The most tedious question we ever get asked when we criticise the SNP – because we’ve explained it a hundred times already and none of the people asking have ever bothered to look – is “But what would YOU do to secure independence, clever-clogs?”
We’ve outlined that plan in detail repeatedly – you can read it again here if you want. But maybe we need something a bit simpler for the hard of thinking, so let’s have a go.
We just noticed a finding from the most recent opinion poll that surprisingly seems to have escaped the attention of every Scottish newspaper except the Press & Journal.
As far as we can ascertain, the P&J was alone in reporting the obviously newsworthy fact that just a quarter of Scots believe the First Minister’s ridiculous cock-and-bull story about “forgetting” the occasion when she first heard that her friend, colleague and mentor of 30 years was facing charges of trying to rape some of her other friends.
But the figures are part of a wider and depressing trend.
We’ve just received the most extraordinary Freedom Of Information response from the Scottish Government, readers. Trust us, you want to go and make yourselves a strong cup of tea before you read it. Or get this guy to bring you one.
It doesn’t take a master analyst to see that the Salmond inquiry committee is running out of patience with the Scottish Government’s endless attempts to obstruct its work.
This afternoon it issued a statement, with obvious irritation, making clear that it did not wish to see documents the Scottish Government was trying to submit to it, which the committee had not asked for, and which had previously been struck down as unlawful by Lord Pentland in the initial judicial inquiry.
The Scottish Government’s only purpose in doing so was to try to put the details of the discredited and disproven-in-court allegations into the public domain with the intention of smearing Mr Salmond yet again, and the committee has made its displeasure with the plan clear, telling the Scottish Government to abandon its intended legal action to release the documents and get on with producing the ones the inquiry HAS asked for.
But there’s a little bit more to the story than that.
We’re grumpy this morning, readers, because it’s Sunday and we were planning a long lie and then someone told us about this. It’s the First Minister appearing on the Sophy Ridge show on Sky News at around 8.45am and you need to see it.
In the light of yesterday’s revelations, we’ve sent the following Freedom Of Information request to the Central Enquiry Unit (CEU) of the Scottish Government.
Back in the 1980s there was a hit game for the ZX Spectrum home computer called Worse Things Happen At Sea. In it you play a robot whose job is to get a heavily-laden cargo ship safely to port, except that more and more disasters keep befalling it.
It springs leaks, it veers off course, the engine overheats and the robot’s power runs down, until eventually the catalogue of catastrophes overwhelms the harassed metallic custodian and the boat slides down into the murky depths.
We wonder if that feels familiar to anyone at the moment.
On 23rd March this year, after Alex Salmond was found not guilty of 13 criminal charges in the High Court, I called on the Scottish Government to set up a judge-led inquiry into the allegation that he had been the subject of a conspiracy involving the Scottish Government, which resulted in him being accused of criminal behaviour.
There’s an especially interesting post on the blog of Scottish solicitor-advocate Gordon Dangerfield at the moment, pointing out that there are no legal reasons whatever for the Crown Office and Procurator Fiscal Service (COPFS) to be withholding documents relating to the allegations against Alex Salmond, and indeed issuing dire threats of prosecution against him or anyone who might put them into the public domain.
(All of the blog’s coverage of the inquiry in general has been expert and revealing, and should be the first stop for readers seeking to understand proceedings.)
The items in question include the infamous WhatsApp messages exchanged by the group of people attempting to have Salmond imprisoned for crimes he didn’t commit, among them SNP chief executive Peter Murrell.
When two of Murrell’s messages were leaked recently it was front-page news in the Scottish press, and generated a huge amount of subsequent coverage. Commentators as diverse as Mandy Rhodes of Holyrood magazine and Alex Massie of the Times and Spectator have noted that while they’d initially disbelieved talk of a conspiracy, the Scottish Government’s actions have given them the opposite impression.
The message log is absolutely central to Salmond’s claim of a conspiracy against him, so the last thing that either COPFS or the leadership of the SNP wants is for it to become public knowledge. Indeed, COPFS has denied that the messages exist at all, which makes it a bit weird that the police are currently conducting a serious criminal investigation into who leaked some apparently entirely imaginary documents.
So it would be quite astonishing if they suddenly disappeared, wouldn’t it?
Readers, we can’t tell you how much we want to get back to just dissecting Scotland’s hopeless Unionist media for a living. It’s a lot more fun than what the current political circumstances are obliging us to do, so you can hardly imagine our excitement when we spotted what looked like an open goal in yesterday’s Mail On Sunday.
Our ears pricked up immediately at the sight of the words “up to”, which is invariably a sign of dodgy doings on the way, and so it proved. The article contained no solid data at all about the size of Scottish Government special advisers’ pay rises, only how many SpAds there were and which general pay bands they were in, each of which spans a wide range of between £14,000 and £23,000.
But while the Mail had spooned the sitter six feet over the crossbar – because the crude spin they’d put on it was total rubbish – there was still a loose ball just waiting to be knocked into the back of the net.
