Remember, readers, how last year “Better Together” tried to ridicule the fact that we’d put a satirical line about “space monsters” into one of the questions in our first Panelbase poll? Remember how it was the most absurd, stupid thing imaginable?
That was the UK Secretary of State for Defence, yesterday.
We honestly don’t understand how anyone with electricity in their house or a newsagent anywhere within a 30-mile radius can possibly come to say things like this:
Firstly, Elaine, we’d have to say that “it would be crazy” DOES actually sound like quite a strong view on independence to us. But in all seriousness, leaving all snark and sarcasm aside, how on Earth does a human being living in the UK in 2014, seemingly not inside any sort of secure institution, come to believe something like that?
Ms Coates isn’t some lone madwoman. Other people, also not resident in mental hospitals, say the same thing. And we get that lots of people aren’t into politics. But when it comes to ignorance about your own nation, being unaware that Scotland has oil is somewhere on a par with not knowing that Great Britain is an island. How in the world do you go through decades of adult life without ever picking up on that fact?
It’s not a rhetorical question. Can someone actually explain it to us?
We’ve just been watching the latest of the BBC’s big independence referendum debates, and we’d like the hour of our life we wasted back, please.
It wasn’t as though it was the worst we’ve seen by a long chalk. It was, if nothing else, relatively even-tempered, helped by some firm moderation by James Cook. Lesley Riddoch was as reliable, sensible and on top of the facts as she always is (although even we’re starting to get fed up of hearing her go on about Norway all the time). And while Brian Wilson is a dishonest and bilious wee nyaff, he does have the one huge saving grace that he isn’t Anas Sarwar.
But tell us this, readers – what was the point of it all?
Readers who may have been alarmed that the Scotsman hadn’t run any Michael Kelly columns for a while can breathe a sigh of relief this morning, as the role of “clueless idiot blithely spouting inflammatory and wrong-headed drivel about sectarianism and independence” is clearly in safe hands.
One of the great things about this site’s sky-high viewing figures is that on the rare occasions when we might be, for example, out having a walk in the park to get over the crushing disappointment of somehow losing yet another Scottish Cup semi-final, our ever-vigilant readers will remain alert.
Even Sparta’s mythical iron-bar currency – specifically designed, so legend had it, to shackle the economy by being too heavy to buy or trade anything – was marginally better, in Alistair Darling’s view, than anything an independent Scotland might be able to use for money, all of which will lead to inevitable doom.
Because Scotland, as all good unionists know, is the only country in world history for which there is no currency option that will work at all.
Have you seen the film of the coronation? I’m not talking about the grand televised extravaganza in Westminster Abbey with the young Queen Elizabeth done up like a wedding cake – I mean the Scottish coronation, in Edinburgh, three weeks after the glamorous London ceremony of 2 June 1953.
It’s not easy to locate. You’ll struggle to find a picture of it, or even a documented reference – a brief casual mention squeezed in right at the end of this article on the monarchical website is the best we could do.
Acting on the advice of her ministers, Elizabeth attended the ceremony dressed in an ordinary coat and hat. The honours of Scotland were presented to her, and she held them as if they were volatile explosive devices, standing stock-still until they were taken back again by be-gowned flunkies.
There would be no actual official crowning. It might give the natives ideas.
It seems that we’re letting the side down a bit here. If the same percentage of us were willing to vote Yes as the men, we’d be home and dry come September 18th, living in a nuclear-weapon-free democracy for the first time in our lives. But it seems like a lot of us are either not convinced or haven’t begun thinking about it yet.
I don’t believe it’s the former: anyone genuinely looking at the arguments, not to mention the behaviour of those on both sides of the debate, could hardly fail to be convinced that independence is a good thing. So I’m guessing it might be the latter.
We didn’t do a stats post at the start of April (still just under 4m pageviews a month, if you’re curious) but when someone tweeted these figures this morning we thought they were worth a wee toot, because they’re more than just nice news for us.
They’re from the independent web-traffic analysis site Alexa.com, and they detail the relative rankings for the seven biggest dedicated Scottish politics sites on the web.
We’ve had these sitting around for a few days without getting round to posting them, but as we’re currently knee-deep in the last tranche of data from our Panelbase poll, it seemed as good a time as any to clear the decks.
