Wait, has Nicola Sturgeon died? We didn’t see anything on the news.
Because there are only a limited number of possible reasonable explanations for why police wanting to find out what Nicola Sturgeon knew about something would ask people who aren’t Nicola Sturgeon.
When I was a boy at Balbardie Primary School in Bathgate in the mid-70s, football was banned in the playground. Of course we were all fitba-daft laddies, so we sought ways around the prohibition. Occasionally someone would bring in a tennis ball, but those were difficult to control in school shoes and also apt to fly over the wall of the outdoor toilet block if somebody caught one sweetly on the volley.
So most playtimes somebody would produce a tin of Pepsi or Irn-Bru or Cresta, chug the contents, stand the empty container on its end and stomp sharply on it, producing something more akin to an ice-hockey puck that would serve for our kickabout.
But even after being skelped and scudded around a concrete playground into stone walls for 20 minutes, that can was still in better shape at the end of our game than the one the SNP have been kicking down the road since 2016.
The SNP now seem to be involved in some sort of competition where they dare each other to come up with the most blatant insult to their own members and/or the wider independence movement and see just how much they can get people to put up with.
First up was this drivel:
Humza Yousaf is leader of the SNP, a political party whose defining purpose – arguably its SOLE real purpose – is the pursuit of Scottish independence, but his “vision for Scotland” didn’t include a single mention of it.
Instead, Yousaf intends to spend the next three years on “equality”, “opportunity” and “community”, three meaningless buzzwords which every political party on Earth would claim to be in favour of. He might as well have identified his key values as kittens, lollipops and hugs.
Once again, we’re dismayed to report that we called it right. Because last night SNP MSP Mairi McAllan, officially representing the party on Question Time, told a weary audience in Fort William that that was precisely the case.
And readers, if ever a policy has been tested in battle and found wanting, it’s that one.
Just over a year ago, Shona Robison – then the Cabinet Secretary For Social Justice, now the Deputy First Minister – told the Scottish Parliament this:
There now follow some quotes from the media regarding the case of Andrew Miller, aka Amy George, who yesterday admitted the kidnap and repeated sexual abuse of an 11-year-old girl at his home in Galashiels earlier this year.
But we’ve subsequently noticed a number of attempts by various people to muddy the story by talking about a “draft” warrant request, implying that there was no improper delay. So we checked up, and thought you might like to know how the process works.
Shug on Just Good Friends: “You can understand why the Swinney’s of this world did not speak up. She must have beed an absolute bitch…” Jul 10, 10:38
Southernbystander on Too Tight To Mention: “The British and Anglo-Saxon are not synonymous. I am sure you know this. But you often use the term Anglo-Saxon…” Jul 10, 10:20
duncanio on Just Good Friends: “Surely not another case of hiding in plain sight. “Think about it”.” Jul 10, 10:17
James Cheyne on Too Tight To Mention: “The devolved Scottish parliament can only be referred to as a subsidiary parliament of England and Wales under the introduced…” Jul 10, 10:07
James Cheyne on Too Tight To Mention: “Worthless Treaties. Un-democratic voting for Scots. The other half of the treaty of union down south after much discussion decided…” Jul 10, 09:51
James on Too Tight To Mention: “Cheers, YL. They don’t like it up ’em. LOL” Jul 10, 08:50
James Cheyne on Too Tight To Mention: “Undemocratic elections, Rigged elections for Scots. They knew they should give the Scots a vote ‘they” had discussed it in…” Jul 10, 08:41
twathater on Too Tight To Mention: “It never ceases to amaze me how many fuckwits actually think they are in the same rich league as these…” Jul 10, 03:05
Young Lochinvar on Too Tight To Mention: “Wow! Did the paramedics get to you in time and are you alright? Would have sent you a posse of…” Jul 10, 02:06
Young Lochinvar on Too Tight To Mention: “That I believe would be the Celtic mythical Tuatha de Danann, the Celtic equivalent of the Gods of Mount Olympus.…” Jul 10, 01:48
Young Lochinvar on Too Tight To Mention: “Reply to Chas @ 8.26 Oi Chas Leave James alone! It’s me that goes fishing and frankly, it’s no-one here’s…” Jul 10, 01:38
Young Lochinvar on Too Tight To Mention: “Well that would be you P3nisbreath; posting about “sucking blokes off” (your post), shafting blokes between “spread bum cheeks” (your…” Jul 10, 01:13
Alf Baird on Too Tight To Mention: “Yes, worthless treaties simply used ‘to legalize colonialism’, at least in the eyes of an Imperial justice system. A hoax…” Jul 9, 22:59
Chas on Too Tight To Mention: “How’s the carp fishing going James?” Jul 9, 20:26
Xaracen on Too Tight To Mention: ““–the chair of C-24 is quoted in a Guardian article explicitly saying that C-24 cannot.” Irrelevant, Aidan, because it doesn’t…” Jul 9, 19:56
Captain Caveman on Too Tight To Mention: “I literally asked you to provide evidence for any single one of your dumbass, unsubstantiated assertions. That’s not a “rebuttal”…” Jul 9, 19:39
TURABDIN on Too Tight To Mention: “Treaties are worthless, not unlike cease fires. How many treaties did the imperialist British sign before annexing the other signatories…” Jul 9, 19:30
AndrewR on Too Tight To Mention: “Aidan She didn’t participate in acts of terrorism, and certainly not of treason (this was in Syria). This same murderous…” Jul 9, 19:26
Dan on Too Tight To Mention: “Ah, jist noticed this post by Aidan trying to diminish understanding of how much energy is exported from Scotland’s geographic…” Jul 9, 19:22
Aidan on Too Tight To Mention: “@Andrew – I suggest she had her life destroyed by the decision she took to join a murderous death cult…” Jul 9, 19:09
AndrewR on Too Tight To Mention: “Hatey – “… you expect me to feel sorry for the people who slaughter and abuse my country’s and my…” Jul 9, 18:29
James on Too Tight To Mention: “Sam – did the university poll a wide range from the UK? Scotland only would probably throw up different results?…” Jul 9, 18:17
James on Too Tight To Mention: “What, that was your rebuttal? Lol. You surely don’t think I’m wasting any of my time on any of that…” Jul 9, 18:11
agent x on Too Tight To Mention: ““Police preparing for Donald Trump to visit Scotland The Scottish government said it was working with the UK government to…” Jul 9, 17:49
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on Too Tight To Mention: “See following Wings over Scotland article ‘Death from above’ (March 13, 2012). Stu writes: « We have a paid subscription…” Jul 9, 17:48
Hatey McHateface on Too Tight To Mention: “Midgies tae. When oor junkies and jakies start being stealed an a’, we’ll ken we’re in the end game.” Jul 9, 17:45
Hatey McHateface on Too Tight To Mention: “@AndrewR Sorry, but when it come to that kind of people, being heartless is the only language they understand. We’ve…” Jul 9, 17:42
James Cheyne on Too Tight To Mention: “Captain caveman, 12:04 pm. Actually the programme I am watching is How to Save England, -. The word England being…” Jul 9, 17:03