There’s a very strange article on the front page of the Herald website this morning. It’s an interview with Nigel Farage in which the UKIP leader insists that his party, not the SNP, will hold the balance of power in the UK parliament after May’s election.
It’s a bold assertion given that current projections put the SNP on anywhere from 30 to 56 seats with UKIP expected to struggle to get 5 to 10. But Farage’s rationale for the statement is an interesting one.
The abusive Facebook comments recently directed at Labour MP Margaret Curran and highlighted in a piece on the STV website today make us sigh. Not only are they horrible but they’re counter-productive, in every sense of the term – they’re not going to change Curran’s mind about anything by yelling at her, and they feed a narrative about “vile cybernats” that the media is all too eager to gleefully perpetuate.
So let’s make something clear from the off: shut up, idiots. You’re not helping.
Because a good satirist can sometimes make a point better in seven sentences than idiots like us can in a 1000-word article, and make it funny at the same time.
The very few readers who don’t immediately just snort and turn the page when they see the words “George Foulkes” may have noticed in yesterday’s Herald that the thirsty peer could be found gloating gleefully that had Scotland voted for independence last September it would now be “bankrupt” due to the decline in oil prices.
We can’t be bothered pointing out for the 500th time that a Yes vote wouldn’t have seen Scotland actually independent until March 2016, and that the oil price NOW is therefore about as relevant to anything as, well, Baron Foulkes himself.
But we couldn’t help noticing a couple of small arithmetical details.
There really isn’t very much of a news story in this morning’s Sun “exclusive” that some Labour MPs say they’d quit the party rather than work with the SNP should the electorate deliver such a result in May. One told the paper:
Those of us who remember the parade of furious Scottish Labour figures going on TV and openly threatening to scupper any “rainbow coalition” involving the Nats in 2010, thereby ensuring that David Cameron and George Osborne came to power, won’t be the least bit surprised at the sheer depth of hatred and jealous rage that consumes Labour’s branch office in North Britain when the SNP are mentioned.
And there’s nothing eyebrow-raisingly new in Scottish Labour’s spiteful determination that if Scots vote against the Conservatives – but not for Labour – they should be punished with Tory governments. It’s the standard policy of electoral blackmail that the party has deployed against the rise of rivals from the left for years, and which it’s now also turning against the Greens south of the border.
But there is a telling phrase in that short quote.
Independent website Political Compass has just released its 2015 graph charting the ideological positions of all the political parties of the UK. It’s a fairly predictable one.
On the image above, we’ve added, for parties active in Scotland only, striped circles indicating each party’s 2010 position. But what does it tell us about 2015?
It’s somehow fitting that the lead article on Labour Hame today is headed by a lie before it even starts – an offer to join the party for £1 that takes you to a page where it actually costs five times as much.
(We’d noticed days ago that the much-hyped £1 offer had been quietly dumped after just a month, but it appears that nobody in the Scottish branch office thought to keep poor hapless Labour Hame in the loop.)
The article below, though, is remarkably even more dishonest.
A number of readers last night sent us copies of the response to complaints they’d made to the Independent Press Standards Organisation about the Daily Record’s infamous “The Vow” front cover. We attach the full judgement at the bottom of this article, and as far as we’re concerned it’s fair and accurate. The Vow was a deliberate deception, but it didn’t break any rules – it merely relied on readers misinterpreting it.
The bit we’re still interested in is the paragraph above.
It gets clearer with every passing day that Scottish Labour’s chief election strategy is to assume that Scottish voters are goldfish. There’s no other explanation for a piece in yesterday’s Courier on the SNP’s Jamie Hepburn’s call for the implementation of a 2009 report into which sporting events should be protected from pay-TV broadcasters.
The article concluded with some comments from Labour.
