If you subscribe to the theory that it’s better to fight 100 duck-sized horses than a single horse-sized duck, the SNP is knocking it out of the park today.
Because the papers just can’t make their minds up about the biggest story with which to attack John Swinney’s beleaguered party.
On Sunday, Nicola Sturgeon told Laura Kuenssberg that the SNP’s accounts “went up and down” as her excuse for not noticing that hundreds of thousands of pounds had suddenly vanished from them overnight.
Several things leap out immediately from that clip.
One, there absolutely very much WAS “something glaringly suspicious in the accounts that I should have seen” – the party she led had raised almost £700,000 in two “ring-fenced” fundraisers that wasn’t there any more, which ought to have made its leader at least mildly curious.
And two, attempting to fob responsibility off onto the independent auditors simply won’t wash. It’s not their job to determine whether the SNP has kept its political promises or not, their job is simply to match up money coming in against money going out and produce a set of numbers to show what it all adds up to. It makes no odds to them if it was spent on a party conference, a fancy motorhome or a 50-foot golden statue of Danny La Rue. All they can see is numbers.
But even leaving those things aside, if we’re going to learn anything about how The Great Indyref Swindle got to this calamitous point unchecked we need to examine just how hard Nicola Sturgeon had to look the other way to fail to see what was going on literally under her nose and literally in her own back yard.
To tell you the truth, readers, we’re suffering from a little bit of option paralysis at the moment, although happily not in the same way Peter Murrell is.
The endless torrent of revelations following on from Murrell’s conviction a week ago isn’t just fascinating in its own right – it also forces numerous historical issues to be seen in a new light. At any given second there are half-a-dozen different articles we could be writing, but also so many to read that it’s hard to find the time.
We suspect this matter is going to run and run all through the summer silly season because there are simply so many angles and so many unanswered questions.
Sadly, this turned out to be prescient this morning.
Laura Kuenssberg did give Nicola Sturgeon an uncomfortable time in their interview on her Sunday programme on BBC News, but when confronted with the one gaping open goal that Sturgeon has no answer for – and even when Sturgeon TWICE set it up on a plate for her – Kuenssberg failed to knock the ball into the empty net.
That doesn’t – by some distance – mean there was nothing of interest to note, though, so let’s take a walk through (the first instalment of) what was said.
We’ll be honest with you, readers, if we were in a situation where a lawyer was issuing statements for us, this isn’t what we’d want to hear.
“If my client had been charged, she’d be in prison right now” is a worrying distance short of a vote of confidence in your client’s innocence.
But the statement Aamer Anwar put out for Nicola Sturgeon last night – her FOURTH in 48 hours, despite saying on Monday morning that she’d be making no further comment on the Peter Murrell case – had rather more wrong with it than even that.
So, having made a statement on Monday morning which asserted that she wouldn’t make any further statements, then making another statement on Monday afternoon, Nicola Sturgeon and her solicitor issued a third statement in 36 hours last night.
And while we acknowledge that this is a very high bar to clear, it contained one of the most troubling and blatant lies she’s ever told.
And as the Nicola Sturgeon Loyal, led by her most faithful of lieutenants, set out to try to take control of the post-conviction narrative, let’s take a look at just what a boatload of bare-faced bullshit the above is.
Despite what you or we might think, in the eyes of the Scottish Football Association this ISN’T a pitch invasion. This is simply what a football match in progress looks like.
Because according to the absolutely extraordinary statement they’ve released this evening, that was game time. The clock was still running, nothing was being added to account for the fact that there were thousands of thugs rampaging across the field, and the game was still happening in that moment, until it was ended four seconds later.
