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Welcome to your new home 153

Posted on January 11, 2015 by

The Scottish media has been predictably full of Sincere Jim Murphy’s proclamation this weekend that Scottish Labour is “a renewed party for a post-referendum era in Scottish politics. I want Yes and No voters alike to be able to look at the purpose and principles of the Scottish Labour party and find a home there.”

This is Labour’s 2015 general election candidate for the Western Isles seat.

alasdairmorrison

Should we bother compiling a big list of similar “separatists are the filthiest scum of the Earth” quotes from other Scottish Labour MPs who are standing for election this May, or should we just consider the point made and move on, readers?

For queen and country 74

Posted on January 11, 2015 by

Pretty much the entire Scottish media yesterday carried a sad story about the funeral in Forfar of a young soldier who tragically died after serving in Afghanistan.

Private Mark Connolly wasn’t killed in combat but died after being punched by a comrade in a fight. Wrangling between his widow and mother had delayed his funeral for four years, and spilled over into angry confrontations as he was laid to rest, which the papers reported with considerable relish and plenty of photographs, and even video footage from the graveside.

warhero

The story was picked up in the Scotsman, the Daily Mail, the Telegraph’s Scotland sectionSTV News, BBC Scotland, the Courier and more. Curiously, though, one aspect of the unfortunate event was almost completely written out of the coverage.

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An open goal 108

Posted on January 10, 2015 by

It’s like they’re actually setting these up for us.

murphylaw1

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A few not-very-good men 83

Posted on January 10, 2015 by

We’ve had some fun with the appointment of John McTernan as Scottish Labour’s new chief of staff this week. But he’s far from the only talent in branch manager Jim Murphy’s backroom team. Particularly alert readers may recall an obscure figure from the independence campaign by the name of Blair McDougall, who was little-seen in the last year of the debate but we think was the director of “Better Together”.

blairmcdougall22

It seems his modus operandi hasn’t changed much since the referendum.

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Business as usual 105

Posted on January 10, 2015 by

An unsurprising result.

legaldecent

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Ontae plums 65

Posted on January 10, 2015 by

slabslot

When history didn’t happen 244

Posted on January 09, 2015 by

Below is a clip from today’s “Morning Call” on BBC Radio Scotland. Speaking (from 16m 24s on the full show) are SNP MSP Mark McDonald, presenter Kaye Adams and Labour MSP Lewis Macdonald. There are a couple of noteworthy moments.

A caller named “George” had rung in concerned that the SNP might be giving up on their goal of independence, and Adams invited Mark McDonald to set his mind at rest. Here’s what happened in the next three minutes.

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The right kind of people 87

Posted on January 09, 2015 by

Scottish Labour’s new chief of staff this afternoon:

jmct

Hmm, wonder who “the right people” are?

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Scottish Labour For Dummies 2015 133

Posted on January 09, 2015 by

In the light of the announcement of Scottish Labour’s new chief of staff, we thought it might be worthwhile to summarise some of his views in one handy reference guide, for the benefit of left-wing Labour voters who may have voted Yes in the referendum but are now considering whether to return to the party this May.

mcternan1

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Reaching out to Yes 126

Posted on January 09, 2015 by

Alert readers may recall that since the election of Jim Murphy as Scottish Labour branch office manager he’s barely gone a moment without promising to “reach out” to Yes voters. Last month he even pledged that he’d employ some in his team if he won the Labour job.

murphyreach

We imagine they’ll be fair hammering on his door after the latest addition to his crew, because today’s Herald reveals that Murphy’s new chief of staff, and joining “Better Together” director Blair McDougall among Jim’s backroom boys, is to be our old pal John “there will be no referendum” McTernan.

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They just can’t help it 115

Posted on January 08, 2015 by

“Wait, this story’s entirely true. Do something, Torcuil.”

fivedogs

“Sorted, boss.”

The goldfish principle 245

Posted on January 08, 2015 by

It is, we’ve remarked before, often difficult to satirise Scottish Labour, because it’s hard to think of anything more fatuous, transparently hypocritical or just plain idiotic than the things they actually say for real. The party’s recent demand that the Scottish Government should set up a “resilience fund” to cushion the blow of falls in oil prices – or as everyone else on Earth usually calls it, an “oil fund” – is only the latest example.

bailliefund1

There are just five months between the two tweets above. Yet Labour seemingly believes that the Scottish public will already have completely forgotten that the party spent most of the last two years telling Scots an oil fund was a mad, impossible idea.

But it’s even more ludicrous than it sounds.

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