Wings Over Scotland

So we’ve now had David Cameron, David Mitchell and David Bowie all “lovebombing” Scotland with pleas to stay in the Union (as assorted Tory ministers and their Labour and Lib Dem hangers-on lurk in the shadows a few feet away tapping knuckle-dusters into their palms and making throat-slitting gestures in our direction).

But the big question is, which David would you like to see try it next?

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We must admit, we’re perplexed by Scottish Labour’s apparent and oft-expressed belief that the Welsh (Labour) First Minister is the ultimate authority on currency unions. We’re not aware of any financial expertise on his CV, and as he’s not even a Westminster MP his opinion will carry no weight in any negotiations on the matter.

So we’re not sure why his view is singled out, from the entire population of the UK, as having special relevance. Still, Johann Lamont seems pretty worked up about it.

It takes a startling amount of arrogance to try and impose your morality on someone else. We no longer send our privileged white men to the dusty, dirty parts of the globe to educate the natives, to show them how to speak and eat and dress and worship. British toffs don’t hack their way through jungles any more, subduing spear-wielding tribes with Browning machine-guns and renaming their rivers after tubby queens.

The map is no longer Empire pink, and the British zeal for moral crusades has largely faded with it. But in the Telegraph yesterday, the charming David Cameron took us on a nostalgic trip back to glorious, Union-Jack-fluttering Victoriana.

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As alert readers know, we don’t get ourselves overly excited about individual opinion polls, even when they’re like today’s Survation one showing a big 5.5% swing to Yes in the wake of George Osborne’s intervention on a currency union last week.

What we DO like to ponder is the more interesting data buried in such surveys.

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Let’s all agree: from now on, anyone who says “An independent Scotland would have to join the Euro!” is either deliberately lying or a dribbling slack-jawed imbecile without the faintest idea of what they’re talking about.

As such their views should be dismissed with contempt, and ideally they should be chased out of town by an angry mob with pitchforks and flaming torches. We’d say Dr Zuleeg was pretty unequivocal and definitive on the subject here.

We wouldn’t like to suggest Unionists are clutching at straws this week, but:

Number of words actually spoken by David Bowie about independence: 4

Number of words written about it so far by major news outlets: 3,916

To be honest we stopped counting after that.

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Recently discovered by an alert reader, another gem revealing the sort of razor-sharp attention to statistical detail that led the UK into the most disastrous recession of all time, from a man who thinks the population of Scotland is six million:

“Asked if he fancied another crack at being chancellor in the future, Darling said: ‘At the moment I am totally focused on the [Scottish] referendum in October 2014, after that I will see where I stand.'”

Might want to work a little more on that focus, Cap’n.

(Quote from May 2013, two months after the referendum date was announced.)

Alert readers may recall a piece from earlier today in which we mused on the curious and perhaps unique unwillingness of the people of Scotland to seek more powers over their own lives. It was in part triggered by a curious moment from last night’s BBC Scotland independence debate from Kelso in the Borders.

A gentleman in the audience had asked the assembled panel of politicians “what they understand by the word ‘nation’, and which nation or nations do you belong to?”, and Labour MSP Jenny Marra’s reply was illuminating and perplexing in equal measures.

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One way or another, pretty much the entire history of mankind has been that of a struggle for power. Whether military conquest to secure resources, religious crusades to impose ideology or the fight for individual human rights, people across the globe have constantly striven for power over themselves and each other, and do to this day.

Scots seem to be the only exception.

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A second Unionist politician in a week doesn’t want to face STV’s questions.

What is it with cowardly Chancellors at the moment?

So we just got this a few minutes ago (click pic to enlarge):

And now we’re really starting to think a licence-fee avoidance campaign is a good idea.

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Another scrupulously balanced panel from the state broadcaster.

The papers-review slot is turning into quite the little regular treat.