Lee Floyd on The Plague: “After Lawrence, the pendulum of prejudiced malice carried out by police officers has swung the other way; what is it…” Aug 5, 21:50
Hatey McHateface on Anatomy Of A Grift: “On the subject of grifts, think twice before signing up for boxing lessons with one of the perhaps 5 new…” Aug 5, 20:52
Southernbystander on Anatomy Of A Grift: “These polycules sound great! How do you apply for a permit? Anyone in?” Aug 5, 20:51
Hatey McHateface on Anatomy Of A Grift: “Every now and again we read of something going on in Scotland that makes patriotic Scots resolved to say “We’re…” Aug 5, 20:04
Nae Need! on Anatomy Of A Grift: “It will get worse – Poppybear has an axe to grind.” Aug 5, 19:54
Hatey McHateface on The Plague: “So you’ve been on the receiving end of Alf’s aggressive oppression then, Northy. What was it destroyed yer hoose? A…” Aug 5, 19:42
Nae Need! on The Plague: “Speechless. Raging. Take care of your good self.” Aug 5, 19:38
BLMac on Anatomy Of A Grift: “Maybe if you promise not to put holes where no holes existed before….” Aug 5, 18:51
Bilbo on Anatomy Of A Grift: “I know this is clickbait but it’s not that unbelievable Sturgeon would join the Greens, or as they should be…” Aug 5, 18:43
James on The Plague: “That all you got, ju ju man? Thought so.” Aug 5, 18:25
Hugh Wallace on The Plague: “As a former cop, I echo your WTF? FFS! And I just joined the FSU after months of procrastinating. I…” Aug 5, 18:07
Captain Caveman on The Plague: “😀 Just another thick-as-whale-omelette reality denier, eh Fatso. Well, try as anyone might, you can’t educate pork (literally in your…” Aug 5, 17:45
Lorncal on The Plague: “It is, indeed, plausible, H McH, as the Rev must be a thorn in the side of the authorities whom…” Aug 5, 17:05
Morgatron on Anatomy Of A Grift: “Three of a perfect pair – of Sickos.” Aug 5, 16:59
Chas on Anatomy Of A Grift: “A round of golf can take 14,000/16,000 steps depending on the course played and the ability of the individual and…” Aug 5, 16:58
Lorncal on Anatomy Of A Grift: “Three men living in a ‘polycule’? Or three men in a homosexual threesome? I wouldn’t grudge anyone an op, and…” Aug 5, 16:53
Aidan on Anatomy Of A Grift: “Cue three complaints to Avon and Somerset police . .” Aug 5, 16:49
James on The Plague: “Yeah, yeah, yeah; same old unionist BS from the same old bad actors. “Naw he didnae” is the zenith of…” Aug 5, 16:42
Terry on Anatomy Of A Grift: “Brilliant. Thanks Stu. This nasty polycule of perverts has harassed us women in Aberdeen when we have done stalls and…” Aug 5, 16:40
Cuphook on Anatomy Of A Grift: “Do they live in a charity shop bin? There is a ‘Welcome to Inverurie’ sign before the one in his…” Aug 5, 16:38
Aidan on The Plague: “Okay James – so just to summarise, Scottish independence isn’t classified anywhere as an attempt to overthrow parliamentary democracy, Rishi…” Aug 5, 16:34
Captain Caveman on The Plague: “Who cares what anyone “thinks”, moron (or more accurately, what hyperbole they might have used in one speech). That doesn’t…” Aug 5, 16:00
agentx on Anatomy Of A Grift: “Personally I would stay well clear of the lot of them and not bother even checking what they are up…” Aug 5, 15:57
James on The Plague: “Fuckwit cave dweller; ask some of your Tory chums what they think. You will find your answer there ‘maaate’.” Aug 5, 15:46
Red on Anatomy Of A Grift: “Science fiction story idea – I Have No Dick And I Must Steal” Aug 5, 15:43
Ex President Xiden on Anatomy Of A Grift: “Some SNP election slogans over the years: Yes we can. Win the best for Scotland . 1997 Release our potential.…” Aug 5, 15:42
Ian on Anatomy Of A Grift: “In reference why someone might get a refund from GoFundMe, on their website it states “The GoFundMe organizer may have…” Aug 5, 15:39
Captain Caveman on The Plague: “@Fatso You originally said: “… that Scottish nationalism is classed as an attempt to overthrow ‘parliamentary democracy’ [lol] in the…” Aug 5, 15:28