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According As We Need Them 31

Posted on July 13, 2025 by

We’ve said it for a lot of years, but “1984” really does contain a complete explanation of every aspect of modern life, and especially politics.

So let’s look at today’s Herald On Sunday, and in particular its “special report”.

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Just Good Friends 145

Posted on July 10, 2025 by

It seems like almost every time somebody gets accused of rape, sexual harassment or any kind of horrible creepy sex-based sleaze in Scotland these days, the same face is always lurking around grinning in the background somewhere.

Can you guess who it is yet?

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Too Tight To Mention 476

Posted on July 02, 2025 by

So this snuck out quietly at the bottom of page 2 of today’s Daily Record.

And like, we suspect, most of Scotland, our response was “WHAT?”

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The Con Merchant 436

Posted on June 28, 2025 by

Back in the 1980s and 1990s, before the internet, scammers used to have to work a bit harder to cheat people than they do now.

A popular method was to advertise a “clearance sale” in the press. You’d see an ad in the Daily Record or a local paper for an event in a High Street location – typically a vacant shop – promising brand-new TVs for £20, microwaves for a fiver, toasters for £2.50 or whatever. So you’d show up on the day and it always worked the same.

There’d be the ringmaster on a raised platform, surrounded by loads of unmarked white boxes, and he’d start off by picking some “random” punter from the crowd and bestowing gifts upon him. This guy would walk away with armfuls of swag for £25 or something (doubtless just going straight round the back with them), and the real show would begin.

Next the ringmaster would say “Now, before we get properly started, who’ll give me £10 for what’s on my mind?” (that phrase, “what’s on my mind”, was always the same). And basically they were flogging a mystery box, invariably containing a few trashy trinkets worth a fraction of the cost.

Any chump who bought one would then be escorted out of the shop before opening it, on the pretence that the bargains on offer in these sales were so great that they were limited to one per person. (There was always security on the door, sometimes even cops. There’s nothing intrinsically illegal about selling mystery boxes, even mainstream chainstores still do it today.)

And that was basically it. The ringmaster would delay and delay, punting more mystery boxes and never actually getting to the bit where you could buy a specific item at a specific price, and after a couple of hours the event would close down and the would-be customers would disperse in disgruntlement.

Now here’s John Swinney.

He’s got a mystery box to sell you.

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The Art Of Noise 39

Posted on June 27, 2025 by

Genuinely, can anyone tell us what the heck this actually means?

Because to us, it’s just meaningless quacking to fill a void.

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And it’s goodnight from he/him 36

Posted on June 26, 2025 by

And now for tonight’s headlines.

Police Scotland have nevertheless denied that prisoners in their custody are being excessively pampered, following reports that a man was hustled out of St Leonard’s station in Edinburgh with an electric blanket over his head.

Meanwhile, following the Supreme Court ruling in the For Women Scotland case, the force’s HQ at Tulliallan was burgled by a gang of militant transactivists who stole all the toilets. Officers say they have nothing to go on.

More comedy news as we get it, folks.

But Don’t Give Yourself Away 60

Posted on June 25, 2025 by

Seamus Logan, an SNP MP of whom it has often been said “Seamus who?”, has an article in The National today categorically ruling out Scotland achieving independence via a democratic vote in an event fully recognised by the UK government.

That in itself shouldn’t come as much of a surprise to Wings readers, as this site has been documenting the SNP’s increasingly open abandonment of even the pretence at achieving independence for more than five years now.

Logan’s stance that if begging Westminster for another Section 30 doesn’t work (which it doesn’t, hasn’t and never will) then it’s basically impossible and we should just give up has – to anyone paying the slightest bit of attention – been official SNP policy since at least the resignation of Nicola Sturgeon and in reality long before then, and we don’t think it’s a coincidence that the party has lost more than half of its members and over 40% of its voters over that period.

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Anatomy Of A Lunatic 79

Posted on June 23, 2025 by

Honestly, folks, I don’t even want to do this because almost nothing is more tedious for anyone else to read than two people having an internet beef – a lesson that I learned, ironically, from reading the site this post concerns, which does little else – but as well as reacting on a basic human level to someone being THIS deranged by hatred of you, it’s worth marvelling, like an elegant Victorian gentleman or lady taking a guided tour of an asylum, at how much insanity they can squeeze into a small space as a result.

And to detail the madness we have to start with that headline.

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A different school 145

Posted on June 23, 2025 by

Tommy Sheppard knows a John Swinney you don’t know.

And who, conveniently, you’re not allowed to see.

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Holiday Relief 369

Posted on June 17, 2025 by

We’re thinking of just handing over Wings to Grok for the summer so we can spend all our time feeding the swans, readers. Here’s what the Twitter artificial intelligence bot said when we asked it to assess today’s National front page.

Sounds about right to us. We’re off for a walk.

Let’s Not Make Some Plans 240

Posted on June 13, 2025 by

At first, this merely sounds like the worst day out ever.

But for supporters of independence, in fact it’s even grimmer than that.

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The Grand Tour 154

Posted on June 10, 2025 by

Lacking anything better to do on a grey and cloudy day in Bath, we thought it might be a lark to go through every Holyrood constituency in Scotland and contemplate where it might go in next year’s election, based on the current state of polling.

