It’s nearly over, readers. Just one more week of this to endure.
The most miserable election campaign of all time will end next Thursday with an election which will deliver Scotland’s most miserable devolved government of all time. Only the exact form, colour and shape of the misery remains to be determined.
So as the SNP promise through forked tongues to cut the cost of living with a pledge they know full well they have no chance of being able to actually implement, while using the powers they DO have to INCREASE the cost of everything that makes life WORTH living, let’s look at exactly what flavour of dog vomit we can expect to be choking down along with our state-approved organic broccoli and fat-free gruel for the next half-decade.
Attending the Civic Justice Centre in Manchester as part of an ongoing attempt to persecute the feminist journalist and author Helen Joyce, Watson was intercepted by Greater Manchester Police and arrested in connection with allegations of harassment of several people, one of whom was myself.
Watson had been evading justice for a long time. He provides false addresses to the police and courts (which is a crime in itself), and despite numerous criminal complaints against him he manages to dodge arrest because police forces endlessly ping-pong the complaints between each other (“He lives in YOUR area!” “No, yours!”) and allow him to repeatedly arrange voluntary interviews which he never turns up to, stalling and hiding until the six-month limit on harassment cases times out.
You can download them all here in a oner, if you’re REALLY bored. But we don’t advise it, because we can just tell you what they say in a couple of minutes.
It was exactly one year ago today that the Supreme Court delivered its judgment in the case of For Women Scotland Vs The Scottish Ministers, a judgment which has still not been implemented by the Scottish or UK governments, so it was quite bold of the SNP to choose it as the launch date for their manifesto.
The judgment (which the SNP are in fact still fighting in court) is not referenced in the document and the phrases “women’s rights” and “single-sex” do not appear anywhere in it, although it does say “We are committed to upholding and protecting the human rights of trans people as far as possible within our powers and we will do all we can to ensure that trans people’s identities are recognised and respected”.
So, y’know, more of the same to come for the next five years.
As all alert readers will know, this site likes to keep a watchful eye on the shady and disturbing activities of paedophilia-plagued charity LGBT Youth Scotland. So we were naturally intrigued to hear that they’d hired a new convenor last month.
And if you’re sitting there thinking, “Blimey, AI Christopher Walken looks very very ill”, well, stay tuned, because this story gets more and more interesting.
Alert readers will have noticed something of a minor furore in recent days around a boneheaded Scottish Greens candidate (as if there were any other kind) calling for the complete abolition of prisons.
So far Kate Nevens – who on the latest polling has a very reasonable chance of being elected on the list – has resisted calls to step down, which is probably for the best as, incredibly, her replacement would be even worse.
With the implosion of Your Party concentrating the nutter vote firmly in Green hands, the next term of the Scottish Parliament is set to feature the worst array of MSPs in Holyrood’s history, with almost everyone in the SNP with any sort of ability or experience resigning to be replaced by hyper-obedient young party drones, while the opposition are mostly putting forward the same old faces who’ve been such utter failures for the last 20 years.
It’s a grim prospect, but we do have a solution to propose.
Because the truth is that we should all be quietly sending BBC Scotland bouquets in appreciation for doing the independence movement a favour for once.
We think the lads at The Scotsman might have gotten a bit confused and/or carried away when it came to putting the clocks forward at the weekend. At 6am on Sunday morning they tweeted this:
But the link was a 404. We checked the print edition of Scotland On Sunday but there was nothing there either. Finally, though, the article has shown up in today’s paper and on the website, and to be honest with you, readers, we still think it must be some sort of mistake, because it’s two days early for April 1st.
The turnout at the “independence march and rally” yesterday was so abysmally poor that it seems almost unfair to pick on any of the scores of SNP elected representatives who didn’t bother to show up.
But dear old Cosy Feet Pete Wishart had the most chef’s-kiss excuse of all.
The reason he didn’t fancy getting his wee Billy Whizz quiff blown about a chilly Calton Hill was that he had important business “taking on the far right” – who were of course nowhere to be seen – with “half a million” (50,000) of his British besties, a convenient short Tube ride away from his London residence, at a pretty openly anti-Semitic protest called, with a double layer of delicious comedic value… UK Together.
If events in Edinburgh today are anything to go by – when a march and rally announced with great fanfare seven months ago, backed by both the “independence” parties in the Scottish Parliament and featuring the First Minister as main speaker, attracted perhaps 1,500 people at the most to Calton Hill on a bright and sunny day – the independence movement faces an imminent final apocalypse.
So here’s how to prepare yourself for when the SNP win a landslide with 35%, Keir Starmer says “So what?” and then a deathly silence descends for another five years.
Even Kelly Given and Iona Fyfe didn’t show up for this one. That’s how bad it is.
