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Woodwork squeaks, out come freaks

Posted on August 30, 2018 by

Last night’s unexpected events caused a meltdown in the Unionist community on a scale we can’t remember seeing before. Alex Salmond doing the exact thing they’d all been calling on him to do for days provoked an absolute apocalypse of spluttering, incandescent fury in which more people made idiots of themselves at once than the last time “Rangers” had a share issue.

One man, of course, led from the front.


As we write this, Salmond’s fundraiser stands at £70,266 in a little under 14 hours. That’s a significant sum, especially considering every penny was donated freely and voluntarily, but it’s still only a small fraction of the million or so pounds Murdo Fraser has extorted out of unwilling taxpayers in two decades of being an MSP despite having lost every single election he’s ever stood in.

Fraser, though, wasn’t short of fellows in fuddery.

Objections to Salmond crowdfunding his judicial review – which concerns procedure, not the actual allegations – came thick and fast, with the emphasis on “thick”. Here, for example, is Labour’s notoriously imbecilic Rhoda Grant:

Alert readers will have noted the weasel words “ultimately linked to”, which Grant uses to cynically imply the falsehood that the money will be used to defend the allegations.

She then goes on to claim that if this were true – which it isn’t – it would amount to Salmond bullying the alleged victims. But this isn’t a lawsuit. If the police decide the claims merit prosecution, the alleged victims won’t have to foot the bill for the case, so how much money Salmond does or doesn’t have at his disposal is irrelevant.

Grant’s assertion about what “decent people” will feel ought perhaps to be tempered by recalling that the last time she appeared in the newspapers was for hiring an intern from a religious charity that promotes the idea of “curing” homosexuality – despite being Scottish Labour’s equalities spokeswoman.

Tiny-brained Tory MSP Annie Wells echoed Grant’s complaint closely:

It’s perhaps worth analysing what’s being said in both of these comments. What Grant and Wells are demanding is that having been the subject of what he feels is a grave injustice, Alex Salmond should be left tens of thousands of pounds out of pocket if he seeks redress, no matter what the actual eventual outcome.

(The corollary obviously being that justice would only be available to the rich.)

If Salmond – or anyone else – asks for donations from members of the public and gets them, the bottom line is that that’s absolutely none of anyone else’s business. Nobody’s forcing Annie Wells or Rhoda Grant to dig into their pockets if they don’t want to – unlike the members of the public who, with both of them as with Murdo Fraser, are FORCED indefinitely to pay the fat salaries of people they’ve explicitly said they DON’T want representing them in Parliament.

(As far as we can tell Grant hasn’t even given voters the option for over 15 years – she just keeps being handed a free Holyrood pass by Labour and there’s not a damn thing the electorate can do about it – while Wells of course holds the distinction of being the MSP with the tiniest number of votes in the entire chamber, having been backed by just 2,062 of the otherwise-good people of Glasgow Provan.)

That’s not just throwing stones from glass houses, that’s installing whacking great seige cannons in them.

(And let’s not get into the broader topic of either party attempting to occupy the moral high ground at all, given their lengthy recent catalogue of convicted sex offenders, paedophiles and sex pests whose identities are still being protected by current female MSPs like Kezia Dugdale and Monica Lennon.)

Wells and Grant set an early high bar of stupid, but Labour MSP Jenny Marra cleared it easily with an intervention that was not only moronic but probably libellous:

Lacking even the basic wit to cover herself with weasel words like Rhoda Grant had done, Marra just gallumphed in like a drunk elephant with learning difficulties on four pogo sticks, asserting – entirely wrongly – that Salmond was crowdfunding his defence against the allegations, rather than the entirely separate judicial review into the way the matter has been handled.

Remarkably, despite scores of people having schooled the brainless list member (who was overwhelmingly but ineffectually rejected by the people of Dundee West by more than 30 percentage points in 2016) in this basic fact of law almost immediately, the tweet remains live as we write.

Apparently seeking to join Marra in the defamation dock was notoriously demented D-list actress Frances Barber, who quite impressively managed to interpret Salmond’s temporary resignation as an admission of guilt despite his statement repeatedly and strongly emphasising the exact opposite.

Next up came a real rarity – a Unionist politician who actually WAS elected, in the form of Labour MP Dani Rowley, who had a powerful moral point to make:

Rather curiously, though, we can’t find any evidence of her making any similar suggestions about funding women’s aid centres when her father Alex Rowley – MSP and former acting Labour leader – was himself suspended over allegations of stalking and harassment against a woman last year.

The case against Rowley Sr collapsed when Labour – having done nothing for weeks about the complaint – made it too difficult for the woman to continue with it.

