That clip (from just past midnight on the BBC News channel) isn’t a bad starting-point summary of last night’s extraordinary story, except by our count the Telegraph’s piece was fourth-hand rather than third-hand.
(First-hand would have been Nicola Sturgeon. Second-hand would have been the ambassador. Third-hand would have been the consul-general. The civil servant – who doubted the story him/herself – is fourth-hand.)
This is also a pretty good primer. Now let’s get to the fun stuff.
Sheesh. We pop out for a couple of hours to feed the Wings Emergency Kitten and we get back to find that it’s the UK press that’s barfed up hairballs all over its front pages.
And the contradictory cross-vortex coverlines aren’t even the mad bit.
Here’s Ed Miliband, giving a speech this morning to literally at least 20 Labour MPs, Labour MSPs, journalists and possibly a stray member of the public who accidentally walked through the wrong door in Clydebank, a place where Labour leaders used to address gatherings of thousands.
Unusually, Miliband took a few questions from the hacks, all of whom promptly wasted the opportunity by lobbing completely pointless softballs about coalitions and deals, all of which (a) have been asked a hundred times already, (b) were rendered moot by Alex Salmond on the Marr show yesterday, and (c) were only ever going to be batted away non-committally.
So here’s an actually worthwhile one they can ask instead next time.
The Daily Record, still smarting from the humiliation of being forced to very quietly admit it told its readers a £20 billion lie about the Smith Commission late last year, has been in a demented overdrive trying to provoke Yes/SNP supporters this week.
It started on Tuesday with an echo of the paper’s infamous “Vow” cover, clearly aimed at winding up its detractors but which passed without much comment as social media users merely raised a brief weary eyebrow and got on with their day. But then the Record started turning up the volume.
Sometimes the UK media is so soul-crushingly moronic, readers, that it’s hard to get out of bed in the morning. Nevertheless, we’re pretty sure we haven’t nodded off and woken up in 2017, so today’s papers must be even more idiotic than usual.
The Scottish Sun is around 80% the same newspaper as the English edition (with the bulk of the difference being accounted for by football coverage) so presumably the south-of-the-border version has a broadly similar view, right?
If we’re honest, readers, we almost never bother with BBC Scotland’s televised political coverage any more. We suspect the viewing figures for Scotland 2015 are down to fingers-and-toes territory now, and if last night’s edition – which we gritted our teeth and watched after noting the incredulous response on social media – is anything to go by, the state broadcaster is now using it to try out work-experience kids.
But we can cut fresh-faced new boy David Henderson (who suffered the indignity of being billed as Sarah Smith) a bit of slack for being outmanoeuvred by an experienced operator like Jim Murphy, who at one point in the show was actually interrogating the presenter rather than the other way round.
Kirsty Wark, regular anchor on the Corporation’s current-affairs flagship Newsnight, on the other hand, has no such excuses whatsoever.
This is how Scotland is seen in the largest part of the UK today. There’s nothing at all new about Scots being portrayed as “stealing” money rightfully belonging to England, of course, nor in the stereotype depicted by the Jimmy hat. It’s the word on the placard that tells the story: “immigrant”.
