Okay, so we’ve tried everything. We’ve read all the papers, we’ve been through all the emails, and we’ve even gone out for a walk, which usually never fails to trigger some cataclysmic political upheaval or animal-sex scandal.
As spectacular and mindboggling as some of the coverage undeniably is – most notably Alex Massie’s barking-mad, lie-filled howlatribe “J.K. Rowling and her heroic attack on the wicked cybernats” (whose title, remarkably, does not appear to be ironic) in ultra-right-wing loonzine CapX – even we’re fed up of reading people going on about us, so to pass the time we’re going to do something else instead.
We weren’t going to take Professor Adam Tomkins’ hysterical “NATMAGEDDON!” article for this week’s Spectator seriously enough to pull it apart line by line.
But once we’d wiped the tears from our eyes we thought we’d better do our job.
The comedy “obnoxious Tory” stereotype/respected BBC pundit (delete as applicable) Adam Tomkins has a dramatic opinion piece in the Spectator this week, which also commands the magazine’s front cover.
It’s a handy one-stop compilation of some of the most comprehensively-debunked Unionist myths and lies of the past couple of years, livened up for readers with some standard-issue wild-eyed frothing lunacy shrieking about one-party states, “Orwellian” dictatorships, the evil Nats are coming for your children, blah blah etc.
If we were to pull up every absurdly laughable line we’d be here all day, and nobody reads 5000-word articles, so we’re going to restrict ourselves to a single example.
Today’s Herald reveals that the new Labour leader of Glasgow City Council, Frank McAveety (who was last seen in the headlines leering at a 15-year-old girl visiting the Scottish Parliament), has hired Bob Wylie as a special adviser.
Wylie was communications director of the scandal-riddled Strathclyde Partnership for Transport (SPT), which readers may recall from last year’s banning of an advertising campaign for this site on the city’s Underground after receiving one complaint about it.
But he’s somewhat more famous for his part in an expenses junket which saw several of the quango’s senior management bill taxpayers for a 2008 “fact-finding” mission to Manchester whose timing just happened to coincide with the UEFA Cup final between Rangers and Zenit St Petersburg being played in the same city.
Wylie’s appointment follows the controversy which arose when Labour gave convicted drunken arsonist Mike Watson a job as education spokesman in Jeremy Corbyn’s shadow cabinet. And the two hirings threw some light on a thought we’d been thinking since reading a Kevin McKenna column in last weekend’s Observer.
As readers may have noticed, it’s been an extremely slow news week this week. The papers, having strung out the Michelle Thomson “crisis” beyond all endurance, have been reduced (in the case of today’s Daily Mail) to printing shock-horror pictures of her still sitting beside SNP MPs in the Commons, so little else is there to report.
(As far as we’re aware the Commons doesn’t have an official naughty step, so even if Thomson HAD been found guilty of doing anything wrong she’d have had to sit on the opposition benches just the same.)
But it seems the dastardly Nats have been getting up to something even worse than associating with a (currently) former colleague.
