Many expert observers have already noted that the document flatly contradicts the Scottish Government’s previous repeated and strenuous assertions that a Gender Recognition Certificate confers “no new rights” on trans people, and have published extremely detailed assessments which are frankly all but impenetrable to non-lawyers but basically conclude that the Scottish Government’s position is a mess.
Our favourite line, however, is this one.
So if you’re obliged to have a 50/50 sex balance in your boardroom, you can do it by hiring a man with a GRC saying he’s legally female, or by hiring a woman.
We believe that the young folk nowadays call that a “self-own”.
As a lifelong political geek and former SNP and Alba Party member, I’ve spent years supporting Scotland’s independence movement. However, over the last few years, I’ve watched the campaign (as opposed to support for independence) wither away. Being a Scottish nationalist has become increasingly disheartening, like watching someone you love succumb to a slow, debilitating illness. In frustration, I switched off from my homeland and turned my focus to the drama of US politics.
Over the last three years I immersed myself in it, watching both left and right-wing outlets. I became so hooked and invested that I jumped on a plane to Washington DC for the 2024 election. I canvassed with DC Democrats in rural Pennsylvania (that’s me third from the left in the pic below), attended Kamala Harris’s concession rally, and went to Trump’s only watch party in DC.
My journey led me to believe that Scotland’s independence campaign could learn a great deal from Trump’s victory and the Democrats’ failure.
We’ll give you three guesses as to the highly controversial and extravagantly taxpayer-funded organisation that has its rainbow fingerprints all over this story, readers.
So it looks like the USA has elected a mad orange rapist convicted of 34 felonies who could yet be in jail by the time of his inauguration. (He would remain President even if that happened, which would be really funny.) And we can’t even blame them for it, because the alternative they were offered was, remarkably and stupendously, worse.
To be honest, readers, the peculiar events of yesterday continued to nag at us all day as every news broadcaster in Scotland and beyond leapt eagerly on the ludicrous non-story from the Herald On Sunday’s front page. (It was even the #2 item on BBC Radio Wales, inexplicably).
For such an absolute nothingball of scurrilous sub-gossip to so dominate the entire news media was just too strange to ignore. We cannot remember the last time a low-grade freelancer managed to sell the same story to FOUR major Scottish newspapers – who normally, remember, only want exclusives for their big front-page splashes – let alone a crummy opinion columnist (not even an actual news reporter) who’s only been back in journalism for five minutes after a 15-year break as a failed PR guru.
(Once they’d all run the shoddy hatchet piece, TV and radio then had all the excuse they needed to blare it across the airwaves. “Oh, it’s not us inflating and amplifying this garbage, guv, we’re just reporting what the papers are saying.”)
So in our eternal quest for enlightenment and understanding we thought we’d see if we could find out a bit more about the little-known but recently-revived sleeper assassin with the ironic name: Carlos Alba.
Alex Salmond will be laid to rest in the green turf of Aberdeenshire today in a quiet and dignified private ceremony. (A public celebration of his life will take place next month.)
Most of Scotland’s press and commentariat beclowned itself shamefully after his death just as it did during his life, but below is a (regrettably short) collection of those who did otherwise and who deserve to be noted honourably beside the man himself.
Redaction is a tricky business, and comes with numerous pitfalls even if you’re being careful, which not everyone is. If you’re involved in creating a document you know will have to be redacted, there are a variety of safeguarding approaches you can adopt.
When I worked on a videogames magazine called Amiga Power in the 1990s, we ran a fun comedy feature about censorship. But because the company that published the magazine had had some unfortunate mishaps in the field, we took extra care by typing all the “offensive” words as random-length strings of Xs when we wrote the article.
And it was lucky that we did, because as you can see in the feature’s strapline, the art department misaligned the red redaction bar on some of them, and if there’d been a sweary in there it would have been easily identified.
