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Don’t think of a number

Posted on July 15, 2014 by

Our brain protected us from looking at the Scotsman yesterday, so it wasn’t until late last night that we noticed what we first thought must be some sort of elaborate spoof.

“Labour claim 1m may lose jobs after independence”, ran what we suspect may in the post-match analysis come to be regarded as the most deranged headline of the entire referendum campaign. There are fewer than 2.6m people working in the country altogether, which would mean Labour were threatening almost 40% of all the jobs in Scotland would be lost with a Yes vote.


It wasn’t until two thirds of the way down the article that we discovered the headline writer had in fact gotten a little carried away, and that Labour had once again just plucked the word “million” out of the air to sound scary, claiming that only “some” of the jobs were allegedly at risk.

But how many is “some”?

So we went and took a look at the Scottish Labour website, where the press release was located. It’s attributed to Johann Lamont, and it certainly seems to be the former English teacher’s own handiwork, because the spelling and grammar is atrocious.

“For the nationalists, no cost is too high to achieve their goal, and nowhere is that clearer than in their obiviousness [sic] for [sic] the the [sic] opportunities of young people in Scotland.”

But even picking through the language wreckage, there was no clue to be found.

“nearly one million jobs in Scotland are linked to the UK and we know a number of these will be put at risk by the SNP’s obsession”

“Nearly” a million? Let’s see if we can’t round that up a bit.

“On September 18th, the people of Scotland face two futures – one where we go with Alex Salmond and put at risk a number of the one million jobs which are dependent on our UK links”

But which number? 12? 700,000? The 38,000 that got added between those two paragraphs? (The real number of jobs “linked to” the UK is apparently 962,000.)

It’s like walking into a shop to buy a telly, and the salesman telling you it costs “a number of pounds”, which could be anything from 0 to 961,999. You wouldn’t just leave your credit card, sign a blank contract and let him charge you whatever he liked, but that’s what Lamont’s ridiculous non-claim amounts to.

Perhaps Labour are just tired of having their made-up numbers shredded time and time again by sites like this one, and have decided that the only way to avoid another embarrassing fisking is to make assertions that are so vague and utterly meaningless nobody could ever prove them wrong.

But even then, it’s a strange case to make when you’re also insisting that an independent Scotland will have to spend billions of pounds setting up hundreds of government bodies, a task which will somehow be achieved without creating any jobs.

To be honest, readers, we’re starting to fear for their mental health, and Lamont’s mauling at the hands of Andrew Neil – who wasn’t even trying very hard – at the weekend tipped over the line from entertaining political comedy to something more uncomfortably akin to watching Vladimir Klitschko kicking a wounded pigeon to death.

Maybe it’d be the merciful thing if we just agreed to give poor Johann an extended sabbatical, and left the job of defending the Union to Keith Lemon or something.

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    1. 15 07 14 17:27

      Don’t think of a number | Scottish Independence News

    180 to “Don’t think of a number”

    1. stuart says:

      lol – I take it she never taught maths…or languages for that matter.

    2. Bugger (the Panda) says:

      “On September 18th, the people of Scotland face two futures – one where we go with Alex Salmond and put at risk a number of the one million jobs which are dependent on our UK links”

      Only the 50 or so Slab Westminster MPs by my calculator would be affected.

      The millions obviously refers to their salaries, expenses and pension plans.

    3. Drew says:

      I read this earlier then came across this purporting to be a “blog”

    4. Smith says:

      Eyes wide shut when doing sums.

    5. Paul Isclosed says:

      By God – she does look like Keith Lemon!

    6. cynicalHighlander says:

      She’s (is) dyslexic because I do the same and in that picture she is conducting a seance.

    7. M4rkyboy says:

      What are the big UK Govt employers in Scotland?
      We have the CSA in Falkirk,DFID and a DVLA office.
      Anyone think of any others?
      Isn’t there a HMRC call-centre near Livingston?

    8. joe kane says:

      This is the party that don’t want to give unemployed people welfare benefits if they aren’t literate and can’t do maths too. Even its Scottish leader can barely string together a comprehensible sentence in English in public. What a shambles.

      Labour’s plan to make benefit claimants take skills tests is smart policy

    9. heedtracker says:

      For any teacher, her written English is atrosheeus but that interview with Massie, Riddoch and Andrew Neil was another slow motion car crash.

      Neil “What does Ed Balls think about your tax devo plans”
      Lamont “dunno”
      Neil “but Balls is Labour Shadow Chancellor and you don’t discuss Scottish devo?”

    10. muttley79 says:

      SLAB troughers are the pits. They get evermore ridiculous with their claims. I wish they would just come out and say they are only concerned about preserving their present lifestyles and status. Instead we get more and more hysteric claims from them about independence.

    11. Lene Kruhoffer says:

      I wonder how long my comment will stay on this ‘blog’ before being consigned to oblivion:

    12. Nana Smith says:

      Good grief. I do wonder how her former pupils are getting on in life.

    13. Luigi says:

      and it certainly seems to be the former English teacher’s own handiwork, because the spelling and grammar is atrocious.

      Rev Stuart, you have a very wicked way of writing.


    14. Vince Diaz says:

      Someone should do the right thing and put labour out of this misery

    15. Bugger (the Panda) says:

      Vince Diaz

      September just vote yes.

    16. Scott Minto (Aka Sneekyboy) says:

      @Lene Kruhoffer

      “I wonder how long my comment will stay on this ‘blog’ before being consigned to oblivion”

      3 Minutes – I just checked.

    17. heedtracker says:

      She looks like she’s auditioning for Star Wars in that shot, “these aren’t the droids you’re looking for Andrew” “These aren’t the droids we’re looking for Johann”
      “Johann Lamont is not an idiot Andrew”

    18. Murray McCallum says:

      Keith Lemon? Stop giving them good ideas.

