Like picking at a scab or peeling sunburned skin (and roughly as attractive) there's something addictive about the sheer awfulness of Apple Maps. Having already highlighted its total inability to perform the most basic function of an electronic map – finding places to within, say, five miles of their actual location – I couldn't resist going back to the Apple Store later the same day to document the visual quality of its maps. And because a picture's worth a thousand words, let's get straight to the results.
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analysis, useless Apple cunts
The internet is, let's say, a place known for exaggeration. So while the examples of Apple Maps that have been posted everywhere in the last few days were pretty compelling evidence, we weren't going to be absolutely sure until we'd seen it with our own eyes. So once the queues of worthless human refuse had died down, we popped into the Apple Store this morning and had a look.
Readers, take everything you've heard about how bad Apple Maps is and double it.
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analysis, useless Apple cunts
ME: Hey, iTunes! Since you’re so stupefyingly incapable of handling it properly, could you delete all the music off this iPhone so that I can put it back on from scratch, please?
ITUNES: Sure thing, Stuey! I’ll reinstall every one of the 800-odd apps on your iPhone – even though they’re all there already – right now!
ME: No, iTunes! The music! Not the apps! I didn’t ask you to do anything to the apps! There’s nothing wrong with the apps! Just delete the music!
ITUNES: Sorry, Stuey, I’m already busy reinstalling all these hundreds of apps like you asked. Be with you in about 12 hours!
ME: I really, really hate you, iTunes.
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useless Apple cunts
… and someone is brought before me accused of cold-bloodedly murdering the developers of PC iTunes, and the prosecution presents high-definition video evidence of them in the act, and they’re arrested still carrying the brains-covered axe, and the victims have scrawled the full names, addresses and descriptions of their assailants in their own blood on the carpet with their dying breaths, I’ll still find them Not Guilty.
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useless Apple cunts
Come on. It must have been one of you, or someone you know, and it’s time to own up. Because until we deal with this serious issue and reach some sort of closure, Jobs is going to keep taking it out on the rest of us.
There’s simply no other remotely plausible explanation for the staggering hostility – no, make that absolute naked loathing – with which Apple continues to treat the hundreds of millions of customers who’ve made it so rich.
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apocalypse, disturbing, investigative journalism, iOS, iPad, stupidity, useless Apple cunts, videogames
Well, that’ll teach me to write a loving but very gently semi-critical appraisal of the iPad. Apple’s crack Unbeliever Punishment Squad was scrambled immediately, and within 24 hours punishment was duly delivered.
The main engine of retribution was to be – as is so often the case – the vile, stinking, loathing-fuelled execresence that is PC iTunes.
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iOS, stupidity, useless Apple cunts