George Ferguson on Seven Days Too Long: “@JCD Agreed Tommy Sheridan is a good speaker as long as the audience can’t answer back. A bunch of old…” May 1, 20:10
Hatey McHateface on Seven Days Too Long: “I’m truly astonished that you know so little about Scotland and the Scots that you would believe 83% of Scots…” May 1, 20:09
Hatey McHateface on Seven Days Too Long: ““sharpie in large letters across the ballot “end the Union”” Good God! Does it really fall to me to have…” May 1, 19:57
Hatey McHateface on Seven Days Too Long: ““You might want to remember” You might want to address the arguments presented. In case it’s you that can’t remember:…” May 1, 19:47
JCD on Seven Days Too Long: “Ok End The Union it is. The reason I’m unsure about voting ATLS is that left wing organizations in particular…” May 1, 19:42
Hatey McHateface on Seven Days Too Long: ““SCOTLAND does not need more WASPS on mobility scooters” Maybe you should visit Scotland, TURABDIN. For every WASP on a…” May 1, 19:38
Alf Baird on Seven Days Too Long: “You might want to remember that “the current Scottish Government” is merely a colonial administration, and what that usually means…” May 1, 19:25
100%Yes on Seven Days Too Long: “Tangerines are marching again in Aberdeen after a spell off. For god sake who are these brainless morons.” May 1, 19:07
TURABDIN on Seven Days Too Long: “That picture speaks volumes… SNP…young, vibrant & relevant, the sexiest choice in politics.” May 1, 18:59
100%Yes on Seven Days Too Long: “You can only imagine what the next 5 yrs will bring under the SNP and Green government and it’ll be…” May 1, 18:59
100%Yes on Seven Days Too Long: “You can only amigine what the next 5 yrs will bring under the SNP and Green government and it’ll be…” May 1, 18:59
Hatey McHateface on Seven Days Too Long: ““the sinking uk TITanic” Freudian slip or spending too much time studying Polanski’s pre-political gibberish?” May 1, 18:39
Captain Caveman on Seven Days Too Long: “Ah, touché! Made me laugh. Good lad. 🙂” May 1, 18:34
Hatey McHateface on Seven Days Too Long: ““tax cuts for the rich” Shame you have no useful talents and lack the capacity to hold down a job.…” May 1, 18:34
twathater on Seven Days Too Long: “YL , how dare you question the suggestions put forward by AyDan & his top cheerleader and MaaaaTe , they…” May 1, 18:23
Dan on Seven Days Too Long: “Aye Y Lochnivar. Aidan trying to distract, disrupt and divert. For all the AI generated pish it posts it doesn’t…” May 1, 18:18
Hatey McHateface on Seven Days Too Long: ““us liberation seeking Scots” One day, Northy, everybody who remembers the weeks and months you devoted on here to self-identifying…” May 1, 18:16
ALANM on Seven Days Too Long: “Desperate times call for desperate measures. A vote for anyone other than reform is a vote for the status quo.…” May 1, 18:13
Hatey McHateface on Seven Days Too Long: ““a colony might reasonably expect some population change post independence” No shit, Sherlock! Remind us again. Just how many third-world…” May 1, 18:12
Northcode on Seven Days Too Long: ““He’s always come across as an exceedingly bitter, verbose troll to me…do you get the sense that Northcode is moving…” May 1, 18:08
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “AI Dun @ 5.23 But you suggested disenfranchised SNP voters voting elsewhere would tip the balance in the constituency you…” May 1, 17:49
Northcode on Seven Days Too Long: “… your life must be pretty dull…you must reminisce frequently upon your halcyon days back in the “Roaring Twenties”… Almost…” May 1, 17:46
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “Fat Slag Wilma Flintstone @ 5.01 Were you crying as you typed that? Oh dear..” May 1, 17:44
Bilbo on Seven Days Too Long: “The individual in article is an economic migrant who sees better opportunities here in Scotland that is financially beneficial to…” May 1, 17:33
Aidan on Seven Days Too Long: “Because Alliance are not a threat to the SNP at the levels their support is at at the moment! Nobody…” May 1, 17:23
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “AI Dun @ 4.44 How so? Account for that.. I’d imagine those who vote alliance on the constituency ballot would…” May 1, 17:10
Captain Caveman on Seven Days Too Long: “He’s always come across as an exceedingly bitter, verbose troll to me. Granted, he’s not as bad as “Geri”, YL…” May 1, 17:01
Aidan on Seven Days Too Long: “Nope – but then of course the status quo would prevail and Scotland would be further and further away from…” May 1, 16:44
Aidan on Seven Days Too Long: “@CC – do you get the sense that Northcode is moving from charming simpleton to banal troll? I used to…” May 1, 16:43
Young Lochinvar on Seven Days Too Long: “JCD If you can’t bring yourself to vote for Tommy then just sharpie in large letters across the ballot “end…” May 1, 16:25