    19. alex mckechnie says:

      managed to get a post on the blog/link lets see what happens next

    20. alex mckechnie says:

      went back after one minute 60 second and the post has gone as if by magic

    21. Ian Brotherhood says:

      ‘…is there anybody there?…is there anybody there?…knock once for yes…knock twice for no…’

    22. jim watson says:

      “By redistributing money from the likes of London to the places most in need”

      Is it not also the case that Scotland, as one of the better performing “regions” would also have it’s resources pooled and shared so that we contribute more than we actually get back…oh wait!

    23. stonefree says:

      Sorry but her and Gray are both an embarrassment to the Scottish education system.Is it not the case that an English teacher should be reasonably articulate?
      I question how the hell they qualified and they aren’t the only two

    24. Iain Lennox says:

      Lene… looks like it’s already been deleted from SLAB’s website 🙂

      NB The pic above is Johann the Blind (leading the blind) ( up the garden path)

    25. Papadox says:

      Can we not just give these troughers a good bung and tell them to f…. Off and stop embarrassing themselves and making Scotland a laughing stock. They really are the pits.

    26. BuckieBraes says:

      ‘Obiviousness’…why, it is a common word, down our way.

    27. desimond says:

      Labour in Scotland HQ 2016

      “Ladies and gentlemen..your leadership contest tonight…In the blue corner, Mental Mags and Absentee Anas and in the bluer corner Elbows Jim and Kareerkamikaze Kezia.

      Before the contest begins, lets have a minutes silence (a minutes applause was deemed inappropriate) for former Leader and new Glasgow Lord Provost, Johann Lamont!

      Lets get ready to rumbleeeeeee!!!

    28. G H Graham says:

      Stairheid is a political train wreck isn’t she?

      Once can almost excuse her for being rubbish at arithmetic but her English is surprisingly shocking too, considering she allegedly used to teach school kids.

      But then again, if it were classrooms filled with listless juveniles whose hair reeked of methamphetamine & stale Shilling, perhaps the accuracy & meaning of the words that came out her mouth were already lost on the poor souls.

    29. handclapping says:

      “We asked the Chancellor 7×8 but for you its 2+2.”
      “Wait, wait, I know that answer …

    30. biggpolmont says:

      Rev could we please have a caption competition
      The pic above could be the starting point
      No No please don’t tell me Its a keyring… no its a wallet
      no its a big number Its a million … Am I right?

    31. macart763m says:

      Lights on door open no one at home. 😀

    32. Bugger (the Panda) says:

      My post on Johan’s Scottish Labour brainfart didn’t go through.

      I guess we are overloading their profanity, aka truth, filter.

    33. Duggie says:

      To be fair, the SNP are just as guilty as anyone else of making up claims about jobs related to independence, although in their case they obviously claim it will be jobs gained rather than lost:

      “According to the SNP, a Yes vote would see the creation of up to 90 overseas offices, improve the country’s international profile, double its exports and create as many as 100,000 new jobs in the long run.”

      “independence will boost North Sea jobs”

      “Scottish Independence Will Boost Northern England Jobs Market, Claims SNP’s Salmond”

    34. G H Graham says:

      Darn! There’s me, bitching about Stairheid’s lousy English and I’ve just posted a typo in the very first word.

      I’m off to the fridge to look for some pie.

      P.S. I left a comment too on Labour’s website. I give it no more time than it will take to eat my humble pie before it disappears.

    35. thegooseking says:

      Why do I get the feeling it’s using the broadest possible definition of “dependent on our UK links”, too?

      Having a UK link and being dependent on it are not the same thing. I think far more British companies with Scottish employees will become multinational overnight than will pull out of Scotland in the event of a Yes vote.

    36. donald anderson says:

      Educashun! Educashun! Educashun!

    37. joe kane says:

      Educate, Agitate, Organise – the effects of listening to the old Scottish Labour Party before it was over-run by neoliberal tories.

      Headache, Aspirin, Off to bed – the effects of listening to the new Scottish One Nation Labour Party.

    38. handclapping says:

      And there was me thinking the increase in the NE England jobs was going to be down to the contributions to be given from the Scottish “Foreign Aid” budget for needy nations

    39. dmw42 says:

      Apparently this obsession with independence is hereditary too. Or maybe just TUPE’d.

    40. jon esquierdo says:

      Miss Lamont .Have you reported this condition to your doctor?

    41. donald anderson says:

      We could aye send food parcels to needy bankers.

    42. galamcennalath says:

      JoLo, don’t panic, she is no longer an English teacher. Your children’s education is safe. She’s currently holding a position where she can’t cause any harm to anyone – comedienne.

    43. Bugger (the Panda) says:

      Flooplepoop says:

      Wow, harsh but fair.

    44. jim watson says:

      @donald anderson says:

      Educashun! Educashun! Educashun!

      You foolish fellow, everyone knows it’s spelt EDUKASHUN!

      Back to skool for you good Sir!

    45. Taranaich says:

      “On September 18th, the people of Scotland face two futures – one where we go with Alex Salmond and put at risk a number of the one million jobs which are dependent on our UK links”

      … Or one where we go with David Cameron and repeal the human rights act, privatise the NHS, push thousands more into poverty, suppress the right to strike, gag those who dare protest against the government or even dare to speak about politics, and be one of only three sovereign states in the entire world not to support a ceasefire in Israel – the others being the US and, erm, Israel.

      Difference is the second paragraph contains *truth.*

    46. Lesley-Anne says:

      stuart says:

      lol – I take it she never taught maths…or languages for that matter.

      Sorry to disappoint you stuart but she was actually an ENGLISH teacher in her former life. 😉

      Nana Smith says:

      Good grief. I do wonder how her former pupils are getting on in life.

