One of the compensations of living in England (from the perspective of editing a website about Scottish politics) is that you get a much clearer picture of how English people – who make up 85% of the UK electorate, and as such in practice determine who the government is – see the country’s political leaders.
For those of you who don’t, here’s Charlie Brooker – a man who’s no fan of the Tories by any stretch of the imagination – casting a weary and exasperated eye over Ed “these strikes are wrong” Miliband on last night’s Weekly Wipe.
In our experience it’s a pretty accurate snapshot of how the hapless Labour leader is regarded by most left-leaning people down on this side of the border. You’ll need to have seen the rest of the episode to get the “Schofield!” joke.
There’s a very strange article on the front page of the Herald website this morning. It’s an interview with Nigel Farage in which the UKIP leader insists that his party, not the SNP, will hold the balance of power in the UK parliament after May’s election.
It’s a bold assertion given that current projections put the SNP on anywhere from 30 to 56 seats with UKIP expected to struggle to get 5 to 10. But Farage’s rationale for the statement is an interesting one.
The abusive Facebook comments recently directed at Labour MP Margaret Curran and highlighted in a piece on the STV website today make us sigh. Not only are they horrible but they’re counter-productive, in every sense of the term – they’re not going to change Curran’s mind about anything by yelling at her, and they feed a narrative about “vile cybernats” that the media is all too eager to gleefully perpetuate.
So let’s make something clear from the off: shut up, idiots. You’re not helping.
Because a good satirist can sometimes make a point better in seven sentences than idiots like us can in a 1000-word article, and make it funny at the same time.
The very few readers who don’t immediately just snort and turn the page when they see the words “George Foulkes” may have noticed in yesterday’s Herald that the thirsty peer could be found gloating gleefully that had Scotland voted for independence last September it would now be “bankrupt” due to the decline in oil prices.
We can’t be bothered pointing out for the 500th time that a Yes vote wouldn’t have seen Scotland actually independent until March 2016, and that the oil price NOW is therefore about as relevant to anything as, well, Baron Foulkes himself.
But we couldn’t help noticing a couple of small arithmetical details.
There really isn’t very much of a news story in this morning’s Sun “exclusive” that some Labour MPs say they’d quit the party rather than work with the SNP should the electorate deliver such a result in May. One told the paper:
Those of us who remember the parade of furious Scottish Labour figures going on TV and openly threatening to scupper any “rainbow coalition” involving the Nats in 2010, thereby ensuring that David Cameron and George Osborne came to power, won’t be the least bit surprised at the sheer depth of hatred and jealous rage that consumes Labour’s branch office in North Britain when the SNP are mentioned.
And there’s nothing eyebrow-raisingly new in Scottish Labour’s spiteful determination that if Scots vote against the Conservatives – but not for Labour – they should be punished with Tory governments. It’s the standard policy of electoral blackmail that the party has deployed against the rise of rivals from the left for years, and which it’s now also turning against the Greens south of the border.
But there is a telling phrase in that short quote.
Independent website Political Compass has just released its 2015 graph charting the ideological positions of all the political parties of the UK. It’s a fairly predictable one.
On the image above, we’ve added, for parties active in Scotland only, striped circles indicating each party’s 2010 position. But what does it tell us about 2015?
It’s somehow fitting that the lead article on Labour Hame today is headed by a lie before it even starts – an offer to join the party for £1 that takes you to a page where it actually costs five times as much.
(We’d noticed days ago that the much-hyped £1 offer had been quietly dumped after just a month, but it appears that nobody in the Scottish branch office thought to keep poor hapless Labour Hame in the loop.)
The article below, though, is remarkably even more dishonest.
A number of readers last night sent us copies of the response to complaints they’d made to the Independent Press Standards Organisation about the Daily Record’s infamous “The Vow” front cover. We attach the full judgement at the bottom of this article, and as far as we’re concerned it’s fair and accurate. The Vow was a deliberate deception, but it didn’t break any rules – it merely relied on readers misinterpreting it.
The bit we’re still interested in is the paragraph above.
