Wings Over Scotland

Here’s a nice wee feelgood story to end the week, found by one of our covert field agents this afternoon. (Codename “Maw”.) Despite the extreme financial pressures on the British economy, the UK government has managed to stumble across a significant cash windfall – over half a billion pounds, in fact.

We’ll pass you over to the Fife edition of the Courier for the details.

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This must be a sad day for the deputy leader of the Labour Party in Scotland. After all, we’ve spent much of the last few weeks hearing how very uncomfortable Scottish Labour types are with the idea of their relatives becoming “foreigners”.

So the news that Anas Sarwar’s dad has decided to renounce being a proud Scot and return to his native Pakistan must have come as quite a blow. Our sympathies to the Sarwar family on this terrible and upsetting division. Damn separatists.

We can’t say we were especially upset late last night when the Scottish Sun revealed that Susan Boyle is anti-independence. We doubt her views, or any celebrity’s, will dramatically shape the electorate’s opinions. All the same, the unseemly haste with which the No camp leapt on the news left an unpleasant taste in our mouths.

And if you’ve ever read a tabloid newspaper or watched ITV News any time in the last four years or so, it shouldn’t be terribly hard to figure out why.

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We’re going to pop out for a quick bit of sun before it gets completely insanely hot. While we’re gone enjoy this, in which a hapless Labour stooge pens a quick diatribe of cut-and-pasted “Better Together” drivel for what he almost certainly expected to be a sympathetic audience on the anti-independence “progressive” site Left Foot Forward, and promptly gets the most comprehensive and one-sided shoeing from commenters we’ve seen in quite some time. We can only assume “Newsbot9” is on holiday.

(PS The CTU is one of many unions serving members in both the UK and Ireland.)

We blame the inefficient private-sector monopoly (ie me). But we think we’ve finally ironed out various technical and procedural hitches, and are finally ready to send out the special rewards for the most generous contributors to the excitingly successful fundraiser we ran back in, er, well, let’s call it “Spring”.

If that wasn’t you, don’t click below or you’ll only be sad.

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Credit where it’s due to the Scotsman today, which has been impeccably even-handed in its coverage of the furore around the issue of men-only membership at the Muirfield golf club, current host to the sport’s flagship event, the Open.

Here’s this morning’s edition discussing Alex Salmond’s stance, for example:

“The way he has performed this summer, I can’t be the only person relieved that Alex Salmond has decided against going to the Open at Muirfield.

Or is his bungled boycott of arguably the most treasured sporting event in Scotland’s calendar actually his clumsiest attempt yet to muscle his way into the spotlight?”

And showing scrupulous fairness, they’ve also reported on David Cameron’s view.

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Apologies if the headline falls fouls of anyone’s work filter (although it shouldn’t, as it’s officially legally not a swear word), but we can’t think of a more concise and accurate way of describing the phenomenon illustrated by the comically absurd story that’s being blared all over the Scottish media this morning like news of the Apocalypse.

The price of oil, as the No campaign never tires of telling us, is volatile. Nobody knows what it’ll be in 27 weeks’ time, or even 27 days’ time. Predicting what level it’ll be at 27 hours from now is pushing your luck a bit, and City traders regularly make and lose fortunes betting on that timescale and getting it right or wrong.

So the idea that anyone, let alone the Office for Budget Responsibility, can have even the slightest, vaguest hint of a clue where North Sea oil prices and production will be 27 YEARS from now is – well, see the headline.

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From Russia Today.

“…sends in dispensable penal battalion first.”

Watchful readers will know that one of the recurring themes on this site is the impossibility of finding any real ideological differences between the three main Westminster-based parties. But to be scrupulously fair, we think we might finally have uncovered one now, in the light of this week’s bizarre Lib Dem policy paper on Trident.

(This is turning into the worst day off ever.)

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An alert reader today pointed us towards internet traffic analysis site Alexa.com, and in particular its statistics for the Yes and No campaigns’ official websites. There was an interesting quirk (or at least one that might pass for interesting in the silly season).

Can you spot it?

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Today the Scottish Sun is almost entirely devoted to things idiot celebrities have said to each other on Twitter (or stories about Rihanna’s earrings), while the Daily Record relegates the Lib Dem Trident fiasco to a couple of small side columns in order to splash a double-page “EXCLUSIVE!” spread with the shock revelation that the First Minister of Scotland has sent letters of congratulation to some successful Scots.

(A feature for which it bewilderingly felt the need to waste taxpayers’ money by sending Freedom of Information requests to the Scottish Government.)

The Scotsman goes big on famous people’s favourite churches (people have favourite churches?), and the Herald has a South African, of all people, complaining about Alex Salmond taking a stand against discrimination.

We might take the day off.

Having done it for 22-and-a-half years now, we’re unable to recommend a career in journalism. While there are upsides, it’s a largely arduous and thankless task, and one where pay rates were on a downward slope long before the financial crisis.

However, if for some unfathomable reason you’re really determined that it’s the job for you, let us at least offer you a crash course in the modern art.

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