      I have had discussions with a good few of her former *ahem* pupils and let’s just say they are all, every single one one of them, glad to see the back of her. She was apparently absolutely atrocious as an English teacher. That is not just her former pupils saying that either. One of the people I’ve talked to in the past about her has a family relative who taught a different subject at the same school as her at the same time and they back up what the pupils all said. 😛

      If anyone is looking for a former Maths teacher within the Labour ranks then look no further than the one, the only Iain Gray. Apparently he is a former Maths and Physics teacher. I think this explains his “where is the money coming from to create Scotland’s oil fund” moment. 😛

    47. donald anderson says:

      She looks as if she is praying for her pension if the terrible Nats get in..

    48. Bugger (the Panda) says:


      I thought Iain Grey was an explorer?

    49. Lene Kruhoffer says:

      Glad I kept a screenshot of my comment otherwise I might start thinking I dreamt the whole thing…:-D

    50. Croompenstein says:

      Her hand looks like Spocks so she may be trying to mind meld with a f*cking baboon to get some better devo nano plans or perhaps have them explained.

    51. handclapping says:

      He is, but only after someone has been there first

    52. DKLabRat says:

      *sigh* It’s almost too easy. So easy, in fact, you do have to wonder why Andrew Neil, Marr and the rest somehow never think to ask these questions. Seems so damn obvious.

    53. Black Douglas says:

      O/T The BBC are not even trying to hid their bias anymore.

      same story but two different versions one for us too wee, too small & too stupid

      and one for the rest of the unwashed.

      They get more like the tabloids every day 🙁

    54. Bugger (the Panda) says:


      foreign aid budget to Newcastle!

    55. David G. says:

      My comment on the Slab page was deleted within two minutes.

      There are currently (17.29) no comments whatsoever .. looks like nobody’s reading it other than people linking from Wings.

    56. Ken500 says:

      Scotland will be £10Billion+ better off. That will create a few jobs.

      On average £3Billion surplus goes to Westminster. £4Billion repayments on monies borrowed and spent in the rest of the UK. Scotland could save £1.5Billion on Trident/illegal wars and £1.5Billion on a tax on ‘loss leading’ cheap alcohol. = £10Billion + the £Billions evaded and the Corp tax etc paid through the City of London on commercial activity in Scotland,

      Taxes are not equal in the UK. The Scottish Oil sector is taxed up to 80%. Multinationals (foreign) evade taxes through the City of London.

      Vote YES

    57. allen ralston says:

      looks like she,s singing the hokey cokey

    58. G H Graham says:

      Well, f*** my old boots. My comment is still there 30 minutes later!

      Maybe they pissed off home at 5pm?

    59. Gray says:

      Wan o’ thon nasty Cybernats his stolen ma crystal ba’ or ahd tell ye the exact figure the noo.

    60. John Miller says:

      For the first time ever I commented on this story in The Scotsman yesterday, a paper I have read for over 30 years. The absence of journalism in this “newspapaer” is beyond a joke. Oddly, all of my comments were removed by Johnston Press. Wonder why their readership has fallen so far they’re having to move to a smaller office. Stuart – there’s an even better piece today regarding Mr Juncker’s speech! Much to de-bunk methinks.

    61. Bugger (the Panda) says:


      It is a trick.

      I can’t see it, only you can.


    62. Lene Kruhoffer says:

      Naw, G H Graham – its all an illusion. You can see your own comment but it has actually been deleted…I can still see my comment but no one else can. Why would SLAB let some pertinent questions intrude into their frankly psychedelic world of make-believe..?

    63. Thepnr says:

      Same for me, there are 0 comments.

    64. Lene Kruhoffer says:

      PS see when you tick ‘post to FB’ on the ‘blog’? well it doesn’t..surprise surprise!

    65. Bob Sinclair says:

      Black Douglas et al,

      Correct me if i’m wrong but is it not the case that Scottish Govt has no way of controlling this as it isn’t devolved.

    66. TJenny says:

      GHG – I can’t see any comments there at all.

    67. Fiona says:

      There are no comments there for me either: though I do not use facebook so perhaps I shouldn’t expect to see them. Certainly can’t post there but that is no loss if the posts are deleted anyway….

    68. Findlay Farquaharson says:

      welcome to the new scottish first minister johann lamont and the deputy first minister margaret curran with the minister for education michael kelly.

    69. John Walsh says:

      They would be better spending money on a professional copywriter than shipping Liverpudlians up to “Glesga” to give them a tour on a “Battlebus” but they only work 9-5 as it is still up now as at 17.51

    70. Bob Sinclair says:

      Caption Competition Entry:

      Johann relinquishes ownership of the solitary Better Together Brain-cell & nobody notices.

    71. wee jonny says:

      I’m gona post this on every story that Lamont is in coz it’s perfect.
      Alex Massie –
      Well what you see is the intellectual incoherence and bankruptcy of the Scottish Labour Party. A party that hasn’t had a meaningful idea in at least a dozen years. Yi know Labour haven’t really recovered from the shock of losing in 2007, let alone in 2011. Em, yi know this is a party that had the sort of arrogance and complacency that swanked around the place speaking as the voice of the people, it turns out that the people don’t think that the Labour Party represents them.”.
      Oof, Hud that.

    72. Jamie Arriere says:

      BBC Strike is on for next Wednesday, first day of Commonwealth Games. Ho ho ho

    73. Lesley-Anne says:

      Bugger (the Panda) says:


      I thought Iain Grey was an explorer?

      Well he is… sort of BtP. He is always *ahem* exploring new ways of spinning s***e! 😛

      I wonder if they are accusing the Scots of failing to do anything about asylum seeker benefit fraud because their journalists are going on strike on 23rd July BD?

      Now I’m sure sure 23rd July rings a bell for something big happening if only I could remember what it was. 😛

    74. Quentin Quale says:

      No Johann, closing your eyes doesn’t make you invisible. What you say will be enough.

