All of the words you’re about to read below were written by the same person in the last few days. It’s completely verbatim and none of it is taken in any way out of context. It means what it sounds like it means.
But even if you’ve got a forehead the size of the “eggheads” from the famous Tefal ads of the 1980s, you’ll never guess the big reveal at the end.
Kevin McKenna has a piece in today’s Herald asking the question that is now the core issue for the Scottish independence movement.
The short version of the answer is usually attributed to Mark Twain: “It is far easier to fool someone than to convince them that they’ve been fooled”. But that does nothing to explain the fool’s mindset to us, or help devise a way to get them to accept it.
To some degree that’s because – as we saw so starkly in the “NO DEBATE!” tactics of the gender ideologly cult – part of the problem is that the built-in defence mechanism of the fooled is something George Orwell described in “1984”:
“CRIMESTOP means the faculty of stopping short, as though by instinct, at the threshold of any dangerous thought. It includes the power of not grasping analogies, of failing to perceive logical errors, of misunderstanding the simplest arguments if they are inimical to Ingsoc, and of being bored or repelled by any train of thought which is capable of leading in a heretical direction.
CRIMESTOP, in short, means protective stupidity. But stupidity is not enough. On the contrary, orthodoxy in the full sense demands a control over one’s own mental processes as complete as that of a contortionist over his body.”
What that means in practice is that the fooled never reflect on their own behaviour, far less enter into a meaningful discussion of it. In Orwell’s dystopian Oceania, that was to save them from torture and death at the hands of the Thought Police. More often nowadays, it’s simply to avoid humiliation on social media.
Either way, it’s vanishingly rare to hear someone elaborate on why they’re choosing to remain fooled. Which is why we’re so lucky today.
We were going to write something today for the anniversary of Alex Salmond’s tragic death, but then we read Kevin McKenna’s piece in today’s Herald On Sunday and we can’t improve on it, so go and have a read of that before you do anything else.
Alex always believed in looking forward, not back, so we doubt he’d be overly fussed at the pathetic “tribute” paid to him at the SNP conference this morning. What would undoubtedly have exercised him a lot more would have been the wretched current state of the party he loved and built from almost nothing into the dominant force in Scottish politics.
And nothing typifies that wretched state better than the craven and gutless capitulation of a speech given by Tommy Sheppard yesterday, opposing the rebel amendments to John Swinney’s non-strategy on independence.
It said a lot more than he thought it did, but none of it good.
It’s really very hard to overstate what mendacious, duplicitous shite this is.
It did its job, though. As expected, the SNP conference comprehensively voted down the rebel amendments to Swinney’s motion on independence “strategy” and backed his grand plan of winning a majority, begging Keir Starmer for a second referendum – just like Nicola Sturgeon and Humza Yousaf had done before him with Theresa May, Boris Johnson, Liz Truss and Rishi Sunak – and then scuttling obediently away with his tail between his legs when Starmer told him to get lost.
The SNP conference opened today with Stephen Flynn (primary interest: the career of Stephen Flynn), Karen Adam (primary interest: any shiny or jangly object) and Susan Aitken (primary interest: MOAR PIES), which ought to be more than enough by itself to convincingly illustrate that these are not serious people.
But if you somehow still weren’t certain, there’s this:
That, readers – from Flynn, supposedly the party’s sharpest talent – is political strategising on the level of a football manager wearing his lucky underpants for a cup tie. David Cameron didn’t grant the 2014 referendum because he HAD to, he did it because he saw a political opportunity to kill off independence for decades by delivering a strong victory for the Union.
In the end he got away with the gamble, much more narrowly than he expected to, and no UK Prime Minister will make that mistake again. (Especially as Cameron foolishly DID follow it up with a repeat performance, over Brexit, and this time lost the vote and ended his political career.)
