For the seasoned political analyst (and also for idiots like us), it can be hard to offer a rational explanation for why any thinking human being would ever believe a word the Labour Party says about anything any more.
It came to power 16 years ago promising to introduce electoral reform, then ditched it. (But still hilariously claims to be committed to the principle despite 100 years of failing to deliver it.) It also pledged not to introduce university tuition fees, then introduced them. It campaigned for re-election on a promise not to increase them, then increased them. It – well, we could go on all day, just about tuition fees alone.
But let’s cut to the chase and move up to the present day.
“Millions of Scots will lose out on an RBS share bonanza worth up to £800 if they choose independence, Business Secretary Vince Cable has warned.
The Treasury is considering giving every taxpayer in the UK shares in RBS as part of a give-away ahead of the next general election. Coalition sources calculate the windfall could be worth £400 to £800 per person.
Coalition Cabinet minister Mr Cable said his Liberal Democrat party backed the payout to ensure taxpayers benefit from 2008’s billion-pound bailout of the Edinburgh institution, although he cautioned the Coalition not to “rush” the process.
Asked if Scots would get a chance to benefit in an independent Scotland, he said: “No. It is at the moment vested in the British Government.”
Even leaving aside the astonishingly crude bribery/blackmail aspect, we’re still a bit confused. Unionists constantly tell us that RBS is “Scottish”, and that therefore an independent Scotland should take on all of its debt. But apparently the people of the rUK will still own the whole bank, so they’ll get all the shares and the profits.
Sometimes, readers, it really does seem like the No camp is devoting most of its anti-independence efforts to putting us out of a job.
A lot of independence supporters are getting excited today about this clip of Labour shadow-cabinet MP Helen Goodman telling the BBC that Labour would keep the bedroom tax. They’re right to highlight it, but most are doing so for the wrong reasons.
Goodman’s position is that Labour WOULD still implement the hated tax, but would only penalise people for over-occupying their housing if they’d been offered smaller accommodation and refused to move. Opponents of Labour are observing the hypocrisy of the party raging against the tax in public while admitting they’d retain it, which is fair enough, but also misses the real point.
As we’ve mentioned before, it really has been a revelation to discover that the Daily Record’s iPad app – which gives you the entire printed paper, not just the selection of stories that reach the Record website – is free on weekdays. Today, for example, it brought us a large not-online Page 2 piece on former Tory cabinet minister Liam Fox’s idiotic hardline policy suggestions for the party, which were expertly ridiculed by Conservative commentator Alex Massie yesterday.
Thanks to Mr Massie’s splendid work, there’s no need for us to bother with Fox’s comments. What we noticed instead was the Record’s analysis of them.
When the Daily Record lost Magnus Gardham to the Herald, they made sure to call on a like-for-like replacement. Torcuil Crichton, the newspaper’s self-styled “man in Westminster” (and who has never approved a single comment on his political blog in almost five years), is Gardham’s only rival as the most virulently and overtly Unionist staff reporter – as opposed to opinion columnist – in the Scottish media.
Power Of Scotland is a newspaper about the power industry, given away as a business supplement with The Times. An alert contributor pointed us to an intriguing article in the latest edition from regular Scotsman columnist Peter Jones, offering a more nuanced account of the industry’s view of independence than you might expect.
If you’re pressed for time we’ve pulled out a couple of the more interesting passages.
A creative reader writes in to notify us of these splendid-looking mugs, and to pledge that all profits (about 45% of the sale price) will be donated to our fundraiser.
Frankly we’re taking them at their word on the second part, but either way they seem a rather excellent thing to have in your home.
It’s weird watching the Sunday papers all decrying the media’s handling of Wednesday’s leaked Scottish Government document. Everyone seems to agree that the Cabinet paper wasn’t any kind of smoking gun – the consensus is that John Swinney’s comments were sensible, cautious and largely misrepresented in the press.
Eddie Barnes in Scotland on Sunday, for example, noted that “Few of the issues presented within the report were in any way revelatory” (though it didn’t stop him from referring to them as “revelations” later in the piece anyway), but then diffidently observed that they “produced a disastrous set of headlines”, as if his own publication hadn’t written any of them, and as if it wasn’t continuing to do so on the very same day Barnes’ piece hit the newsstands.
Poe’s Law, which we only discovered on Wikipedia this morning, says that “without a clear indication of the author’s intent, it is difficult or impossible to tell the difference between sincere extremism and an exaggerated parody of extremism”. Or in other words, there’s a name for when people are so batshit crazy you can’t satirise them, because you simply couldn’t invent anything madder than what they say for real.
We’ve just had to have a bit of a sit down after trying in vain to get our heads around the dizzying spin deployed in a story in this morning’s Herald, which appears to utilise some form of crazed Catch 22 to ensure that no matter whether an independent Scotland was stony broke or rolling in cash, it’d still end up skint.
