There’s a very strange article on the front page of the Herald website this morning. It’s an interview with Nigel Farage in which the UKIP leader insists that his party, not the SNP, will hold the balance of power in the UK parliament after May’s election.
It’s a bold assertion given that current projections put the SNP on anywhere from 30 to 56 seats with UKIP expected to struggle to get 5 to 10. But Farage’s rationale for the statement is an interesting one.
The very few readers who don’t immediately just snort and turn the page when they see the words “George Foulkes” may have noticed in yesterday’s Herald that the thirsty peer could be found gloating gleefully that had Scotland voted for independence last September it would now be “bankrupt” due to the decline in oil prices.
We can’t be bothered pointing out for the 500th time that a Yes vote wouldn’t have seen Scotland actually independent until March 2016, and that the oil price NOW is therefore about as relevant to anything as, well, Baron Foulkes himself.
But we couldn’t help noticing a couple of small arithmetical details.
There really isn’t very much of a news story in this morning’s Sun “exclusive” that some Labour MPs say they’d quit the party rather than work with the SNP should the electorate deliver such a result in May. One told the paper:
Those of us who remember the parade of furious Scottish Labour figures going on TV and openly threatening to scupper any “rainbow coalition” involving the Nats in 2010, thereby ensuring that David Cameron and George Osborne came to power, won’t be the least bit surprised at the sheer depth of hatred and jealous rage that consumes Labour’s branch office in North Britain when the SNP are mentioned.
And there’s nothing eyebrow-raisingly new in Scottish Labour’s spiteful determination that if Scots vote against the Conservatives – but not for Labour – they should be punished with Tory governments. It’s the standard policy of electoral blackmail that the party has deployed against the rise of rivals from the left for years, and which it’s now also turning against the Greens south of the border.
But there is a telling phrase in that short quote.
Independent website Political Compass has just released its 2015 graph charting the ideological positions of all the political parties of the UK. It’s a fairly predictable one.
On the image above, we’ve added, for parties active in Scotland only, striped circles indicating each party’s 2010 position. But what does it tell us about 2015?
It’s somehow fitting that the lead article on Labour Hame today is headed by a lie before it even starts – an offer to join the party for £1 that takes you to a page where it actually costs five times as much.
(We’d noticed days ago that the much-hyped £1 offer had been quietly dumped after just a month, but it appears that nobody in the Scottish branch office thought to keep poor hapless Labour Hame in the loop.)
The article below, though, is remarkably even more dishonest.
A quick rhetorical question, readers: if, as Labour endlessly claim, the Tories want the SNP to win seats in Scotland in order to stop Ed Miliband being PM, why are most of the Scottish columnists in the right-wing press calling on Scots to vote Labour?
Remarkably, 26% of people planning to vote Labour in May, and an astounding 54% of likely Tory voters, say the SNP are the best guarantors of more powers, while 21% of Labour voters and 37% of Tories also answer “SNP” to the second question.
We wouldn’t want to be in Scottish Labour’s shoes if they were made of diamonds.
We pondered long and hard over how best to analyse Scottish Labour’s bewildering, oh-my-God-they’re-really-calling-it-that “Vow Plus” fiasco from yesterday, readers.
We contemplated noting the absurdity of Gordon Brown being its frontman when he’s not standing in May and won’t be in Parliament to deliver it. We considered a forensic deconstruction showing how it’s just the same old reheated, uncosted rubbish they’ve been waffling around for the past years.
(“Give Holyrood control of housing benefit, separating it out from the rest of the UK’s Universal Credit by mumble mumble! Increase pensions using the extra cash freed up by mumble mumble! Devolve workfare, which somehow magically ‘creates jobs’ by mumble mumble! Pretend we just said ‘1000 nurses’ all along, not the demented ‘1000 more than anything the SNP say’!”)
We thought about pointing out all the comical flapping the party’s done around its devolution proposals, presenting the weary and confused Scottish people with feeble, grudging, underwhelming plan after feeble, grudging, underwhelming plan – at least five different ones since 2009 – and resentfully upping the offer by the bare minimum they think they can get away with every time.
And we wondered if it was worth drawing attention to the fact that the latest effort is actually basically the Strathclyde Commission blueprint from the Conservatives with a red sticker hastily slapped on it.
But in the end, the truth is a lot simpler than that.
With a knife-edge general election just 90-odd days away, we must confess ourselves surprised at the sudden rash of candour/indiscipline (depending on how generously you want to frame it) that’s broken out in Scottish Labour.
It started soon after the referendum, when Edinburgh Labour chairman Trevor Davies felt confident enough, with the vote won, to announce on an officially-backed Labour website that his primary loyalty was to his party rather than to the people of Scotland, under the startlingly blunt headline “Labour first, Scottish second”.
But any notion that the comments represented nothing more than a vainglorious and momentary slip from a loose cannon were soon dispelled.
