Don Paterson is a celebrated Scottish poet, writer and musician. The essay below comes from a new anthology of Scottish writers called Irish Pages: Scotland, and is reproduced with his permission.
Remember The Vow? Most of us have tried to forget it. This was Westminster’s Hail Mary as polling day approached in the 2014 referendum; a vote that Yessers – people tend to forget this part too – initially had no real expectation of winning, until an inspirationally positive campaign saw the polls draw neck-and-neck.
Then lo! There it was, splashed across the Daily Record: a fancy-font promise from Westminster party leaders that if Scotland voted to stay within the UK, we would enjoy new devolved powers. There was some other waffle about defence and opportunities and having an equal share in the UK’s prosperity. But the message was clear enough. We would be listened to.
The Scottish Tory MSP reacted furiously to a story in The National which said Scotland had been absorbed into England by the 1707 Act Of Union, rather than becoming a “partner” in anything, and had ceased to exist as a state in international law.
Which was a weird response, because that’s been the official stated position of both the UK government and the Conservative Party for at least the last 12 years.
Despite everything, we almost allowed ourselves just the very tiniest little micro-flicker of optimism when we read Tommy Sheppard’s latest in The National.
Because that much is certainly true, and it’s uncommonly candid to have anyone in the SNP admit it. So what’s the answer?
(Kelly’s article is here. Link to Grok’s answer here. The ChatGPT analysis that triggered the article can be read in this tweet thread. A verifiable analysis by Grok of the debate, based on a neutral question, can be read here.)
The legal imprint at the bottom means that that’s official SNP election communication. One assumes it’s intended for leaflets to be put through actual voters’ letterboxes.
Hi! I noticed, with very considerable amusement, your complaint last night that I hadn’t made a “substantive reply” to the [EDIT] EIGHT posts (totalling nearly 11,000 words) of semi-coherent ranting about me that you’ve made on your site in the last eight days.
(I’ll be absolutely honest, I’ve only skimmed the last few.)
We both know the reason that’s so tear-streamingly comical, of course.
In so far as it’s worth talking about Scottish constitutional politics at all these days, it’s worth taking a moment to analyse the bloodless, anodyne nothingness spouted by the First Minister on The Sunday Show at the weekend.
That clip is less than three minutes long, but it’s so soul-crushingly boring and full of content-free drone and waffle that it’s almost impossible to sit all the way through it, so we’re going to translate and summarise it for you.
Warning: despite the quite zingy title this is actually going to be a very dry stats post, readers. It is, on the other hand, based on a man having something disturbingly close to a complete psychotic mental breakdown, so there’s always that for a bit of colour.
Because the paragraph above, and in particular the highlighted part, is without a doubt the most dishonest, diametrically false and wildly extreme lie about Scottish politics that we’ve ever seen anyone tell in the 13.5 years of Wings Over Scotland’s existence.
And as a rule we don’t bother addressing them because they’re so demented you could spend 5,000 words pulling apart all the individual strands of lunacy every time, and lunatics thrive on attention, but this one does merit a very brief comment.
Because “Vote Labour, get indy” wasn’t our plan. It was John Swinney’s.
Even by the embarrassing standards of The National, the gulf between this morning’s blaring front-page splash and the weak, watery weasel words in the actual article is a chasm so wide and so yawning (in every sense of that word) that it would put the epic planetary scar of Mars’ Valles Marineris to shame.
