Do you remember the old days, readers? We’re talking about the far-off era of ancient history when Labour insisted that the worst, most evil, most right-wing thing that any government could do was to cut Corporation Tax, and that it was vital Scotland didn’t become independent in case that catastrophe occurred:
We’re feeling a bit stupid right now, readers. Earlier on today we sarcastically dubbed Scottish Labour “geniuses” over their plans to reintroduce alcohol (and sectarian singing) back to Scottish football at exactly the point when Scotland seemed to have finally turned the corner in its dysfunctional relationship with alcohol.
Indeed, for days now Labour have been carrying out a two-pronged stunt-photocall strategy, touring the country standing outside hospital casualty departments looking concerned about an almost entirely imaginary “A&E crisis”, while also leafleting every major football ground promising to let fans get smashed at games again.
Seeking a cheap laugh, we tweeted that we hoped they didn’t get confused and start handing out their “MOAR BOOZE!” literature outside the A&E wards, but then an alert reader pointed out that we were idiots and Jim Murphy was in fact an evil mastermind.
One of the compensations of living in England (from the perspective of editing a website about Scottish politics) is that you get a much clearer picture of how English people – who make up 85% of the UK electorate, and as such in practice determine who the government is – see the country’s political leaders.
For those of you who don’t, here’s Charlie Brooker – a man who’s no fan of the Tories by any stretch of the imagination – casting a weary and exasperated eye over Ed “these strikes are wrong” Miliband on last night’s Weekly Wipe.
In our experience it’s a pretty accurate snapshot of how the hapless Labour leader is regarded by most left-leaning people down on this side of the border. You’ll need to have seen the rest of the episode to get the “Schofield!” joke.
There’s a very strange article on the front page of the Herald website this morning. It’s an interview with Nigel Farage in which the UKIP leader insists that his party, not the SNP, will hold the balance of power in the UK parliament after May’s election.
It’s a bold assertion given that current projections put the SNP on anywhere from 30 to 56 seats with UKIP expected to struggle to get 5 to 10. But Farage’s rationale for the statement is an interesting one.
The abusive Facebook comments recently directed at Labour MP Margaret Curran and highlighted in a piece on the STV website today make us sigh. Not only are they horrible but they’re counter-productive, in every sense of the term – they’re not going to change Curran’s mind about anything by yelling at her, and they feed a narrative about “vile cybernats” that the media is all too eager to gleefully perpetuate.
So let’s make something clear from the off: shut up, idiots. You’re not helping.
Because a good satirist can sometimes make a point better in seven sentences than idiots like us can in a 1000-word article, and make it funny at the same time.
The very few readers who don’t immediately just snort and turn the page when they see the words “George Foulkes” may have noticed in yesterday’s Herald that the thirsty peer could be found gloating gleefully that had Scotland voted for independence last September it would now be “bankrupt” due to the decline in oil prices.
We can’t be bothered pointing out for the 500th time that a Yes vote wouldn’t have seen Scotland actually independent until March 2016, and that the oil price NOW is therefore about as relevant to anything as, well, Baron Foulkes himself.
But we couldn’t help noticing a couple of small arithmetical details.
There really isn’t very much of a news story in this morning’s Sun “exclusive” that some Labour MPs say they’d quit the party rather than work with the SNP should the electorate deliver such a result in May. One told the paper:
Those of us who remember the parade of furious Scottish Labour figures going on TV and openly threatening to scupper any “rainbow coalition” involving the Nats in 2010, thereby ensuring that David Cameron and George Osborne came to power, won’t be the least bit surprised at the sheer depth of hatred and jealous rage that consumes Labour’s branch office in North Britain when the SNP are mentioned.
And there’s nothing eyebrow-raisingly new in Scottish Labour’s spiteful determination that if Scots vote against the Conservatives – but not for Labour – they should be punished with Tory governments. It’s the standard policy of electoral blackmail that the party has deployed against the rise of rivals from the left for years, and which it’s now also turning against the Greens south of the border.
But there is a telling phrase in that short quote.
Independent website Political Compass has just released its 2015 graph charting the ideological positions of all the political parties of the UK. It’s a fairly predictable one.
On the image above, we’ve added, for parties active in Scotland only, striped circles indicating each party’s 2010 position. But what does it tell us about 2015?
It’s somehow fitting that the lead article on Labour Hame today is headed by a lie before it even starts – an offer to join the party for £1 that takes you to a page where it actually costs five times as much.
(We’d noticed days ago that the much-hyped £1 offer had been quietly dumped after just a month, but it appears that nobody in the Scottish branch office thought to keep poor hapless Labour Hame in the loop.)
The article below, though, is remarkably even more dishonest.
