This is a wretchedly boring time to be writing about politics for a living, readers. Parliamentarians in Edinburgh and London haven’t technically checked out for the summer yet – Holyrood still has a month to go before taking two months off, while Westminster is currently having a couple of weeks off for “Whitsun”, whatever the hell that is, before coming back for a month and a half then sodding off until September.
But really they’re already at the “bringing board games in” stage of term, and both the elected chambers and the media already have their eyes on the beach, which probably explains why we’re being punted drivel like this.
Even if we must afford the graphics team some grudging kudos for the unicoo.
Wait, has Nicola Sturgeon died? We didn’t see anything on the news.
Because there are only a limited number of possible reasonable explanations for why police wanting to find out what Nicola Sturgeon knew about something would ask people who aren’t Nicola Sturgeon.
When I was a boy at Balbardie Primary School in Bathgate in the mid-70s, football was banned in the playground. Of course we were all fitba-daft laddies, so we sought ways around the prohibition. Occasionally someone would bring in a tennis ball, but those were difficult to control in school shoes and also apt to fly over the wall of the outdoor toilet block if somebody caught one sweetly on the volley.
So most playtimes somebody would produce a tin of Pepsi or Irn-Bru or Cresta, chug the contents, stand the empty container on its end and stomp sharply on it, producing something more akin to an ice-hockey puck that would serve for our kickabout.
But even after being skelped and scudded around a concrete playground into stone walls for 20 minutes, that can was still in better shape at the end of our game than the one the SNP have been kicking down the road since 2016.
The SNP now seem to be involved in some sort of competition where they dare each other to come up with the most blatant insult to their own members and/or the wider independence movement and see just how much they can get people to put up with.
First up was this drivel:
Humza Yousaf is leader of the SNP, a political party whose defining purpose – arguably its SOLE real purpose – is the pursuit of Scottish independence, but his “vision for Scotland” didn’t include a single mention of it.
Instead, Yousaf intends to spend the next three years on “equality”, “opportunity” and “community”, three meaningless buzzwords which every political party on Earth would claim to be in favour of. He might as well have identified his key values as kittens, lollipops and hugs.
Once again, we’re dismayed to report that we called it right. Because last night SNP MSP Mairi McAllan, officially representing the party on Question Time, told a weary audience in Fort William that that was precisely the case.
And readers, if ever a policy has been tested in battle and found wanting, it’s that one.
Just over a year ago, Shona Robison – then the Cabinet Secretary For Social Justice, now the Deputy First Minister – told the Scottish Parliament this:
There now follow some quotes from the media regarding the case of Andrew Miller, aka Amy George, who yesterday admitted the kidnap and repeated sexual abuse of an 11-year-old girl at his home in Galashiels earlier this year.
Spartan 117 on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Ah, a very typical article from TeH GrAuNiAd. Hysteria sans context. Bearing in mind this is all “mibbes aye, mibbes…” Sep 23, 17:10
Spartan 117 on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Trump might be an arse but he does wind up all the right people. A bit like Michael O’Leary.” Sep 23, 17:02
Spartan 117 on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Yes James in other words “It’s a scam that doesn’t actually serve anything other than the Cooncil pension pot, we…” Sep 23, 17:01
agentx on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: ““Double parliaments, double taxation bills for Scotland, this scam will apply to any devolved area I presume,” ———————————————— No -…” Sep 23, 15:53
lothianlad on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Even the sight of her ( sturgeon) makes me sick!!” Sep 23, 14:50
lothianlad on Fear And Favour: “Hold them to account! they will be exposed.” Sep 23, 14:43
Alf Baird on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: ““the ” Republic of Scotland ” that has become a Colony of Englands Great Britain parliament” Oor colonial reality is…” Sep 23, 14:20
Mark Beggan on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Well Trumpy certainly smacked a few bottoms yesterday. Some of them won’t sit down for a week.” Sep 23, 14:04
Stevie on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “It’s really just a matter of time till they/them joins Labour and wears a hijab.” Sep 23, 14:00
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “The WHO estimates 15 million were killed by Covid. And it looks to me like our society doesn’t give a…” Sep 23, 13:46
Willie on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Jeepers creepes Hatey I thought you were talking about 450,000 being the estimate of numbers to die when we go…” Sep 23, 13:21
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Not too late to get this reversed. Just need some of these organisations to re-invent themselves as militant trans, ideally…” Sep 23, 13:21
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “He would have got the single occupant discount and been exempted from water charges. Dry your eyes 🙂” Sep 23, 13:13
TURABDIN on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “According to the BBC Scotland, a de facto colony if not de jure, has the worst drug addiction problem in…” Sep 23, 13:00
James Che on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Hatey, Scots are already taxed higher, And may I add twice when income for a year goes higher, Letter from…” Sep 23, 11:59
James Che on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “The reasoning that the territory of Scotland is first of all a Republic Country , is that the political union…” Sep 23, 11:39
Ian Smith on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “I’m not sure Sturgeon was ever capable of a well thought out defense and security policy. She was just more…” Sep 23, 10:49
James Che on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Spartan 117. Letter Council 3rd September 2015, Dear Mrs Che, Council tax reference number………. I would firstly advise that the…” Sep 23, 10:41
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “EDINBURGH COLLEGE OF ART to close craft courses, including jewellery and textiles. (BELLACALEDONIA 23 Sept 2026) « Further to the…” Sep 23, 10:35
James Che on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “The approach to the UN should be that Scotland officially by legalities is a Republic Country However a Colony of…” Sep 23, 10:04
James Che on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “The Great Britain State unification of 1707 never evolved because the Parliament of Scotland was Dissolved in England on the…” Sep 23, 09:36
James Che on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “The question is, how did Scotland become a none governing State by presumption of the parliament of England, As Scotland…” Sep 23, 09:32
Spartan 117 on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Indeed Hatey. Plenty of us would be pleased to see the end of both FollyRude and the plethora of local…” Sep 23, 08:25
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Make sure your wills are in order, folks. 450,000 to die in the next 6 months: https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2026/sep/23/el-nino-450000-extra-deaths-six-months It seems a…” Sep 23, 08:19
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Plenty of Scots, including posters on Wings BTL, would like to see an end to the wee, pretendy, Scottish parly.…” Sep 23, 08:03
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Careful, Cynicus! If you believe they’re behind everything, then you don’t want to be broadcasting to the world that you’re…” Sep 23, 07:46
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Here you are again, Bilbo, just for your dug: “Link to one MSM article that says “the enemy is going…” Sep 23, 07:36
Minceheid on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Spartan 117 says: 22 September, 2026 at 9:05 pm Gordoom went Scorched Earth on the UK in a fit of…” Sep 23, 07:07
