Back in the 1980s there was a hit game for the ZX Spectrum home computer called Worse Things Happen At Sea. In it you play a robot whose job is to get a heavily-laden cargo ship safely to port, except that more and more disasters keep befalling it.
It springs leaks, it veers off course, the engine overheats and the robot’s power runs down, until eventually the catalogue of catastrophes overwhelms the harassed metallic custodian and the boat slides down into the murky depths.
We wonder if that feels familiar to anyone at the moment.
On 23rd March this year, after Alex Salmond was found not guilty of 13 criminal charges in the High Court, I called on the Scottish Government to set up a judge-led inquiry into the allegation that he had been the subject of a conspiracy involving the Scottish Government, which resulted in him being accused of criminal behaviour.
There’s an especially interesting post on the blog of Scottish solicitor-advocate Gordon Dangerfield at the moment, pointing out that there are no legal reasons whatever for the Crown Office and Procurator Fiscal Service (COPFS) to be withholding documents relating to the allegations against Alex Salmond, and indeed issuing dire threats of prosecution against him or anyone who might put them into the public domain.
(All of the blog’s coverage of the inquiry in general has been expert and revealing, and should be the first stop for readers seeking to understand proceedings.)
The items in question include the infamous WhatsApp messages exchanged by the group of people attempting to have Salmond imprisoned for crimes he didn’t commit, among them SNP chief executive Peter Murrell.
When two of Murrell’s messages were leaked recently it was front-page news in the Scottish press, and generated a huge amount of subsequent coverage. Commentators as diverse as Mandy Rhodes of Holyrood magazine and Alex Massie of the Times and Spectator have noted that while they’d initially disbelieved talk of a conspiracy, the Scottish Government’s actions have given them the opposite impression.
The message log is absolutely central to Salmond’s claim of a conspiracy against him, so the last thing that either COPFS or the leadership of the SNP wants is for it to become public knowledge. Indeed, COPFS has denied that the messages exist at all, which makes it a bit weird that the police are currently conducting a serious criminal investigation into who leaked some apparently entirely imaginary documents.
So it would be quite astonishing if they suddenly disappeared, wouldn’t it?
Readers, we can’t tell you how much we want to get back to just dissecting Scotland’s hopeless Unionist media for a living. It’s a lot more fun than what the current political circumstances are obliging us to do, so you can hardly imagine our excitement when we spotted what looked like an open goal in yesterday’s Mail On Sunday.
Our ears pricked up immediately at the sight of the words “up to”, which is invariably a sign of dodgy doings on the way, and so it proved. The article contained no solid data at all about the size of Scottish Government special advisers’ pay rises, only how many SpAds there were and which general pay bands they were in, each of which spans a wide range of between £14,000 and £23,000.
But while the Mail had spooned the sitter six feet over the crossbar – because the crude spin they’d put on it was total rubbish – there was still a loose ball just waiting to be knocked into the back of the net.
The SNP’s earth-shattering 2011 majority election victory, which paved the way for the 2014 independence referendum, dropped a bomb on Scottish politics.
What few people realised at the time was that it was also going to set up a series of massive paydays for one of Scotland’s wealthiest demographics: lawyers.
We’re very busy today writing more FOI requests and the like, so we’ll just take a brief moment here to note that hiring super-expensive lawyers to object to the questions you’re being asked DEFINITELY sounds like the behaviour of people who are keen to co-operate fully and in the most transparent way possible with an inquiry:
Having been privileged to serve as SNP National Treasurer, I’m aware of the duties that go with the post. Of course, it’s changed in some ways since then due to the scale of the party, the resources available and even technology. The days are long gone when Joan Knott, who has sadly since passed away, required to take a taxi down to my legal office to have cheques signed between court or clients.
But some things still remain fundamental, and in particular providing annual accounts for the party. That has been done for 2019, in the administrative sense, but what’s missing is their publication and provision either to the NEC or the party more widely.
For sure there’s been no conference but there are other bodies and other ways of making them available to party members. At NEC, conference and indeed anywhere else, members were entitled to see them and question me. It was their right to see them, and it remains so now. So why haven’t they seen them?
Just two days ago the Electoral Commission gave us a fourth supposed date for the publication of the SNP’s 2019 accounts: having first been due out in early August, they then told us to expect them in early September, and then last week, and then in “the next three weeks”, ie the middle of October.
But someone gave us a tipoff that we might be able to request them via Freedom Of Information, since ostensibly the only holdup was that the EC wanted to wait until ALL of the main parties’ accounts were ready and publish them all at once for tidiness.
So we sent one in, and we just got a very quick reply.
The SNP have historically been swift to suspend any party members when there’s any hint of inappropriate conduct, never mind even a whiff of illegality. It’s been that way since 2015, with the axe falling on elected members as well as candidates in target seats and critical elections, and ordinary activists.
Not even a by-your-leave, let alone an explanation, is afforded – just suspension with immediate effect. And that’s all well and good, some might say. No hint of impropriety should attach to the party and making a virtue of acting swiftly can be both necessary and appropriate.