Hatey McHateface on The Party Of The Dead: ““It is a spectrum, none of which is any worse, or less or more worse, but it is a spectrum…” Aug 8, 14:05
Captain Caveman on The Party Of The Dead: “Yes, I read that piece that Hatey linked to the other day with incredulity giving way to rage, rage giving…” Aug 8, 11:41
David Ferguson on The Party Of The Dead: “It appears I was wrong. Glasgow did in fact award him a full professorship. I think it was the Dugdale…” Aug 8, 11:09
James Che on The Party Of The Dead: “Treaty of union article XV111private Rights Scotland.” Aug 8, 10:47
James Che on The Party Of The Dead: “If the 1707 treaty of union were a reality Scotland would have complete ” freedom of speech ” under “”Private…” Aug 8, 10:44
James Che on The Party Of The Dead: “Again free speech is being censored by moderation, no swear words, no attacks on diversity, no disagreements with others included,…” Aug 8, 10:05
James Che on The Party Of The Dead: “The policy of keeping the people blindly ignorant from the reality of facts allows for the people to be easily…” Aug 8, 09:53
Hatey McHateface on The Party Of The Dead: ““Glasgow denies any knowledge of the ludicrous mountebank in any form at all” They’ve most certainly heard of him now!” Aug 8, 08:00
Hatey McHateface on The Party Of The Dead: “Extraordinary, Confused, that you still can’t bring yourself to get onside with a former colony fighting desperately to fend off…” Aug 8, 07:56
Hatey McHateface on The Party Of The Dead: “Sure, Alf, but our membership of the EU was never on the basis of a multi-party treaty between the individual…” Aug 8, 07:39
Aidan on The Party Of The Dead: “Oh yeah that’s a cracking idea that, let’s keep North Sea oil and gas in the ground but instead by…” Aug 8, 07:14
Confused on The Party Of The Dead: “main – What part of EFTA did you not understand you persistent eructation of bad faith argumentation? – I did…” Aug 7, 22:49
Alf Baird on The Party Of The Dead: “Personally, like you I’m not a big fan of the EU, Hatey. But really this should have been and is…” Aug 7, 21:44
Captain Caveman on The Party Of The Dead: “” Note the ‘C’ word there. Readers who have swallowed whole Professor Baird’s “Scotland as colony” thesis can’t seriously be…” Aug 7, 19:33
Hatey McHateface on The Party Of The Dead: “An interesting article on how the pro-EU government recently voted into power in Hungary is gerrymandering the constitution to ensure…” Aug 7, 19:11
Chas on The Party Of The Dead: “Just out of intetest who is ‘our own people’? Have you got any names?” Aug 7, 17:32
Vestas on The Party Of The Dead: “Presumably they’ll have the “Murrell Money” to rely on for next years accounts?” Aug 7, 16:33
David Ferguson on The Party Of The Dead: “@Ian Smith it seems Glasgow may be an innocent party here. Arday’s claim that he was a “full Professor” at…” Aug 7, 15:34
I. Despair on Anatomy Of A Grift: “…and a sequel, Gorillas on the Piss.” Aug 7, 14:35
lothianlad on The Party Of The Dead: “The SNP leadership has capitualted to the notion of westminster soverignty!! Thats something the SNP NEVER did util sturgeon took…” Aug 7, 14:21
Hatey McHateface on The Party Of The Dead: “Once again, Alf, many thanks. As you write, it seems difficult for me to understand. But ultimately, I’m not seeing…” Aug 7, 12:23
Captain Caveman on The Party Of The Dead: “Good grief, Alf, thought you might’ve taken the (very clear) hint from this site’s Editor last time: give it a…” Aug 7, 11:14
robertkknight on The Party Of The Dead: “What does DEI mean again? Oh yes, “Didn’t Earn It”. The road to WOKE is paved with the worst kind…” Aug 7, 11:00
Alf Baird on The Party Of The Dead: ““Why the hell Glasgow made him a professor” Same reason all 19 higher education institutions in Scotland mostly appoint people…” Aug 7, 11:00
BLMac on The Party Of The Dead: “Hopefully the staff cuts have been on the demented pronoun police types, but that’s unlikely. Probably managed to weed out…” Aug 7, 10:56
Alf Baird on The Party Of The Dead: ““I’d ask you for a weather forecast” As that seems difficult for you to understand, I’ll make it easier for…” Aug 7, 10:46
Hatey McHateface on Anatomy Of A Grift: “@ Southernbystander says: 6 August, 2026 at 11:17 am The very concept of taboos becomes irrelevant in a multi-cultural context.…” Aug 7, 10:32
100%Yes on The Party Of The Dead: “That’s why getting rid of the SNP is important and will move things along. After the 2014 referendum the SNP…” Aug 7, 10:26
Ian Smith on The Party Of The Dead: “It was Glasgow that first made Arday a full time prof. That was the time to put his academic record…” Aug 7, 10:21