The very few readers who don’t immediately just snort and turn the page when they see the words “George Foulkes” may have noticed in yesterday’s Herald that the thirsty peer could be found gloating gleefully that had Scotland voted for independence last September it would now be “bankrupt” due to the decline in oil prices.
We can’t be bothered pointing out for the 500th time that a Yes vote wouldn’t have seen Scotland actually independent until March 2016, and that the oil price NOW is therefore about as relevant to anything as, well, Baron Foulkes himself.
But we couldn’t help noticing a couple of small arithmetical details.
It’s somehow fitting that the lead article on Labour Hame today is headed by a lie before it even starts – an offer to join the party for £1 that takes you to a page where it actually costs five times as much.
(We’d noticed days ago that the much-hyped £1 offer had been quietly dumped after just a month, but it appears that nobody in the Scottish branch office thought to keep poor hapless Labour Hame in the loop.)
The article below, though, is remarkably even more dishonest.
Ostensibly it’s gathering signatures representing opposition to the bedroom tax, but in fact its only purpose is to harvest email addresses so that Labour can then bombard unwitting recipients with dodgy, untruthful solicitations for cash. (What would actually be the point of a petition about the bedroom tax at this stage?)
The media is aflame today with the claim that Jim Murphy has finally ended weeks of speculation about whether he’ll stand again for his current Westminster seat of East Renfrewshire in the general election. Numerous sources including STV, the BBC, the Scotsman and Murphy’s local press have all announced unequivocally that the MP has confirmed his candidacy.
The only slight hitch is that he’s done absolutely no such thing.
We’re a bit surprised The Sun managed to get an issue out at all today, to be honest. The editorial team must have been struggling to see through their tears of laughter after they managed to get two days of free publicity in every rival newspaper in the country and a ton of coverage from national broadcasters over a completely imaginary decision to stop featuring topless models on Page 3.
And they must have almost wept with the hilarity of getting The Guardian to line up a whole collection of its most pompous feminists to prematurely proclaim victory and parade some gloating triumphalism across several pages, before putting a winking Nicole, 22, from Bournemouth front and centre this morning and innocently pointing out that they’d never actually said anything so why was everyone acting so surprised?
Now, of course, every rival paper in the land will spend ANOTHER day or two talking about the sting, and The Sun will continue to roll on the floor and clutch its sides and get away with printing stuff like this:
And the thing is, nobody who looks like an idiot today will learn the lesson.
It is sometimes said, unkindly, that in parts of Scotland it would be possible to get a monkey elected as a Labour MP, so long as said monkey was wearing a red rosette.
Here, not entirely unrelatedly, is Brian Donohoe (Central Ayrshire), earlier today.
Alert readers will know that we very often like to bring to your attention both Scottish Labour’s fondness for radically rewriting history and its frequent struggles with basic counting. Today, though, the North British branch office has spectacularly outdone itself and managed to pull off both at once. This is going to be hard to beat.
Above is an extract from the official record of today’s proceedings in the Scottish Parliament. And we can only applaud Rhoda Grant’s ambition.
Ever since the referendum, we’ve documented the various ways in which Unionists have constantly tried to rewrite history and inflate the magnitude of their victory.
