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Too Tight To Mention 404

Posted on July 02, 2025 by

So this snuck out quietly at the bottom of page 2 of today’s Daily Record.

And like, we suspect, most of Scotland, our response was “WHAT?”

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The Con Merchant 433

Posted on June 28, 2025 by

Back in the 1980s and 1990s, before the internet, scammers used to have to work a bit harder to cheat people than they do now.

A popular method was to advertise a “clearance sale” in the press. You’d see an ad in the Daily Record or a local paper for an event in a High Street location – typically a vacant shop – promising brand-new TVs for £20, microwaves for a fiver, toasters for £2.50 or whatever. So you’d show up on the day and it always worked the same.

There’d be the ringmaster on a raised platform, surrounded by loads of unmarked white boxes, and he’d start off by picking some “random” punter from the crowd and bestowing gifts upon him. This guy would walk away with armfuls of swag for £25 or something (doubtless just going straight round the back with them), and the real show would begin.

Next the ringmaster would say “Now, before we get properly started, who’ll give me £10 for what’s on my mind?” (that phrase, “what’s on my mind”, was always the same). And basically they were flogging a mystery box, invariably containing a few trashy trinkets worth a fraction of the cost.

Any chump who bought one would then be escorted out of the shop before opening it, on the pretence that the bargains on offer in these sales were so great that they were limited to one per person. (There was always security on the door, sometimes even cops. There’s nothing intrinsically illegal about selling mystery boxes, even mainstream chainstores still do it today.)

And that was basically it. The ringmaster would delay and delay, punting more mystery boxes and never actually getting to the bit where you could buy a specific item at a specific price, and after a couple of hours the event would close down and the would-be customers would disperse in disgruntlement.

Now here’s John Swinney.

He’s got a mystery box to sell you.

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The Art Of Noise 38

Posted on June 27, 2025 by

Genuinely, can anyone tell us what the heck this actually means?

Because to us, it’s just meaningless quacking to fill a void.

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And it’s goodnight from he/him 33

Posted on June 26, 2025 by

And now for tonight’s headlines.

Police Scotland have nevertheless denied that prisoners in their custody are being excessively pampered, following reports that a man was hustled out of St Leonard’s station in Edinburgh with an electric blanket over his head.

Meanwhile, following the Supreme Court ruling in the For Women Scotland case, the force’s HQ at Tulliallan was burgled by a gang of militant transactivists who stole all the toilets. Officers say they have nothing to go on.

More comedy news as we get it, folks.

But Don’t Give Yourself Away 60

Posted on June 25, 2025 by

Seamus Logan, an SNP MP of whom it has often been said “Seamus who?”, has an article in The National today categorically ruling out Scotland achieving independence via a democratic vote in an event fully recognised by the UK government.

That in itself shouldn’t come as much of a surprise to Wings readers, as this site has been documenting the SNP’s increasingly open abandonment of even the pretence at achieving independence for more than five years now.

Logan’s stance that if begging Westminster for another Section 30 doesn’t work (which it doesn’t, hasn’t and never will) then it’s basically impossible and we should just give up has – to anyone paying the slightest bit of attention – been official SNP policy since at least the resignation of Nicola Sturgeon and in reality long before then, and we don’t think it’s a coincidence that the party has lost more than half of its members and over 40% of its voters over that period.

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Anatomy Of A Lunatic 79

Posted on June 23, 2025 by

Honestly, folks, I don’t even want to do this because almost nothing is more tedious for anyone else to read than two people having an internet beef – a lesson that I learned, ironically, from reading the site this post concerns, which does little else – but as well as reacting on a basic human level to someone being THIS deranged by hatred of you, it’s worth marvelling, like an elegant Victorian gentleman or lady taking a guided tour of an asylum, at how much insanity they can squeeze into a small space as a result.

And to detail the madness we have to start with that headline.

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A different school 144

Posted on June 23, 2025 by

Tommy Sheppard knows a John Swinney you don’t know.

And who, conveniently, you’re not allowed to see.

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Holiday Relief 366

Posted on June 17, 2025 by

We’re thinking of just handing over Wings to Grok for the summer so we can spend all our time feeding the swans, readers. Here’s what the Twitter artificial intelligence bot said when we asked it to assess today’s National front page.

Sounds about right to us. We’re off for a walk.

Let’s Not Make Some Plans 240

Posted on June 13, 2025 by

At first, this merely sounds like the worst day out ever.

But for supporters of independence, in fact it’s even grimmer than that.

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The Grand Tour 154

Posted on June 10, 2025 by

Lacking anything better to do on a grey and cloudy day in Bath, we thought it might be a lark to go through every Holyrood constituency in Scotland and contemplate where it might go in next year’s election, based on the current state of polling.

And just to make things interesting, compared to our last assessment we’re going to give opposition parties the (often considerable) benefit of the doubt in a few seats for the sheer heck of it, and see if there’s any even slightly plausible outcome that means the SNP might win some list seats if all their voters vote for them on both ballots, or if they’ll waste a million votes for nothing and get dozens of Unionists elected like they did in 2021. [SPOILER: don’t prepare yourself for a surprise.]

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Two Of A Kind 58

Posted on June 09, 2025 by

Humza Yousaf, March 2024:

Actual result: Labour 37, SNP 9, Lib Dems 6, Tories 5. The two horses in the two-horse race finished second and fourth, and won just 19% of seats between them.

And here’s John Swinney a week and a half ago:

The two horses finished second and third.

The matter of whether Yousaf and Swinney are a pair of massive liars, or are simply hopelessly out of touch with political reality, is one we’ll leave to your own judgement.

