September 2014) would only have cemented voters’ feeling that they made the right decision.
You might not think it, readers, but even after all this time we’re still capable of a certain degree of innocent, naive trust in Scottish journalism.
When Nicola Sturgeon didn’t just issue a boilerplate condemnation at FMQs yesterday after ludicrously overblown allegations of Twitter “trolling” by an SNP candidate, but went on the counter-attack over Labour’s grotesquely abusive Ian Smart, we foolishly thought that might make both sides of the story newsworthy.
And then we opened the papers.
We don’t expect the media to be impartial. But let there today officially be an end to even the slightest pretence that it’s at least fair, professional and honest.
Hatey McHateface on And every day was exactly the same: “Near 1 AM, Scotland lies dark and silent, blanketed deep in snow, and Lochinvar’s musings turn, for unfathomable reasons, to…” Jan 5, 09:32
Hatey McHateface on And every day was exactly the same: ““the coloniser, always with great relish, endeavours to point out “the endless deficiencies of the colonised”” Every now and then,…” Jan 5, 09:24
Hatey McHateface on And every day was exactly the same: ““Guid dey” to you too, Northy. I thought I would reply to your post, as nae ither cant bothered. It…” Jan 5, 09:01
Hatey McHateface on And every day was exactly the same: ““still not informed us about your man” Oh but I have. Several times, at least twice in considerable detail. You’ll…” Jan 5, 08:47
Hatey McHateface on And every day was exactly the same: “2026 already shaping up as interesting. Both Xaracen and Northy now melding with James. Hail, Jorthacen! Possessor of the True,…” Jan 5, 08:41
DaveL on And every day was exactly the same: “Quite attached to the ‘rules based world order’ you say. That shows how attached you are to western hegemony/ideology because…” Jan 5, 02:04
Young Lochinvar on And every day was exactly the same: “Get a room you two! YOU are amongst the most prodigious creators of spoiler (going nowhere) BS AI reliant rubbish…” Jan 5, 00:54
Alf Baird on And every day was exactly the same: ““Oman, UAE and Singapore aren’t democracies …” The matter of economic success of ex colonies was the main issue, not…” Jan 5, 00:03
Northcode on And every day was exactly the same: ““Oh, get the fuck over yourself, you arrogant dishonest prick!” A tame exclamatory, Xaracen… you used the temperate obscenity “fuck”…” Jan 4, 22:58
Alf Baird on And every day was exactly the same: ““There is nothing in the least bit bigoted about ANY native wanting to defend his nation from unwarranted, unlawful, and…” Jan 4, 22:36
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on And every day was exactly the same: “KAFKA: THE TRIAL (Chapter 1 ARREST) « Somebody must have made a false accusation against Josef K., for he was…” Jan 4, 22:29
Jay on And every day was exactly the same: “Your comment 3:39 on 4th Jan. finds fault with Alf Baird’s comment (shortly preceding) by referring to the issue of…” Jan 4, 22:20
Alf Baird on And every day was exactly the same: “Yes James, the “hateful racism” of colonialism (Cesaire) inevitably shows through whenever the colonizer, always with great relish, endeavours to…” Jan 4, 22:08
DaveL on And every day was exactly the same: “Hi Hatey, you’ve still not informed us about your man Stepan Bandera. I noticed they had a torchlit parade in…” Jan 4, 22:02
Northcode on And every day was exactly the same: ““So there you have it, the ongoing oppression of native Scots is largely a consequence of privately schooled Anglicised sadomasochistic…” Jan 4, 21:54
Alf Baird on And every day was exactly the same: ““Dae masochism next” Kipling, brought up initially in India and then sent to private school in England, imagined British society…” Jan 4, 21:27
Andy Ellis on And every day was exactly the same: “And yet here you are for some strange reason giving us the benefit of your dazzling insight. I doubt my…” Jan 4, 21:13
Andy Ellis on And every day was exactly the same: “@ Xaracen 8.08 pm Wind yer neck in ya bigoted piece of work. I didn’t say ALL Scots were bigots.…” Jan 4, 20:58
Ross on List Voting For Cretins: “Which other pro independence party is likely, on current polling, to achieve more than the 1 list seat though? Every…” Jan 4, 20:49
Xaracen on And every day was exactly the same: “@Andy Ellis; Way to go to miss the point, prick. Your attribution of bigotry to Scotland’s people in the context…” Jan 4, 20:08
Hatey McHateface on And every day was exactly the same: “The greatest living half-Scot, President Donald J. Trump, continues to expand the American language: Trump said under Maduro, Venezuela hosted…” Jan 4, 19:54
Hatey McHateface on And every day was exactly the same: ““Note the curtness of my response (a single sentence) set dow above this observation” I’m seeing what you’re about, Northy.…” Jan 4, 19:18
David Holden on And every day was exactly the same: “Hard to wade through the comments at the moment as life is too short. Dr Ellis seems to be trying…” Jan 4, 19:14
Hatey McHateface on And every day was exactly the same: “Wow! Assertions, propositions, veracity, premises. Check out the big vocabulary on Brad, sorry, Northy. But tell us true, Northy, as…” Jan 4, 19:08
Northcode on And every day was exactly the same: ““…when you give someone enough rope…” It isnae rope ther needin, James, it’s mair ‘bullets’… fir ther nivver feenisht shootin’…” Jan 4, 19:00
Northcode on And every day was exactly the same: ““A wholly unsuprising lack of originality on your part.” This assertion has been noted and immediately dismissed due to its…” Jan 4, 18:50
Hatey McHateface on And every day was exactly the same: “Xaracen expressing his inner James there. Such lack of magnanimity and uncivil rudeness from someone forever telling us Indy is…” Jan 4, 18:46
Andy Ellis on And every day was exactly the same: “I am really liking thon Northierthanthou moniker… I might use it. A wholly unsuprising lack of originality on your part.…” Jan 4, 18:36