Coupled with a feebly underwhelming Programme For Government (in which the main policy was the re-abolition of peak rail fares just months after the SNP insisted such a move was unaffordable, with no clue as to where the money had suddenly been found) and a pitiful list of candidates for next year’s Holyrood election featuring the likes of Sally “all aboard the gravy bus!” Donald, Kaukab “DECAPITATE TERFS” Stewart, Kirsten “DECAPITATE TERFS” Oswald, Alison “DECAPITATE TERFS” Thewliss and Alyn “throw anyone who doesn’t want to DECAPITATE TERFS out of the SNP” Smith, the story was an abject vision of a bleak future for independence.
twathater on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: “The standard response by the police is that they know the high heid yins but if they arrest them and…” May 28, 18:05
twathater on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: “Lorn you are right that many, eg bastard tax moan and his fellow greedy bastards would have a heart attack…” May 28, 17:55
sarah on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: “GGOD NEWS from Liberate Scotland about the Manifesto for Independence. At 3.35 Liberate Scotland posted their response to Peter A…” May 28, 17:49
100%Yes on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: “The Scottish Government to pay the cost for the transgender supreme court failed case.” May 28, 17:34
Dan on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: “The younger ADHD generation will likely toil to apply themselves to growing foodstuffs, as it takes reasonably long term attention…” May 28, 16:58
Captain Caveman on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: “Kit Bee said: “Its the IT providers who see public sector contracts as a cash cow- they know every trick…” May 28, 15:11
Kit Bee on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: “Captain Caveman says ‘Are civil servants even capable of running the proverbial piss up in a brewery north or south…” May 28, 13:37
robertkknight on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: “Whether an independent Scotland, thanks to malicious behaviour on the part of the departing colonial power ended up behaving like…” May 28, 12:59
Hatey McHateface on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: “Robin defo talks a good talk. I’d much prefer to see HR prioritising drill, baby, drill. Opening a coal mine…” May 28, 12:47
Hatey McHateface on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: ““Every disastrous policy foisted on the Scots by Holyrood is ultimately sanctioned by England and is therefore England’s disastrous policy…” May 28, 12:20
Hatey McHateface on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: ““I guess Scotland should never aspire to be a normal, independent, sovereign state” Beats me how you could read that…” May 28, 12:09
James Cheyne on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: “Dan, May I add that people where they have a garden or piece of land available to them and are…” May 28, 11:56
Captain Caveman on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: “As a matter of interest, has there even *ever been* a successful public sector IT project roll out in the…” May 28, 11:14
Northcode on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: “This is my view. As usual – each can cleave to their own. The ‘Scottish’ government is England wearing a…” May 28, 10:49
Dan on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: “Other things going on where a bit of common sense usage wouldn’t have gone a miss… I understand our Health…” May 28, 10:43
James Cheyne on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: “Dan, Like your common sense approach, to many airy fairy think tanks seeking payed for employment In Scotland as there…” May 28, 10:30
Southernbystander on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: “Alf, you remind me of the dad on Goodness Gracious Me who whatever his son is talking about, it is…” May 28, 10:17
robertkknight on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: “I guess Scotland should never aspire to be a normal, independent, sovereign state, like the 200 or so others on…” May 28, 09:03
Sven on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: “Dan @ 08.08 Always interested in your common sense posts, Dan. As someone once said, “it’s strange it’s called common…” May 28, 08:27
Hatey McHateface on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: ““the inescapable conclusion ….in the words of Mr Baird – Independence IS Decolonisation” Hey, I’m not knocking the idea, Bob,…” May 28, 08:11
Dan on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: “See if your country was caught in an ongoing unmitigated disaster with aw thing like its infrastructure and services going…” May 28, 08:08
Robert Hughes on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: “From Robin McAlpine’s latest ( typically incisive ) post talking about the outrageous but entirely predictable green light given to…” May 28, 07:18
Willie on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: “The SNP are not for turning. Certainly not underthe current coterie of control that continues to show them as an…” May 28, 03:11
Jim Dryburgh on The Undertaker: “whether it’s 75% or whatever with each year the amount of indigenous Scots v Non Indigenous Scots is becoming less…” May 28, 01:31
duncanio on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: “Sarah – Yes there is time for them all to change their minds. And we must keep trying to persuade…” May 27, 22:57
sarah on What Are We, And Where Are We Going?: “@ duncanio at 8.56 re ISP and the M4I. I’m perplexed. However there is time for ISP to change their…” May 27, 22:03