What We Don’t Know Now 71

Posted on June 08, 2025 by

One of the very few phrases universally recognised in Scotland but which will draw blank looks anywhere else in the UK is the dry, dark “Well, ye ken noo”. Until recently it had no equivalent that we can bring to mind in the rest of the English-speaking world, although arguably that gap has now been at least partly filled by the acronym “FAFO”.

(We try not to swear on the site, so let’s say it stands for “Fool Around, Find Out”.)

So now the smoke has cleared, the troops have departed the battlefield and the winner is enjoying the spoils, what did we find out on Thursday night, and what didn’t we?

Let’s assess the scene.

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    • James Cheyne on Too Tight To Mention: “Stu, It is true in what you point out, a fact that a colonised people will have no voice, will…Jul 9, 11:22
    • James Cheyne on Too Tight To Mention: “For the 1707 (political) parliamentary union between Scotland and England to exist there has to be two parliaments resting within…Jul 9, 11:06
    • James Cheyne on Too Tight To Mention: “The treaty of union was a political parliamentary union between Scotland and England only, Then England dissolved that union. In…Jul 9, 10:48
    • Captain Caveman on Too Tight To Mention: “@Dan Well, your OP talked about people being “given free land” so they could “help themselves”, which to me seemed…Jul 9, 10:40
    • Northcode on Too Tight To Mention: ““Actually our colonial rulers understandably don’t want to talk about the Liberation Scotland UN initiative…” Indeed, Alf. And for obvious…Jul 9, 10:13
    • Dan on Too Tight To Mention: “@Captain Caveman The subject was the high cost of land. Nothing I wrote infers knocking together buildings that don’t meet…Jul 9, 10:06
    • Captain Caveman on Too Tight To Mention: ““The current SNP administration could chose tomorrow to do away with freebies like the baby boxes or luvvie perks like…Jul 9, 09:54
    • sam on Too Tight To Mention: “From “The National” quoting MSP Allan Dorans “In 2017, the same researchers again, looking at nuclear reprocessing-related radiocarbons in Apex…Jul 9, 09:26
    • Aidan on Too Tight To Mention: “I know! Those bastard English stealing the wind. I was up in Mallaig a few weeks ago and it was…Jul 9, 09:24
    • Aidan on Too Tight To Mention: “@Dan – I assume because I criticise the insane and deluded rantings of our most eccentric posters that makes me…Jul 9, 09:13
    • Aidan on Too Tight To Mention: ““Appear to have issued a D notice” ???? You really are off the reservation today aren’t you. Do you think…Jul 9, 09:09
    • Captain Caveman on Too Tight To Mention: “@Dan It seems to me you like to portray yourself as some “hard-headed pragmatic” type of guy here, yet your…Jul 9, 09:07
    • Anthem on Too Tight To Mention: “Yup, it’s been on the cards for a few years now.Jul 9, 09:06
    • TURABDIN on Too Tight To Mention: “ENGLAND AND FRANCE PLAY FOOTSIE and Kate’s got a new frock and hairdo…. Meanwhile in the adult big world. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/resources/idt-66cdf862-5e96-4e6e-90b8-a407b597c8d9…Jul 9, 09:00
    • sam on Too Tight To Mention: “Water. Currents. Sellafield.Jul 9, 08:56
    • diabloandco on Too Tight To Mention: “Water, wind power and whisky revenue nicked by the neighbours!Jul 9, 08:54
    • sam on Too Tight To Mention: “Oligarchs fall oot. Must have run oot of tea and windaes.Jul 9, 08:33
    • Dan on Too Tight To Mention: “@Hatey at 4:44pm Fuck off with yer drivel spoken like a true toony. Where the fuck do you think a…Jul 9, 08:22
    • socratesmacsporran on Too Tight To Mention: “Given the current occupants of the comfy seats in Holyrood manage to make The Donald and his gang appear intelligent…Jul 9, 08:19
    • Dan on Too Tight To Mention: “@Aidan at 9:39pm But hud oan, your “Better Together” unionist London Rule chums have for as long as I have…Jul 9, 07:43
    • Aidan on Too Tight To Mention: “Exactly Hatey – these “friends” aren’t going to be the ambassadors of Denmark or Singapore. It’s going to be rogue…Jul 9, 05:56
    • Hatey McHateface on Too Tight To Mention: “It’s a hot night, and a sad, insomniac old man’s thoughts turn to self pleasuring. Keep the noise doon, YL…Jul 9, 03:11
    • Hatey McHateface on Too Tight To Mention: “Thanks for the link, NC. I enjoyed reading the article. “Our friends in Orcland”. The boys who wrote that are…Jul 9, 03:01
    • Young Lochinvar on Too Tight To Mention: “Penisbreath It’s the Panama Canal, not the Suez Canal ya mong. Try asking for help from some of your Langley…Jul 9, 02:36
    • twathater on Too Tight To Mention: “Absolutely James he jist canny wait tae rubbish and decry genuine efforts for freedom, yet when asked how his big…Jul 9, 01:48
    • Hatey McHateface on Too Tight To Mention: “Zat so, YL Sah! Then I was right. You couldn’t find Darien on a map without help. I recommend you…Jul 9, 01:11
    • Hatey McHateface on Too Tight To Mention: ““Something inspired me” Ah, c’moan noo NC. It’s mean of you to deny Buckfast an honourable mention.Jul 9, 00:57
    • Hatey McHateface on Too Tight To Mention: “Awa and not shite, Andrew R. Shout from the rooftops that you, and by extension Indy, support the kinds of…Jul 9, 00:52
    • Hatey McHateface on Too Tight To Mention: “Nae eulogies fer Starovoit yet? How insensitive of me. The usual suspects will need time to process their grief.Jul 9, 00:46
    • AndrewR on Too Tight To Mention: “More – if she committed any real crime she should have been prosecuted in an English court. It’s pure racism…Jul 9, 00:00
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