Millionaire-funded diehard loyalist forelock-tugging faction Scotland In Union published an extraordinary blog post yesterday.
Its 606 words comprised a sort of Caledonian Cringe Greatest Hits, allegedly penned by someone called Fiona Annesley (of whom we’re told nothing else, and who has no detectable online presence), but the line that particularly caught people’s eye was this:
The complete series so far. If you’ve got a story like this to tell, or you know anyone who does, Phantom Power want to hear from you – drop them a line.
I went to “Dunkirk” at the cinema today. If you want to know what it’s like, just watch this trailer 40 times in a row and save yourself the £12.
It’s a poor movie, disjointed and aimless and curiously lacking in tension or narrative given the real-life subject matter. (It’s remarkably short on dialogue, which is lucky because you can barely make out any of what little script or story there is from behind the endlessly howling one-note airhorn of the soundtrack. It’s a bit like someone filmed an IKEA assembly manual in live action during a Formula 1 race.)
But I couldn’t help thinking that part of the reason it was so unengaging was because it felt akin to watching a boxing match between two fighters you don’t like. If Mike Tyson took on Tyson Fury, would you cheer for the rapist or the anti-Semitic homophobe?
Today’s Daily Record covers the story we mentioned yesterday about a report from a Scottish Labour campaign group making the pretty factually-uncontestable point that the branch office’s dismal strategy in last month’s election held the UK party back.
We’ll be honest with you here, readers – even though it’s only July, when it comes to sheer ham-fisted, tin-eared, clown-shoed, foot-shooting idiocy we didn’t think anything in Scottish politics in 2017 could possibly top the SNP’s decision that the surefire way to win back voters after a poor election result was literally mutilating puppies.
After all, that’s the sort of thing you say as a self-evidently ludicrous and hyperbolic joke: “Ha ha, the SNP are so dominant in Scotland these days that the only way they could lose an election would be if Nicola Sturgeon went on telly and started hacking the tails off week-old puppy-dogs without anaesthetic! LOL!!!!!”
It couldn’t even be defended as a grotesque but cynically cunning attempt to win votes from the rural hunting-and-fishing lobby – they did it right AFTER the election, when all those people had just gone out and voted Tory anyway.
But bless their hearts, Scottish Labour never once saw a low bar that they didn’t try to slither under, and today they pulled off the seemingly impossible.
Broadly speaking, the psychological phenomenon known as the Pollyanna Principle is a tendency to neurotically see the most positive possible view of a situation. It’s not generally widely found in newspapers – for whom bad news as a rule sells much better than good news – but for some reason the Scottish press makes a uniform exception when it comes to military shipbuilding.
This, for example, is today’s Herald:
Now, in itself that headline is – unusually – true, so far as it goes. But it only takes until the first sentence of the article text before things start to fall apart.
Deep in the summer news desert, the papers today are struggling for material again. The Sunday Herald has a shock-horror front-page exposé about some photos from an Orange Lodge party that turn out to be from 2010 and 2013, while the Scottish Mail On Sunday reaches all the way back to 1940 to fill a couple of pages.
Alf Baird on The Long Walk To Freedom: “This remains a key question, James, as to why none of Scotland’s three elected majorities of supposedly ‘nationalist’ MPs since…” Dec 9, 11:27
James Cheyne on The Long Walk To Freedom: “Once the parliament of Great Britain came under dissolution in 1800/1801, The Westminster parliament of England cannot reinstate the treaty,…” Dec 9, 11:24
James Cheyne on The Long Walk To Freedom: “The information I posted can be found in House of Lords. Select Commitee, Parliament Business, Lord grey Vs government, This…” Dec 9, 11:07
Marie Clark on Off-topic: “Hi Tinto and Sarah, I look in to OT now and again to see if anyone is still around. Sad…” Dec 9, 09:41
Willie on The Long Walk To Freedom: “The Sandi Peggie result is a good one. Very much in line with public sentiments. Putting a biological man with…” Dec 9, 09:14
Hatey McHateface on The Long Walk To Freedom: “Good news for once? The branding for Great British Railways (GBR) has been revealed and the amount of blue in…” Dec 9, 08:18
Hatey McHateface on The Long Walk To Freedom: “Looks like she’s in line for compo. Do you think she’ll want to divi it up with the poor saps…” Dec 9, 08:10
Mark Beggan on The Long Walk To Freedom: “‘Hello, hello, hello. Is there anybody in there, just nod if you can hear me, is there anyone home. Relax,…” Dec 9, 02:10
Mark Beggan on The Long Walk To Freedom: “Well done Sandie Peggy. She’s got balls!! ?” Dec 9, 01:45
Peter McAvoy on The Long Walk To Freedom: “Would you prefer the abolition of jury trials. How many miscarriages of justice have taken place in England compared to…” Dec 9, 01:40
Tinto Chiel on Off-topic: ““…..aided and abetted by the UK high heid yins”, a fact sadly never reflected in the MSM. Mrs Tinto has…” Dec 8, 22:33
sarah on Off-topic: “Well, you’re not wrong about world events, the most awful things going on, aided and abetted by the UK high…” Dec 8, 21:53
James Cheyne on The Long Walk To Freedom: “The final analyses of the dissolution of the parliament of Great Britain time and again so the parliament of England…” Dec 8, 21:31
James Cheyne on The Long Walk To Freedom: “The parliament of England after acting as the parliament of England to make treaties and contractual agreements legally cannot re-…” Dec 8, 21:07
James Cheyne on The Long Walk To Freedom: “So what did I omit in my ramblings and thoughts to you all while I swither over the treaty of…” Dec 8, 20:45
Tinto Chiel on Off-topic: “Hi, Sarah: oh, no, just girding my loins (ooh, matron!) for The Last Battle. I’ve only looked in two or…” Dec 8, 19:59
Aidan on The Long Walk To Freedom: “I’ve no idea to be honest Hatey, but as long as they are FIGHTING that is good enough for me.…” Dec 8, 19:58
Northcode on The Long Walk To Freedom: ““… you’ve taken that too far.” I fear you might be right… I feel dirty now. Not least because I…” Dec 8, 19:56
Hatey McHateface on The Long Walk To Freedom: “Hmmm, Northy, you’ve taken that too far. Cos I don’t want to believe you enjoyed having high pressure air blasted…” Dec 8, 19:34
Northcode on The Long Walk To Freedom: ““…an increasingly big and increasingly vocal minority…” Indeed, aye. I was having a bite of lunch a couple of years…” Dec 8, 19:31
sarah on Off-topic: “Hi, Tinto. Nice to hear from you. I trust that all is well with you and you are keeping your…” Dec 8, 19:29
Hatey McHateface on The Long Walk To Freedom: “Ah ken that ane. It’s ane of the Apocrypha. But dinna let oan tae Confused.” Dec 8, 19:26
Northcode on The Long Walk To Freedom: “I was played like a church organ once…I rather enjoyed the experience.” Dec 8, 19:10
Hatey McHateface on The Long Walk To Freedom: “@Aidan Has it occurred to you that the Liberate Scotland boys are almost certainly FIGHTING among themselves?” Dec 8, 19:09
Hatey McHateface on The Long Walk To Freedom: ““Labour had been in power in Scotland mostly for the previous 70 years and the destruction and carnage they presided…” Dec 8, 19:06
Hatey McHateface on The Long Walk To Freedom: “Did you know that cat is just tac spelled backwards?” Dec 8, 18:55
Hatey McHateface on The Long Walk To Freedom: ““And how much I hate them. For failing us all entirely.” Quite a reek of smouldering breeks from that post,…” Dec 8, 18:53
