Those are the words of David Cameron as he launched the Scottish Tories’ manifesto in front of a heavily-vetted invited audience in Glasgow yesterday. They make the pages of a couple of other papers, including the Guardian (which hides them even further down the page than the Sun does), but it’s only the Herald that picks up on their significance, leading its article with the unequivocal lines:
So, let’s just get this one straight, this morning’s English edition of The Sun – two parties with 316 seats are “stealing” an election from two parties with 309 seats?
Want us to walk you through that whole “counting” thing again?
The bald-eagle-looking chap toting the cerise tie in this clip of this morning’s Victoria Derbyshire show on the BBC News channel is Lord (Andrew) Adonis, a former Labour government minister under Tony Blair and Gordon Brown.
He also wrote the book “Five Days In May” about the latter’s unsuccessful attempt to form a coalition with the Liberal Democrats in 2010, despite having won almost 50 fewer seats than the Conservatives in that election. So he understands the process.
Lord Adonis does, in fairness, make a brief and half-hearted attempt at punting Jim Murphy’s “1924” line, but in the end he’s forced to concede (nudged along by Peter Riddell of the Institute for Government) that in fact the second-placed party forming the government is perfectly possible.
The Daily Record gets up high on its outrage horse this morning with a front-page story titled “Double-crossed on devo”, echoing Jim Murphy’s claim of yesterday that the Tories’ manifesto pledge on “English votes for English laws” is a “betrayal” of the “Vow” signed by the three UK party leaders before the independence referendum.
Unsurprisingly, the Record gives rather less prominence to the news that the Vow isn’t worth the fake parchment it wasn’t written on than it did to repeatedly hyping it up and then proclaiming that it had already been delivered.
Last week we listened to a Radio Scotland phone-in debate on Trident, hosted very deftly by John Beattie, who managed to steer callers away from political points and keep the discussion on the merits or otherwise of the weapons system itself.
Sadly that didn’t dissuade the usual coterie of nutters/local councillors phoning in insisting that (a) North Korea would invade/blast Scotland off the face of the Earth the moment we let our guard down, and (b) Helensburgh would immediately revert to the Stone Age at the loss of jobs were the few hundred Trident sailors who spend about a week every year in the town to be reassigned to other posts in the navy.
We didn’t have time to ring in ourselves, but we did manage to think of a much better idea that solved both of those problems without lumbering Scotland with a gigantic nuclear white elephant, and one that would also free up an awful lot of valuable police time and resources that are currently spent arresting a bunch of hippies.
We’ve been quiet today because we’ve been wading through the 80-odd painfully-dry pages of the Labour 2015 election manifesto, folks. It’s a deeply tedious read – screeds and screeds of waffly text about how nice things are nice and good things are good but bad things are bad. A couple of things did jump out, though. Here’s one.
Alert readers will of course recall that the party’s solemn pledge in Scotland is to provide 1000 more nurses (hastily revised from the comical “1000 more than whatever the SNP say”) from the proceeds of the Mansion Tax, even though NHS Scotland is devolved and no Westminster government can in fact hire a single Scottish nurse.
But hang on. Something’s not right about those numbers.
With the “biggest party forms the government” lie now sunk and rusting slowly on the seabed (weighed down even further by polls suggesting that Labour actually will be the largest party even if they lose all of Scotland to the SNP), and four weeks of campaigning left to fill, Scottish Labour have had to grab a hammer, smash the glass on the “EMERGENCY – IN CASE OF DESPERATION” box and clutch desperately at whatever they found inside.
The abject answer is “Project Fear 2 – This Time It’s Full Fiscal Autonomy”.
