Wings Over Scotland

[Tristan: this is my first draft. Give it a once-over, there’s a chap. DC.]

People of England, Wales and Northern Ireland!

Scotland! Stop pulling that face. This is about you, but it’s not for you. Daddy’s speaking to the other children now. Don’t interrupt. Why? Because it’s rude. Look, I don’t care if that IS what Evan Davis does on the Today programme. Evan is a big boy, so he knows when he needs to step in to stop you embarrassing yourself.

Sorry, everyone, I’m afraid Scotland is a bit tired and crabby this morning. Must have had a little too much Irn Bru last night. [Pause here for laughter.] Anyway, we have lots to talk about, so let’s ignore their high-pitched whining and get on.

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From Oddschecker. Click to enlarge.

Proves nothing, of course. But the trend’s the thing, readers.

Today, the Prime Minister of the UK, who wants Scotland to stay in the UK but won’t go there and make the case for it, asked the non-Scottish citizens of the rest of the UK to tell Scots how they felt about Scottish independence.

This is what some of them said.

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Just to tide you over while we pop out to the shops, readers:

Can you tell we just recently got some good video-capture software?

Sometimes it’s hard to shake the feeling that some sort of bizarre mass body-swap incident, such as those frequently depicted in comedy films like “Big” or “Freaky Friday”, must have happened in UK politics without anyone noticing.

Because on the day that David Cameron called on people elsewhere in the UK to plead with Scots to stay in the Union, English people are saying things like this:

(Warning: adult language.)

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We don’t entirely understand why the Times has this story as front page news, because it was covered in some detail in the Sunday Post a fortnight ago:

But we couldn’t help thinking of the last time anyone tried something similar.

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This sort of thing really shouldn’t be so startling and unusual that we feel we need to preserve it for posterity, but here’s someone on a BBC current-affairs programme giving a fair and balanced analysis of Scottish politics:

Based on the BBC’s track record this section will be missing when it goes out on the iPlayer, so we thought we better grab it while we could.

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This afternoon we reluctantly watched some of the House Of Commons debate entitled “Scotland’s Place In The UK”, because it’s our job. It was as dispiriting as its arrogant and presumptuous title suggests, and we could bear no more by about a third of the way through and went off to do something less annoying, like thread a muddy needle under a stroboscope while wearing boxing gloves and listening to One Direction.

Nevertheless, we managed to pick out a few choice lines at the time, and a few more from Hansard this evening, with our blood pressure soothed by merely having to read, not watch, Labour, Lib Dem and Tory MPs alike braying and hooting throughout, behaving with a lack of dignity and class that would have shamed a chimp’s tea party.

(Or as Labour’s Willie Bain put it, “the best of the House of Commons”.)

The winner is below.

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This. This actually happened. We’re not making it up. Click it and see.

Go on, read it again. We dare you.

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For some time now, we’ve been documenting a couple of intriguing aspects of the No campaign. One is its apparent shortage of grassroots activists, leaving “Better Together” to instead rely on the Scottish and UK media to get its message out. The other is a reluctance to engage in public debate with adults.

Where BT has deigned to participate in public hustings at all, the bulk of the events have been those at schools and colleges. Invited to debate independence in front of crowds of grown-ups, the No camp is oddly reticent, as we discovered ourselves last year when we offered to pay for and set up a head-to-head, with a neutral and mutually-approved chair, between respective campaign figureheads Dennis Canavan and Alistair Darling, getting only abuse in response.

Of course, a bunch of evil cybernats such as ourselves might expect to be rebuffed. But what if the cuddly, respectable official Yes Scotland organisation had a go?

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There’s a remarkable piece in today’s Scotsman that we had to share with you:

And if you think that magnificent headline’s good, wait until you hear the rest.

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Peter Arnott in The Global Dispatches, 29 January 2014:

“We have been tempted to believe in Scotland that our tactical pattern of voting one way in a Westminster elections and another in Holyrood elections would continue to shelter us from the worst neo-liberal excesses of Westminster – our parliament after all came into existence as a retroactive shelter from what was inflicted on us (and everyone else in non-Tory Britain) the last time the Conservatives were in power. 

We are still behaving as if this is the case even while history is whisking that carpet from underneath our feet.”

And that, readers, is why it matters that I live in England.

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