twathater on The Deaf Eyes: “What a despicable response , as Knuckle_Heid upthread stated the condescension and contempt is palpable ,the fact that these people…” Aug 3, 03:04
Peter McAvoy on The Deaf Eyes: “Regarding a written constitution the term unwritten constitution is an oxymoron that has never to my memory been challenged. Most…” Aug 3, 02:33
Angus on The Deaf Eyes: “Do not let them defeat you.” Aug 3, 00:06
Confused on The Nobodies: “ottomannish-boy that’s a sloppy post and with very weak arguments re: islamic culture/science – you admit you took from earlier…” Aug 2, 23:30
Davy on The Deaf Eyes: “Look – just because the SNP government’s legal advisors (and Nicola Sturgeon appointees), Lord Advocate Dorothy Bain (SNP cabinet member)…” Aug 2, 22:47
Run the Border on The Deaf Eyes: “Written is not what is needed. People to demand better would do. Learned Hand. A US justice said that liberty…” Aug 2, 22:04
Young Lochinvar on The Deaf Eyes: “On a lighter note, to my great amusement I received a spam email circular looking into and seeking claimants for…” Aug 2, 21:20
Southernbystander on The Nobodies: “Right, so before much was known about it and no-one was reporting accurate numbers because they were not known, and…” Aug 2, 20:44
TURABDIN on The Nobodies: “according to stats the majority of not scottish born imigrants are white many of them elderly English. personally, without a…” Aug 2, 19:48
Northcode on The Deaf Eyes: “You’re referring to a different case. The question here is whether a trust existed for the SNP ‘ring-fenced’ money. It…” Aug 2, 19:44
Rev. Stuart Campbell on The Deaf Eyes: “On the contrary – in the case of embezzlement they absolutely do. That’s why Peter Murrell is currently in a…” Aug 2, 19:06
Hatey McHateface on The Nobodies: “I agree, TURABDIN, it’s not all about what you say. It is all about the ongoing colonisation of my country.…” Aug 2, 18:48
Hatey McHateface on The Nobodies: “Haud oan there, Alf. We’re still trying tae fathom fit yer “black skin, white masks” is aboot. Dae some o’…” Aug 2, 18:36
Northcode on The Deaf Eyes: “The COPFS is correct. The police found no evidence of either fraud or embezzlement in relation to ‘ring-fenced’ donations to…” Aug 2, 18:27
Chas on The Deaf Eyes: “It could be worse. At least I am not DaveL!” Aug 2, 18:24
Knuckle_Heid on The Deaf Eyes: “Jeeezzo – that response was fairly dripping in condescension. Thanks a lot for that COPFS, much appreciated. 8Ace himself could…” Aug 2, 18:01
Effijy on The Deaf Eyes: “Scarier and Scarier that what we have in place for justice cannot understand a simple question, need to consider how…” Aug 2, 17:01
Frank Gillougley on The Deaf Eyes: “Fuckin’ ‘ell Guv, that’s a belter. Well worthy of a Kafka award. Love the cartoon!” Aug 2, 16:53
Captain Caveman on The Nobodies: “Oh do be quiet with your “swear white is black” nonsense, lefty. That was the initial BBC headline. Deal with…” Aug 2, 16:39
Willie on The Deaf Eyes: “The response is simply a reflection of a gangster state with no functioning rule of law. The jackboot, the batton,…” Aug 2, 16:31
Southernbystander on The Nobodies: “Caveman, the BBC headline on 31 July was : ‘Spain’s PM blames traffickers after 60,000 migrants reach Ceuta from Morocco’.…” Aug 2, 16:24
DaveL on The Deaf Eyes: “FS! A token comment on the article above then straight into an attack on regular posters and small independence parties.…” Aug 2, 15:39
Southernbystander on The Nobodies: “Wally Jumblatt says: ‘And even worse, it gives the power to useless, bitter, uninspired people who don’t like each other.’…” Aug 2, 15:39
Roger Beaver on The Deaf Eyes: “Malfeasance/nonfeasance in public office? (https://duckduckgo.com/?q=malfeasance+in+public+office&t=ffab&ia=web)” Aug 2, 15:38
Patsy Millar on The Deaf Eyes: “Probably a bot. The give away is the lack of a surname and given a response I had to a…” Aug 2, 15:26
TURABDIN on The Deaf Eyes: “Burnham is making noises about a written constitution for the British state. He might take as a model that of…” Aug 2, 14:50
Sean Duffy on The Deaf Eyes: “Is there a mechanism available to the lieges to compel the COPFS and the Chief Constable to carry out their…” Aug 2, 13:59
I. Despair on The Deaf Eyes: “Yes. And in a short message that took 27 days to emerge and was no doubt reviewed by numerous people…” Aug 2, 13:07
agentx on The Deaf Eyes: “AI overview: You can take action against a decision made by the Procurator Fiscal If You Are the Victim (A…” Aug 2, 13:05
Sian Laidlaw on The Deaf Eyes: “It looks to me as though that reply has some copy, cut and paste text in it. Maybe the input…” Aug 2, 12:59
