The general election 2015 has rounded the last bend and is heading down the final straight, with no clear winner in sight. Four days from now the UK electorate will go to the polls and deliver, if the numbers are to be believed, an unholy mess. Only one part of the country seems to know with clarity what it wants, and that’s “not Labour”.
The North British branch of the party has in truth been a political Easter egg for years – big and impressive-looking on the outside, but entirely hollow within – and this year it looks like the voters are finally going to shatter the shell and leave nothing but a small heap of fragments revealing just how little chocolate was ever there.
And the realisation has sent Labour completely out of its mind.
So there’s this, which isn’t the biggest surprise.
Having already told the people of Scotland to get stuffed and forget about having any sort of voice in government if they wouldn’t vote for Labour, there’s no major shock in Miliband doing the same to those in Wales.
But alert readers may have noticed that there’s one more Celtic nation in the UK that hasn’t been mentioned yet. What’s the Labour position there?
We know that politicians are allowed to lie in election literature, but we’re struggling to see how this isn’t fraud, which is something different altogether.
Do you remember the Labour and media outrage a while back when SNP candidate Mhairi Black said she felt like “putting the nut” on some gloating Unionists at the indyref count, readers? Remember the pious scandal at such dreadful thuggery? (If you’d forgotten, don’t worry, because it’s in the Telegraph again today.)
Remember how the Daily Record and Scotsman have now been hammering away for a full week at another SNP candidate, Neil Hay, for tweeting a link to a satirical website and arguably being slightly rude about a small subset of pensioners, while glossing over a lengthy catalogue of abusive tweets calling the SNP “fascists” and “Nazis” (and more) from a prominent Labour activist and BBC pundit?
There’s your actual former First Minister and peer of the UK realm, Baron McConnell of Glenscorrodale, setting the example Labour would have everyone follow today by celebrating a threat to “f*****g boot” any Tories in Wishaw (we’re not told whether the young ladies in question were Labour activists he was with or just Labour voters).
The Daily Mirror’s “Ampp3d” offshoot used to be a fantastic resource for statistical debunking, and sometimes still is. But ever since it’s been officially absorbed into the Mirror, it’s been increasingly deployed as a Labour spin tool.
Today it tries to juggle numbers to excuse Gordon Brown’s bargain-basement sale of the UK’s gold reserves in 1999 – a subject that was raised by an audience member on last night’s Question Time special and which we now know with certainty cost the country a whopping $19bn (or £12.5bn at current exchange rates).
We’ve added the emphasis on that last sentence. And it’s a fair enough point broadly speaking, although of course with the gold sell-off we’re looking back with the benefit of hindsight about what actually did happen, not trying to guess, so calling it “fantasy maths” is somewhat inaccurate, given that it’s exactly the opposite of a fantasy.
The trouble is that Ampp3d isn’t always so dismissive of predicting the future.
Today’s Scottish Sun has a full breakdown of all 59 Scottish seats at Westminster, including bookies’ odds for the favourite in each one. It suggests that nine Labour MPs will have jobs in Scotland a week from today, along with two Tories and a single lonely Lib Dem, with the SNP sweeping the other 47.
We ran the incumbents in those 12 seats through MP Report Card, an independent site which tracks the activity of all the UK’s MPs including expenses claims, outside earnings, how often they turn up to vote or speak in debates and how good they are at replying to constituents’ letters, to gauge their calibre.
We’re only doing stats posts quarterly now, but since the last one we ran was for the January readership figures that means it’s time for a quick update.
Almost 23,000 extra readers compared to last month and nearly 600,000 more page views? Yeah, we’ll take that. (For perspective, here’s April 2014.)
You’re probably going to see this misreported in the press quite a lot tomorrow. We thought we should get the whole thing up for the record, to avoid confusion.
We were as stunned as everyone else for a moment. On the Question Time special earlier tonight, Ed Miliband appeared to state that he’d rather not form a government (ie he’d let the Tories in) than do so with the support of the SNP. It sounded like he’d gone dramatically further than he’d ever gone before.
And then he realised what he’d done, and panicked.
As far as we know, this is the final major set-piece interview that Jim Murphy will have to give before the general election.
As Sally Magnusson of Reporting Scotland makes an admirably dogged but ultimately unsuccessful effort to get a straight answer on just about anything out of Labour’s regional branch manager, we’d swear it was possible to actually measure the delirium of relief on his face as the end draws near and the desperate evasion is over forever.
We gather that for the next week Scottish Labour are just bringing in boardgames.