Still, it’s nice to see his daughter finally discovering her voice on the subject.

It should probably go without saying that there were a few critical voices on the hand-wringing bleeding-heart wing of the Yes movement too:

And sensing Gerry Hassan’s deep concern for these “real causes”, we officially gave him our permission to donate the ten quid that the snivelling penny-pinching welcher still hasn’t paid up from our 2016 wager with him to the one of his choice.

These of course are just a tiny selection of the highlights. Since we started writing this post Salmond’s fundraiser has taken in over £4000 more, and to end on a positive note we thought we’d share one aspect of it that brought a smile to nearly everyone’s face in the wee hours of this morning:

It’s an ill wind, eh readers?

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528 to “Woodwork squeaks, out come freaks”

  1. Petra

    Just catching up today and reading about all of this ”split stuff” or more likely guff.


    Who said? Some imaginary SNP ”spokesperson?” Well who is he or she? Spell it, spit it, out MSM. BBC, STV and newspapers.

    Wee Clegg of the Daily Record (along with Torcuil Chrichton – a wee birdy told me) seems to be in the ”know” being an absolute expert in influencing people in telling tales such as the VOW (propaganda). Now Alex (more propaganda). What say you Clegg? Time to get off of your King Billy dark horse or was it a sorrel? My advice to you is to get off of your so-called high horse Mr. Your time is well and truly running out now, believe me. You’ve heard of the saying ”a classic fall from grace or loss of status.” That applies to you now. And not before time, imo.

    The MSM’s latest antics, in particular the Daily Record (commonly known as the despicable, lying rag in Scotland) in targeting Alex Salmond, have actually united us all. Strengthened our case; our cause.

    But hey, you can’t say that. Rather just broadcast / print your usual lies in an attempt to influence prior no voters and those who sit on on the fence in the hope that they will vote no next time round.

    I hate to tell you that your propaganda tactics ain’t working anymore folks. Far from it. This is it. We are now in the END GAME … thanks to you erseh*les in no small part.

    And, eh, Alex Salmond’s fundraiser is around £100,000 and if he needs more money we will ALL be there for him. Here and abroad (opening a big can of worms for you, eh?). Money and eternal support for him no object. NEVER ENDING in other words, for him and the Independence cause. Take stalk, take note, of how we are ALL united to the end of the line: To the end of the day now. Supporting Alex Salmond AND Nicola Sturgeon for ever more.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your help. We couldn’t have done it without you within a ”generation.”

  2. Ken500

    Tommy Sheridan did absolutely nothing wrong. Coulson was jailed for perjury. If he had not committed perjury Tommy Sheridan would never have been convicted. Murdoch should have gone to prison for bribing public officials. Joubakusts webt to jail for hacking surveillance and perjury. More should gave been convicted, NoW was shut down. £Millions was paid in compensation.

    Sheridan won every case, He was refused leave to appeal to the EU Courts by the legal system. A total injustice. The banshee that started it was writing a book and paid by Murdoch. His best man judas and the rest of the.m were paid by Murdoch. The stinking gutter Press. The Labour Party and Blair were behind it because Tommy Sheridan was taken votes from Labour. The stinking Press is destroying itself. Tommy Sheridan is a hero, He fought the Poll tax abd ended warrant sales in Scotland. The way he was treated is despicable, The stinking gutter Press, Eating itself, Corrupt beyond redemption.

  3. Ken500

    Journalists when to jail for hacking and breaking the Law, More should have been convicted. Coulson committed perjury and went to work for Cameron. Murdoch going in and out of 10 Downing Street. Holding Parties for MP’s all in his pocket, Gove’s wife works for them. Dacre is finished, Johnston is paid by the Telegraph. Breaking the Law. Got sacked by Murdoch for telling lies. Says it all. He is a criminal. Along with the rest of them.

    Just hope Salmond sues the lot of them. DR and Herald. Sues them for £Millions and wins. They will regret starting with him. Crichton was having affairs along with the rest of them. Lying bastards. Colin MacKay should be sacked for the way he was carrying on harassing people. Breaking the Law. Or sent for diversity training and.made to apologise. Liar.

    There are two sets of civil servants. Too many. One lot employed by the Scottish Gov. Deans. The other lot in the Scottish Office Mundell. Canvassing and lobbying against the SNP and the Scottish Gov. Mundell plans to increase it by 3,000. Setting up an alternative administration. He will not get the chance. Champagne and canapés for his cronies. Costing £Millions All paid for by Scottish taxpayers, The Tories are sanctioning and starving people,

    Deans husband is an SNP activist and campaigner. It is possible Deans supports the SNP and Independence but has to be apolitical in the job for five year term (or less).

