Does ANYONE understand them? Depressingly it seems not.
If you're joining us late, many years ago there existed a thing oft bemoaned by fans and pundits alike, called the "professional foul". This was a cynical deliberate foul, typically committed by a lumbering centre-half when he'd been skinned by a forward who was then heading clean through on the goalkeeper, but still a long way from goal. The centre-half would blatantly haul him down, making no pretence at a legal attempt to win the ball, and give away a harmless free kick perhaps 30 or 40 yards out.
The forward would thus be denied a chance to go one-on-one with the keeper and very likely score. The defender, meanwhile, would suffer only a yellow card at most – because his foul was in itself usually innocuous (being a simple trip or shove), leaving the referee no grounds on which to issue a red. It was clearly unfair, and something had to be done.
Alert WoS viewers, who may find much of the text of this review oddly familiar (but do read on, for all is not quite as it seems), will already be aware of my range of views on the history of SNK’s Metal Slug series. From a hugely refreshing beginning, the franchise rapidly degenerated into a cynical cash-milking business punting out lazy and increasingly inferior titles with ever-growing rapidity and desperation.
The nadir actually arrived fairly early, with the abysmal Metal Slug 3, and there have been a few flickers of hope – like the inventive Neo Geo Pocket spinoffs (now excitingly playable via emulation on PSP, finally solving the problem of the NGP’s murky un-backlit screen and awkward controls) and the aforelinked GBA title, which came up with many of the ideas that have been more fully fleshed out in this latest release.
But mostly the announcement of a new addition to the Metal Slug family has been occasion only for some sad reflections on the latest half-arsed indignities to be inflicted on a once-proud name in the name of a quick profit. Metal Slug XX is a step back in the right direction.
It’s good to know that Sony still has one market-leading piece of highly efficient and productive hardware on its books. The ailing megacorporation seems to expend most of its effort these days launching acres of cretinous lying drivel into the ever-compliant media, blaming anyone but itself for the catalogue of ineptitude that has beset the company over the last few years.
The space of that single hardware generation has seen Sony’s games division crash from being the overwhelming market leader by a factor of 6:1 over the nearest opposition (the PS2 has sold around 140 million units worldwide compared to the original Xbox’s pitiful 25 million and just 21 million for the Gamecube) to a dismal last place in every field of operation it competes in.
The company’s products populate the Blue Square Football Conference of the videogaming leagues – the PS3 is still making basically no inroads into the Xbox 360’s lead and gazing far off into the distance at the dust trail of the Wii in the mainstream market, and the PSP has been humiliated by the DS and now the iPhone and iPod in the handheld field. But who’s responsible for the latter catastrophe? You’ll never guess in a million years.
(To enjoy this feature TO THE EXTREME!, install the excellent Spotify and click the song titles to hear the songs. Failing that, I’ll just have to try to paint you a picture of some sounds, but made with words instead of paint.)
In the heady atmosphere of 1985-1986, I never thought I’d live to see the day when The Jesus And Mary Chain – musical revolutionaries, performers of shambolic 20-minute sets of hellish white noise and inebriated chaos, banned from Student Unions across the country because of their concerts’ tendency to end in (sort-of) riots, scruffy council-estate urchins from the industrial wastelands of West Central Scotland – would be having their music celebrated and given away free with copies of The Times.
I guess if you’re right, and if you wait patiently enough, the world sometimes comes round to your way of thinking eventually.
Which is why they’ll never get another penny of my money. There is no greedier games company in existence, perhaps no more nakedly greedy corporation on Earth.
The other day I finally lost patience waiting for Namco to release an update to iPhone Ms Pac-Man (which hasn’t worked since OS 3.1) or answer any support queries about it, and emailed Apple.
Widely regarded as an extremely grasping company themselves, Apple nonetheless replied within 24 hours refunding the purchase price of the game in full, which is customer relations at what ought to be the elementary bare minimum.
(Actually it’s a little better than minimum – the game doesn’t get remotely deleted in the event of a refund and is still on my iPod, so if Namco ever do bother their backsides to make it work again, I effectively get a freebie in compensation for all of the considerable inconvenience that I went to in trying to get it to run – repeatedly deleting and reinstalling, rebooting, even doing a complete six-hour system restore.)