JPFife on Clocks And Calendars: “What do you think the chances of Sarwar getting a seat rather than getting in on the list, due to…” Mar 31, 09:04
Young Lochinvar on Clocks And Calendars: “Beggars You missed out Enoch Powell’s “rivers of blood” hysteria in your post. A but remiss of you there “old…” Mar 31, 02:59
Young Lochinvar on Clocks And Calendars: “Now now Beggars, don’t get carmugeonly.. Pains me to say it, but Baby Uncle Sam has done what Amnesiac Baby…” Mar 31, 02:50
Mark Beggan on Clocks And Calendars: “Any gamblers amongst us? General election before 2029. 3/1 General election 2027. 7/1 General election 2026. 11/1 Marshall Law declared.…” Mar 31, 02:12
Mark Beggan on Clocks And Calendars: “I don’t think you understand what’s going on geopolitically. There’s a new sheriff in town. The war has been won.…” Mar 31, 02:07
Young Lochinvar on Clocks And Calendars: “Beggars That’s LONG since breached paying for rusted subs and missiles that go “plop” – and you didn’t even notice…” Mar 31, 01:03
Charlie on Clocks And Calendars: “You must have lived somewhere posh, that was in my local newsagents 😉” Mar 30, 23:17
James on Protest But Don’t Survive: “Dirty protest? What’s that, voting Tory? More your two’s style, I’d say.” Mar 30, 22:59
Captain Caveman on Protest But Don’t Survive: “Heh. Like, as if that imbecile is on the Electoral Roll… probably doesn’t even have a fixed address.” Mar 30, 22:53
Mark Beggan on Clocks And Calendars: “When will the IMF come knocking on the door? Any number crunchers out there? How long till Britains credit is…” Mar 30, 22:09
Glenn Boyd on Clocks And Calendars: “Lord help us if that New Labour Scumbag Sarwar gets anywhere near taking power. Lets remember this is the fucking…” Mar 30, 20:51
Southernbystander on Sicknote Slippers: “Thanks for saying this. It is of course correct. It has becomes standard for any progressive / anti-fascist march to…” Mar 30, 20:50
Aidan on Protest But Don’t Survive: “Assume you’ll be planning your normal dirty protest in the polling booth “James”?” Mar 30, 19:53
George Ferguson on Clocks And Calendars: “To some my claim of Scottish Labour finishing fourth is fanciful. As fanciful as Sarwar claiming moral authority. We will…” Mar 30, 19:31
James on Clocks And Calendars: “YL; Here’s to Good King Robert. Cheers! They don’t like it up ’em.” Mar 30, 18:50
Dan on Sicknote Slippers: “I had an ironic chuckle at Stu having a go at Slipper’s albeit limited hair! At least as the cost…” Mar 30, 18:39
James on Protest But Don’t Survive: “Aye, draw a great big ‘Captain Caveman’ on your ballot paper, folks.” Mar 30, 18:37
twathater on Clocks And Calendars: “The Scotsman in conjunction with every other shite rag is trolling the electorate with this insulting PISH The Headline should…” Mar 30, 18:26
Young Lochinvar on Clocks And Calendars: “Happy anniversary tomorrow of the 1307 battle of Glentrool. Bruce’s looking at spiders days were put behind him at Glentrool…” Mar 30, 18:19
Frank Gillougley on Clocks And Calendars: “Aye, ‘Vote fur Jack Duggan Sarwar’, it’s definitely got a ring tae it. Pure wild wae it so he is.” Mar 30, 17:23
Young Lochinvar on Clocks And Calendars: “Yee haw pardner.. Uncle Sam’s getting all worked up about a super bigly expensive low gear fly by mission “to…” Mar 30, 17:21
Alf Baird on Clocks And Calendars: “Past time The Hootsman changed its teetle tae ‘The Hoose Jock’; or just go the hale hog as ‘The Colonialist’.…” Mar 30, 15:50
Aidan on Clocks And Calendars: “Labour are really going to form a coalition with Reform are they? Oh aye i bet they’ll be shouting about…” Mar 30, 15:14
Captain Caveman on Sicknote Slippers: “Although approaching things from a different perspective to my own, what a marvelous post, though doubtless largely wasted here. Bravo.…” Mar 30, 14:12
Mark Beggan on Clocks And Calendars: “If you thought that was crazy did anyone see Scottish Labours political broadcast online. A day in the life of…” Mar 30, 14:11
David on Clocks And Calendars: “I assume this was written and supplied to The Scotsman by a deluded Labour Hack. Why don’t The Scotsman republish…” Mar 30, 14:10
Campbell Clansman on Clocks And Calendars: “Labour, and The Scotsman, must think voters are dumb enough to take this “analysis” seriously. Which says a lot about…” Mar 30, 13:28
Lorncal on Sicknote Slippers: “The real far right is a tiny minority of heid-the-bas. Always was. Even in the halcyon days of Mosley. What…” Mar 30, 13:25
Confused on Sicknote Slippers: “better together, pooling and sharing so, exactly what benefit do we draw from this “arrangement”, being siamese-twinned to these kleptomaniac…” Mar 30, 12:59
Northcode on Protest But Don’t Survive: “A fine adaptation from Allende’s speech, James, and a quote most apt in the context of Scotland’s subjugation by a…” Mar 30, 12:11