    When Scotland votes for Independence the civil service (Scottish Office/Mundell) can be taken over. Within the next few years. Definitely. There are plenty of good people. Keith Brown etc. The SNP is full of excellent, able talented, educated people. That is why they support Independence, They know the full facts and can cut through the nonsense. There are too many to chose.

    Thank goodness for Alex Salmond, especially in the NE. He is sorely missed. The unionists have ruined Aberdeen/shire. Lying wasters. Alex has done so much for Scotland. Spent a lifetime standing up for Scotland. A giant among pygmies. Taken Scotland forward to better government and prosperity. Stood up for what is right. He was right all along. It will be even better when Scotland votes for Independence soon. Hopes and dreams will come true,

  4. Cactus

    Squeaks n freaks!

    A new 2018 month… wake me up when October begins:

    Or when Cairnstoon is inda Saturday house…

    Yes We Can!

  5. Cactus

    Hey Scotland!

    Would you like to get your hands on the new ‘Yes We Can’ Scotland flag and help to promote and furnish your Yes hubs with the necessary materials:

    Only 341 flags remaining to go to achieve first target:


    Get your X.

  6. manandboy

    O/T One of the internet’s greatest uses is that it reveals things which have been kept hidden from the public for generations.
    One of these is about to be re-enacted this weekend in the east-end of Glasgow as green meets blue in the first of this season’s matches between Glasgow’s two main football rivals. This is a game between two clubs and two sets of supporters which will release massive amounts of historical and cultural energy under the guise of a football fixture. Half of Scotland will also be keeping an eye on the score.

    So what is it about Celtic-Rangers with all its rivalry, passion, hostility and so on that has been kept hidden? It is that behind this public display of bitter differences, both clubs have Unionist Boards and a majority of supporters who are Unionist voters.

    Both Clubs are Unionist by majority, but for generations that fact has been kept hidden.

  7. Skintybroko

    Given the time it takes to do internal investigations shouldn’t sexual harassment cases be referred directly to the police to stop those who just want to sling mud? At a local place of work bursary payments are stopped automatically for non attendance, 3 guys went on a holiday for a week and bursaries weee stopped – they took exception to this and challenged the person in charge who pointed to the policy- a week later they lodges a complaint of sexual harassment, person was suspended automatically social media took over and he was pilloried – when the police eventually got involved the guys dropped their allegations but by then the damage was done, the guy resigned and had to move away.

    This trial by media stinks and isn’t good for any of the people involved particularly whe it is long drawn out internally and then for god knows how long in the media

  8. gus1940

    Today’s on-line Herald – 1 down from yesterday – only 12 Eck stories.

  9. Nana
    Panasonic blames Brexit for moving European headquarters

    Today’s Brexit topic. Geographical Indications. Parmesan cheese, Cornish Pasties. Politico has the story of the UK finding a secret Brexit weapon. The story is incomplete.

  10. Nana

    Full report from the Scottish Government on their proposed involvement in UK trade policy – well thought-through, and presenting a challenge to a UK government currently trying to limit consultation on future trade policy

  11. Liz g

    Skintybrokeo @ 7.44am
    I could get on board with something like that.
    These “in house” investigations seem to be creating more heat than light.
    Mibbi a unit within the Police or attached to the Police becoming the place to go if there’s a problem.
    It would need to be trusted,for everyone,and above all confidential.
    It could scrap all these “processes “ and every would know where to go and what to expect.
    It’s worth looking at!
    And if successful it could also be extended to schools as their bullying policies are a bit hit and miss too…. also people would leave school with a better understanding, that there is, and isn’t acceptable behaviour and what to do about it, and carry it in to the workplace!

  12. Nana

    Journey to Yes #21 – Ashley says Yes. Former ScotTories Councillor declares independence

  13. HandandShrimp

    Listened to the radio shortbread this morning with Shona Craven and Alex Bell talking about the raging battles in the highways and byways of Scotland … oh the humanity!

    Actually Shona talked a lot of sense and although Alex chose his words very carefully it was evident he thought that this just about wraps it up for that Salmond chap (anyone might consider that there is no love lost there). He didn’t appear to think it impacted much on Nicola or the wider Yes movement (although he had to extricate himself from a couple of misspeaks on that score that would no doubt have been headlines in a newspaper interview but were made clear in a live discussion.)

    All in, the civil war was put on a very low peep.

  14. Nana

    Watch Dunfermline march here Starts in 15 mins

  15. Robert Peffers

    @manandboy says: 1 September, 2018 at 7:38 am:

    ” … Both Clubs are Unionist by majority, but for generations that fact has been kept hidden.”