    75. Craig P says:

      Well it is obvious. If you work in the public sector, all that money is paid for by a block grant from Westminster. No union, no Westminster block grant. PICK THAT ONE OUT THE NET YESBOTS!

      Also, if you work for a company that has ever sold anything to England, you will be out of a job because the English will never ever in the future ever buy anything produced in Scotland again. HIGH FIVE MY BETTER TOGETHER CHUMS!

      Frankly 1 million seems an underestimate 😉

    76. Dcanmore says:

      Lamont tries to come out with scripted Blairite soundbites, and she even fails at that.

      Priti Patel has been made a Treasury minister, that’s it Scotland’s totally shafted if we vote NO. It’s now obvious that Cameron has gotten rid of the moderate Tories to please Ukippers. Prepare for a UK EU exit in 2017.

    77. kendomacaroonbar says:

      It’s about time that we started describing this lady as the “discredited Johann Lamont”

    78. galamcennalath says:

      Jamie Arriere says:
      “BBC Strike is on for next Wednesday, first day of Commonwealth Games. Ho ho ho”

      Unfortunately it’s about pay. If only it was about management forcing staff to broadcast undemocratic and biased output!

    79. Roll_On_2014 says:

      What a real numpy JoLa is. whilst she is forecasting job losses her rent a mob publicists for the TBNT are forecasting quite the opposite:

      Exhibit 1

      Scotland’s jobs market is flourishing with more than 10,000 new opportunities being created in just two years.

      The Employer Skills Survey also says that firms are spending more than ever before on training opportunities for employees.

      The analysis of some 6,000 businesses, commissioned by the UK Commission for Employment and Skills, found there was a 22 per cent job vacancy rise in 2013 over a two-year period.

      And Scots businesses ploughed £200million into staff training, allowing the country to outperform the rest of the UK.

      Exhibit 2

      The Scottish economy is gathering “real momentum” with a strong pick-up in GDP growth expected this year, accountant PwC’s latest economic report reveals today.

      The report points to “clear signs of recovery” in the Scottish economy with GDP growth growing from 1.6 per cent last year to around 2.8 per cent in 2014, a figure which PwC has revised upwards from the 2.4 per cent it projected in March.

      The latest figure is also higher than the latest Fraser of Allander economic growth forecast of 2.4 per cent which was revealed in June.

      I could also add other examples, similar to the above, to the link list but have found out, through experience, that Kismet gets her knickers in a twist when I send more than two links in one post and deposits them in the ether, never to be seen again.

    80. Calgacus MacAndrews says:


      London Labour branch manager in Scotland practices opening brown envelopes in the dark, in preparation for iScotland having no electricity after the YES vote on 18th September.

    81. Jamie Arriere says:


      True, but it shows there is a degree of principle and fight among them (even if it’s just for their own self-interest). The fact that they DON’T then militate against pro-union bias and falling professional standards, is then all the clearer to everyone.

    82. Ken500 says:

      The Scottish Block Grant £28Billion is half what is raised in taxes in Scotland £56Billion

    83. Ken500 says:

      Will anyone notice the BBC is on strike?

    84. hetty says:

      Thanks, just that still pic alone with the title, has cheered up my day! Abracadabra…no wand needed here eh!

      Let’s hope we can magic her and her self seeking colleagues away on September 19th for sure.

    85. Thepnr says:


      O/T According to the Hootsmon, the appointment of Priti Patel puts the block grant under threat.

      The row broke out as questions were also asked about the future of the Barnett Formula, which gives a generous settlement to Scotland, with the appointment of Tory right winger Priti Patel as the new Exchequer Secretary in charge of the block grant in the Treasury.

      In 2012 Ms Patel said: “Failure to reform the Barnett Formula has effectively meant that Scotland receives £1,600 per person more than the English average which inevitably puts a greater strain on public finances.”

    86. Clootie says:

      I refuse to believe Lamont qualified to teach English.

      She should be ashamed depriving a village of her intellectual recognition.

    87. Macandroid says:

      40 is a number and is the number of Labour MPs who will lose their jobs. But this is fun – pick another number…

      “Redistributing money from the likes of London”. Which ‘likes of London’ does she have in mind?

    88. Rockysboy says:

      If I keep my eyes shut, they won’t know I’m here

    89. msean says:

      It’s not as if we will curl up and die without the Union,like other nations have found when they dumped Westminster,alternative markets are available,for shipbuilding etc.

    90. Grouse Beater says:

      A reprehensible part of this latest anti-Scotland charade is the Fourth Estate joined in the lie without questioning it, the very people charged with protecting democracy.

    91. Michael McCabe says:

      Everybody should go to Labours Website and post I was voting no in the Referendum but not while Johann Lamont is Leader of the Scottish Labour Party. If enough of us did that they might Retire her early. Just a thought. Then we all go Back to Voting Yes.

    92. Macandroid says:

      @ Ken500

      Add in another £1.5b we won’t have to spend on the London Crossrail project.

    93. Roll_On_2014 says:

      Thepnr: at 6.26 pm

      The last three sentences of the article are a real eye opener.

      Downing Street insiders pointed out that the nine of the 24 cabinet members are now either Scottish or have strong Scottish links.

      Defence secretary Michael Fallon was born in Perth; Liz Truss, the environment secretary was schooled in Paisley; and Mr Crabb was born in Inverness.

      They join Chief Whip Michael Gove, Chief Treasury Secretary Danny Alexander Scottish Secretary Alistair Carmichael, Prime Minister David Cameron, Business Secretary Vince Cable and Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith who are Scots or have strong Scottish connections.

      What a crock of shoite.

    94. Ken500 says:

      Nae bricks, nae EU, nae BBC?

      Nae Priti Patel

    95. galamcennalath says:

      Re Priti Patel. We need two things to guarantee a Yes win.

      Firstly, polls which make it absolutely clear the Tories will win in Westminster in 2015.

