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David Cameron’s new best friend 285

Posted on August 10, 2011 by

You may have seen David Cameron on the news today, anointing himself head of the "New Moral Army", promising a "fightback" against rioters, and praising (at 0.53) "the million people on Facebook who've signed up to support the police". The group in question was created, and is run, by this lovely chap:

That doesn't seem quite the sort of "morality" the Prime Minister should be getting behind, does it? But there are more rib-ticklers where that came from.

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A riots reader 65

Posted on August 09, 2011 by

Quickly rounding up some of the more interesting reflections on (and in some cases, prescient predictions of) recent events. By all means send any you've spotted that I've missed and I'll add them.

Riots: the underclass lash out (Daily Telegraph)

"Meanwhile, the view is gaining ground that social democracy, with its safety nets, its costly education and health care for all, is unsustainable in the bleak times ahead. The reality is that it is the only solution."

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If there’s no future, how can there be sin? 74

Posted on August 07, 2011 by

Let's make something clear from the off. I have absolutely no idea whether Mark Duggan deserved to be shot dead or not. If the widespread but as-yet-unconfirmed reports that he fired a gun at police are true, he's certainly got nobody but himself to blame. (EDIT: It looks very much as though they're not.)

We live in a time when the police – and especially the Metropolitan Police – will kill you for getting on a tube train or for just going about your normal everyday business somewhere in the loose vicinity of a protest march, so pointing a gun (or even something that might look a bit like one) at them would be pretty much the textbook definition of asking for it.

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Just fine and something 10

Posted on July 21, 2011 by

Returning from the shops yesterday, I picked up an unexpected A4 envelope from the hallway by the door. Angry letters from debt collectors aren't usually A4, so I opened it. Inside was a short note from my mum saying "This isn't The Dandy as I know it", attached to something so odd that I instantly knew I had to scan it for posterity and share it with my beloved viewers.

Mums are always right about stuff.

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The greatest word ever written 25

Posted on July 11, 2011 by

There are lots of great writers. Even within the professional community, let alone the general public, you’ll have a hard time getting two people to agree on who was the best ever. Was it Shakespeare? Orwell? Joyce? Sega Zone-era Jonathan Davies? The arguments echo timelessly through the ages.

I’ve got many heroes and inspirations of my own – Steven Wells, Miranda Sawyer, Barbara Ellen, Craig Kubey, Rosie Boycott, Douglas Adams and more. (Including the fictional composite entity Lloyd Mangram.)

But the greatest writer of all time is someone whose name I don’t even know, and who to earn the accolade only had to write a single word.

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An open letter to Scottish Labour 15

Posted on June 17, 2011 by

I originally wrote this piece for a website recently set up by some Labour MPs and MSPs from Scotland, which had solicited contributions from supporters of other parties. The site had attracted a large amount of comments (almost all of them genuine attempts at discussion, rather than jibes) from non-Labour voters, but some readers got very huffy about this “cybernat invasion”.

Sadly, despite asking me to write the piece after I suggested it to them, they’ve declined to publish it, and the site has now taken to deleting comments from non-supporters wholesale. (I had a minor Twitter scuffle with the Labour MP behind the site last night, and he’s turned out to have a very thin skin. One of his posts on the blog was also so mercilessly shredded for inaccurate facts that its entire comments thread has now been deleted.)

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Another day just like the day before 5

Posted on May 20, 2011 by

ME: Hey, iTunes! Since you’re so stupefyingly incapable of handling it properly, could you delete all the music off this iPhone so that I can put it back on from scratch, please?

ITUNES: Sure thing, Stuey! I’ll reinstall every one of the 800-odd apps on your iPhone – even though they’re all there already – right now!

ME: No, iTunes! The music! Not the apps! I didn’t ask you to do anything to the apps! There’s nothing wrong with the apps! Just delete the music!

ITUNES: Sorry, Stuey, I’m already busy reinstalling all these hundreds of apps like you asked. Be with you in about 12 hours!

ME: I really, really hate you, iTunes.

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Eurovision for heterosexuals 9

Posted on May 17, 2011 by

Long-time WoSblog viewers will already be aware that I’ve embraced my gay side when it comes to Eurovision now, thanks to the simple expedient of entering into the spirit and watching it with other people. (If everyone else is even briefly out of the room for some reason I get very twitchy.)

But for those of you still struggling, here are this year’s highlights, with the minimum of campness and the maximum of ROCK!

(NB “Maximum” does not necessarily mean “a lot”.)

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If I’m ever on a jury 7

Posted on May 12, 2011 by

… and someone is brought before me accused of cold-bloodedly murdering the developers of PC iTunes, and the prosecution presents high-definition video evidence of them in the act, and they’re arrested still carrying the brains-covered axe, and the victims have scrawled the full names, addresses and descriptions of their assailants in their own blood on the carpet with their dying breaths, I’ll still find them Not Guilty.