Confused on Vibecoding A Better World: “it always baffles me that the maddest of the mad yoons are batshit zio nutters as well https://archive.ph/v1Zno – lest…” Nov 6, 22:00
Confused on Vibecoding A Better World: “laffing at you www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7CkA0H75oo www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVICfWS-d5M – not with you fast track this lad for the GDP growth and theconomy https://x.com/RMXnews/status/2118617949325906250…” Nov 6, 21:59
Confused on Vibecoding A Better World: “this is fucking mental – skip to 1 minute 20 seconds www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJgkEHzkLck – but I prefer the brahan seer myself…” Nov 6, 21:59
Confused on Vibecoding A Better World: “evenin’ all (busy week), some random morsels for all the good people and fuck these yoon arseholes who keep stodging…” Nov 6, 21:58
100%Yes on Vibecoding A Better World: “I wished Rev would get rid of this annoying idiot and barr him. People come on here to have a…” Nov 6, 21:10
100%Yes on Vibecoding A Better World: “Independence is the only hope to remove the colonial constraints. Scotland is house bond by house Westminster. With Independence and…” Nov 6, 21:02
Connie Davidson on Vibecoding A Better World: “Aye you, Hatey. There’s quite a few insults I could launch at you ‘n’ a’, but nae need. You show…” Nov 6, 20:20
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on Vibecoding A Better World: “‘The Debate: What’s the best route to Scottish independence?’ (5 Nov 2026) « Robin McAlpine of Common Weal and Professor…” Nov 6, 20:03
Hatey McHateface on Vibecoding A Better World: “How odd, Spartan! Your posts get longer and longer as you care less and less.” Nov 6, 18:37
Hatey McHateface on Vibecoding A Better World: ““think outside the box constructed for us” As I recall, constructed by no less a personage than the late, great…” Nov 6, 18:31
Hatey McHateface on Vibecoding A Better World: “Michty! Friday comes aroond quick. James hame all alane again. Hope yer maw’s left ye a puckle o’ denners in…” Nov 6, 18:04
Connie Davidson on Vibecoding A Better World: “I watched the debate on the National You Tube channel between Alf Baird and Robin MacAlpine and I was enraged…” Nov 6, 17:33
James on Vibecoding A Better World: “But Adrian, as anyone above the age of 6 reading ony of your posts can tell – you lack ony…” Nov 6, 15:40
Spartan 117 on Vibecoding A Better World: “Well Sam, we can look at several factors. The insistence on alignment with the myriad of EU rules, despite being…” Nov 6, 14:41
MaryB on Vibecoding A Better World: “Robin is behaving according to Alf’s thesis, as part of the middle class political class who, like the SNP, are…” Nov 6, 14:34
Spartan 117 on Vibecoding A Better World: “Ah, so you’re retired then. Or semi? That explains the amount of time you waste on here and why you’re…” Nov 6, 14:24
James Che on Vibecoding A Better World: “Agentx, May I refer you to The Law Society of Scotland of ratification of the 1707 treaty of union being…” Nov 6, 14:03
100%Yes on Vibecoding A Better World: “I’ve said for a long time that their are individuals within the YES/Independence movement more interested in Money than the…” Nov 6, 13:47
Hatey McHateface on Vibecoding A Better World: ““he’s not daft” Crivens! Where could this possibly lead us if we but had the courage to follow? “it doesn’t…” Nov 6, 13:02
Hatey McHateface on Vibecoding A Better World: “Very wise, MH. Too much risk of encountering a muckle, bearded loon self-identifying as a spoon. I’d be a bit…” Nov 6, 12:49
Hatey McHateface on Vibecoding A Better World: “Cheers Spartan. My lowly spirits are always uplifted when somebody as important and busy as you takes time out of…” Nov 6, 12:40
Hatey McHateface on Vibecoding A Better World: “So true, Mary. Robin needs to extend the olive branch to Lavrov. Maybe praise him as a peacemaker? Perhaps that…” Nov 6, 12:32
sarah on Vibecoding A Better World: “Thanks for the heads-up, MaryB. Robin’s attitude is inexplicable – he’s not daft and he is pro-independence so why criticise…” Nov 6, 12:25
Captain Caveman on Vibecoding A Better World: “Indeed, Spartan, we are agreed once again. Like you no doubt, if there’s one thing I cannot stand, it is…” Nov 6, 11:40
Spartan 117 on Vibecoding A Better World: “Don’t forget Stormont, which has the full 5 Bananas rating on the Banana Republic scale. While we’re at it, the…” Nov 6, 11:26
Spartan 117 on Vibecoding A Better World: “Agreed CC. The Dutch model is the most workable and with the best outcomes. The US is great if you…” Nov 6, 11:23
Spartan 117 on Vibecoding A Better World: “No Hatey, I’m not in a strop thanks. Much more important things to worry about than what some random on…” Nov 6, 11:18