      Secondly, hardcore cut and slash Tory ministers making clear Barnett will be toast and Scotland can expect big cuts, if it’s a No.

      Looks like both are coming to fruition.

    96. Quentin Quale says:

      @ GrouseBeater. A very good point. NUJ code of conduct is quite interesting – for instance, it states that a journalist ‘strives to ensure that information disseminated is honestly conveyed, accurate and fair’. Also points out that a journalist should differentiate between fact and opinion. Best of all, a journalist should do his/her utmost to correct harmful inaccuracies.
      An awful lot of journalists should be asking themselves some very serious questions as to their role in the way the dissemination of information in the lead up to the referendum is being carried out.

    97. Balaaargh says:

      Wait, I’m getting a message from a spirit on this side of the room.

      There’s a U… an R… I think that’s an A… and an F?!

    98. galamcennalath says:

      “15 Downing Street insiders pointed out that the nine of the 24 cabinet members are now either Scottish or have strong Scottish links.”

      Playing with numbers again. Take 24 random UK residents. Statistically two will be Scots born for a start. Then, how many will have … Lived in Scotland, had part of their education in Scotland, have a Scots surname, have married a Scot, have a Scots parent, or grandparent, or great grandparent. Yup, about 9 out 24, I’d estimate.

    99. BrianW says:

      So this is how JoLa channels the energy of Thatcher’s dead rotting corpse..

      It certainly explains a lot.

    100. Dan Huil says:

      The Antithesis of Ms Johann Lamont:

      “Safety does not come first. Goodness, truth, and beauty come first.” Jean Brodie, from “The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie”.

    101. Paula Rose says:

      @ Thepnr and Roll_on_2014 – does that mean all the Scottish tories are now in the cabinet thingy?

    102. Andy-B says:

      Its all becoming very embarrassing for Better together, more so when you do your Johnny Ball impersonation, “Think of a number.” The problem with these half baked assumptions is that there’s always some folk who believe the nonsense.

      Thankfully we have you and your site to dispel, such lies.

    103. kininvie says:


      “…spelling and grammar ARE atrocious, surely?”

      I’ll save you the bother of a reply: just cut & paste


    104. Brotyboy says:

      I thought that was a typo on ‘fisting’ at first, but it turns out that ‘fisking’ is a real word too.

      My vocab just increased by a sizeable chunk.

      ‘Fisting’ would have worked too.

    105. Thepnr says:

      Priti Patel has been appointed to the Treasury as “Exchequer Secretary in charge of the block grant” for one specific reason in my opinion.

      That is to champion through parliament the scrapping of the Barnett formula, a role I am sure she will undertake with relish. You couldn’t make this shit up, they are rubbing our noses in it.

      When will the ignorant voters who intend to vote No shake themselves awake and stop sleep walking into what will be an absolute disaster for the majority in Scotland.

    106. Andy-B says:

      GCHQ are watching social media sites, and their favourite line of attack against them is DDoS.

    107. wingman 2020 says:

      This should clear everything up clearly.

      As long as you know the words to Jerusalem

    108. Roll_On_2014 says:

      The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth mi Lud

      JoLa and the truth.

    109. Bugger (the Panda) says:

      Nana Smith

      He is looking for doorstopping volunteers as there are precious few of the indigenous variety in Scotland.

    110. donald anderson says:

      Question for MI5 satellite.

      The Guardian reports a one point lead in the polls for the Tories over Labour. Has this been reported in the Scottish papers?

      Polls show that the YES vote could go as high as 63% if people thought the Tories could win.

      Have you found Ms Yohann Lamont’s brain yet?

    111. heedtracker says:–BBC-flushed-200m-YOUR-money-drain.html
      Daily Heil list £2+ billion blast on new BBC offices like Pacific Quay and now same bettertogetherBBC journos are on strike for higher pay, on the first day of Scotland’s Commonwealth games. Another day in this madasfuck yewkay.

    112. Franariod says:

      We all know whos jobs are at risk after a Yes vote and they are panicking

    113. Famous15 says:

      Lay off Johann!I have just seen her granny on Reporting Scotland.Sorry it was Stalin’s granny and she is baroness something of somewhere and it reminded me of a song we used to sing at school.

      The working class can kiss my grass,
      I have the ermine robe at last.

    114. Andy-B says:

      An insight into the workings of Westminster as government adviser, stands up in train packed full passengers and announces loudly that Ian Duncan Smith is being demoted, and that Esther McVey, desperately wants IDS’s job, but she’s worried she’s pissed to many people off.

    115. BigRik says:

      @ Nana, the worrying thing is, she may be the best they have 🙂

    116. Bugger (the Panda) says:


      Get a hold of the whole act and read clause 34.

      A liberal interpretation of this would mean that anyone late in paying a parking fine could be ripe for “legal” electronic surveillance.

      Seems like we are all guilty of something, they just haven’t found out yet what it is.

      Never trust the Sir Humphrys, or politicians.

    117. Bunter says:


      James Cook of the BBC just tweeted that Junckers spokesman said that his statement on 5 year ban on new EU members did not apply to Scotlands situation.

      Or to that effect LOL.

    118. BigRik says:

      Yes, Big Brother is watching you. But don’t worry, the UK government are in charge, so they’ll miss the real threats, and target people here that just want democracy.

    119. Andy-B says:

      Top trade unionist, and Labour member, Steven Smellie “Why I’m voting yes.” Mr Smellie is a senior activist in Unison.

    120. Lesley-Anne says:

      Partner has just come rushing in in a high state, best described as controlled anger. She was in Eastriggs and came across Elaine Murray M.S.P., Archie Dryborough councillor, Sean Marshall councillor and I think it was Ronnie Ogilvie councillor, all Labour. From what she describes it appears that the bald individual she described as abusing her was Ronnie Ogilvie. I’ll confirm it later when she returns. Lets just say that a number of *ahem* complaints will be getting fired off A.S.A.P. concerning the disgusting behaviour of Mr Ogilvie.