What’s embarrassing is not that Swinney and Flynn are publicly endorsing such an absolute joke of a “strategy”, but that they know it’ll be enough to see the SNP returned to government, where the strategy will fail (whether by not securing the majority or by doing so and having Keir Starmer briskly tell them to sod off), and they can safely trouser fat Holyrood salaries for another half-decade with all the pressure off.
But what if conference delivers a surprise defeat for the leadership during this afternoon’s debate? We don’t expect it to – conference is stuffed with the payroll vote these days, and holding it in Aberdeen yet again has made it as hard as possible for rebels to turn up en masse, short of booking a leaky bothy near Dounreay – but let’s allow it as a possibility just for the sake of argument.
We’ll be honest, readers, we’ve spent most of the last five days sorting out our iPod music library. It’s a task that would make Hercules wince. 2,700 tracks infested with title case and all sorts of other grammatical catastrophes by crappy algorithms (there are songs on there categorised as being by variously “Adam And The Ants”, “Adam & The Ants” and “Adam and The Ants”, FFS), incorrect attributions and missing artwork.
That involved dealing with (shudder) iTunes, the worst piece of computer software ever written by humans – at least until its replacements, Apple Music and Apple Devices, which we had to switch to when halfway through the process, iTunes simply stopped recognising music at all.
(As far as we can tell, it’s now exclusively for managing podcasts.)
We could easily pen you 2000 pretty spicy words on the hundreds of different reasons why everyone who’s ever contributed to the creation of these monstrously dreadful, hateful apps should be thrown into a sewer full of rabid scorpions, and the main reason we’d do that – other than saving ourselves a fortune on therapy – is that it’d still be more interesting than writing about this complete and utter pishdrivel.
The only notable thing about the hilariously pompous “memorandum of understanding” that these two collections of shameless grifters signed up to at the weekend is that The National managed to find a couple of pages of space in its Sunday issue for it, since it’s got absolutely nothing to do with Palestine.
It’d be quite hard to find an image that more completely summed up the wretched state of the SNP in 2025 than this one. Look at that tiny handful of miserable faces, sitting dejectedly around a near-empty function room. It’s so bleak Mike Leigh could make an entire movie out of it.
And we know what you’re thinking – that we sat through some internet livestream to find the most pitiful-looking freezeframe imaginable to show them in a bad light. But nope. Kevin Stewart MSP posted this cheery snapshot of his own free will on Twitter on Sunday morning, presumably in the hope of boosting party morale in some way.
We’ve written a number of extremely, painstakingly detailed articles in the last few months explaining why list votes for the SNP at next year’s election will be wasted, and will serve only to elect Unionist (and in particular Reform) MSPs.
Unfortunately, some people still don’t get it.
And that’s understandable, because super-detailed articles are long and people have terribly short attention spans nowadays, especially if there are large tranches of fiddly arithmetic involved. So let’s go the opposite way.
(Apologies for our impromptu week off, we’ve been very busy with other stuff and there was nothing happening in Scottish politics anyway. See you on Monday.)
Nor was it even the fact that his death was captured in all its shocking, bloody horror on video, and inescapable on social media, nor that it came just the day after footage broke of another appalling killing in the States, the unprovoked stabbing of Ukrainian refugee Iryna Zarutska by a violent lunatic who’d been released on no-fee bail despite 14 previous arrests and should never have been at large.
In the end, the most chilling thing about this particular crime is this: Charlie Kirk was killed for doing exactly what civilised people are supposed to do.