And just to make things interesting, compared to our last assessment we’re going to give opposition parties the (often considerable) benefit of the doubt in a few seats for the sheer heck of it, and see if there’s any even slightly plausible outcome that means the SNP might win some list seats if all their voters vote for them on both ballots, or if they’ll waste a million votes for nothing and get dozens of Unionists elected like they did in 2021. [SPOILER: don’t prepare yourself for a surprise.]

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    • Scot Finlayson on According As We Need Them: “`The charity industry in Scotland handles over £15 billion of income each year` 40% and over goes on staff wages.…Jul 14, 09:00
    • James Cheyne on According As We Need Them: “All ill’s and ailments have a foundational beginning, if not recognised and dealt with the illness becomes progressive.Jul 14, 08:55
    • James Cheyne on According As We Need Them: “All politicians seem to be using 1984 as their new go too cult bible. When Scotland comes to terms with…Jul 14, 08:52
    • Aidan on Just Good Friends: “Yes – if the English were forced to pay the highest possible retail rate (the figure you use is above…Jul 14, 08:10
    • Aidan on Just Good Friends: “You also of course exclude Finland, similar in population size to Scotland and around the same GDP, higher GDP per…Jul 14, 08:01
    • Aidan on Just Good Friends: “Ireland’s GDP is distorted by base erosion and profit shifting, and by the impact of depreciating assets (like aircraft) that…Jul 14, 07:54
    • Alf Baird on Just Good Friends: ““Ireland (no oil), Norway (oil), Switzerland (banking) have GDPs in the range of 600-800B USD. Ours is 200B USD. Liechtenstein…Jul 14, 07:32
    • Alf Baird on Just Good Friends: “Scotland’s renewable energy production will soon be worth £100 billion a year, not that us Scots will see any benefit…Jul 14, 07:22
    • Andrew Kidd on According As We Need Them: “There is another article in the Herald where a female politician is complaining that people are disagreeing with everything she…Jul 13, 23:30
    • Young Lochinvar on According As We Need Them: “Unfortunately yes. Add in the DEI obsessed LibDems onto the list though, the shark lurking under the waves on this…Jul 13, 23:00
    • GM on According As We Need Them: “Very true. Nothing for it but to keep the faith and take the genuine option when it is on offer…Jul 13, 22:58
    • Captain Caveman on According As We Need Them: “@Lorn Excellent post, in my humble opinion. How did we get here?Jul 13, 22:39
    • Shug on According As We Need Them: “What is the Herald and National doing getting tied up with such a bunch of self serving weirdos Are there…Jul 13, 22:35
    • sarah on According As We Need Them: “@ GM: I agree. I can’t wait to see the back of them. We all know people in our own…Jul 13, 21:53
    • Lorn on According As We Need Them: “You still haven’t told us who these paragons of modern political action are, Dan. Actually, I read very widely and…Jul 13, 21:52
    • GM on According As We Need Them: “Aye Sarah, there are plenty of good people out there. That does not make the ‘Scottish’ elite any easier to…Jul 13, 20:41
    • Dunx on Just Good Friends: “And English consumers subsidise Scottish renewables. Your point is ?Jul 13, 20:28
    • holymacmoses on According As We Need Them: “A tweet from our Suzanne on journalistic integrity. Her kitchen is full of pots and kettles:-) “Suzanne McLaughlin @Suzemclaughlin Not…Jul 13, 20:08
    • Dan on According As We Need Them: “Maybe try being a bit more alert and receptive to actually reading and taking in what other folk have said…Jul 13, 20:04
    • willie on According As We Need Them: “The Scottish Government under the SNP and the Green is a quack quango Effijy. No one should be in any…Jul 13, 19:38
    • sarah on According As We Need Them: “@ Lorn at 6.34: “who are these paragons?”. I think Dan may be referring to the Independents for Independence who…Jul 13, 19:21
    • willie on According As We Need Them: “If they didn’t publicly fund these faux charities and their loon ball on line trolls to pump out their unwanted…Jul 13, 19:20
    • agent x on According As We Need Them: ““The Scottish National party has voted heavily in favour of introducing all women shortlists and “balanced” regional lists, reversing decades-long…Jul 13, 18:44
    • Lorn on According As We Need Them: “And who were these paragons, Dan? I have never in my life simply ticked a box because the candidate reflected…Jul 13, 18:34
    • Effijy on According As We Need Them: “So much tax payer cash directed to nonsense quangos. I’ve never yet seen one of these bodies produce anything worthwhile.…Jul 13, 18:33
    • Campbell Clansman on According As We Need Them: “Alba would have to “make a lot of ground” to get to 2% of the vote.Jul 13, 18:26
    • twathater on According As We Need Them: “ALL of this pish is our own fault because we stood by and allowed these fuckwits to gain power, and…Jul 13, 18:12
    • Frank Gillougley on According As We Need Them: “And so it goes. Incestuous faux academics shall speak unto incestuous faux academics funded by us the hoi polloi. The…Jul 13, 17:58
    • Dan on According As We Need Them: “Some did try to start electing decent ordinary individuals who weren’t the usual political clone dross, but youse weren’t interested,…Jul 13, 17:53
    • Bill Fraser on According As We Need Them: “I am wondering if this organisations status as a charity could be challenged under the “Charity Test ” it certainly…Jul 13, 17:51
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