First up in the ambiguously-named Posterotron is the “respectable” face of British nationalism, in the form of UKIP European-election candidate David Coburn.
twathater on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “Lochy at last, someone else asking the naysayers and yoonionist Scotland haters who they would vote for in the 2026…” Jan 8, 03:47
Young Lochinvar on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “BB, HMcH and A; Well thank you for your responses. Several vary slightly, but the bottom line appears that we…” Jan 8, 01:38
Cynicus on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “100%Yes says: 7 January, 2026 at 1:33 pm “Cynicus, How can Swinney ask for a section 30 order after the…” Jan 8, 00:32
James Cheyne on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “With the one aim to liberate Scotland via legalities I may add,” Jan 8, 00:24
James Cheyne on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “Sarah, It does need calling out, But the whole darn SCAM needs calling out and exposed for what it is…” Jan 8, 00:17
James Cheyne on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “The biggest offence is calling it Scotland parliament. It is anything but a fully functioning parliament of Scotland with all…” Jan 8, 00:09
sarah on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “Just because a system is run with a minority vote having a majority of seats doesn’t make it right, nor…” Jan 7, 23:24
sarah on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “@ J Robertson: well done for writing to your MSP and to the Standards Committee. If no-one tells them, they…” Jan 7, 23:03
Neil Mackenzie on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “A Parliament majority is the only majority that matters and it doesn’t matter whether it is won on 30% of…” Jan 7, 22:41
DaveL on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “I see Hatey’s still continuing with nazi terminology to describe and dehumanise a multitude of ethnic groups within a sovereign…” Jan 7, 22:40
100%Yes on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “When you hear, it up to Greenland and Denmark surely its up to the Inuit to decide the colonial masters…” Jan 7, 22:16
Alf Baird on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “Scots should know how Venezuelan’s feel about losing control of their oil resource. For over 30 years Anglo-American oil corporations…” Jan 7, 22:07
100%Yes on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “Holyrood was the stepping stone to Independence. Now its the vehicle which the SNP uses to stop Independence, with the…” Jan 7, 21:35
100%Yes on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “Humans have five primary senses: sight, hearing, touch, taste, and smell. I have no idea why the wider movement doesn’t…” Jan 7, 21:30
100%Yes on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “Scots have got very short memory’s. At the last Westminster election, on the night of the vote, Angus Robertson made…” Jan 7, 20:46
Hatey McHateface on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “Orcland is hoaching with oil. They don’t need to import it from Venezuela (unless the Ukie sabotage/destruction campaign has been…” Jan 7, 20:45
agentx on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “It’s amazing how long it has taken for people on here to recognise how useless and crap Holyrood and the…” Jan 7, 20:37
Hatey McHateface on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “Thank the Guid Lord ye’re OK, Northy. Those reports that you were last seen, erse painted blue, clad in kilt…” Jan 7, 20:34
100%Yes on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “Without a doubt she the cause of everything! Trying saying that to the individuals who read the national you’ll be…” Jan 7, 20:33
Duncan Strachan on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “Good stuff Northcode. Best Post of the day. We need to get lives. And that’s the great success of the…” Jan 7, 20:28
Rev. Stuart Campbell on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “Aawwww, sadly that group seems to be private.” Jan 7, 20:25
Duncan Strachan on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “Good stuff Northcode. Best Post of the day. We need to get lives. And that’s the great success of the…” Jan 7, 20:25
Willie on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “Ah who cares about our pretend wee parliament I read this evening that the Royal Navy and Royal Air Force…” Jan 7, 19:57
Aidan on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “That’s exactly right Hatey – the route to independence is much more difficult with a moribund SNP sucking in the…” Jan 7, 19:41
Hatey McHateface on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “Every day a School Day. Turns out it has been really quite easy to stop boats, even humongous ones, all…” Jan 7, 19:34
Northcode on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “I woke up this morning with the dim Scottish sunset… shining in. Then I found my nation in a brown…” Jan 7, 19:24
sarah on Off-topic: “I share your worries about the state of the world. The USA is terrifying and so is UK, France, and…” Jan 7, 19:10
Hatey McHateface on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “What the heck, I’ll bite. In each constituency, the Indy aspiring voters need to vote for whichever party (doesn’t matter…” Jan 7, 19:09
Tinto Chiel on Off-topic: “Amen to all that. “It makes you worry for your grandchildren and great grandchildren what a world we leave them.”…” Jan 7, 18:59
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on Grandpa John’s Nightmare: “A trip down memory lane… Gordon Dangerfield: Law, Culture and Politics (17 Oct 2020) « STURGEON: “JE RECUSE” » «…” Jan 7, 18:43