Let’s start with the obvious: nobody has a clue who’s going to win the 2015 general election. But almost without exception, commentators are saying that should Labour’s vote collapse in Scotland to the extent that current polling says it will, it will radically alter Ed Miliband’s chances of kicking David Cameron out of 10 Downing Street.
That’s a message that Labour are delighted to hear, because their entire Scottish electoral strategy/manifesto is the phrase “If you vote SNP the Tories will get back in”. Now, we already know that on the empirical level that’s complete cobblers – the Tories historically get in when the SNP vote is lowest.
But it could be fairly argued that those statistics are correlation rather than causation, isolated as they are from the rest of the UK’s results. So we decided to take a more detailed look at some of the possible scenarios from this May’s vote and see if the Nats really could let the Tories in.
Minceheid on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Hatey McHateface says: 24 September, 2026 at 9:28 am Best go to SpecSavers MH. Any “quine” quoting Samuel L Jackson…” Sep 24, 10:16
Aidan on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Oh look everyone “James” is back. Managed to persuade them to turn your internet back on?” Sep 24, 10:15
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “I personally know folk who have built their house from bales of straw. They think it’s great. So do I.…” Sep 24, 10:11
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “I’m confident Rev Stu can defend himself against my insults. If you get right back to basics, the fundamental fact…” Sep 24, 10:07
TURABDIN on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Countries & peoples may be destroyed through invasion and occupation but the most effective method is to offer those countries…” Sep 24, 10:03
TURABDIN on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Countries & peoples may be destroyed through invasion and occupation but the most effective method is to offer those countries…” Sep 24, 10:03
James on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “LOL.Fireshire Adrian; Comedy gold as always. Keep ’em coming, Curly!” Sep 24, 10:00
James Che on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Yes thesbian does fit NS, however I personally had applied that word to the to the more recent group that…” Sep 24, 09:50
Aidan on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “You say “if the U.K. Government keeps picking fights with them” – but it is Ru**ia that has repeatedly invaded…” Sep 24, 09:50
James Che on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Hatey, It was with sadness that I noted your lack of empathy towards a homeless veteran living in Bales of…” Sep 24, 09:39
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “I guess a thesbian is an obvious hybrid. Probably an apt description for our former National Mammie as she establishes…” Sep 24, 09:35
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Best go to SpecSavers MH. Any “quine” quoting Samuel L Jackson in Pulp Fiction has to be 60 at least.” Sep 24, 09:28
James Che on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Hatey, you start the day by insulting and dismissing Stu’s efforts over the years to present day. Not a good…” Sep 24, 09:24
James Che on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Agentx. Additional ” Scottish income Tax” would apply to every one in Scotland, Its called Scottish income tax for a…” Sep 24, 08:58
James Che on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Suspect NS was always a wannabe actor from start to finish, she certainly played the starring roll and false lead…” Sep 24, 08:45
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “It’s an article of faith, isn’t it, that nothing can ever be as it seems? The interesting question is whether…” Sep 24, 08:43
Minceheid on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Hatey McHateface says: 23 September, 2026 at 8:06 pm Check out the big brain on Minceheid! Ach, that’s what all…” Sep 24, 08:39
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Might be “worth a read” if it explains why the 45 million or so currently being bombed every night will…” Sep 24, 08:33
Spartan 117 on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “There’s a Ru**ian state tactic known as “maskirovka” (I think I spelled that correctly) which is basically the art of…” Sep 24, 08:18
Aidan on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “When you say “alternative perspective” what you mean is he is repeating Ru**ian state propaganda lines on behalf of the…” Sep 24, 08:00
Luigi on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “NS appears to be completely captured and owned by the British state. I don’t know what leverage the security services…” Sep 24, 07:52
Spartan 117 on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “It’s my own belief that warmongering politicians should be locked in a room with their adversaries and left to sort…” Sep 24, 07:39
willie on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “It is a brutally sad fact of life but one of the Scottish Government is a bloated inefficient administration. The…” Sep 23, 21:26
Ex President Xiden on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “I would personally warm to ‘war game’ sending these politicians to the front lines themselves and we could watch the…” Sep 23, 20:56
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “The world will buy them from the Covids. It’s worth repeating that the imbalance in trade between the EU and…” Sep 23, 20:22
Hatey McHateface on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Check out the big brain on Minceheid! If I lend you my sock puppets starter set, any chance you could…” Sep 23, 20:06
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: ““Strengthening international law through greater cooperation between the HRC and the UN GA” Video from Yesterday’s UN Geneva Event (22nd…” Sep 23, 20:03
Mark Beggan on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “(a very apt analogy). That’s for the readers to decide. Yes that’s a pretty good analogy.” Sep 23, 19:59
Minceheid on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Hatey McHateface says: 23 September, 2026 at 7:12 pm What do you think is going on in Ir@n right now?…” Sep 23, 19:48
Spartan 117 on His Majesty’s Loyal Sabre: “Stop being lazy/deliberately obtuse and READ THE FUCKING ARTICLES. Twat.” Sep 23, 19:34