So why then no action against the Chief Executive?
Following up this morning’s article, we’ve been trawling through the Publications/FOI section of the Scottish Government website to see which other articles might be being hidden from its search function. We found quite a few, and you’re never going to guess what the common factor in all of them is.
We’ve given you a wee clue with that picture, though.
Whichever side you’re on, it’s simply observably true that the Scottish Government is doing everything in its power to obstruct, delay and derail the Parliamentary inquiry into its ruinously botched investigation of false allegations against Alex Salmond.
Any investigative journalist attempting to get to the bottom of the subject and find out what really happened is met with a wall of secrecy and misinformation while trying to navigate their way through the publicly-available information, and just to give you some idea of what it’s like, we’d like to offer you one tiny but typical example.
Spartan 117 on The Land Of Do-As-You-Please: “The site idiot speaks. Lay off the meths for once you miserable racist simpleton.” Aug 21, 10:05
willie on Before Action: “Great news and congratulations to Cllr Fiona Higgins and her legal team from PBW Law who have just succeeded in…” Aug 21, 10:02
Hatey McHateface on Before Action: “Never seek impartial advice from anyone who has a book to flog on Amazon.” Aug 21, 09:54
Patsy Millar on Before Action: “Happy to donate if needed.” Aug 21, 09:33
Mark Beggan on Before Action: “When did the Indy movement become the post colonial movement? Looking back on comments one can see the gradual replacement…” Aug 21, 09:32
Hatey McHateface on Before Action: “I asked Google: “How much would 600000 gbp invested in 2020 be worth today” The answer is somewhere between £713,000…” Aug 21, 09:24
Hatey McHateface on The Land Of Do-As-You-Please: “Mark, you will have to come out in favour of genocide if you seriously want to contend for the Christmas…” Aug 21, 09:03
100%Yes on Before Action: “If this matter does proceed to a Judicial review I will of course donate until concluded. For me at this…” Aug 21, 08:52
Hatey McHateface on The Land Of Do-As-You-Please: “Sure W. Wally W. Identifying here as a cask strength, 21 YO, Speyside single malt. Ask yer maw to explain…” Aug 21, 08:51
Hatey McHateface on The Land Of Do-As-You-Please: “Respect 🙂 That post was actually kinda funny. Not in any sort of absolute way. But to those with knowledge…” Aug 21, 08:45
Captain Caveman on The Land Of Do-As-You-Please: “Shush fatty. It’s not like you can even get into a car, less still drive (or own) one.” Aug 21, 06:28
Confused on The Land Of Do-As-You-Please: “It is a new global religion being imposed from on high, but psychologically it manifests as neo-puritanism – absolutist, dogmatic,…” Aug 21, 00:46
Young Lochinvar on Before Action: “Meant to add.. They will make out it is not their job to make your case for you, so devil…” Aug 21, 00:31
Campbell Clansman on Before Action: “Sadly, “stall, ignore and dismiss” has worked for years now on this case, continues to work, and as history tells…” Aug 21, 00:03
Young Lochinvar on Before Action: “Very good Rev. A post service professional career reinforced in me the absolute necessity of pointing out matters of complex…” Aug 20, 23:59
James on The Land Of Do-As-You-Please: “Try this one. Identifies as Scotch and vomits up unionist *shite* all day, every day on a Scottish independence supporting…” Aug 20, 22:33
robertkknight on Before Action: “Excellent! Well done Rev! Can you wait until payday for the crowdfunding? Anytime after Thursday next be good 😉” Aug 20, 22:32
Angus on Before Action: ““Please consider this as a Letter Before Action”. Can’t wait for the Action to commence. The bastards and bitches at…” Aug 20, 22:21
Angus on Before Action: ““This is a Letter Before Action” Can’t wait for the Action to start.” Aug 20, 22:08
Jay on The Land Of Do-As-You-Please: “Confused, thanks for the link, very interesting, confirms some suspicions.” Aug 20, 22:00
Aidan on The Land Of Do-As-You-Please: “@CC the Carrera 4 was a 996, and the Turbo was a 997, they were always fun but I enjoyed…” Aug 20, 21:21
Mark Beggan on The Land Of Do-As-You-Please: “For sure Marie. White supremacist colonial baby killer. That’s me! What am I like?!! Too sexy for my political beliefs.…” Aug 20, 21:16
Andy Wiltshire on Before Action: “That, hopefully, will be something they can’t just dismiss with a one-fingered salute.” Aug 20, 21:10
James Carr on Before Action: “I’d just like to express my admiration for your tenacity in sticking it to the Police Scotland sleekit, cowardly, probably…” Aug 20, 21:10
Andrea on Before Action: “I am ready to donate.” Aug 20, 21:10
Dickie on Before Action: ““…you may wish to seek legal advice.” ???” Aug 20, 21:04
Mark Beggan on Before Action: “What is a likely outcome of this? I understand these things move in legal steps. Will they just double down…” Aug 20, 21:02