      After his abuse Fiona sped back to speak to Elaine Murray to state that she had just been abused by Ogilvie who, surprise surprise, denied he had. This has not ended, in fact THIS has just started. She was fuming with controlled anger I am also fuming and I was not even there. I just hope they have the complete ignorance to actually knock my front door now!

    121. Andy-B says:

      @Bugger the Panda.

      You just have to look across the Atlantic to the USA, to see, the future of the UK regarding surveillance, covert operations and false flags, against its own citizens, its another powerful reason to vote yes.

    122. Chic McGregor says:

      Looks like a very bad Medium con artist who specialises in gigging an the Old Folk’s Home circuit.

      “Madame Slabbers”?

    123. Croompenstein says:

      @Bunter – Thank feck the bitters really had the dick oot about that..

      Did Cook mention Bannockburn 🙂

    124. Nana Smith says:

      @Bugger (the Panda)

      Aye Panda you are right, desperate times for BT searching high and low for helpers.

      It’s so bad I have had an email from Lord John Thurso [lib dem] asking if I would help. HAHA

      I’m working on my reply, trying to keep sweary words out!
      Bloody hell its not easy.

    125. David Agnew says:

      I have never seen such a wretched display. This is a party that has dined far too long on anti-tory sentiment. It has grown lazy and complacent. It’s become a hollowed out shell that exists, solely to continue its own existence. It lacks vision and ambition. It aspires to the giddy heights of mediocrity, and has replaced its fiery rhetoric in defence of the working man for belligerent imbecility. Its a job for life for the chronic underachiever. Ermine trim for the hypocrite and a secure pension for dotards who never amounted to anything.

      So it has come to this. A dreary fantasist talking of gloom at the loss of a Million jobs, when George Osborne has already highlighted his intention to make a Million unemployed by 2019. They are well on track on making the English NHS tipps compliant. The next plan is to abolish national insurance and fold it into Income tax. No more ring fencing, no more secure funding for hospitals, schools or public service jobs. More savage austerity for Scotland is in the offing when they go for the block grant – our money at the end of the day – and make the SG responsible for its collection. Making whoever runs that government complicit in the cruelty of a future tory government.

      This is the only thing Scotland has to look forward to in the event of a no vote. Yes voters will feel vindicated, no voters will feel betrayed. For people like Lamont, Sarwar, Rennie and Davison, they get to see their future in politics close around them like a fist.

      I have no sympathy for the likes of them. I have only the contempt I used to reserve for Thatcher and her brood…and I thought that was buried with that old crone.

      So thank you Scottish labour. Thank you for the unique experience of regarding you and your politics the same way I regard the Tories.

      Shit on the heel of my shoe

    126. Andy-B says:

      Here’s something we already knew, destitute Britain has the poorest people in western Europe, yet Scotland is one of the richest countries in Europe, another reason to vote yes.

    127. Paula Rose says:

      I think the number of “no’ voters after five years regardless of the outcome will be considerably less than that recorded on Sept. 18th.

    128. Marian says:

      Watching Andrew Neil playing with Lamont on the Politics Show the other day reminded me of a cat playing with a ball of wool (I was going to say mouse but then I remembered that a mouse would have had the wit to get out of the way of the cat).

      Lamont is the product of a Labour Party that rewards loyalty above everything else even when the loyalty is from someone who is dumber than dumb.

      The frightening thing is that elections are fought so by faceless spin doctors nowadays that there is always the remote possibility that Lamont’s can become First Ministers – then again perhaps not because fortunately for us all the electorate are not dumber than dumb.

    129. BuckieBraes says:

      @David Agnew

      ‘For people like Lamont, Sarwar, Rennie and Davidson, they get to see their future in politics close around them like a fist.’

      Sarwar will try to make sure he survives under the Westminster setup; otherwise he has the option of going off to join daddy; but as for the rest: it would almost be worth the pain of a No victory to see that lot get their comeuppance under the very system they are out to protect.

      Almost worth it, I said!

    130. Marian says:

      Black Douglas says:
      15 July, 2014 at 5:23 pm
      O/T The BBC are not even trying to hid their bias anymore.

      same story but two different versions one for us too wee, too small & too stupid

      and one for the rest of the unwashed.

      They get more like the tabloids every day 🙁


      I’ve got a new game which is to end every online joust I have with Britnats by asking them how the weather is in Cheltenham today.

    131. Robert Peffers says:

      @biggpolmont says: 15 July, 2014 at 5:00 pm
      “Rev could we please have a caption competition
      The pic above could be the starting point”.

      “Crystal Ball! Crystal Ball! Who will win the referendum? I’ve a big Tory/LibDem Donation to spend at Paddy Powers. I know it’s big ’cause there’s lots of little nothings after the big 9”

    132. BigRik says:

      @ lesley-anne, it’s what i’d expect, they are so used to playground politics, that bullying is just another part of it, as my teacher used to say, empty vessels make most noise. And if you cant win a debate, wear a big hat.

    133. Bunter says:

      @ Croompenstein

      He said Bannockwhit? lol

    134. RogueCoder says:


      Can’t tell you how much fun I’ve had on Twitter this evening watch BritNat’s gloating triumph turn into embarrassment and disappointment when Juncker’s spokeswoman came out and pointedly stated that he wasn’t talking about Scotland when he said “no enlargement” over next 5 years. Together with previous comments, the implication is that he will accept Scotland’s continuing membership, just as ScotGov have always said.

      I suppose I shouldn’t take vicious pleasure in the discomfort of the BritNats – but my God it feels good, after all of their lies, for them to be pulled up, named and shamed.

