Wings Over Scotland

Look, we know. But there’s no news. Check out the state of it.

“KEYBOARD PLAYER ALLEGEDLY GOT FAT-SHAMED AT SOME UNSPECIFIED POINT IN TIME BY FOURTH-DIVISION BAND WHO LAST HAD A TOP 40 SINGLE IN 2006“ and “CYCLIST GOES TO TOILET”. Front pages.

(The keyboard player now works for SNP pie-disposal unit Anne McLaughlin, ironically, which seems to be the closest relationship the story has with current affairs. But hey, kudos to the Record for beating all the other papers to that “exclusive”.)

We remain alert. If anything remotely worthwhile happens, we’ll be on it.

The reality-TV let’s say “personality” Kelly Given – who Wings readers previously met on a trip to New York for Tartan Week with a raft of SNP let’s say “celebrities” a couple of months ago – has been off on another nice holiday.

Last night she told both the viewers of BBC Scotland’s “Seven Days” that she’d just spent three weeks on an island in Greece, where apparently she was quite shocked to discover that the Mediterranean nation was hot in July.

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There was an independence rally in Ayr today. They got a fairly nice sunny day for it. But in the supposed “summer of independence”, the self-proclaimed “First Activist” wasn’t there. That’s because he was here instead.

As far as we’re aware, LGBT Youth Scotland remains under police investigation for the suspected grooming and sexual exploitation of children. It’s impossible to imagine any other sort of organisation that could still expect to enjoy the patronage of a First Minister under such circumstances – especially when there were obvious other places he could be reasonably expected to show his face – but that’s how the SNP’s priorities roll in 2023 and there’s no getting away from it.

For any question to do with independence, folks, Humza Yousaf is not the answer.

Me talking about debanking on TalkTV earlier today.

Allow us to present Exhibit C, if you know what we’re saying.

Won’t someone rid them of this turbulent priest once and for all?

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Wings readers are of course the last people in the country who need any reminding of what a ditch-slithering creature Scottish Labour activist Duncan Hothersall is. And in truth by his standards these tweets are only about averagely despicable.

But it’s what they don’t say that’s notable.

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At least, we assume there was a sizeable current being passed through it, as little else could explain the visibly uncomfortable half-hour experienced by hapless Stonewall chair Iain Anderson with Beth Rigby last night, or the seemingly random changes every few seconds in his facial expressions, body language and accent.

(Just about the only constant, other than his sweating top lip, was the deeply irritating modern phenomenon of stupid people starting every sentence with the word “So…”.)

If you’re a connoisseur of vacuous, nervous awkwardness you’re in for a real treat. If you want to see a human being actually answering any questions with even the tiniest shred of coherence, pertinence or honesty, maybe give it a miss.

Even not-very-alert readers will have noticed that we’re taking a little summer holiday in the complete absence of any political events. Rest assured that we’re using the time to patrol Bath diligently for bears. But we couldn’t help noticing this on Twitter today.

Someone tweeted it to show that as late as summer 2020 the SNP was still soliciting money for what it called its “ring fenced Independence Referendum Campaign Fund”.

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Those first three paragraphs. Ooft.

And the rest of it doesn’t pull many punches either. Let’s hope it’s just the first crack in the dam. The opportunity for the others in the party to find their courage is fast ebbing away, and history will be unmerciful if they don’t seize it.

There’s not much to be cheerful about in Scottish politics at the moment, so let’s take a moment to be uncharacteristically positive about the future.

Because you’d need a heart of stone not to laugh at this.

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Just for a change, let’s have a Friday-night competition!

Sharp-eyed readers will have noticed that former First Minister Alex Salmond is staging a show in the Spiegeltent at the Edinburgh Fringe next month, from 4-13 August.

You may even have seen a bit of online criticism from certain po-faced pseudonats about the fact that Salmond is sharing a platform with – gasp! – a Yoon, in the shape of the “last of the traditional Tories”, David Davis MP.

Almost like a debate or something.

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It is our solemn duty to inform readers that deranged, shovel-handed Scottish Greens member and known associate of rapists and paedophiles Scott “Heather” Herbert has taken the hump at a Wings article from yesterday in which he was satirically featured.

He filed a malicious false copyright claim with YouTube which resulted in a silent video clip from the article showcasing his comically gigantic man-hands being scheduled for deletion, despite Herbert owning no copyright in the video (it’s the property of TalkTV, who have raised no objections to it) and having no legal standing to file any complaint.

But YouTube’s abysmal automated structures operate on the basis that all complaints are intrinsically valid, and allow absolutely no way for Wings to appeal this decision.

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