Those are the words of David Cameron as he launched the Scottish Tories’ manifesto in front of a heavily-vetted invited audience in Glasgow yesterday. They make the pages of a couple of other papers, including the Guardian (which hides them even further down the page than the Sun does), but it’s only the Herald that picks up on their significance, leading its article with the unequivocal lines:
So, let’s just get this one straight, this morning’s English edition of The Sun – two parties with 316 seats are “stealing” an election from two parties with 309 seats?
Want us to walk you through that whole “counting” thing again?
The bald-eagle-looking chap toting the cerise tie in this clip of this morning’s Victoria Derbyshire show on the BBC News channel is Lord (Andrew) Adonis, a former Labour government minister under Tony Blair and Gordon Brown.
He also wrote the book “Five Days In May” about the latter’s unsuccessful attempt to form a coalition with the Liberal Democrats in 2010, despite having won almost 50 fewer seats than the Conservatives in that election. So he understands the process.
Lord Adonis does, in fairness, make a brief and half-hearted attempt at punting Jim Murphy’s “1924” line, but in the end he’s forced to concede (nudged along by Peter Riddell of the Institute for Government) that in fact the second-placed party forming the government is perfectly possible.
The Daily Record gets up high on its outrage horse this morning with a front-page story titled “Double-crossed on devo”, echoing Jim Murphy’s claim of yesterday that the Tories’ manifesto pledge on “English votes for English laws” is a “betrayal” of the “Vow” signed by the three UK party leaders before the independence referendum.
Unsurprisingly, the Record gives rather less prominence to the news that the Vow isn’t worth the fake parchment it wasn’t written on than it did to repeatedly hyping it up and then proclaiming that it had already been delivered.
Last week we listened to a Radio Scotland phone-in debate on Trident, hosted very deftly by John Beattie, who managed to steer callers away from political points and keep the discussion on the merits or otherwise of the weapons system itself.
Sadly that didn’t dissuade the usual coterie of nutters/local councillors phoning in insisting that (a) North Korea would invade/blast Scotland off the face of the Earth the moment we let our guard down, and (b) Helensburgh would immediately revert to the Stone Age at the loss of jobs were the few hundred Trident sailors who spend about a week every year in the town to be reassigned to other posts in the navy.
We didn’t have time to ring in ourselves, but we did manage to think of a much better idea that solved both of those problems without lumbering Scotland with a gigantic nuclear white elephant, and one that would also free up an awful lot of valuable police time and resources that are currently spent arresting a bunch of hippies.
We’ve been quiet today because we’ve been wading through the 80-odd painfully-dry pages of the Labour 2015 election manifesto, folks. It’s a deeply tedious read – screeds and screeds of waffly text about how nice things are nice and good things are good but bad things are bad. A couple of things did jump out, though. Here’s one.
Alert readers will of course recall that the party’s solemn pledge in Scotland is to provide 1000 more nurses (hastily revised from the comical “1000 more than whatever the SNP say”) from the proceeds of the Mansion Tax, even though NHS Scotland is devolved and no Westminster government can in fact hire a single Scottish nurse.
But hang on. Something’s not right about those numbers.
With the “biggest party forms the government” lie now sunk and rusting slowly on the seabed (weighed down even further by polls suggesting that Labour actually will be the largest party even if they lose all of Scotland to the SNP), and four weeks of campaigning left to fill, Scottish Labour have had to grab a hammer, smash the glass on the “EMERGENCY – IN CASE OF DESPERATION” box and clutch desperately at whatever they found inside.
The abject answer is “Project Fear 2 – This Time It’s Full Fiscal Autonomy”.