      Of course none of the papers will retract or correct the story, so it’s up to us to get it off Twitter and Facebook and into voters minds; the No campaign lies, and here is yet more proof.

    135. Croompenstein says:

      @Bunter – on the great armed forces rule brittania fest that somehow clashed with the Bannockburn fest James Cook was reporting from Stirling but failed to mention the ‘B’ word at all, what we don’t know is if that was by his own volition or he was toeing the party line. 🙂

    136. Albaman says:

      wait, wait, WAIT!!, let me count the nothing’s, –one——two———!!! —SHIT!!

    137. John devine says:

      Lene Kruhoffer says:
      15 July, 2014 at 4:41 pm
      I wonder how long my comment will stay on this ‘blog’ before being consigned to oblivion: mines still there…

    138. Bunter says:

      James Cook of the BBC tweets again that Junckers spokeswoman says he has repeatedly stated that it is an internal matter and he will respect the result.

      Sounds like Juncker is getting pissed off with the London media liars.

    139. Free at 63! says:

      John Devine,

      Just clicked the link again and only 1 comment made 2 hours ago by a ‘Yes’ voter from Alva.

    140. Bugger (the Panda) says:

      John Devine

      Unless you name is Drew Ure, your post is not there.

      The Cunning Stunts display your post to you but no one else.

      So it appears that you have a post displayed, but they have made sure nobody else can see it.

    141. Bunter says:

      @ Croompenstein

      Aye I remember that well. I also would like to know if James Cook is tweeting this stuff because he got wind of the story breaking anyway.

    142. Bob Sinclair says:

      O/T, but unless anyone knows differently it looks like the PQ3 Peaceful Protest FB page is under a fairly sophisticated Troll attack.
      There are people posting all sorts of bizarre allegations and potentially doing damage, whilst claiming to support the event. If you’ve seen these allegations and whatever, DO NOT BELIEVE THEM.

    143. TJenny says:

      John devine – I can see a comment from Drew Ure, but it’s the only comment so far. Maybe their web team are away for their tea. 🙂

    144. John devine says:

      Bugger (the Panda) says:
      15 July, 2014 at 8:29 pm
      John Devine

      Unless you name is Drew Ure, your post is not there.

      The Cunning Stunts display your post to you but no one else.

      So it appears that you have a post displayed, but they have made sure nobody else can see it. Ahhh..Da little devils…vote yes…

    145. TJenny says:

      oops – thatDrew Ure comment now disappeared.

    146. X_Sticks says:


      “James Cook of the BBC just tweeted”

      “Jean Claude Juncker’s spokeswoman says he was not referring to Scotland when he talked about a five year pause in EU accession. #indyref”

      “Jean-Claude Juncker spokesperson “At no point is Scotland mentioned, as this is an entirely separate issue.” #indyref”

      Kudos to James Cook, he seems to be trying to play a fair game.

      That’s about as near a green flag from Junckers as we can hope to get while westminster refuses to ask the question.

      Along with Cameron’s ‘shuffle’ to an anti-justabouteverything cabinet that’ll be a few more votes in the bag 😉

    147. Thepnr says:

      @David Agnew

      Very well said, I feel exactly the same about the duplicitous Labour sham of a party. They are in fact worse than Thatcher, she was upfront about her parties intent.

      They are two faced and seek the support of the working man using lies and false promises as their offerings.

    148. HandandShrimp says:

      I see all the SNP, PC, SDLP, Alliance and Green MPs voted against the new surveillance legislation along with stalwarts like Tom Watson and Dennis Skinner and a couple of dozen others from Labour Tories and Liberals. However, I think only Mark Lazarowicz broke ranks for SLab.

    149. Robert Peffers says:

      @jim watson says: 15 July, 2014 at 5:13 pm
      “Educashun! Educashun! Educashun! You foolish fellow, everyone knows it’s spelt EDUKASHUN”!

      I remember an English class when, ‘Big Johnnie’, our teacher of English, (he was Scots so not an English teacher. Ahem!), Lochgellied me far answering, “Aye”, to a question he had asked me. Then he said, “Perhaps that will teach you that no such word exists in the English Language”.

      I immediately sprung to attention, Saluted him, and replied, “Aye! Aye! Sir”, and was rewarded with six of the best. School days? Best days of your life. Aye! Richt!

    150. John devine says:

      Yes Or No…It’s no easy answer…

    151. RogueCoder says:

      OT again – sorry!

      I’ve just been forwarded a message from Twitter saying that our links posted to comments in Wings articles on Sunday raised £400 alone that day for Jim Sillars’ MargoMobile indiegogo crowd funding. By my figuring, that’s some 15% of the weekend’s donations!

      Wingers: I’m just continually inspired by your ability to give – and keep giving – to make our dream come true. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

      Now… because I am a TOTAL tart when it comes to fundraising for good causes, I’m going to post the link again:

      Jim wants to build a special campaign bus to take Margo’s message to some of the most deprived communities in Scotland – people, most likely, without the benefit of computers, internet connections, and Wings over Scotland. These are traditional generational Labour voters whom have been let down time, and time, and time again. Margo’s message is that there is something better within their grasp, and that they are not “too poor, too wee, too stupid” – they can and will change their future for the better by voting Yes.

      Their total now stands at £6,182. Let’s see if we can get them up to £8,000 by this coming Sunday!

    152. Roll_On_2014 says:

      Saved for posterity:

      James Cook – Junckers tweet.

      Just in case it is deleted… by accident of course.

    153. katsoft says:

      She’s rubbish at maths, rubbish at speaking, rubbish as Labour leader{Scotshire branch} but her Tommy Cooper looks the business. Need to ask who is her spin doctor? and does he/she still have a job after Mr. Neils attempts to make her look better than rubbish failed due to her inability to remember her lines. Dear Johann please write out 100 times, everything your spin doctor says to you. Then you might remember what your supposed to say.