sarah on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “@ Willie: thanks for raising this matter. It is yet another example of the failure by so many people who…” Sep 19, 21:29
Oneliner on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “Described as ‘House Jocks’ on Through A Scottish Prism There are many other examples of the subculture” Sep 19, 21:25
Hatey McHateface on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “Apology accepted. It was a forced error in the heat of the moment, no more than that. And Alf’s hypocrisy…” Sep 19, 20:40
Hatey McHateface on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “@Spartan My view is that anybody who is willing to sacrifice Ukr, or Isr for that matter, in exchange for…” Sep 19, 20:34
factchecker on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “Time for an apology. At at 4.22pm I posted in reply to our learned professor’s delight at Scottish independence being…” Sep 19, 20:06
Spartan 117 on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “@Hatey – The West collectively is doing its best to actively fan the flames of conflict. The nations involved are…” Sep 19, 19:59
Factchecker on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “Ah, now I understand. Being born and bred in Scotland, going to a Scottish comprehensive school and a Scottish university…” Sep 19, 19:58
Spartan 117 on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “@Factchecker – To be fair to Alf he was merely quoting 2nd hand, however his selection of sources/quotes does raise…” Sep 19, 19:54
Spartan 117 on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “What a lot of keech being spraffed here. Two PMs since 1997 were Scottish, serving a total of 13 years;…” Sep 19, 19:48
Aidan on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “Fuck me Alf – so we’ve got Vl@d, perhaps we can look to get; – Bhaal – Bughuul – the…” Sep 19, 19:48
Hatey McHateface on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: ““WM decisions are made by its MPs, not the PM” Jeezo Xaracen. How many suns do you see in the…” Sep 19, 19:13
Willie on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “To change the dial a touch this Saturday evening I was just catching up on the questions being asked in…” Sep 19, 19:12
Hatey McHateface on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “Aw, Dave, it breks ma hert ye’ve nae ither cant tae play wi.” Sep 19, 19:06
Hatey McHateface on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “No shit, Sherlock, erm, Alf. Who’s this Ambassador Murray boy? I don’t waste my time on X.” Sep 19, 18:57
DaveL on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “The self proclaimed factchecker speaks! Who takes any notice of you? You claim at 4.22pm that ‘thousands’ of innocent civilians…” Sep 19, 18:54
TURABDIN on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “@FACTCHECKER, depends on how one might define «Scottish». Pedestrian anglo-unionist clones or a Scot with a functioning individuality. Blair &…” Sep 19, 18:54
Xaracen on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: ““In that time we have been hugely over-represented as leaders of the UK. Hardly a ‘subaltern people’.” WM decisions are…” Sep 19, 18:45
DaveL on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “…but we keep being told by the MSM and you (wee Adolf AKA Hatey) that the Rus are losing the…” Sep 19, 18:37
Dan on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “Massively wealthy UK “businessman” and tax resident in Monaco who lays off loads of folk from companies he is involved…” Sep 19, 18:03
factchecker on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “In the last 30 years, on a population basis Scotland should have had a Prime Minister for 3 of them.…” Sep 19, 18:00
TURABDIN on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “assuming your post is not ironic, which i believe it might be, the current UK cabinet has one Scot in…” Sep 19, 17:29
TURABDIN on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “One cannot be too choosey about ones friends or you might end up with none. One may sup….with a long…” Sep 19, 17:10
agentx on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: ““Subaltern peoples” refers to social groups, classes, or populations who are structurally excluded, marginalised, and denied a voice or agency…” Sep 19, 16:53
robertkknight on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “Herman Munster couldn’t find Scotland on a map if his next hit of amyl nitrite depended upon it. The Celtic…” Sep 19, 16:45
factchecker on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “Our resident professor comments approvingly “In response to the Celtic nations meeting, Lavrov stated explicitly that Ru**ia supports Scotland’s right…” Sep 19, 16:22
TURABDIN on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “@Alf Baird Trying to avoid moderation traps…so here goes sans triggers…. Edward Said was a singular man. I should have…” Sep 19, 16:16
TURABDIN on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “I do not associate Trump or his MAGA foreign policy, or deals as he calls his «ploys», with nuance. The…” Sep 19, 16:02
Alf Baird on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “Talking of ‘delusion’, Hatey, the comment below from Ambassador Murray tends to reject yours and your colonial cohorts claim that…” Sep 19, 15:25
James Che on A Thousand Islands In The Sea: “Confused. If it is possible where do you envisage The Westminster parliament and government war being Scotlands if Westminster dates…” Sep 19, 15:09