These are the comments of UK defence secretary Michael Fallon in a short interview with today’s Herald. We don’t know about you, folks, but to us it feels like Christmas.
We think our favourite line is “There are other voices in Scotland now, not least Ruth Davidson’s”, but there are a lot to choose from.
This is Conservative MP Dominic Raab, a member of the Brexit Select Committee, speaking on the BBC News Channel’s “Hard Talk” programme at 00.45 this morning. Perhaps imagining that nobody would be watching at such an ungodly hour, it seems he felt able to be unusually candid.
We left the last bit on in order to demonstrate that he was still talking about Scotland as well as Ireland. (He went on to recite the usual boilerplate about all leaving together as the UK etc etc, you can watch the whole show for yourself on iPlayer.)
But let’s just get that key early exchange down in writing for the record.
Readers familiar with our standing advice to newspaper customers that the headline is nearly always a lie might like to consider today’s Press & Journal.
The word “pyre” comes from the Greek word “pyra”, meaning “fire”. Surprisingly, it’s NOT the same root as “Pyrrhic”, as in “Pyrrhic victory”, meaning one that’s achieved by metaphorically burning your own city down. (Which in fact is named after the Greek general Pyrrhus of Epirus.)
The Sunday Herald ran an extraordinary article on page 2 yesterday, and by the time we’d finished being startled by what nonsense it was, it set us wondering about why.
Because when you really want people with their finger on the pulse of Scottish politics to analyse the implications of the Supreme Court decision on Brexit, where else would you go but to Channel 5’s The Wright Stuff, to hear from um, former rugby league star and haircut pioneer Martin Offiah?
Way back in October last year we analysed what now seems to have become the key plank of Unionist argument against independence in the wake of Brexit – the idea that because Scotland does more trade with the rest of the UK than it does with the EU, independence would be economic suicide because Scotland would be sacrificing “the UK single market” (a thing that doesn’t actually exist ) for a much smaller one.
It’s a completely idiotic position, but to be honest we didn’t do a very good job of boiling the counter-argument down to something snappy and quoteable, so let’s have another go and see if we can manage something a little better.
We followed with interest an exchange over the weekend between Times columnist Kenny Farquharson and the anti-Brexit QC Jolyon Maugham, regarding the difference between the UK government’s insistence that there won’t be a hard border between Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland because of the UK leaving the EU, and its continued insistence that there WOULD have to be one between the rUK and an independent Scotland, despite the legal circumstances being indistinguishable.
Farquharson, who like much of the Scottish political commentariat clings doggedly to the implausible dream of a “federal” UK, was adamant that the rules would – and indeed that they should – be different for the two ostensibly identical situations, and his given reason was a deeply disturbing one.
Kenny, it seems, thinks Scottish nationalists should do a lot more murdering.
Actual Scottish politics news continues to be thinner on the ground than the crowds at a Donald Trump inauguration, so we sympathise once more with the gentle souls of the Scottish press as they endeavour to fill empty pages without doing anything more journalistically strenuous than slightly rewording a Labour or Tory press release.
Fortunately for us, of course, we’ve always got their dismal efforts to talk about.
