Those are the words of David Cameron as he launched the Scottish Tories’ manifesto in front of a heavily-vetted invited audience in Glasgow yesterday. They make the pages of a couple of other papers, including the Guardian (which hides them even further down the page than the Sun does), but it’s only the Herald that picks up on their significance, leading its article with the unequivocal lines:
So, let’s just get this one straight, this morning’s English edition of The Sun – two parties with 316 seats are “stealing” an election from two parties with 309 seats?
Want us to walk you through that whole “counting” thing again?
Last night’s juxtaposition of somewhat contradictory front covers on the Herald and Scottish Daily Mail was modestly amusing, but nothing new. We pointed out weeks ago that papers on both the left and the right were – often on the same days – painting the SNP as hand-in-glove allies of either Labour or the Tories according to whatever suited their own agendas, and nothing’s changed in that respect.
But it’s interesting to take a look behind the headlines of the respective stories and see the degree to which the truth can be bent, exaggerated or in some cases simply made up from thin air.
The bald-eagle-looking chap toting the cerise tie in this clip of this morning’s Victoria Derbyshire show on the BBC News channel is Lord (Andrew) Adonis, a former Labour government minister under Tony Blair and Gordon Brown.
He also wrote the book “Five Days In May” about the latter’s unsuccessful attempt to form a coalition with the Liberal Democrats in 2010, despite having won almost 50 fewer seats than the Conservatives in that election. So he understands the process.
Lord Adonis does, in fairness, make a brief and half-hearted attempt at punting Jim Murphy’s “1924” line, but in the end he’s forced to concede (nudged along by Peter Riddell of the Institute for Government) that in fact the second-placed party forming the government is perfectly possible.
But the most remarkable thing happened at the end.
That, readers, is quite the admission. That’s a party which has utterly dominated UK politics in Scotland for six decades openly acknowledging that its entire campaign in the last three weeks will be based on railing against a complete fantasy.
The Daily Record gets up high on its outrage horse this morning with a front-page story titled “Double-crossed on devo”, echoing Jim Murphy’s claim of yesterday that the Tories’ manifesto pledge on “English votes for English laws” is a “betrayal” of the “Vow” signed by the three UK party leaders before the independence referendum.
Unsurprisingly, the Record gives rather less prominence to the news that the Vow isn’t worth the fake parchment it wasn’t written on than it did to repeatedly hyping it up and then proclaiming that it had already been delivered.
Last week we listened to a Radio Scotland phone-in debate on Trident, hosted very deftly by John Beattie, who managed to steer callers away from political points and keep the discussion on the merits or otherwise of the weapons system itself.
Sadly that didn’t dissuade the usual coterie of nutters/local councillors phoning in insisting that (a) North Korea would invade/blast Scotland off the face of the Earth the moment we let our guard down, and (b) Helensburgh would immediately revert to the Stone Age at the loss of jobs were the few hundred Trident sailors who spend about a week every year in the town to be reassigned to other posts in the navy.
We didn’t have time to ring in ourselves, but we did manage to think of a much better idea that solved both of those problems without lumbering Scotland with a gigantic nuclear white elephant, and one that would also free up an awful lot of valuable police time and resources that are currently spent arresting a bunch of hippies.
We try to avoid openly editorialising on this site, readers. While unashamedly partisan in our leanings, as a rule we prefer to present the facts and let people come to their own conclusions from the evidence.
But we’re not sure we’ve ever seen anything more craven and pathetic than this.
