That clip (from just past midnight on the BBC News channel) isn’t a bad starting-point summary of last night’s extraordinary story, except by our count the Telegraph’s piece was fourth-hand rather than third-hand.
(First-hand would have been Nicola Sturgeon. Second-hand would have been the ambassador. Third-hand would have been the consul-general. The civil servant – who doubted the story him/herself – is fourth-hand.)
This is also a pretty good primer. Now let’s get to the fun stuff.
Sheesh. We pop out for a couple of hours to feed the Wings Emergency Kitten and we get back to find that it’s the UK press that’s barfed up hairballs all over its front pages.
And the contradictory cross-vortex coverlines aren’t even the mad bit.
Here’s Ed Miliband, giving a speech this morning to literally at least 20 Labour MPs, Labour MSPs, journalists and possibly a stray member of the public who accidentally walked through the wrong door in Clydebank, a place where Labour leaders used to address gatherings of thousands.
Unusually, Miliband took a few questions from the hacks, all of whom promptly wasted the opportunity by lobbing completely pointless softballs about coalitions and deals, all of which (a) have been asked a hundred times already, (b) were rendered moot by Alex Salmond on the Marr show yesterday, and (c) were only ever going to be batted away non-committally.
So here’s an actually worthwhile one they can ask instead next time.
The Daily Record, still smarting from the humiliation of being forced to very quietly admit it told its readers a £20 billion lie about the Smith Commission late last year, has been in a demented overdrive trying to provoke Yes/SNP supporters this week.
It started on Tuesday with an echo of the paper’s infamous “Vow” cover, clearly aimed at winding up its detractors but which passed without much comment as social media users merely raised a brief weary eyebrow and got on with their day. But then the Record started turning up the volume.
Sometimes the UK media is so soul-crushingly moronic, readers, that it’s hard to get out of bed in the morning. Nevertheless, we’re pretty sure we haven’t nodded off and woken up in 2017, so today’s papers must be even more idiotic than usual.
The Scottish Sun is around 80% the same newspaper as the English edition (with the bulk of the difference being accounted for by football coverage) so presumably the south-of-the-border version has a broadly similar view, right?
If we’re honest, readers, we almost never bother with BBC Scotland’s televised political coverage any more. We suspect the viewing figures for Scotland 2015 are down to fingers-and-toes territory now, and if last night’s edition – which we gritted our teeth and watched after noting the incredulous response on social media – is anything to go by, the state broadcaster is now using it to try out work-experience kids.
But we can cut fresh-faced new boy David Henderson (who suffered the indignity of being billed as Sarah Smith) a bit of slack for being outmanoeuvred by an experienced operator like Jim Murphy, who at one point in the show was actually interrogating the presenter rather than the other way round.
Kirsty Wark, regular anchor on the Corporation’s current-affairs flagship Newsnight, on the other hand, has no such excuses whatsoever.
This is how Scotland is seen in the largest part of the UK today. There’s nothing at all new about Scots being portrayed as “stealing” money rightfully belonging to England, of course, nor in the stereotype depicted by the Jimmy hat. It’s the word on the placard that tells the story: “immigrant”.
