We just noticed a finding from the most recent opinion poll that surprisingly seems to have escaped the attention of every Scottish newspaper except the Press & Journal.
As far as we can ascertain, the P&J was alone in reporting the obviously newsworthy fact that just a quarter of Scots believe the First Minister’s ridiculous cock-and-bull story about “forgetting” the occasion when she first heard that her friend, colleague and mentor of 30 years was facing charges of trying to rape some of her other friends.
But the figures are part of a wider and depressing trend.
We’ve just received the most extraordinary Freedom Of Information response from the Scottish Government, readers. Trust us, you want to go and make yourselves a strong cup of tea before you read it. Or get this guy to bring you one.
It doesn’t take a master analyst to see that the Salmond inquiry committee is running out of patience with the Scottish Government’s endless attempts to obstruct its work.
This afternoon it issued a statement, with obvious irritation, making clear that it did not wish to see documents the Scottish Government was trying to submit to it, which the committee had not asked for, and which had previously been struck down as unlawful by Lord Pentland in the initial judicial inquiry.
The Scottish Government’s only purpose in doing so was to try to put the details of the discredited and disproven-in-court allegations into the public domain with the intention of smearing Mr Salmond yet again, and the committee has made its displeasure with the plan clear, telling the Scottish Government to abandon its intended legal action to release the documents and get on with producing the ones the inquiry HAS asked for.
But there’s a little bit more to the story than that.
We’re grumpy this morning, readers, because it’s Sunday and we were planning a long lie and then someone told us about this. It’s the First Minister appearing on the Sophy Ridge show on Sky News at around 8.45am and you need to see it.
In the light of yesterday’s revelations, we’ve sent the following Freedom Of Information request to the Central Enquiry Unit (CEU) of the Scottish Government.
Back in the 1980s there was a hit game for the ZX Spectrum home computer called Worse Things Happen At Sea. In it you play a robot whose job is to get a heavily-laden cargo ship safely to port, except that more and more disasters keep befalling it.
It springs leaks, it veers off course, the engine overheats and the robot’s power runs down, until eventually the catalogue of catastrophes overwhelms the harassed metallic custodian and the boat slides down into the murky depths.
We wonder if that feels familiar to anyone at the moment.
On 23rd March this year, after Alex Salmond was found not guilty of 13 criminal charges in the High Court, I called on the Scottish Government to set up a judge-led inquiry into the allegation that he had been the subject of a conspiracy involving the Scottish Government, which resulted in him being accused of criminal behaviour.
There’s an especially interesting post on the blog of Scottish solicitor-advocate Gordon Dangerfield at the moment, pointing out that there are no legal reasons whatever for the Crown Office and Procurator Fiscal Service (COPFS) to be withholding documents relating to the allegations against Alex Salmond, and indeed issuing dire threats of prosecution against him or anyone who might put them into the public domain.
(All of the blog’s coverage of the inquiry in general has been expert and revealing, and should be the first stop for readers seeking to understand proceedings.)
The items in question include the infamous WhatsApp messages exchanged by the group of people attempting to have Salmond imprisoned for crimes he didn’t commit, among them SNP chief executive Peter Murrell.
When two of Murrell’s messages were leaked recently it was front-page news in the Scottish press, and generated a huge amount of subsequent coverage. Commentators as diverse as Mandy Rhodes of Holyrood magazine and Alex Massie of the Times and Spectator have noted that while they’d initially disbelieved talk of a conspiracy, the Scottish Government’s actions have given them the opposite impression.
The message log is absolutely central to Salmond’s claim of a conspiracy against him, so the last thing that either COPFS or the leadership of the SNP wants is for it to become public knowledge. Indeed, COPFS has denied that the messages exist at all, which makes it a bit weird that the police are currently conducting a serious criminal investigation into who leaked some apparently entirely imaginary documents.
So it would be quite astonishing if they suddenly disappeared, wouldn’t it?
Readers, we can’t tell you how much we want to get back to just dissecting Scotland’s hopeless Unionist media for a living. It’s a lot more fun than what the current political circumstances are obliging us to do, so you can hardly imagine our excitement when we spotted what looked like an open goal in yesterday’s Mail On Sunday.
Our ears pricked up immediately at the sight of the words “up to”, which is invariably a sign of dodgy doings on the way, and so it proved. The article contained no solid data at all about the size of Scottish Government special advisers’ pay rises, only how many SpAds there were and which general pay bands they were in, each of which spans a wide range of between £14,000 and £23,000.
But while the Mail had spooned the sitter six feet over the crossbar – because the crude spin they’d put on it was total rubbish – there was still a loose ball just waiting to be knocked into the back of the net.
The SNP’s earth-shattering 2011 majority election victory, which paved the way for the 2014 independence referendum, dropped a bomb on Scottish politics.
What few people realised at the time was that it was also going to set up a series of massive paydays for one of Scotland’s wealthiest demographics: lawyers.