Andy Ellis on The Tactics Of Suicide: “Dear me Geri, your unwelcome return to BTL commentary does – if nothing else – provide some comedy relief in…” Feb 28, 08:38
Andy Ellis on The Tactics Of Suicide: “Voting against the SNP presupposes that the available alternatives aren’t as bad or worse though surely? Like many I’ll never…” Feb 28, 08:13
Mark Beggan on The Tactics Of Suicide: “Well here’s her chance to woman up and do her duty. It’s totally sickening what those young girls had to…” Feb 28, 08:10
Aidan on The Tactics Of Suicide: “Yes Geri – I’m asking to be treated like royalty. That famously royal experience of an efficient passport system, the…” Feb 28, 07:57
Young Lochinvar on The Tactics Of Suicide: “I suspect nothing. She’s one of Tricky Nicky’s right side of the bed (way over ability) appointees. Goes to John…” Feb 28, 03:06
Geri on The Tactics Of Suicide: “Her handlers have their wee indiscretions. Torture a particular favourite & the Eppy class become orgasmic when victims cry out…” Feb 28, 01:10
Geri on The Tactics Of Suicide: “A Brexshiteer crying about no freedom of movement is absolutely priceless. How very dare they not treat you like Royalty.” Feb 28, 00:47
Aidan on The Tactics Of Suicide: “The only thing that could put me in a good mood today after the long queues at Berlin Brandenburg airport…” Feb 28, 00:14
Iain More on The Tactics Of Suicide: “Zeig Heil yah English NAZI. I guess you also like being associated with a Yankee Epstein Class Child Rapist.” Feb 27, 23:44
Geri on The Tactics Of Suicide: “increasing defence expenditure, and promoting the formation of an independent European defence identity without the USA.’ Well, well would you…” Feb 27, 23:32
Cynicus on The Tactics Of Suicide: “?Andy Ellis says:?27 February, 2026 at 5:01 pm ‘Doubtless many “politically homeless” Scottish independence supporters…….. will be wondering who to…” Feb 27, 22:06
Hatey McHateface on The Tactics Of Suicide: “On the plus side, Alf, the special needs child remains blissfully oblivious. So no harm done.” Feb 27, 21:37
Mark Beggan on The Tactics Of Suicide: “I wonder how Jenny Gilrough! (fuck the fascist Gestapo spelling politzi) felt after listening to the victims of the Pakistani…” Feb 27, 21:37
Mark Beggan on The Tactics Of Suicide: “I’ve just been busted by the Grammar Gestapo (again). If I’m not heard of again then light a candle.” Feb 27, 21:31
Benhope on The Tactics Of Suicide: “Mark Beggan at 7.55 pm. The pedant in me could not let it pass ; death throes not death throws…” Feb 27, 21:14
Alf Baird on The Tactics Of Suicide: “Ever the paternalistic colonizer dealing with its wayward child, the colonized.” Feb 27, 20:59
Mark Beggan on The Tactics Of Suicide: “@Sven ‘I love children but I couldn’t eat a whole one”” Feb 27, 20:51
Hatey McHateface on The Tactics Of Suicide: “I feel a little sorry for the plumber bint. She’s throwing away a steady, high earning, useful, productive, respected, needed…” Feb 27, 20:20
GM on The Tactics Of Suicide: “As did Enoch Powell. I think Enoch actually spoke the language.” Feb 27, 20:16
Sven on The Tactics Of Suicide: “Mark Beggan @ 19.12. But, “When I became a man I put away childish things,” mostly, as every Dad knows,…” Feb 27, 20:13
Mark Beggan on The Tactics Of Suicide: “The old saying ‘When you sup with the devil use a long spoon’ comes to mind. The Greens will roll…” Feb 27, 19:55
Hatey McHateface on The Tactics Of Suicide: “Crivens, Geri. If you went private during the time you were referred for treatment, sue them for every penny you…” Feb 27, 19:39
Hatey McHateface on The Tactics Of Suicide: “I’ll throw the question open to you too, Northy. Any ideas for May? Anything that will set the heather alight…” Feb 27, 19:19
Geri on The Tactics Of Suicide: “Its you that’s delusional, as per usual. This news just in – No one likes the Unelected leaders at the…” Feb 27, 19:15
Mark Beggan on The Tactics Of Suicide: “‘When I was a child I thought like a child, I spoke like a I reasoned like a child……” Corinthians…” Feb 27, 19:12
Hatey McHateface on The Tactics Of Suicide: “The Green people who want to end mass air travel are greetin that people can’t afford holidays. The Green people…” Feb 27, 19:11
Hatey McHateface on The Tactics Of Suicide: “Wow, Geri. From zero to posting pedo accusations within 24 hours. Promise us you’ll never change. Xxx” Feb 27, 18:59
Geri on The Tactics Of Suicide: “It won’t be changing with London based stooges that’s for sure. The nawbags have far too much to lose. Say…” Feb 27, 17:43
Andy Ellis on The Tactics Of Suicide: “@Geri More delusional nonsense Geri: colour us unsurprised. Ordinary Scottish voters will still troop to the polls in May and…” Feb 27, 17:42
Geri on The Tactics Of Suicide: “A new world order is coming. Englandshire is a pariah. It won’t make a seat at the next International organisation…” Feb 27, 17:13