    You nearly got it right, manandboy, but need to brush up on your football history.

    This story begins in Edinburgh when a lay brother of the RC church in the Canongate started a football team. The idea was to help stop the bitter troubles between the mainly Irish immigrants flooding into Scotland due to the Irish Troubles and the Potato Famine.

    He found official obstruction from established clubs and, believe it or not, it took the intervention and support of Heart of Midlothian FC before Hibs were even accepted into the football mainstream.

    Now you are probably asking, “What has all that got to do with the so called, “Auld Firm”? So I’ll explain it for you. The idea of a football club to attempt to calm the Christian sectarianism saw the RC church in Glasgow pick up on the idea and Hibs FC sponsored an RC Lay Brother in the Glasgow RC Church to start up an RC football club in Glasgow and the team was originally intended to be called, “Glasgow Hibernians”.

    In the event it was decided the name would be too confusing with two Hibernian teams and so was changed to, “Glasgow Celtic”. I seem to remember reading that the first Celtic FC game saw Celtic FC playing in a strip that was donated to them by Hibernian FC. BTW: Hibs also sponsored several other Scottish teams. Yet only in Glasgow has the sectarianism been an ongoing problem. Go figure why?

    So there you go – even before Celtic was an actual football club it was steeped in sectarianism.

  16. Legerwood

    Ken500 says:
    1 September, 2018 at 5:27 am
    “”Coulson was jailed for perjury. “”

    No he was not. He was tried for perjury and acquitted.

    Please check your ‘facts’ before posting.

  17. stu mac

    @Barry Haniford says:
    31 August, 2018 at 6:08 pm
    Have you seen this Stu? I think you should!

    The civil service hasn’t been independent/apolitical for decades. That was one of the Thatcher government’s big projects in which they succeed completely. (Remember “is he one of us?”)

  18. Clapper57

    @ jfngw says on 30 August 2018 at 3:02 pm

    “I see Alex Cole-Hamilton is incandescent that poor people are funding rich people via a crowdfunder. He has no qualms with poor people funding his MSP salary but have no choice in not contributing”.


    Yep jfngw, didn’t hear him voice his opinion on the proven liar Carmichael’s fundraiser instigated by one of his colleagues….Alex Cole-Hamilton should shut his trap because his election campaign material was shocking and if he had any decency he should apologise to Michelle Thomson.

    Having said that the people who voted for him should seriously question why they felt he was the best choice , given his campaign leaflets were predominantly more about the character assassination of a person from an opposition party, who incidentally was NOT questioned, arrested or charged by the police with what the leaflet was inferring was the case,this was the focus of his shocking campaign.

    The voters who voted for him have voted for someone who deployed despicable methods to further his own inauspicious career which seems to consist largely of snide comments and irrelevant points with no purpose other than to disrupt and demean .

    Personally I look for a candidate with more savvy and who actually has something constructive to offer as a representative of the area he or she has been elected in. I guess not everyone seeks quality in their chosen MSP but surely some must be questioning some of his antics which fall far short of what one should expect from someone who has been bestowed with the job of representing his constituency as opposed to being seen as a perpetual grievance monkey carping from the sidelines.

    There is a pattern developing with the Lib Dems in the methods they use and I suspect , like others, it is because even they recognise that they are bereft of both policies and honour and like other unionist parties they are dominated by an HQ driven agenda which is more preoccupied with what benefits….shall we say…another more dominant country ?

    He is like most Lib Dems an irrelevance and an irritant whose only purpose in the Scottish parliament is to demean the position and trust he has undeservedly been given. Tick Tock time for him I think as he has failed to deliver anything other than petty and fruitless jibes at the SNP especially upon their innovative and productive achievements such as the Queensferry crossing.

    If his constituents who voted for him cannot see this then they are condoning his behavior and therefore deserve to be represented by him. He can only dream of having what Alex Salmond has achieved in his career and should for once keep his unwanted and malicious opinion to himself then the world and Scottish politics would for once reap some benefit from him via his mouth being shut and his opinions unexpressed.

    Yep I know another rant by resident wings ranter…what the Hell.

    Have a good day jfngw

  19. Fred

    Good post Clapper!

  20. Foonurt

    Christ oan ah bike. Thoan’s, whit ye caw ah gun.

    In thurr name, ah thurr wee man.

    Whit, ah guid yin.

  21. Clapper57

    @ Fred


    Have a good evening…what’s left of it Lol.

  22. Cubby

    Dam and dam the crowdfunder has been closed. I was enjoying the fact that the hypocritical Britnats were frothing at the mouth over it. I was looking forward to donating again tonight for the 4th night in a row.

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