We just noticed a finding from the most recent opinion poll that surprisingly seems to have escaped the attention of every Scottish newspaper except the Press & Journal.
As far as we can ascertain, the P&J was alone in reporting the obviously newsworthy fact that just a quarter of Scots believe the First Minister’s ridiculous cock-and-bull story about “forgetting” the occasion when she first heard that her friend, colleague and mentor of 30 years was facing charges of trying to rape some of her other friends.
But the figures are part of a wider and depressing trend.
We’ve just received the most extraordinary Freedom Of Information response from the Scottish Government, readers. Trust us, you want to go and make yourselves a strong cup of tea before you read it. Or get this guy to bring you one.
It doesn’t take a master analyst to see that the Salmond inquiry committee is running out of patience with the Scottish Government’s endless attempts to obstruct its work.
This afternoon it issued a statement, with obvious irritation, making clear that it did not wish to see documents the Scottish Government was trying to submit to it, which the committee had not asked for, and which had previously been struck down as unlawful by Lord Pentland in the initial judicial inquiry.
The Scottish Government’s only purpose in doing so was to try to put the details of the discredited and disproven-in-court allegations into the public domain with the intention of smearing Mr Salmond yet again, and the committee has made its displeasure with the plan clear, telling the Scottish Government to abandon its intended legal action to release the documents and get on with producing the ones the inquiry HAS asked for.
But there’s a little bit more to the story than that.
We’re grumpy this morning, readers, because it’s Sunday and we were planning a long lie and then someone told us about this. It’s the First Minister appearing on the Sophy Ridge show on Sky News at around 8.45am and you need to see it.
In the light of yesterday’s revelations, we’ve sent the following Freedom Of Information request to the Central Enquiry Unit (CEU) of the Scottish Government.
Back in the 1980s there was a hit game for the ZX Spectrum home computer called Worse Things Happen At Sea. In it you play a robot whose job is to get a heavily-laden cargo ship safely to port, except that more and more disasters keep befalling it.
It springs leaks, it veers off course, the engine overheats and the robot’s power runs down, until eventually the catalogue of catastrophes overwhelms the harassed metallic custodian and the boat slides down into the murky depths.
We wonder if that feels familiar to anyone at the moment.
On 23rd March this year, after Alex Salmond was found not guilty of 13 criminal charges in the High Court, I called on the Scottish Government to set up a judge-led inquiry into the allegation that he had been the subject of a conspiracy involving the Scottish Government, which resulted in him being accused of criminal behaviour.
There’s an especially interesting post on the blog of Scottish solicitor-advocate Gordon Dangerfield at the moment, pointing out that there are no legal reasons whatever for the Crown Office and Procurator Fiscal Service (COPFS) to be withholding documents relating to the allegations against Alex Salmond, and indeed issuing dire threats of prosecution against him or anyone who might put them into the public domain.
(All of the blog’s coverage of the inquiry in general has been expert and revealing, and should be the first stop for readers seeking to understand proceedings.)
The items in question include the infamous WhatsApp messages exchanged by the group of people attempting to have Salmond imprisoned for crimes he didn’t commit, among them SNP chief executive Peter Murrell.
When two of Murrell’s messages were leaked recently it was front-page news in the Scottish press, and generated a huge amount of subsequent coverage. Commentators as diverse as Mandy Rhodes of Holyrood magazine and Alex Massie of the Times and Spectator have noted that while they’d initially disbelieved talk of a conspiracy, the Scottish Government’s actions have given them the opposite impression.
The message log is absolutely central to Salmond’s claim of a conspiracy against him, so the last thing that either COPFS or the leadership of the SNP wants is for it to become public knowledge. Indeed, COPFS has denied that the messages exist at all, which makes it a bit weird that the police are currently conducting a serious criminal investigation into who leaked some apparently entirely imaginary documents.
So it would be quite astonishing if they suddenly disappeared, wouldn’t it?
Readers, we can’t tell you how much we want to get back to just dissecting Scotland’s hopeless Unionist media for a living. It’s a lot more fun than what the current political circumstances are obliging us to do, so you can hardly imagine our excitement when we spotted what looked like an open goal in yesterday’s Mail On Sunday.
Our ears pricked up immediately at the sight of the words “up to”, which is invariably a sign of dodgy doings on the way, and so it proved. The article contained no solid data at all about the size of Scottish Government special advisers’ pay rises, only how many SpAds there were and which general pay bands they were in, each of which spans a wide range of between £14,000 and £23,000.
But while the Mail had spooned the sitter six feet over the crossbar – because the crude spin they’d put on it was total rubbish – there was still a loose ball just waiting to be knocked into the back of the net.
The SNP’s earth-shattering 2011 majority election victory, which paved the way for the 2014 independence referendum, dropped a bomb on Scottish politics.
What few people realised at the time was that it was also going to set up a series of massive paydays for one of Scotland’s wealthiest demographics: lawyers.
Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: “I guess it’s a completely forlorn hope that even if the data is ever compiled and published, it will detail…” Mar 3, 16:55
Breastplate on Two Men Unalike: “Yes, John, I hadn’t noticed my ‘nd’ missing but I’m absolutely sure you understand what I have said. You are…” Mar 3, 16:50
Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: “Informed and incisive analysis, Geri. I don’t know how you do it. How many billions will President Trump need to…” Mar 3, 16:48
Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: “Fit happened there, Implants? Something seems tae hae hastened yer e [ Loving the economic illiteracy of your belief that…” Mar 3, 16:38
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on Two Men Unalike: “WES STREETING TO COMPEL GENDER CLINICS TO SHARE PUBERTY BLOCKER DATA NHS gender clinics must share data on children who…” Mar 3, 16:02
Breastplate on Two Men Unalike: “John Main, I’ve asked you a number of times to give us your definition of genocide to no avail. We…” Mar 3, 15:43
Geri on Two Men Unalike: “He’s as corrupt as feck & on the take. He has been since he took office with the idiot coin…” Mar 3, 15:21
Northcode on Two Men Unalike: “No worries, Cynicus… an easy mistake to make. Your apology is 100% accepted.” Mar 3, 15:13
Breastplate on Two Men Unalike: “Cynicus, Northcode’s post, AI generated or not is correct. The new Master of the Universe is China, whether the USA…” Mar 3, 15:00
Young Lochinvar on Two Men Unalike: “Starmers dithering over sending HMS Duncan to Cyprus to “provide additional air defence”/ present a tempting target.. We have only…” Mar 3, 14:55
Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: “Might be something in what you say, Confused. Still though, belt and braces. Better dust off the “genocide” accusation. We…” Mar 3, 14:42
Northcode on Two Men Unalike: “By the way, in case it isn’t clear to folk, the percentages in front of the ‘(most) likely human’ lines…” Mar 3, 14:33
Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: “An interesting article on life in another of the usual suspects’ poster boys for their aspirational Independent Scotland – the…” Mar 3, 14:29
Cynicus on Two Men Unalike: “An unconditional 100% apology! In my smart -arse haste I did not notice that the bulk of your post was…” Mar 3, 14:25
Confused on Two Men Unalike: “https://archive.ph/t8Egf war an shit … bored already I hope this blows over soon, there is no need for it. None…” Mar 3, 14:21
Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: “24 carat blethers, Cynicus. President Donald Trump is no Anglosaxon. He’s half Scots and half German. I hope he sues…” Mar 3, 14:21
Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: “Stick tae postin in Scots an nane o this bourach will happen, Northy.” Mar 3, 14:14
Cynicus on Two Men Unalike: “TURABDIN 3 March, 2026 at 12:54 pm “…..the lives of people like me are collateral to his anglosaxon great gaming.…” Mar 3, 13:54
Northcode on Two Men Unalike: “Northcode’s comment analysis report: 15% likely human Strong, personal voice with idiomatic phrases and cultural allusions (“Rick and Ilsa,” “Kiss…” Mar 3, 13:43
Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: “Aye, Alf, Fanon made it to the good ol USA before the end, even if his stay was cut tragically…” Mar 3, 13:37
Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: ““apologies if my suspicion that Northcode‘s post is largely AI is Unjustified” Do those suspicions extend to the plea for…” Mar 3, 13:25
Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: “I asked Grok to prepare a stand-up comedy routine from your post, Geri: “Weapons that don’t work” “China , if…” Mar 3, 13:15
TURABDIN on Two Men Unalike: “TRUMP is the perfect racist, the lives of people like me are collateral to his anglosaxon great gaming. Oh, btw…” Mar 3, 12:54
Confused on Two Men Unalike: “triptych the locals should be allowed to sort this out https://x.com/RMXnews/status/2028463353572503610 cops take a walk; man falls out of window…” Mar 3, 12:46
Geri on Two Men Unalike: “The West sparked a religious war. What did you expect, ya rocket! It demonstrates one thing tho, the West was…” Mar 3, 12:40
Cynicus on Two Men Unalike: “Northcode says: 3 March, 2026 at 5:20 am “Is the American Empire’s Dominance About to End?” ======= That depends on…” Mar 3, 12:23
Jamie on Two Men Unalike: “If you care about the issues raised by wings in this article and you are an Alba party member who…” Mar 3, 12:21
Geri on Two Men Unalike: “I remember now that this is about a past convo. Americas economy: a financial Ponzi scheme. The petrol dollar: The…” Mar 3, 11:31
Alf Baird on Two Men Unalike: “Yes of course an imperial aggressor must ignore international law because that is what makes them an imperial aggressor, much…” Mar 3, 10:56
Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: “Our Scottish ancestors who went off to colonise The Antipodes will be birling in their graves today. In Sydney, Melbourne…” Mar 3, 08:58