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on Yelling at the tide: “We observe that the following was written almost exactly a century BEFORE the Act of Union. We note that the…” Jan 23, 15:03
100%Yes on Yelling at the tide: “Is she really worth fighting for “Information commissioner sues SNP Government over ‘failure to publish Sturgeon files’. I wouldn’t give…” Jan 23, 14:51
willie on Yelling at the tide: “If I may, can I turn attention to the Bonnie Banks of Loch Lomond and the recent announcement that Lomond…” Jan 23, 14:41
factchecker on Yelling at the tide: “Thank you Cynicus for some factual input. The professor writes “Ignorant rubbish” indeed. He claims “In seeking to justify only…” Jan 23, 14:29
Hatey McHateface on Yelling at the tide: “Aye, TURABDIN, there’s been notable failures. There’s been notable successes, too. Japan, the former West Germany before they were sunk…” Jan 23, 14:26
Hatey McHateface on Yelling at the tide: ““As we know, Linguistic Imperialism (e.g. language deprivation and cultural assimilation) are well established colonial procedures intended to make ‘a…” Jan 23, 14:10
Hatey McHateface on Yelling at the tide: “Dinna be sae harsh, Cynicus. It’s Baltic oot there. Northy needs his pants aflame tae keep warm and he’s discovered…” Jan 23, 13:52
Alf Baird on Yelling at the tide: ““Ignorant Rubbish” ? In seeking to justify only the English language being taught to Scots bairns in school, British educationalists…” Jan 23, 13:50
Hatey McHateface on Yelling at the tide: “My, Alf, but like your sidekick Northy, you’re a tonic sometimes. Why don’t you call for what Mummy et al…” Jan 23, 13:49
Alf Baird on Yelling at the tide: ““The American psyche’s great flaw is that .. like a prepubescent child uncertain of its identity” This is a general…” Jan 23, 13:34
Cynicus on Yelling at the tide: “Northcode, 23 January, 2026 at 10:56 am “It was the English who forced their own language on the Scots. “…” Jan 23, 12:55
TURABDIN on Yelling at the tide: “@Hatey McHateface to this reader your argumentation can turn towards the confusing, however, I do share your perspective regarding the…” Jan 23, 12:49
Alf Baird on Yelling at the tide: “Aye Willie, and here we are reminded that “whenever colonialism is imperiled, the colonizer reveals his fangs” (Fanon). So why…” Jan 23, 12:26
Hatey McHateface on Yelling at the tide: “You remind me of the people who claim to believe that the killing of one woman as she interferes with…” Jan 23, 11:07
Northcode on Yelling at the tide: ““… speaking, reading and writing only in Scots…” Who do those folk who believe an independent Scotland would insist that…” Jan 23, 10:56
Hatey McHateface on Yelling at the tide: “The calls for the slaughter of English cants crop up beneath just about every article, willie. It’s beyond credibility you…” Jan 23, 10:49
DaveL on Yelling at the tide: “Ah Wee Adolf McHateface, there you are, you’ve been quite subdued just lately. What was it got you all upset…” Jan 23, 10:21
TURABDIN on Yelling at the tide: “THE THREE R’s…..revolution, revolt or resistance….Scots do have choices other than to capitulate to the «motherhood and apple pie» schmues…” Jan 23, 10:20
TURABDIN on Yelling at the tide: “ORGANIZED THUGGERY…..whether in the name of fascist corporatism, hallucinogenic woke or faux messianic americanism we all know it when we…” Jan 23, 10:19
willie on Yelling at the tide: “And meanwhile, no word from the judiciary, or comment from the Scot Gov on the grave concerns about a judge…” Jan 23, 10:17
willie on Yelling at the tide: “Here Hatey you’re off on the big rant this morning. Prof Baird is a Scot who supports the maximisation of…” Jan 23, 10:07
Northcode on Yelling at the tide: ““A Glasgow choir will aim to ‘bridge the gap’ between queer and Gaelic identity when practises begin next month… The…” Jan 23, 09:09
Hatey McHateface on Yelling at the tide: “All very well, Fearghas, but which is it gets us the most disposable dosh, the biggest house, the fastest car,…” Jan 23, 08:09
Cynicus on Yelling at the tide: “Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh says: ‘Josephine Bartosch commented that the cyber-attack has “stripped away the chintzy veil of victimhood that has long…” Jan 23, 02:38
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on Yelling at the tide: “« Marx’s secularisation of the messianic seems to me to be accurate and precise, up to this point. But can…” Jan 23, 01:07
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on Yelling at the tide: “Thanks TURABDIN. Good SPECTATOR article by MARY WAKEFIELD. “And look at Professor Gordon: they’re right to be scared. It’s not…” Jan 23, 00:09
Dave G on Yelling at the tide: “@Alf Baird 5:05pm Have you considered seeking professional help?” Jan 22, 22:55
Alasdair Roy on Yelling at the tide: “These positions as President of the Employment Tribunal (Scotland) are dangerous, especially given the backgrounds of these women. They carry…” Jan 22, 21:52
Alf Baird on Yelling at the tide: ““Which is precisely why there is no few dozen Scots prepared to organise themselves for Indy.” Och aye thar is:…” Jan 22, 20:34