Alf Baird on List Voting For Cretins: “Independence (i.e. decolonization) and ending ‘the scourge of colonialism’ is not merely about changing one government for another, it is…” Jan 2, 23:44
Alf Baird on List Voting For Cretins: “We are talking of Northern Ireland, which is (still) a ‘devolved entity’. I assume you are you now going to…” Jan 2, 23:24
Andy Ellis on List Voting For Cretins: “A future independent Scottish state would doubtless have much the same citizenship criteria as Ireland. Scotland as a devolved entity…” Jan 2, 22:45
Andy Ellis on List Voting For Cretins: “Not the auld New Caledonia false equivalence again Alf. Dear oh dear. Scotland =/= New Caledonia. It’s not even like…” Jan 2, 22:39
DaveL on List Voting For Cretins: “…are we there yet? Are we there yet? Drone drone drone. Call yourself factchecker? Change your name, ‘are we there…” Jan 2, 22:30
DaveL on List Voting For Cretins: “Why have you called yourself factchecker? Surely with a name like that you’d be off quick sharp to find out…” Jan 2, 22:25
Alf Baird on List Voting For Cretins: “This text is from Annex 2 of the 1998 Belfast Agreement, on the voter franchise agreed by UK and Irish…” Jan 2, 22:19
David on List Voting For Cretins: “Needs a counter claim , continue with snp 1 and 2 . No voting Snp for number 1 abstain.” Jan 2, 21:35
Northcode on List Voting For Cretins: “Excellent post, Alf…very interesting and informative.” Jan 2, 21:09
BLMac on List Voting For Cretins: “I’ve finally cracked the conundrum! The SNP’s obsession with Gender Reform is the clue. They self-ID as an independence party…” Jan 2, 20:37
Captain Caveman on List Voting For Cretins: “Your swearing black is white won’t save you or your ilk, Dave. Not interested in your ego-saving crass revisionism, projection…” Jan 2, 20:34
Alf Baird on List Voting For Cretins: “Due to the usual tricks by the imperial power, France, New Caledonia applied the undernoted ‘secondary criteria’ in one of…” Jan 2, 20:32
factchecker on List Voting For Cretins: “James said “Wanting other folk to do your research again, Yoon? How about….umm…”France”. Heard of it? You Inglis don’t like…” Jan 2, 19:56
Dave Hansell on List Voting For Cretins: “Yeah, right. A media outlet which has pushed Establishment narratives since its first edition is ‘left-wing’. One notes that, woke…” Jan 2, 19:16
Bob on List Voting For Cretins: “I’ve offered wondered: what’s the difference between the shadowy billionaires who fund Reform (Boo! Hiss!) and the shadowy billionaires who…” Jan 2, 18:59
Northcode on List Voting For Cretins: ““…they will be disappointed because farage is part of the establishment and he thinks LEGAL immigration is acceptable…” Aye, TH.…” Jan 2, 18:58
Northcode on The Gulf War: “I’ve just realised something germane to the ‘franchise’ argument RAGING (chortle) below the line here in this place. The Scots…” Jan 2, 18:48
sarah on Off-topic: “You shouldn’t have mentioned the pastry, IB – it brought some sighs from my husband and recollections of his mother’s…” Jan 2, 18:48
factchecker on List Voting For Cretins: “My dear twathater, it is the professor who is citing the Survey in support of his assertion. It is for…” Jan 2, 18:40
Northcode on List Voting For Cretins: ““Please explain how the Survey defined a ‘Scot’, and how it sourced and assembled the data…” Folk are so lazy…” Jan 2, 18:37
twathater on List Voting For Cretins: “Away and dae some research yirself ya lazy arse instead of asking others tae dae it , Alf isnae yir…” Jan 2, 18:32
twathater on List Voting For Cretins: “Hear Hear Northy I too could be convinced by those criteria , but unfortunately the progressive , civic , DEI…” Jan 2, 18:26
James on List Voting For Cretins: ““….give some examples of countries in the world where the franchise is based on something different that makes it “regular”….”…” Jan 2, 18:25
Captain Caveman on List Voting For Cretins: “No Dave. You’re “living proof” of (yet another) Lefty attempting crass revisionism because facing up to reality has become too…” Jan 2, 18:24
Northcode on List Voting For Cretins: ““… the tiny minority of ethno-nationalist bigots don’t get to decide…” I’ll have you know I’m over six feet in…” Jan 2, 18:24
Northcode on The Gulf War: ““The right of peoples to self determination does not provide anyone with the right to… exclude minority ethnicities from participating…” Jan 2, 18:15
Dave Hansell on List Voting For Cretins: “Only in your subjective opinion, Cave dweller. It says Daz on the side of buses, but they don’t sell soap…” Jan 2, 18:14
factchecker on List Voting For Cretins: “Alf Baird says: 2 January, 2026 at 5:26 pm “if Scots can’t assemble a pro-independence majority from pro-independence native born…” Jan 2, 18:08
Alf Baird on List Voting For Cretins: ““give some examples of countries in the world where the franchise is based on something different” You might consider UN…” Jan 2, 18:05
Andy Ellis on List Voting For Cretins: “@ Alf 5.26 pm Thankfully Alf you and the tiny minority of ethno-nationalist bigots don’t get to decide who is…” Jan 2, 18:04