Ladies and gentlemen, the Scottish Liberal Democrat manifesto 2015:
I voted for this pathetic shower of useless snivellers for 23 years, folks. I’ve learned my lesson. Once again, I can only hang my head and beg forgiveness.
That slacker Chris Cairns is on holiday again, readers. But don’t worry, we’ve still got some chucklesome weekend funnies for you.
With the “biggest party forms the government” lie now sunk and rusting slowly on the seabed (weighed down even further by polls suggesting that Labour actually will be the largest party even if they lose all of Scotland to the SNP), and four weeks of campaigning left to fill, Scottish Labour have had to grab a hammer, smash the glass on the “EMERGENCY – IN CASE OF DESPERATION” box and clutch desperately at whatever they found inside.
The abject answer is “Project Fear 2 – This Time It’s Full Fiscal Autonomy”.
After this week’s STV and BBC debates, in which the Scottish Labour branch-office manager’s combative performances were favourably received by the Scottish media, Wings exclusively interviews armed-forces enthusiast Jim Murphy for a response to the latest numbers from YouGov, pausing first for the delivery of some refreshments.
The deeply ideologically-principled Liberal Democrats, readers:
Can anyone help us collect the full set?
It’s worth reminding yourself before you watch this clip from BBC News this morning that the gentleman at the lectern isn’t some rabid Daily Mail columnist, but is in fact the Secretary of State for Defence, Michael Fallon.
The “SPACE MONSTERS!” rationale for foreign policy. Who saw that one coming?
Last night the not-noticeably-cybernat Liberal Democrat Voice website declared that a young woman in the audience of the STV leaders’ debate, professing herself to be an undecided who’d been “totally convinced” by Jim Murphy to vote Labour, appeared to be the same person as one who’d previously appeared in Labour leaflets.
Then this happened.
I don’t know why anyone is surprised that revelation having teenage lassie in Tuesdays STV debate was a Labour plant. They are desperadoes.
— Misssy M (@MisssyM) April 9, 2015
We already KNOW the solution to the problem of panellists shouting all over each other. It’s used every day in the Scottish Parliament: the chair is in charge of all the microphones and only the person whose turn it is to speak gets theirs switched on.
If someone else raises a good point while someone is speaking, the chair can hear it and bring them in in a controlled manner if appropriate, rather than the self-defeating, time-wasting exercise in irony that is shouting at everyone to stop shouting.
The fact that the system is never used therefore leads us to only one possible logical conclusion – the broadcasters WANT chaotic rammies where nobody gets to make their points properly. As for why, you’d have to ask them.
After literally months of telling voters endlessly that the only way to stop the Tories forming the next government was for Labour to be the biggest party, Jim Murphy was finally pressed properly last night on the question by the First Minister on STV (from around 1h 40m). Here’s what happened:
That seems to be a pretty clear and unequivocal statement – Labour will vote against any Queen’s Speech from the Tories. We already know that the SNP have pledged categorically that they’d do the same.
What that means is that if the SNP and Labour between them – in ANY combination – have more than 323 MPs, the speech will be defeated and the Tories can’t form the government, whether they’re the biggest single party or not.
At that point, Ed Miliband will be invited to attempt to form one, which the SNP will vote for, and which on the numbers above will mean that Miliband becomes the next Prime Minister. Labour, though not the largest party, will form the government.
That’s from Jim Murphy’s own mouth. The lie is dead. Anyone still got any questions?
It was very tempting just to pull a neat soundbite out of Tory minister Michael Gove’s comments on Scotland to Evan Davis on Newsnight last night (from around 15m), but we think the whole five-minute segment bears watching.
You’ve probably already picked up the gist of it (the Tories would prefer Labour to win in Scotland rather than the SNP) on social media, but as Gove calmly and rationally lays out the view, the last remaining tattered shreds of Labour’s “vote SNP get Tories” line disintegrate before our eyes.
Readers will of course be highly sceptical of ever taking a a Conservative minister’s word at face value, but that’s why we’ve put the whole thing up rather than just a snappy ten-second clip. We invite anyone to find fault with the logic of his position.
RULES:
One box: take a drink
Horizontal line: finish drink
Vertical line: finish bottle
Complete card: sing sectarian songs until arrested
Wings Over Scotland is a thing that exists.
