Wings Over Scotland

As David Cameron came out of the closet this week to proclaim his great love for Scotland (a love most commonly demonstrated by forcing policies on it that its people despise and its elected representatives vote overwhelmingly against), we found ourselves pondering what could have provoked such a drastic step.

After all, it’s hardly a revelation that Etonian English Tory Prime Ministers are not necessarily a demographic Scots are inclined to hear sympathetically. As noted by the esteemed Lallands Peat Worrier earlier this week, until now the operation of the “Better Together” campaign has been clear – Tory money paying for Labour activists, because the latter are a lot more likely to command the hearts of those (mainly the working-class poor) on whose vote the referendum hinges.

So why has Cameron thrown all that away to take a gamble?

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Commentator and writer Lesley Riddoch (whose acclaimed recent book Blossom is a comically absurd bargain at £1.09 on Kindle this month) asked earlier this afternoon for her appearance on today’s Good Morning Scotland along with English journalist David Aaronovitch to be put online, and we’re happy to oblige.

Readers unusually sensitive to condescending, patronising metropolitan hacks talking down to far better-informed debating opponents, and who have any easily-breakable items nearby, are advised not to listen. We were chewing our knuckles all the way through recording it, and it wasn’t even us he was doing it to.

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If nothing else about independence tempts you, surely this does?

“Sixteen per cent of Scottish voters – the equivalent of 640,000 people – say they would think about moving away if Alex Salmond achieves his dream of breaking up the United Kingdom.

Conservative voters were the most likely to say they would think about emigrating or moving to the rest of the UK.“

(It’s from last year, but we doubt they’ve changed their minds.)

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[Tristan: this is my first draft. Give it a once-over, there’s a chap. DC.]

People of England, Wales and Northern Ireland!

Scotland! Stop pulling that face. This is about you, but it’s not for you. Daddy’s speaking to the other children now. Don’t interrupt. Why? Because it’s rude. Look, I don’t care if that IS what Evan Davis does on the Today programme. Evan is a big boy, so he knows when he needs to step in to stop you embarrassing yourself.

Sorry, everyone, I’m afraid Scotland is a bit tired and crabby this morning. Must have had a little too much Irn Bru last night. [Pause here for laughter.] Anyway, we have lots to talk about, so let’s ignore their high-pitched whining and get on.

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From Oddschecker. Click to enlarge.

Proves nothing, of course. But the trend’s the thing, readers.

Today, the Prime Minister of the UK, who wants Scotland to stay in the UK but won’t go there and make the case for it, asked the non-Scottish citizens of the rest of the UK to tell Scots how they felt about Scottish independence.

This is what some of them said.

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Just to tide you over while we pop out to the shops, readers:

Can you tell we just recently got some good video-capture software?

Sometimes it’s hard to shake the feeling that some sort of bizarre mass body-swap incident, such as those frequently depicted in comedy films like “Big” or “Freaky Friday”, must have happened in UK politics without anyone noticing.

Because on the day that David Cameron called on people elsewhere in the UK to plead with Scots to stay in the Union, English people are saying things like this:

(Warning: adult language.)

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We don’t entirely understand why the Times has this story as front page news, because it was covered in some detail in the Sunday Post a fortnight ago:

But we couldn’t help thinking of the last time anyone tried something similar.

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This sort of thing really shouldn’t be so startling and unusual that we feel we need to preserve it for posterity, but here’s someone on a BBC current-affairs programme giving a fair and balanced analysis of Scottish politics:

Based on the BBC’s track record this section will be missing when it goes out on the iPlayer, so we thought we better grab it while we could.

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This afternoon we reluctantly watched some of the House Of Commons debate entitled “Scotland’s Place In The UK”, because it’s our job. It was as dispiriting as its arrogant and presumptuous title suggests, and we could bear no more by about a third of the way through and went off to do something less annoying, like thread a muddy needle under a stroboscope while wearing boxing gloves and listening to One Direction.

Nevertheless, we managed to pick out a few choice lines at the time, and a few more from Hansard this evening, with our blood pressure soothed by merely having to read, not watch, Labour, Lib Dem and Tory MPs alike braying and hooting throughout, behaving with a lack of dignity and class that would have shamed a chimp’s tea party.

(Or as Labour’s Willie Bain put it, “the best of the House of Commons”.)

The winner is below.

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