Captain Caveman on Vibecoding A Better World: “Heh, hark at you “Blockheaded Bracegirdle”, aligning yourself with “James”, a numbskull abusive troll whose entire contribution here is shouting…” Nov 3, 19:26
Hatey McHateface on Vibecoding A Better World: “If you mean Mark Beggan, he’s sorely missed. They weren’t gibberish BTW. They were clever, witty and often very funny.…” Nov 3, 19:06
Bilbo on Vibecoding A Better World: “James, you should be grateful that there are only 3 of them now. Thankfully that halfwit who was flooding BTL…” Nov 3, 18:42
Hatey McHateface on Vibecoding A Better World: “Believe it or not, James, no word of a lie, I was just thinking about you. I was wondering if…” Nov 3, 16:33
James on Vibecoding A Better World: “Four piles of steaming unionist shite in row there from the the three ‘all day, every day’ charlatan snake oil…” Nov 3, 13:40
Hatey McHateface on Vibecoding A Better World: “@Aidan A good synopsis. Brexit taught those with eyes to see two things: 1) It’s a lot more difficult to…” Nov 3, 13:35
Aidan on Vibecoding A Better World: “Let me guess Alf, the plan is; A) build an enormous port in the middle of nowhere; B) watch the…” Nov 3, 13:06
Aidan on Vibecoding A Better World: “It’s a odd situation re Scottish independence, it enjoys significant support within the general population, but; – in my view…” Nov 3, 13:05
Captain Caveman on Vibecoding A Better World: “I can relate, believe me. Your principal problem is this: the Indy Movement is mainly comprised of lefties – the…” Nov 3, 12:23
Hatey McHateface on Vibecoding A Better World: “@CC We would have to study the writings of the post colonial boys and who wants to do that? My…” Nov 3, 12:01
Captain Caveman on Vibecoding A Better World: ““Every geriatric Scottish arse from John O’ Groats to Gretna going unwiped forever” Perhaps the Prof has a greater personal…” Nov 3, 11:16
Hatey McHateface on Vibecoding A Better World: “A nice photo from the hated Mail Online this morning: https://www.dailymail.com/debate/article-16259803/DANIEL-HANNAN-Picture-sums-entire-migrant-industry-regards-taxpayers-country.html Seems like some bint in the HoC announced yesterday…” Nov 3, 10:42
Hatey McHateface on Vibecoding A Better World: ““we know from postcolonial theory” Of course we do, Alf. Such a shame we still know SFA about what to…” Nov 3, 10:26
Alf Baird on Vibecoding A Better World: ““tell the current collection of clattering clownwits infesting Holyrood to not bother coming back from their holidays” The Rev makes…” Nov 3, 09:48
Hatey McHateface on Vibecoding A Better World: ““I see you’re a fan of Better Together” For myself, I’m a fan of Plausible Divorce Plan, although I do…” Nov 2, 17:39
Northcode on Vibecoding A Better World: “I think a further clarity intervention is needed about dates. James Che’s narrative blends two unrelated historical facts into a…” Nov 2, 15:53
Northcode on Vibecoding A Better World: “For even more clarity… Queen Anne’s proclamation dissolving the Scottish Parliament was issued in April 1707, not in 1752. Anne…” Nov 2, 15:16
Chas on Vibecoding A Better World: “How interesting. I have never read interpretations of 300+ year old stuff before. But only if we discount the exact…” Nov 2, 13:53
James Che on Vibecoding A Better World: “Indeed a clever attempt north code, Except England did not update its Calendar year until 1752 to be in line…” Nov 2, 13:25
Dan on Vibecoding A Better World: “@ Northcode at 11:04 am You don’t have waffle some word twisting shite on here. Over the course of the…” Nov 2, 13:03
Hatey McHateface on Vibecoding A Better World: “Cheers, sarah. There was me reading about the Scottish Men’s Curling team’s European Championship triumph on the BBC website and…” Nov 2, 12:55
sarah on Vibecoding A Better World: “Thanks for reporting this achievement. And making clear that once again the BBC has worked to hide a Scotland triumph.” Nov 2, 12:19
McDuff on Vibecoding A Better World: “Scotland’s men pick up a gold at the world curling championships and es far as I can see it has…” Nov 2, 11:13
Northcode on Vibecoding A Better World: “Alf’s argument frames Scotland’s economic condition through a mythic lens of colonial underdevelopment. In its historical and economic framing, these…” Nov 2, 11:04
Northcode on Vibecoding A Better World: “For clarity… James Che’s argument rests on a mythic moment they place in 1606, where they believe the Scottish Parliament…” Nov 2, 10:28
Alf Baird on Vibecoding A Better World: “Yes of course “a radical change in the political (and colonial) landscape” is absolutely critical for recovery and development of…” Nov 2, 10:24
Hatey McHateface on Vibecoding A Better World: “@Aidan The laughable aspect to this is that there are plenty of Scots, myself included, who would love Scotland to…” Nov 2, 10:20
Aidan on Vibecoding A Better World: “Well done Izzie, you’re exactly right. If Nicola Sturgeon had been first minister between 2014 and 2023 Scotland would be…” Nov 2, 10:15