Geri on Looking up at the stars: “Lorncal What are you suggesting is propaganda? It’s documented fact that the father of a disabled child asked the German…” Mar 19, 02:02
Lorncal on Looking up at the stars: “Geri: the Nazis certainly practised eugenics, on Jews, Slavs, the disabled, those with mental ill-health or illness, etc., but they…” Mar 18, 23:46
Young Lochinvar on Looking up at the stars: “Assisted dying bill; Automatic do not resuscitate classifications have been in operation for ages.. Anyway, assisted dying; Go to Muirhouse…” Mar 18, 22:03
Geri on Looking up at the stars: “As Maggie said, international law is all we’ve got between us & the barbarians. Ironic really cause they ARE the…” Mar 18, 21:38
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on Looking up at the stars: “MLA CRITICISES WOKE GOVERNMENT FORM An MLA (Member of the Legislative Assembly) has criticised the Northern Ireland Civil Service for…” Mar 18, 21:36
Geri on Looking up at the stars: “They have options. Those options don’t have to involve everyone else. If they want to check out then go for…” Mar 18, 21:25
Geri on Looking up at the stars: “Last time I looked it wasn’t Poot offering euthanasia to avoid paying healthcare & pensions or sterilising his own population…” Mar 18, 20:57
Southernbystander on Looking up at the stars: “It is palpably untrue that supporting assisted dying is all about government population control – the statement is offensive and…” Mar 18, 20:57
Hatey McHateface on Looking up at the stars: “Surely half a bicycle is a cycle?” Mar 18, 20:02
Hatey McHateface on Looking up at the stars: “When you write “us” Geri, is that you deploying your royal we again? That makes more sense than the alternative…” Mar 18, 20:00
Hatey McHateface on Looking up at the stars: “With so many women in the workforce, there’s a lot of demand for anything that will help them slim down.” Mar 18, 19:48
Geri on Looking up at the stars: “Mark WEF – where billionaires empty the contents of their head thinking no one is listening. They loathe the working…” Mar 18, 19:28
Northcode on Looking up at the stars: “I like it, Sam. Here’s one of Brian’s that sums up my attempts at humour in this place: “I saw…” Mar 18, 19:24
Mark Beggan on Looking up at the stars: “The UN is struggling to exist as it is running out of money and relevance. The Titanic of gravy boats…” Mar 18, 19:15
Mark Beggan on Looking up at the stars: “Are you pals with Starmer the wanker. That’s the same pish he talks.” Mar 18, 19:02
Mark Beggan on Looking up at the stars: “@Geri You take an assisted dying bill (defeated) and turn it into the toilet habits of the rich. The genocide…” Mar 18, 18:50
Mark Beggan on Looking up at the stars: “That’s last months flag. Do keep up.” Mar 18, 18:38
sam on Looking up at the stars: “A wry sense of humour indeed. “The gross and net result of it is that people who spent most of…” Mar 18, 18:35
Geri on Looking up at the stars: “They’re not left. The billionaires are shitting themselves there’ll not be enough resources left in the world for them cause…” Mar 18, 18:11
Geri on Looking up at the stars: “America, Oops! I mean it’s proxy Iraq invaded Iran in 1980. A war lasting 9 years or so. Everything from…” Mar 18, 17:51
100%Yes on Looking up at the stars: “Welcome on board James, sorry about Alba but some how I believe it was deliberate because Alba was making progress…” Mar 18, 17:48
Mark Beggan on Looking up at the stars: “That’s because the Elite Left think people like you are scum.” Mar 18, 17:33
Lorncal on Looking up at the stars: “In Switzerland, it is mandatory, at both local (regional) and national level for referendums to be held on all major…” Mar 18, 17:05
Lorncal on Looking up at the stars: “Mark: I recall listening to a programme about Iran after the Shah was deposed, when Khomeini (1979, I think) had…” Mar 18, 15:56
Hatey McHateface on Looking up at the stars: ““big tent party” I guess the tent is implied by the flag. Still though, in the original meaning of “big…” Mar 18, 15:35
Jamie on Looking up at the stars: “Good article Rev. Talking about elections, as someone who was briefly politically homeless after the death of Alba, after some…” Mar 18, 15:19
Geri on Looking up at the stars: “Tis true about the drugs. It even dispenses itself through a driver if swallowing starts to become difficult & even…” Mar 18, 13:59
Mark Beggan on Looking up at the stars: “A braw n grand sunlit day Oan ma bike n faraway Er the Clyde an alang the Kelvin Up Maryhill…” Mar 18, 13:36
Mark Beggan on Looking up at the stars: “God told me your a pain in the celestial arse.” Mar 18, 13:28
Hatey McHateface on Looking up at the stars: “Good to know God doesn’t go in for that Scots speaking bollox. Get Alf on the phone and tell him.” Mar 18, 13:21