We’ll give you a moment to guess who wrote it, and then we’re going to step through the piece line by line and see if we can figure out what sort of madness is afoot.
Mark on Pick Your Poison: “Why no exit polling in scotland?” May 8, 08:29
100%Yes on Pick Your Poison: “SNP well short of majority but to remain largest party by far, says leading pollster. If this is true and…” May 8, 07:48
Captain Caveman on Pick Your Poison: “@Hatey Good morning 🙂 Looks like Reform are smashing it; people are persuaded en masse across the political spectrum by…” May 8, 07:20
Captain Caveman on Pick Your Poison: “Ooft. That’s gotta hurt… Whilst no one but the most gullible will be surprised at this outcome, I admire your…” May 8, 07:16
Aidan on Pick Your Poison: “Oh dear James, how embarrassing for you and Alf and the others, I didn’t realise another approach had been rejected…” May 8, 06:11
twathater on Pick Your Poison: “Alf / Dan, I got roasted by grousebeater for suggesting that Kenny MacAskill had ignored and rejected the hand of…” May 8, 02:41
Geri on Pick Your Poison: “It’s not nonsense & Marie is correct. Every vote cast for this colonial outpost is a vote to maintain &…” May 8, 01:30
Mark Beggan on Pick Your Poison: “If the SNP are skint where did they get the money to pay for so many leaflets?” May 8, 01:03
Geri on Pick Your Poison: “Shiteface, So you admit Scotland only has a say in Westminster if it votes Unionist. Thanks for confirmation that we…” May 8, 00:21
GM on Pick Your Poison: “I didn’t bother on the constituency either. It turned out there might have been a pro independence party on it,…” May 8, 00:05
GM on Pick Your Poison: “Staff at polling station said turnout was vert good, surprisingly. I was extremely surprised as it is unusual for the…” May 7, 23:35
Geri on Pick Your Poison: ““because the Kingdom of England just hijacks the Westminster elections as their own, thus simplifying the choices and reducing the…” May 7, 23:18
Cuphook on Pick Your Poison: “I have the right to vote, but it’s not compulsory. And I don’t need your respect. My choice to not…” May 7, 22:36
James on Pick Your Poison: “Well Northy…here we go…. The United Nations Has Received the Evidence: Scotland Is a Colony and the World Now Knows…” May 7, 22:08
Wally Jumblatt on Pick Your Poison: “I was handed the peachy sheet for the List candidates, a rag, tag & bobtail sheet of non-people and fantasy…” May 7, 22:06
James on Pick Your Poison: “To paraphrase a great thinker talking about Fish Face previously; not all people who vote “Reform” are racist, but all…” May 7, 21:29
James on The value bet: “Excellent. Boxes full here as well. Hopefully ATLS will do weel! Soar Alba.” May 7, 21:10
Chris Downie on Pick Your Poison: “At this stage, would it actually be better if the pro-independence majority was lost, so that minds could refocus and…” May 7, 21:02
Geri on Pick Your Poison: “They’re read by the candidates throughout the count so they can all agree to discard them/proof they’re spoiled. It may…” May 7, 20:51
Bilbo on Pick Your Poison: “I don’t know if I have understood Grousebeater correctly but is he saying that we should be voting for SNP…” May 7, 20:33
Marie on Pick Your Poison: “If you’d read my original post you would know that I intend to vote on the list paper. That’s where…” May 7, 20:30
Bilbo on Pick Your Poison: “@ Cuphook 7 May, 2026 at 12:22 pm Of course for those that support Reform and have made up their…” May 7, 20:29
Rev. Stuart Campbell on Pick Your Poison: “One of you has a capital J, the other doesn’t.” May 7, 20:28
Rev. Stuart Campbell on Pick Your Poison: “Even if lots of idiots vote SNP 1+2 it won’t be because that mad wee chimp told them to.” May 7, 20:26
agentx on Pick Your Poison: “There is still time to go to vote.” May 7, 20:15
agentx on Pick Your Poison: “Absolute nonsense. Go back to sitting on your hands and see how much that does for you.” May 7, 20:11
Marie on Pick Your Poison: “agentx @7.10pm – The system is rigged. Candidates are bought. Candidates are captured. This isn’t the early 1900s. Our “elites”…” May 7, 19:50
george wood on Pick Your Poison: “Seems to have been a big green turnout in my ward in Edinburgh Central. Maybe somebody should have taken Stu…” May 7, 19:50
robertkknight on Pick Your Poison: “No idea. I exercised my civic duty and democratic right to vote in a manner whereby I declined to endorse…” May 7, 19:46
Campbell Clansman on Pick Your Poison: “Asking for evidence is so 1990s. Just yell “Yoon!” at anyone who disagrees with you. That is (sadly) the intellectual…” May 7, 19:39