“Flounders” might have been a more appropriate animal.
It’s painfully entertaining viewing, but Gordon Brewer’s persistence pays off right at the end as we finally discover that Scottish Labour’s answer is “No – even if a clear majority of Scottish people vote for parties explicitly calling for a second independence referendum, and return a majority of pro-indy MSPs to Parliament, we will not consider that sufficient support.”
Which would mean there was no democratic route left open to Scotland to achieve independence. So what is it that he suggests we do?
Yeah, we know, that could be a really long article. But we have a specific thing in mind.
Over the last few days, Jo Swinson and Willie Rennie have both endured toe-curling interviews trying to defend the comically-indefensible hypocrisy of the party’s positions on Brexit and independence.
(If you haven’t been following, official policy now is that a Lib Dem election win is a clear and unimpeachable mandate to carry out their manifesto promises, but an SNP election win isn’t a mandate to carry out theirs.)
But it’s not the mere crass, transparent hypocrisy that makes them stupid.
Sitrep: we’ve given up any hope of turning on the television and seeing a politician – any politician – telling the truth.
Boris Johnson is lying about negotiating a new deal with the EU. Jeremy Corbyn is lying about pretty much everything (in so far as he even knows what he wants the truth to be, let alone what it actually is). Jo Swinson is lying about wanting to meaningfully work with other parties to stop Brexit. Nicola Sturgeon is lying about wanting to stop a no-deal Brexit – she just wants to stop Brexit full stop.
(Unfortunately, this also means she’s lying about having any real intention of holding a second independence referendum before 2021. If she did, she wouldn’t have all her MPs and MSPs frantically running around parliaments and courtrooms trying to destroy her own democratic mandate for it, which would leave her needing to secure a fresh one 20 months from now. And assuming she’d have any more idea how to put it into practice than she has with the ones she’s already got.)
The government is lying about the fact that it doesn’t have confidence in itself, and the opposition is lying about the fact that it does. Everyone now says they want an election, but somehow it isn’t happening because nobody wants it yet, and nobody can agree when they DO want it, and they’re all lying about why.
And absolutely everyone is lying about the fact that whatever they’re trying to do right now has any chance of solving the present shambles. Johnson is just stalling to run the clock down until no-deal, although he swears blind that he isn’t, and the opposition just wants to drag the whole agony out for several more months with not the slightest clue what they’d actually do then.
Grimly, the closest thing that British voters currently have to an honest man is Nigel Farage, who is at least clear about what he wants and what he’s prepared to do to get it. Which is ironic, as he’s only anywhere near getting it because he’s spent his entire political career lying through his teeth about it.
We don’t mind telling you, folks, it’s been pretty hard to get up in the mornings.
So, British politics, eh? We’re basically on strike until things make at least an iota of sense, because there’s no point in attempting political analysis right now when events can overtake you before you’ve finished typing a sentence.
But let’s just have a quick recap on what we know.
We just watched a nine-minute segment on Sky News, purportedly on the subject of “Is the Union between Scotland and England under threat?”, which for maximum balance and impartiality included views from both Labour and the Tories – in the forms of Paul Sweeney MP and John Lamont MP – but nobody else.
Both men spouted some quite extraordinary claims, all of which went unchallenged by presenter Adam Boulton. Let’s just take a quick look at a couple of the best ones.
If you’re a writer for a living and you want to check if something you’ve written might be embarrassingly stupid, there’s an easy and quick technique you can use.
By way of example, here’s Kenny Farquharson in the Times today, on the subject of the supposed similarities in the relationships between the Tories and the Brexit Party, and the SNP and the potential new Wings party:
So here’s the trick: switch the protagonists around.
Still, at least the Record hasn’t been so completely lacking in self-awareness as to point a finger at others in Scotland and say something like “far too many people who should know better are complicit in the tragedy”.