Young Lochinvar on The Pit Of Vipers: “I see (no pun intended) that the Lyrid meteor shower could be visible in night skies. Sort of thing that’s…” Apr 22, 13:11
Aidan on The Pit Of Vipers: ““We know second-home owners were getting votes, temporary residents, foreign students, dead people etc. We know postal votes were being…” Apr 22, 11:57
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on The Pit Of Vipers: “PAUL ROBESON SINGS FOR SCOTTISH MINERS (1949) www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0bezsMVU7c” Apr 22, 11:16
Colin Alexander on The Pit Of Vipers: “Before 2014 Alex Salmond proposed a multi-option ballot that included Home Rule / Devo-Max. The UK Govt refused. (Opinion polls…” Apr 22, 11:04
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on The Pit Of Vipers: “PAUL ROBESON: On colonialism, African-American rights. (3 mins, Spotlight, ABC,1960) www.youtube.com/watch?v=puOIdh944vk” Apr 22, 10:58
Dominic Berry on The Pit Of Vipers: “You get the sense that these people think that anything is permissible as long as you don’t get caught. And…” Apr 22, 10:30
Alf Baird on The Pit Of Vipers: “Yes, in a colonial society we might expect all social institutions to be colonial in terms of their allegiance and…” Apr 22, 09:58
Frank Gillougley on The Pit Of Vipers: “After all this time of him being in the political domain, isn’t it kinda obvious to everyone with any nous,…” Apr 22, 08:42
Aidan on The Pit Of Vipers: “What surprises me the most is obviously not turkeys not wanting to vote for Christmas, but the relative ambivalence of…” Apr 22, 08:01
Young Lochinvar on The Pit Of Vipers: “George Sorry brother I’m an atheist after a youth spent being dragged weekly to fairly hardcore COS. I worked out…” Apr 22, 00:44
100%Yes on The Pit Of Vipers: “James Kelly, reveals a bit more of the family home. This time with his bedroom and some of his favorite…” Apr 21, 22:57
Young Lochinvar on The Pit Of Vipers: “Thanks Sven I typed that on the hoof without checking. Sorry. Appreciate it! 🙂” Apr 21, 22:00
George Ferguson on The Pit Of Vipers: “@Young Lochinvar I genuinely think people dont understand what is happening. The Lord High Commissioner did a great job last…” Apr 21, 21:11
Sven on The Pit Of Vipers: “I believe it’s the other way round for the Scripture reference, YL, 32:23. Very appropriate.” Apr 21, 20:50
George Ferguson on The Pit Of Vipers: “@Young Lochinvar 7:22pm I am OK with the King appointing the Lord High Commissioner for the second time. A Catholic…” Apr 21, 20:41
Young Lochinvar on The Pit Of Vipers: “100 percenter Yup, Does make you think doesn’t it? Wouldn’t be surprised if Mrs Redacto was a COS elder as…” Apr 21, 20:40
100%Yes on The Pit Of Vipers: “It appears to me Sturgeon power is entirely from people she has around her, who are complete and utter morons…” Apr 21, 20:18
100%Yes on The Pit Of Vipers: “Reply to Young Lochinvar Sarah What must Swinney’s wife think to all this, she has to know. If the rolls…” Apr 21, 20:09
Young Lochinvar on The Pit Of Vipers: “Lorncal The phrases you are looking for are: -Stairheid rammies -Manipulation -Daren’t leave the group incase they get talked about…” Apr 21, 19:41
Young Lochinvar on The Pit Of Vipers: “Screams; GUILTY.. Nae wonder Sturgeon was in tears of gratitude when he said he’d take over eh!? Can’t last forever…” Apr 21, 19:22
sarah on The Pit Of Vipers: “100%Yes: I don’t subscribe to the National but saw this story posted by other independence supporters. It is a shocker.” Apr 21, 19:18
Young Lochinvar on The Pit Of Vipers: “C’mon Wullie Cicero is uber untrendy now after Bojo the Clown used him as an example in his getting sacked…” Apr 21, 19:16
100%Yes on The Pit Of Vipers: “You subscribe to the national, just wondering what is it you get from this Rag??” Apr 21, 19:05
Young Lochinvar on The Pit Of Vipers: “Lorncal Faggats and their legions of handmaidens..” Apr 21, 19:04
100%Yes on The Pit Of Vipers: “John Swinney rejects calls for public inquiry into Alex Salmond ‘conspiracy’, What a shocker.” Apr 21, 19:02
twathater on The Pit Of Vipers: “@ Angus, Colin Alexander has been posting comments on WOS since at least 2014 , his comments have been scathing…” Apr 21, 18:32
Alf Baird on The Pit Of Vipers: “Yes, Fanon tells us that ‘the colonialist may speak in the native tongue’, and that ‘colonialism is always a co-operative…” Apr 21, 18:28
Lorncal on The Pit Of Vipers: “Rev: stooshie going on at ‘The National’ and ‘The Herald’ newspapers because they wouldn’t run an ISP campaign advert unless…” Apr 21, 18:24