    154. John king says:

      Testing.sent from my new dogs bollocks iPad which I. Have nt a clue how to use

    155. RogueCoder says:

      Really seriously folks – get over to Twitter now if you can, Generation Yes is having a satire field day with today’s JunckerGate 😀

    156. Free at 63! says:

      I can still see the Drew Ure post with 20 ‘likes’.

    157. galamcennalath says:

      @David Agnew @ 7:42

      Exactly! I never thought I’d view ScotLab as worse than the Tories. Yes, worse. With the Tories it says what they are on the can, ScotLab pretend to be something they aren’t.

    158. ronnie anderson says:

      @Kininvie, Andrew if you still have my number please give me a call.

    159. ronnie anderson says:

      @ Bob Sinclair, to much happening at the Bbc demo,but Moira has it noted for future date.

    160. donald anderson says:

      The Guardian bible says the Tolies refuses an EU grant for theior food banks.

      Naebiddy can tell them whit tae dae.

      It wisnae in the diddie press.

    161. Robert Peffers says:

      @Jamie Arriere says: 15 July, 2014 at 6:06 pm
      “BBC Strike is on for next Wednesday, first day of Commonwealth Games. Ho ho ho”.

      Do you think anyone will notice? I got some strange looks today as I walked the wee dog in Loch Ore Meadows Country Park. I was listening to Radio Scotland on a minature radio. They were talking about the BBC guy who had just died and got onto the subject of wonderful BBC Scotland broadcasters.

      They reeled of, ‘Wonderful’, broadcasters like Kaye Adams, Shereen Nangiani and such like and for some reason the lyrics of an old, old song kept running through my head, “And when I told them how wonderful you were dear, They wouldn’t believe me, they wouldn’t believe me”.

      When they mentiond Kaye Adams I had burst out laughing just as a couple of young ladies came round a corner. As I had in-ear phones on they just gave me a strange look and hurried away.

    162. CameronB Brodie says:


      A somewhat diminished Johann Lamont was later witnessed vainly attempting to fend off the smell of TOAST.

    163. Auld Sandy says:

      I had a wee look at some other items in the labour party blogs. I was particularly taken by one on pensions which stated ‘Scottish past and future pensioners are best served by Scotland remaining part of the strength and security of the United Kingdom.’ In view of this statement I suspect neither of my parents (both Scottish past pensioners – ie dead) will be voting Yes.

    164. MJS Dundee says:

      Methinks that North Sea taxation receipts are worth an order of magnitude (add a zero) [and then some] more than those obtainable from any bankers’ bonus tax.

      [Can someone confirm this please?]

      And then would someone please ask Ms L how it is she thinks she could solve long term unemployment from the bonus tax and yet this would not be possible and much easier from the vastly larger North Sea receipts an i-Scotland would have?

      – Don’t hold your breath waiting for a coherent/rational answer.

    165. geeo says:


      “Dinnae scrap they free scripts yit”!

      5 second pause position held like in the picture, then…….(loud fart) “ah….better oot than in…”

      Finally for now, anyone remember the scene from men behaving badly when Tony comes out the opticians with contact lenses in….?
      For Tony see picture above !!

    166. Auld Rock says:

      Clootie at 6:28 PM, thought you were going to say, “deprive them of their village IDIOT”, LOL.

      Auld Rock

    167. Mike says:

      I think I just found £50 Million and a few jobs!
      Post independence all the unions will likely need dedicated scottish versions. In the UK there are 32M working people, 6.5M of whom are in a union (~20%)
      In Scotland there are about 2.5M workers, so lets assume that they have the same membership numbers at ~20% that is 0.5M members, each paying ~£10 a month to be a member of their respective Union. That’s £50M got to be worth a few jobs in there right?

    168. Mike says:


      can you change the email adddress in my last post to the one I have used here, as I don’t want my picture and name circulated, and didn’t realise that Gravatar gives out more information than I agreed to when writing the post?


    169. Chic McGregor says:


      “Rev could we please have a caption competition”

      How about:

      “I’m getting a message from someone called John … John SMITH, that’s it, he says Alecsammin is a very bad man, and that he forgives me for opposing Devolution”

    170. Mike says:

      You can ignore that too, as I changed my settings on gravatar.


    171. James Dow A voice from the Diaspora says:

      Scot’s use English
      With articulate grace (except Johann)
      It must be something
      To do with our race
      When Union is severed
      One gift will remain
      English for Scot’s
      Our only gain

    172. Cactuscheeks says:

      Perhaps the jobs she is referring too are those held by her cohorts in Westminster.
      And let’s not forget the poor old Scottish lords either.

    173. Cuilean says:

      Definition of Scottish Labour : [S]careerist.

    174. Barontorc says:

      Now as we see the odious Westminster at work, every SNP MP has the right of democratic freedom and all have chosen to oppose the latest sinister Bill seeking to hand GCHQ total control over our lives, despite it undermining our civil and human justice rights.

      Tom Watson and others who refuse the whip are also to be commended’ but alas they’ll never overcome the herded orchestration that includes, shamefully, every Scottish Labour MP!

      Roll on a YES vote on 18 September to let us be rid of this Orwellian state. The English, Welsh and NI people who will remain persecuted in this increasingly damnable rUK have our sympathy. As for the torag Scottish MP voting fodder – they can vapourise to somewhere of total nonentity-ness.

    175. Dave Savage says:

      The source for the number is one of their own… Gordon Brown “In a speech at the London School of Economics, he claimed 962,000 jobs in Scotland were connected to the UK.

      They include 313,000 in companies run from other parts of the Union, 247,000 in firms who export to the UK and 65,000 in the public sector, according to research by Strathclyde University Professor Brian Ashcroft.

      Brown added that 9500 Scots jobs depended on UK public contracts with Scots firms, and 3000 research jobs in higher education relied on UK grants.” – from:

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