sam on When the law breaks the law: “@ factchecker “Part of our debate would perhaps be concerned with a definition of ‘colonisation’, which fills the posts of…” Feb 23, 12:54
agentx on When the law breaks the law: “Alf Baird says: 22 February, 2026 at 2:47 pm ““real” nationalists should be focused on… self determination” That is correct,…” Feb 23, 11:44
factchecker on When the law breaks the law: “A rational and factual answer, NC – thanks. Part of our debate would perhaps be concerned with a definition of…” Feb 23, 11:23
Aidan on When the law breaks the law: “I’m not sure you are in the position to lecture others about worthless diversionary “contributions” Alf since you and the…” Feb 23, 11:02
Northcode on When the law breaks the law: “Excuse my facetiousness, factchecker. Sometimes what I think of as playful banter might come across as rudeness in this place.…” Feb 23, 10:08
factchecker on When the law breaks the law: “NC says ““And therefore presumably a word imposed on us by our colonisers in the distant past.” You presume wrongly,…” Feb 23, 09:38
Northcode on When the law breaks the law: ““And therefore presumably a word imposed on us by our colonisers in the distant past.” You presume wrongly, yet again,…” Feb 23, 09:00
factchecker on When the law breaks the law: “Many thanks for the injection of fact, NC. “Bring, Bryng, v. Also: pryng. P.t. and p.p. brocht, broght, broight; broucht,…” Feb 23, 08:46
Northcode on When the law breaks the law: “The ignorance of Scotland’s colonists (unionists or colonialists if preferred… same thing) on all things Scottish does not in the…” Feb 23, 08:30
Hatey McHateface on When the law breaks the law: “He might have been struggling with one of those colds you get at this time of year. The worst of…” Feb 23, 08:08
Hatey McHateface on When the law breaks the law: “Why is it that every time somebody starts banging oan aboot us reclaiming oor indigenous linguistic, cultural and political voice,…” Feb 23, 08:03
Fin on The Longest Road: “Aye no political agendas at all on the mike Graham show, guy thinks you can grow concrete. Wings level of…” Feb 23, 07:55
Hatey McHateface on When the law breaks the law: “Wow YL! Three special posts, and all for me. Honestly now, you shouldn’t have. I always laugh when somebody posts…” Feb 23, 07:47
twathater on When the law breaks the law: “Absolutely SR Prof Baird does sterling work and has to be applauded for his tenacity and resolve in the face…” Feb 23, 02:56
Young Lochinvar on When the law breaks the law: “HMcH What exactly don’t you understand about the 15th of March? Like missing-in-action bestie of yours (overweight/ overblown) Wilma Flintstone…” Feb 22, 23:58
Young Lochinvar on When the law breaks the law: “HMcH @ 10.35 Nope! There’s nothing that indentured you (through coercion) beyond your time of service. Look it up unless…” Feb 22, 23:47
Young Lochinvar on When the law breaks the law: “Alf Given a perusal of tedious posts and GPs Scotchland Office and (ahem) “sponsors” unrebuked bombshell then I think it’s…” Feb 22, 22:51
Hatey McHateface on When the law breaks the law: “A bit early, YL. You’re never in the zone much before 2 AM. I think that oath of allegiance you…” Feb 22, 22:35
Hatey McHateface on When the law breaks the law: “Didn’t he also say “never try to introduce new ideas to those whose heids are dense as stone”? He should…” Feb 22, 22:27
Young Lochinvar on When the law breaks the law: “HMcH Given GP as good as outed you as a Scotchland Office stooge further up BTL then should any “rational…” Feb 22, 22:17
Hatey McHateface on When the law breaks the law: “Surely exactly as predicted by Fanon and Memmi, Alf. I do wonder why nobody is ever up for dealing with…” Feb 22, 22:16
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on When the law breaks the law: “Not sure whether the late Ruaraidh MacThòmais / Derick Thomson (who was certainly committed to Scottish independence) is preoccupied in…” Feb 22, 21:34
Cynicus on When the law breaks the law: “@Alf Baird, 22 February, 2026 at 7:43 pm ======== Alf, I commend to you the advice of HH Asquith: “Never…” Feb 22, 20:27
Alf Baird on When the law breaks the law: “You must be on piece-work from whoever pays you, Hatey, that’s 28 worthless diversionary contributions on this article alone from…” Feb 22, 19:43
Saffron Robe on When the law breaks the law: “I agree entirely with both your comments, Twathater. The current crop of Scottish politicians are indeed merely actors for independence…” Feb 22, 19:40
Hatey McHateface on When the law breaks the law: “Graves used to be a lot more spacious. Shrinkflation gets its teeth into everything. Back in the Victorian Age, when…” Feb 22, 18:18
Northcode on When the law breaks the law: “Although “turn” was most likely used first in a speech given by a Mr Windham on the 4th November 1801…” Feb 22, 18:02
Hatey McHateface on When the law breaks the law: ““comprehensively lost the argument in Scotland vis-a-vis EU membership. the ship has sailed” Blethers. The argument has never been made.…” Feb 22, 17:48