Young Lochinvar on Clocks And Calendars: “Beggars You missed out Enoch Powell’s “rivers of blood” hysteria in your post. A but remiss of you there “old…” Mar 31, 02:59
Young Lochinvar on Clocks And Calendars: “Now now Beggars, don’t get carmugeonly.. Pains me to say it, but Baby Uncle Sam has done what Amnesiac Baby…” Mar 31, 02:50
Mark Beggan on Clocks And Calendars: “Any gamblers amongst us? General election before 2029. 3/1 General election 2027. 7/1 General election 2026. 11/1 Marshall Law declared.…” Mar 31, 02:12
Mark Beggan on Clocks And Calendars: “I don’t think you understand what’s going on geopolitically. There’s a new sheriff in town. The war has been won.…” Mar 31, 02:07
Young Lochinvar on Clocks And Calendars: “Beggars That’s LONG since breached paying for rusted subs and missiles that go “plop” – and you didn’t even notice…” Mar 31, 01:03
Charlie on Clocks And Calendars: “You must have lived somewhere posh, that was in my local newsagents 😉” Mar 30, 23:17
James on Protest But Don’t Survive: “Dirty protest? What’s that, voting Tory? More your two’s style, I’d say.” Mar 30, 22:59
Captain Caveman on Protest But Don’t Survive: “Heh. Like, as if that imbecile is on the Electoral Roll… probably doesn’t even have a fixed address.” Mar 30, 22:53
Mark Beggan on Clocks And Calendars: “When will the IMF come knocking on the door? Any number crunchers out there? How long till Britains credit is…” Mar 30, 22:09
Glenn Boyd on Clocks And Calendars: “Lord help us if that New Labour Scumbag Sarwar gets anywhere near taking power. Lets remember this is the fucking…” Mar 30, 20:51
Southernbystander on Sicknote Slippers: “Thanks for saying this. It is of course correct. It has becomes standard for any progressive / anti-fascist march to…” Mar 30, 20:50
Aidan on Protest But Don’t Survive: “Assume you’ll be planning your normal dirty protest in the polling booth “James”?” Mar 30, 19:53
George Ferguson on Clocks And Calendars: “To some my claim of Scottish Labour finishing fourth is fanciful. As fanciful as Sarwar claiming moral authority. We will…” Mar 30, 19:31
James on Clocks And Calendars: “YL; Here’s to Good King Robert. Cheers! They don’t like it up ’em.” Mar 30, 18:50
Dan on Sicknote Slippers: “I had an ironic chuckle at Stu having a go at Slipper’s albeit limited hair! At least as the cost…” Mar 30, 18:39
James on Protest But Don’t Survive: “Aye, draw a great big ‘Captain Caveman’ on your ballot paper, folks.” Mar 30, 18:37
twathater on Clocks And Calendars: “The Scotsman in conjunction with every other shite rag is trolling the electorate with this insulting PISH The Headline should…” Mar 30, 18:26
Young Lochinvar on Clocks And Calendars: “Happy anniversary tomorrow of the 1307 battle of Glentrool. Bruce’s looking at spiders days were put behind him at Glentrool…” Mar 30, 18:19
Frank Gillougley on Clocks And Calendars: “Aye, ‘Vote fur Jack Duggan Sarwar’, it’s definitely got a ring tae it. Pure wild wae it so he is.” Mar 30, 17:23
Young Lochinvar on Clocks And Calendars: “Yee haw pardner.. Uncle Sam’s getting all worked up about a super bigly expensive low gear fly by mission “to…” Mar 30, 17:21
Alf Baird on Clocks And Calendars: “Past time The Hootsman changed its teetle tae ‘The Hoose Jock’; or just go the hale hog as ‘The Colonialist’.…” Mar 30, 15:50
Aidan on Clocks And Calendars: “Labour are really going to form a coalition with Reform are they? Oh aye i bet they’ll be shouting about…” Mar 30, 15:14
Captain Caveman on Sicknote Slippers: “Although approaching things from a different perspective to my own, what a marvelous post, though doubtless largely wasted here. Bravo.…” Mar 30, 14:12
Mark Beggan on Clocks And Calendars: “If you thought that was crazy did anyone see Scottish Labours political broadcast online. A day in the life of…” Mar 30, 14:11
David on Clocks And Calendars: “I assume this was written and supplied to The Scotsman by a deluded Labour Hack. Why don’t The Scotsman republish…” Mar 30, 14:10
Campbell Clansman on Clocks And Calendars: “Labour, and The Scotsman, must think voters are dumb enough to take this “analysis” seriously. Which says a lot about…” Mar 30, 13:28
Lorncal on Sicknote Slippers: “The real far right is a tiny minority of heid-the-bas. Always was. Even in the halcyon days of Mosley. What…” Mar 30, 13:25
Confused on Sicknote Slippers: “better together, pooling and sharing so, exactly what benefit do we draw from this “arrangement”, being siamese-twinned to these kleptomaniac…” Mar 30, 12:59
Northcode on Protest But Don’t Survive: “A fine adaptation from Allende’s speech, James, and a quote most apt in the context of Scotland’s subjugation by a…” Mar 30, 12:11
Northcode on Sicknote Slippers: “*Do yous want tae march? Apparently 99% of actual, real and genuine liberty seeking, independence supporting Scots didn’t want to……” Mar 30, 11:47