Geri on The quality of mercy: “Agreed! I’m also so over the eejits who constantly think we need to fix this & that before Indy. England…” Apr 6, 19:24
Mark Beggan on The quality of mercy: ““It is thus necessary that the individual should finally realise that his own ego is of no importance in comparison…” Apr 6, 19:24
Alf Baird on The quality of mercy: ““Hate by its very nature is destructive. To hate an entire nation over a period of ten years rips the…” Apr 6, 18:55
Young Lochinvar on Clocks And Calendars: “What in tarnashun boyy! Aint not no none of yer good ol’ boyys talkin’ likee that in tham there Scahtland..…” Apr 6, 18:31
TURABDIN on The quality of mercy: “From WIKI: «The earliest use of the term appears in 1507, when King James IV of Scotland was granted the…” Apr 6, 16:56
Andy Ellis on Clocks And Calendars: “@YL Given that “gotten” is – as I stated – probably more common amongst Scots than English users of the…” Apr 6, 16:47
Young Lochinvar on Clocks And Calendars: “Yee Haw Pardner! You for forget to say FACT after your “construction” (?!?) statement.. Do you also call trousers “pants”,…” Apr 6, 16:27
Young Lochinvar on The quality of mercy: “Beggars Then stop dissing all things Scotland “old boy”! By your own acknowledgement ye’ll feel so much better for it…” Apr 6, 16:20
Andy Ellis on Clocks And Calendars: “The construction “might have gotten” is perfectly acceptable English usage: it’s probably more common in US, Canadian and indeed Scots…” Apr 6, 16:05
James on The quality of mercy: “Purpose here? Distract, divide, dereail. Rinse, Repeat. And he/she/it thinks everyone is his/her/it’s “mate”. When in reality I don’t expect…” Apr 6, 15:57
Mark Beggan on The quality of mercy: “To hate someone takes a lot of energy. Energy that could be better spent and used more constructively. Hate by…” Apr 6, 15:46
crisiscult on Clocks And Calendars: ““might have gotten”? Who writes the blog these days? 8-/” Apr 6, 15:17
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on The quality of mercy: “CONSTITUTIONAL STATUS of CHURCH OF ENGLAND and CHURCH OF SCOTLAND. When Elizabeth was Queen the royal website carried the following:…” Apr 6, 14:35
James Barr Gardner on The quality of mercy: “I totally agree word for word, more and more people agree with it but the process needs speeding up for…” Apr 6, 14:06
James on The quality of mercy: “Wilma; “Hello, pot? Kettle here…..”” Apr 6, 12:51
Captain Caveman on The quality of mercy: “Heh. If there’s one thing I couldn’t been accused of, mate, it’s “poor self esteem”… much to the annoyance of…” Apr 6, 12:45
Jay on The quality of mercy: “Thank you for the ‘good luck’ comment, Young Lochinvar. Regrettably, I lack your knowledge of M. Beggan and what I…” Apr 6, 12:19
Confused on The quality of mercy: “an independent Scotland with the worst government imaginable is still preferrable to being in the UK with a government of…” Apr 6, 11:51
Confused on The quality of mercy: “I’m not here to talk / debate / discuss with the hotpot-eaters, but merely to piss on them, from a…” Apr 6, 11:47
Northcode on The quality of mercy: “I asked the internet this question: Do colonised elites appease their oppressor? And the internet said this: “In summary, while…” Apr 6, 11:22
Northcode on The quality of mercy: “A hae writ doun a new vers fir thon rideeculous, agin-the-Scots, hatesome Inglis naconal anthem pish tae pit in the…” Apr 6, 10:36
Alf Baird on The quality of mercy: ““Let us celebrate humiliation” Deid richt, Willie, the assimilated colonized aye celebrate their oppressor, e’en raise statues tae thaim, name…” Apr 6, 09:47
Captain Caveman on The quality of mercy: “If you don’t understand the meaning of the terms “left” and/or “right” in a political sense, maybe pick up a…” Apr 6, 09:41
Willie on The quality of mercy: ““Lord grant that Marshal Wade, May by thy mighty aid, Victory bring. May he sedition hush, And like a torrent…” Apr 6, 07:03
Aidan on The quality of mercy: “And yet here you are Alf, indulging in the oppressive language of the coloniser and therefore condemning your fellow Scot…” Apr 6, 05:00
Cynicus on The quality of mercy: “Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh says: 5 April, 2026 at 1:14 pm HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO G.F. Handel arr. J. Caponegro: Hail The…” Apr 6, 01:23
Young Lochinvar on The quality of mercy: ““Tartan Tories” Wasn’t that the invention created by “Scotch” Labour to hide the fact it was THE Labour Party that…” Apr 6, 00:35
Young Lochinvar on The quality of mercy: “Beggars Calm down “old boy”!! No need to rant 🙂 You appear to be dragging a disproportionate amount of Oswald…” Apr 6, 00:08
Mark Beggan on The quality of mercy: “1981. The Tartan Tories was what they were called then.” Apr 6, 00:04
Young Lochinvar on The quality of mercy: “Jay Good luck getting a coherent non-nazi reply..” Apr 5, 23:38