Wings Over Scotland

There’s a Calvin And Hobbes cartoon we like to post on social media when someone’s got themselves in such a pickle that they’re just flailing around desperately firing off every slogan, argument or insult they can think of to get themselves out of it.

And so, wearily, to the SNP.

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This whole clip is worth watching. It appears to be an evidence session at the Scottish Parliament featuring several members of the Scottish Government’s Expert Advisory Group On Ending Conversion Practices, with which Wings readers will be familiar.

Many things about the session are disturbing, not least the incredibly one-sided nature of both the witnesses and the committee, none of whom seem to have even a token interest in challenging the claims of the witnesses, however absurd or contentious (eg that praying for someone is basically a form of torture).

But one thing in particular leapt out at us.

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It’d be nice if the Scottish Government could make up its mind whether it wants booze to be more expensive or not.

If only so we could all stop having our intelligence insulted quite this crassly.

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The Scottish Government have just launched yet another nanny-state “healthy eating” intervention, and to be honest, readers, the cheap-shot open goals just queued up.

Our first instinct was to do a simple picture gallery of some of the insatiable pie-hounds squeezing their expenses-fed backsides onto the groaning, creaking benches and chairs of the Holyrood and Westminster parliaments, such as Kirsten “Elbows” Oswald (pictured above, slumped back under the sheer weight of her neck) – so known to other MPs because you get between her and a buffet at grave peril to your ribcage.

(And no, we’re not telling you which ones told us that.)

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More than three months have passed since Alex Salmond launched a lawsuit against the Scottish Government for its grotesquely botched handling of false allegations of sexual misconduct against him.

With Scottish politics currently in a completely moribund state, as the party of government disintegrates shambolically and the main opposition party keeps its mouth shut and its head down in an attempt to not destroy its newfound and extremely fragile status as a credible alternative, one might imagine that the political media would be desperate for the case to get under way and provide them with some juicy content.

So it’s slightly surprising that none of them has noticed the latest development.

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A couple of things happened at the Scottish Parliament this week.

They’re worth taking a moment to compare.

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We’re reluctant to even mention the farcical, embarrassing goings-on in the House Of Commons last night, but the very short version is that the SNP somehow contrived to save Keir Starmer from an embarrassing mass rebellion of Labour MPs.

And in so far as anyone cared about them at all, the people of Gaza were the losers.

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As the long-running police probe into SNP finances continues, Wings received some slightly surprising news today in the form of an FOI response.

Based on reports from various trustworthy sources we’d expected to hear that the police side of the investigation was by this point winding down somewhat, with most matters of fact already established, detectives assigned to other duties and the ball now largely in the court of the Crown Office and Procurator Fiscal Service (COPFS).

But it seems that isn’t so.

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We’ve been thinking about this again.

Because we’re still more than two years out from the next Holyrood election, and it’s really hard to see how it’s going to pan out. So let’s throw some figures around.

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This is so freaky I had to check they weren’t quoting each other. It’s like a game show.

Just a couple of nice well-brought-up Hutchesons’ Grammar boys in smart suits, there, thinking the same, speaking the same, saying the same, and angling for the same job. (Which one of them now has, and the other may have soon.)

Scotland is a 96% white country (98% white as recently as the 2001 census). We’re still not entirely sure what their point is.

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