Alf Baird on When the law breaks the law: “You must be on piece-work from whoever pays you, Hatey, that’s 28 worthless diversionary contributions on this article alone from…” Feb 22, 19:43
Saffron Robe on When the law breaks the law: “I agree entirely with both your comments, Twathater. The current crop of Scottish politicians are indeed merely actors for independence…” Feb 22, 19:40
Hatey McHateface on When the law breaks the law: “Graves used to be a lot more spacious. Shrinkflation gets its teeth into everything. Back in the Victorian Age, when…” Feb 22, 18:18
Northcode on When the law breaks the law: “Although “turn” was most likely used first in a speech given by a Mr Windham on the 4th November 1801…” Feb 22, 18:02
Hatey McHateface on When the law breaks the law: ““comprehensively lost the argument in Scotland vis-a-vis EU membership. the ship has sailed” Blethers. The argument has never been made.…” Feb 22, 17:48
Hatey McHateface on When the law breaks the law: “Surely “brocht low”, Northy, not “brought low”. It angers me more than mere words can express that I’m better at…” Feb 22, 17:41
Northcode on When the law breaks the law: “Since there’s nothing much happening on here again theday… here’s anither fragment of a braw poem scrieved by that most…” Feb 22, 17:29
agentx on When the law breaks the law: ““Alex Salmond will be rolling in his grave” ——————————————— The usual phrase is “turning in his grave”.” Feb 22, 17:27
Andy Ellis on When the law breaks the law: “@Hatey There’s no way the EU would have accepted separate memberships for Scotland and rUK on the same terms and…” Feb 22, 16:58
Hatey McHateface on When the law breaks the law: ““We’re economically significantly worse off than if we’d have become independent, because if that had happened brexit would never have…” Feb 22, 16:27
Andy Ellis on When the law breaks the law: “@Hatey Those who like to over-exaggerate the disaster of leaving one union (Brexit) sabotage the chances of leaving another (Indy).…” Feb 22, 15:50
Hatey McHateface on When the law breaks the law: “Gie’s a brek, Alf. Real nationalists ken fit self-determination is. It’s just the faux nationalists who want Scotland immediately locked…” Feb 22, 15:31
Alf Baird on When the law breaks the law: “““real” nationalists should be focused on… self determination” That is correct, but nationalists also need to better understand what self-determination…” Feb 22, 14:47
Hatey McHateface on When the law breaks the law: “Sorry, Andy, I replied to you a puckle of times, but every reply incurred the wrath of the moderation bot…” Feb 22, 14:30
Hatey McHateface on When the law breaks the law: “Calm doon, Northy. It’s likely just a poor translation into the lying tongue of the coloniser (Inglis) from the original…” Feb 22, 14:08
Southernbystander on When the law breaks the law: “Just for the record, England is not in deep trauma, a mad sort of conception that bears no relationship to…” Feb 22, 12:46
Sven on When the law breaks the law: “Ah me, if only it were an ill chosen metaphor which were to anger me more than words could express…” Feb 22, 11:52
Northcode on When the law breaks the law: “This angers me more than mere words can express: A source close to Alba added: “If Ash Regan was elected…” Feb 22, 10:38
agentx on When the law breaks the law: “Isle of Islay arrived in Scotland 🙂 https://www.vesselfinder.com/?imo=9970923” Feb 22, 10:08
TURABDIN on When the law breaks the law: “SCOTLAND MIGHT JUST POSSIBLY be on the right track when people of certain type are no longer in charge of…” Feb 22, 09:38
Andy Ellis on When the law breaks the law: “We need to be careful not to make the perfect the enemy of the good. The independence movement doesn’t need…” Feb 22, 09:25
Hatey McHateface on When the law breaks the law: “I’m sure it’s entirely coincidental, but from the looks of things, I’m confident that the sheriff has an above average…” Feb 22, 08:59
Hatey McHateface on When the law breaks the law: ““Scotland will never regain her independence until we have people who are willing to tell WM to fuck off” Precisely…” Feb 22, 08:01
twathater on When the law breaks the law: “Scotland will never regain her independence until we have people who are willing to tell WM to fuck off, what…” Feb 22, 03:57
twathater on When the law breaks the law: “As I commented on Grousebeater blog re Mark Hirst It is absolutely despicable that Scotland’s laws and legal system is…” Feb 22, 03:28
Jay on When the law breaks the law: “Dan, thank you for the link to grousebeater’s exposition concerning Sturgeon’s history. Seems perfectly compromised for recruitment. Is any more…” Feb 21, 23:53
Saffron Robe on Shield Of The Phantom: “I’ve been thinking some more about this following a conversation today about AI, and I’m not convinced the explanation given…” Feb 21, 22:21
Young Lochinvar on When the law breaks the law: “HMcH Nah, they are as bad in both departments as each other. Is either department the one/ those GP referenced…” Feb 21, 21:53
Young Lochinvar on When the law breaks the law: “James HMcH is either: 1. Flexing his +60% fat brain percentage inspired imagination Or 2. Projecting YET AGAIN..” Feb 21, 21:30