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The new flag of the United Kingdom 13

Posted on May 11, 2011 by

A more cynical man than I has already suggested that in the event of the SNP winning independence for Scotland, the remnant UK's likeliest flag would be a thoughtful blend of those of its three surviving nations: from England the red cross of St George, and from Wales and Northern Ireland the white backdrops. LOL ETC. I think this, though, would be the obvious real solution:

But is it an issue we're actually going to have to address? Is this really the end of the Union? And what do you call the United Kingdom when it's not united any more? Let's gaze into a crystal ball, then realise we don't believe in fortune-telling and just take a rational look at the facts.

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When the clock strikes one 2

Posted on May 06, 2011 by

“…put out the streamers/It’s gonna be a good day for the dreamers.”

 

If you think AV will lead to PR, read this 19

Posted on May 05, 2011 by

It won’t.

Okay, I should probably expand a little on that.

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    • Cynicus on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “‘And then Swinney (and indeed all his idiot apologists) will have to turn to expectant SNP voters and say “Ehm,…Mar 5, 01:33
    • Angus on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Those were the days of the Alex Salmond led SNP, which was genuinely pro-independence. What followed has been the SNP…Mar 5, 00:36
    • Cynicus on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “RobertG says: 4 March, 2026 at 9:05 pm “I am far from convinced with the polling projections. I suspect that…Mar 5, 00:13
    • Big Jock on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “He already has the excuse lined up. The war in Iran. Which England is dragging Scotland into. Now is not…Mar 5, 00:08
    • Rob on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Even in the extremely unlikely event that the UN agrees with you there will still need to be a referendum.Mar 4, 23:44
    • Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “IAIN UIG Chaochail a bhean. Ghoid iad a chàr. Mharbh iad a chù. Bhuail òrd air làr. Sìor spadadh dhe…Mar 4, 22:50
    • Andy Wiltshire on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “If by some miracle there is a referendum, and indy wins, I sometimes wonder if we would be forced to…Mar 4, 22:28
    • 100%Yes on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “I’ll tell you who believes Swinney the one’s making a living out of pretending to support Independence when they don’t.Mar 4, 22:28
    • Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Are you having a laugh? “RUK unionists incomers are now in the majority” Why do you continue to insist that…Mar 4, 21:40
    • Mark Beggan on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “They have been trying to kill us since 1979.Mar 4, 21:22
    • RobertG on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “I am far from convinced with the polling projections. I suspect that the curent SNP will really strugle to win…Mar 4, 21:05
    • Mark Beggan on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “That will put the fear of God into the Leftwing activists. Explains why they always cover their faces and refuse…Mar 4, 21:04
    • Geri on Two Men Unalike: “I’m not on the new thread, unlike some I could mention. Best you keep yer shit all in one place…Mar 4, 21:04
    • Mark Beggan on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “The daddy of post colonial theocracy is Toast.Mar 4, 20:50
    • Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: “Wow, Geri, that’s spooky! I just predicted your imminent re-appearance on the new thread. I hope you’re not stalking me.…Mar 4, 20:37
    • Iain More on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “And nobody “Yes Voter” with half a brain believes him.Mar 4, 20:25
    • Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “The knock-off Shaheds being sent in their direction carry a heavily ironic punch. High explosive karma for 4 years supplying…Mar 4, 20:22
    • Geri on Two Men Unalike: ““people who adhere to that kind of belief systems have no place in our modern world and no place in…Mar 4, 20:20
    • Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “We need another Barbie to take her place. Is there a Barbie in the house? Actually, yes, and she’s overdue…Mar 4, 20:11
    • Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: ““put the UK including Scotland into a Middle East War” You need to pay better attention. The fatwa has already…Mar 4, 20:09
    • Sven on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “And now Mr Swiney has lost a candidate as Ms Sally Donald withdraws from the May elections whilst the subject…Mar 4, 19:49
    • James Barr Gardner on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Between allowing the US to use UK airbases to attack Iran and shooting down an Iranian drone over Jordan, over…Mar 4, 19:40
    • Mark Beggan on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Don’t you just love those missiles slamming into anything Iranian. Yum yum.Mar 4, 19:31
    • 100%Yes on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “If the PM was to grant dunderhead a referendum he’d only F*ck it up. John does nothing for me apart…Mar 4, 19:04
    • agentx on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “I remember the days on here when if anybody had a negative comment about the SNP there were sarcastic cries…Mar 4, 18:57
    • Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “How does the progress being made with the UN C-24 application tie in with this? No referendum will ever be…Mar 4, 18:47
    • Mark Beggan on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “The wheels on the bus go round and round… All day long.Mar 4, 18:44
    • duncanio on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “The dream shall never die. But Swinney’s wish might prove to be his nightmare.Mar 4, 18:40
    • Karen on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Ha ha, you stole my line: “Are you saying we should vote SNP1 just for the bant?”Mar 4, 18:21
    • Hatey McHateface on Two Men Unalike: ““wise up to this shift in the global paradigm” You are coy on what you believe that shift to be.…Mar 4, 18:06
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