Hatey McHateface on The Ever-Changing Lie: “Any accountants reading? Perhaps you could work out the compound interest that would have accrued if the money had really…” Jun 9, 19:39
Chas on The Ever-Changing Lie: “Nobody writes as much shite as you Alfie Boy. What a talent you have!” Jun 9, 19:38
Insider on The Ever-Changing Lie: “Alf says…. “A key impact of the pathology associated with colonial oppression, the ‘colonial mindset’, is regarded as ‘a disease…” Jun 9, 19:36
Hatey McHateface on The Ever-Changing Lie: “One of history’s most often repeated mis-quotes. He was, of course, referring to Sunlight soap, invented in 1884. In 1918,…” Jun 9, 19:28
Dan on The Ever-Changing Lie: “I think either would have a fair to middling better chance of telling us, rather than our own Crown office…” Jun 9, 19:27
Mark Beggan on The Ever-Changing Lie: “The Left wing mindset begins with a lack of personal hygiene. An uncomfortable urge to stick your nose into everything…” Jun 9, 19:17
Ex President Xiden on The Ever-Changing Lie: “There is more than that missing since Murrel started his thievery before the ‘ring fenced’ donations were taken in.” Jun 9, 19:14
Hatey McHateface on The Ever-Changing Lie: “Prior to colonisation, thousands of Scots women practiced witchcraft. At least, thousands of Scots women were dispatched in the most…” Jun 9, 19:04
BigJay on The Ever-Changing Lie: “I’ve just been reading about Louis D. Brandeis (1856-1941). What a fascinating life he led. Who, you may ask? Well,…” Jun 9, 19:04
Mark Beggan on The Ever-Changing Lie: “You need to refer to fanny the financial commissar” Jun 9, 19:00
Oneliner on The Ever-Changing Lie: “I’m fairly sure there would have been some parochial rape / murder / pillage on the Viking model. Although ‘hung;…” Jun 9, 18:09
Hatey McHateface on The Massive Face Of Truth: “Well, well, YL, you’ve surprised me again. First, for not knowing it’s a stick of rock. Second, for not having…” Jun 9, 18:03
crazycat on The Ever-Changing Lie: “They can identify them; when I sent them 2 reference numbers for donations I made in 2017, they knew that…” Jun 9, 17:56
Hatey McHateface on The Massive Face Of Truth: “Does he say what kind of vehicle? Surely the campervan will be coming up at auction soon.” Jun 9, 17:50
Hatey McHateface on The Ever-Changing Lie: “Who’s best to tell us where the missing money is, then, Alf? Cesaire, or Memmi?” Jun 9, 17:47
John Cleary on The Ever-Changing Lie: “And that is why you will never get her. It’s a protection racket. The racket collapses when it fails to…” Jun 9, 17:45
robertkknight on The Ever-Changing Lie: “For the sake of shits’n’giggles… Let us look at what that “quote” says… “We’ll use the money for the purpose…” Jun 9, 17:39
agentx on The Ever-Changing Lie: “Was there no crime in Scotland before colonisation?” Jun 9, 17:20
Alf Baird on The Ever-Changing Lie: “The psychodynamics of Scottish independence would seem important here, not least because colonialism ‘is based on psychology’ (Cesaire). A key…” Jun 9, 17:02
Glenn Boyd on The Ever-Changing Lie: “Really, they should have stuck to the Father Ted Defence: “Now Dougal, the money was just resting in my account!”” Jun 9, 16:27
Lynne on The Ever-Changing Lie: “Tied up in vehicles, cruet sets & other fancy goods, maybe…” Jun 9, 16:18
Iain More on The Ever-Changing Lie: “I wont be moving on until Nicola MI6 Sturgeon isin a cell” Jun 9, 16:08
lothianlad on The Ever-Changing Lie: “Well done for holding them to account Stu!! Without you, they would get away with this fully. Now they are…” Jun 9, 15:40
Anthony Little on The Ever-Changing Lie: “Indeed. It’s a question our “investigative” MSM seems to have overlooked. Online I’m getting SNP members simply wanting to “move…” Jun 9, 15:37
agentx on The Ever-Changing Lie: “Are the Electoral Commission going to publish that all the accounts submitted from 2010-2022 are fraudulent and insist that the…” Jun 9, 15:29
Andrew F on The Ever-Changing Lie: “Isn’t that bloke about to be sentenced? Hasn’t the media made a big point of banging on about how he’s…” Jun 9, 15:22
Randolph Kleinman on The Ever-Changing Lie: “I think “woven through the accounts” meant tied up in working capital.” Jun 9, 15:16
sam on The Ever-Changing Lie: “I think it is an admission that the funds were used improperly. The Electoral Commission might be taking note. Anyone…” Jun 9, 15:10