Glenn Boyd on A Matter Of Declinature: “David Davis makes allegations about Nicola sturgeon in Westminster Professor Tim Wilson on You Tube Worth a view” Jul 17, 20:46
Glenn Boyd on A Matter Of Declinature: “David Davis makes allegations about nicola sturgeon in Westminster Professor Tim Wilson You Tube Well worth a view.” Jul 17, 20:43
Hatey McHateface on A Matter Of Declinature: ““I believe James used “Scotch” in his comment to make a point” I believe you don’t believe that at all.…” Jul 17, 20:34
Alf Baird on A Matter Of Declinature: ““Logic, eh? It’s a scunner” Some Scots might say the colonisation of Scotland is inarguable. Some Scots might say the…” Jul 17, 20:21
Northcode on A Matter Of Declinature: ““[The] Scotch don’t like Tories generally, Inglis.” This, taken from the Dictionary of the Older Scottish Tongue (up to 1700):…” Jul 17, 20:13
Aidan on A Matter Of Declinature: “Sorry Dan – are you really sticking up for “James” here?” Jul 17, 18:30
Hatey McHateface on A Matter Of Declinature: “Sure, sam. That’s why the Jacobite army marched on London, getting as far south as Derby before turning back. “Jacobites…” Jul 17, 18:27
Hatey McHateface on A Matter Of Declinature: “@Wee Wally Walrus W. Winky says: 17 July, 2026 at 4:05 pm “That right, aye, Prick?” Aye. That’s right. Scotch…” Jul 17, 18:19
Dan on A Matter Of Declinature: “TBH I don’t think many folk could blow the skin off a rice pudding… The phrase is usually: Couldn’t knock…” Jul 17, 18:05
Captain Caveman on A Matter Of Declinature: “Is that it, Fatso? 😀 My 5 year old granddaughter could do better (and could probably batter you too), if…” Jul 17, 18:04
James on A Matter Of Declinature: “Three unionist wankers together. Have fun, girls.” Jul 17, 17:50
Aidan on A Matter Of Declinature: “Well said CC, imagine being the biggest wanker WoS BTL.” Jul 17, 17:04
Captain Caveman on A Matter Of Declinature: “Well, I’m not so stupid as to default-dislike a particular group of people out of sheer prejudice and ignorance; I…” Jul 17, 16:28
sam on A Matter Of Declinature: “Stick to your own comfort zone, Main. Abuse. https://www.parliament.uk/about/living-heritage/evolutionofparliament/legislativescrutiny/act-of-union-1707/overview/the-1715-rebellion/ “The 1715 rebellion In the next few years, discontent with the…” Jul 17, 16:12
James on A Matter Of Declinature: “That right, aye, Prick? Don’t be coy, prick, ye ken fine well that ‘Scotch’ is what you and your Inglis…” Jul 17, 16:05
Southernbystander on A Matter Of Declinature: “Thanks Saffron Robe, that makes sense i.e. unarguable is ‘not able to be argued’ but inarguable is ‘true, and impossible…” Jul 17, 15:55
Hatey McHateface on A Matter Of Declinature: “‘“inarguable” is often seen as the stronger choice’ If that is the case, then unarguably, “unarguable” is often seen as…” Jul 17, 14:51
Hatey McHateface on A Matter Of Declinature: “Every one of “those millions of poor bastards” should be granted a posthumous transition by the state. I hope, trust…” Jul 17, 14:38
Hatey McHateface on A Matter Of Declinature: “@ Wally Walrus says: 17 July, 2026 at 12:21 pm Scotch is the name given to whisky distilled in Scotland.…” Jul 17, 14:30
Hatey McHateface on A Matter Of Declinature: “Cheers, Alf! I have a soft spot for the one about the moon being made of cheese. You’ve lifted my…” Jul 17, 14:19
Hatey McHateface on A Matter Of Declinature: ““The risings in 1715 and 1745 reflected discontent with the Union” Naw. They never. They were an attempt, across Scotland,…” Jul 17, 14:13
Hatey McHateface on A Matter Of Declinature: “@Northcode says: 17 July, 2026 at 10:41 am “you’re never done mentioning me in your posts, are you?” Guilty as…” Jul 17, 14:06
Young Lochinvar on A Matter Of Declinature: “HMcH Yawn. You’ve lost the plot “old boy”..” Jul 17, 14:03
sam on A Matter Of Declinature: ““Historical Misrepresentation: The annexation of Scotland is viewed by some as a result of coercion rather than a voluntary agreement.”…” Jul 17, 13:47
Aidan on A Matter Of Declinature: “@Alf – this is starting to sound more and more like the teaching of L Ron Hubbard every day.” Jul 17, 13:43
Aidan on A Matter Of Declinature: “The arguments above are highly relevant because they describe the recognised constitutional structure of the United Kingdom which sets out…” Jul 17, 13:42
Saffron Robe on A Matter Of Declinature: “Southernbystander, this is from Copilot: The terms “unarguable” and “inarguable” are often used interchangeably, but there are subtle differences. Inarguable…” Jul 17, 13:37
sam on A Matter Of Declinature: “It is, unarguably,unarguable. See also unwell, unable, undone.” Jul 17, 13:21
John H. on A Matter Of Declinature: “I think that Nicola Sturgeon can kiss goodbye to that peerage now.” Jul 17, 13:18
Xaracen on A Matter Of Declinature: “Even more damning, steps were unlawfully taken to actively prevent that highest authority in Scotland from being involved in the…” Jul 17, 13:09