Whatever it is that makes me love football, it’s not the commonly-cited feeling of community, because I’ve never really had that. When I was young I was pretty much the only gay (“Aberdeen fan”) in the village (“town of 20,000 people”) – the vast majority of people in central Scotland support the vile twin icons of bigotry Rangers or Celtic, or (if they have no interest in Irish history) to a much lesser extent Hearts and an even lesser extent Hibs.
Yep, it’s so good I actually played it twice, which as alert WoSblog readers will realise is a substantial accolade in itself, so it seems only proper that it takes the No.2 slot as well.
Yeah, bit behind schedule on this one. Sorry. You know how it is.
No.3 – Earth Defence Force 2017
EDF2017 pretty much killed static-console gaming for me. Apart from Super Mario Galaxy (which exists in a separate category to pretty much all other videogames), it’s the last game for any of the mainstream formats that I’ve invested any significant amount of time in, because nothing’s ever been this much fun again.
Alert WoS viewers will have seen this a while ago, but as it’s my all-time favourite piece of videogames-related art it’s worth repeating for the hundreds of new readers of WoSblog. Once you’ve grasped what it is you won’t expect that you’re going to watch all nine minutes of it. But you will.
Hatey McHateface on Vibecoding A Better World: “Excellent point, Alf. I guess the UN can chuck the UK out of the UN once they’ve been told the…” Nov 8, 23:00
Alf Baird on Vibecoding A Better World: “As James Che rightly points out below, there is no reason to hold a referendum on leaving a ‘United Kingdom’…” Nov 8, 21:47
CatalogueTrewsers on Vibecoding A Better World: “John Main is a Shitebag ! An his Maw was a Shitebag anaw !! He gets paid to. I don’t” Nov 8, 21:42
Hatey McHateface on Vibecoding A Better World: “But he didn’t lose, or even loose, his shit, did he? The two of them debated seriously and respectfully and…” Nov 8, 21:20
CatalogueTrewsers on Vibecoding A Better World: “When a cool cucumber like Robin looses his shit during a discussion. It tells me more about him,than it does…” Nov 8, 19:52
Hatey McHateface on Vibecoding A Better World: ““you’ve got them worried” Be reasonable, 100%, it’s to be expected that Scots want to know when the UN is…” Nov 8, 19:18
Aidan on Vibecoding A Better World: “lol “rigged” take off your tin foil hat. If the 2014 referendum was rigged, then any future referendum will also…” Nov 8, 19:10
100%Yes on Vibecoding A Better World: “Alf, you and Salvo keep up the good work, you’ve got them worried.” Nov 8, 18:53
James on Vibecoding A Better World: “So, Adrian, the legitimate route, according to your ‘wisdom’ is via another rigged UK referendum? What a surprise.” Nov 8, 18:21
Northcode on Vibecoding A Better World: ““…had been annexed decades and in many instances centuries before [1945].” My comment was about the legality of annexation before…” Nov 8, 17:51
Alf Baird on Vibecoding A Better World: ““It was only after 1945 that Article 2(4) of the UN Charter prohibited annexation by force under international law.” The…” Nov 8, 15:03
Hatey McHateface on Vibecoding A Better World: “Ah, c’moan noo, Willie. We a’ ken it’s Tel Aviv.” Nov 8, 14:31
Hatey McHateface on Vibecoding A Better World: ““The issue is annexation which is unlawful and without consent” Ooo, tough shit, Alf. Any reasonable observer is gonna interpret…” Nov 8, 14:28
Hatey McHateface on Vibecoding A Better World: ““Scotland is a catalyst Country to the freedom of just about every other Country” Havers. Ukr**ne is a catalyst country…” Nov 8, 14:20
Northcode on Vibecoding A Better World: “Even if Scotland had been annexed pre-1945 (it wasn’t), it wouldn’t have been illegal under international law. Before 1945, annexation…” Nov 8, 14:16
Willie on Vibecoding A Better World: “Who is taking down comments Rev, the second they are posted. Gremlins on the line?” Nov 8, 14:02
Willie on Vibecoding A Better World: “Looks like Tommy Robinson of the English Defence League is having fun in Ireland. ” I’m just about love bro,…” Nov 8, 14:00
Alf Baird on Vibecoding A Better World: “““Independence without consent” The issue is annexation which is unlawful and without consent.” Nov 8, 13:43
Northcode on Vibecoding A Better World: ““… you and your tribe plan for Scotland to be steam rollered into Independence…” Perhaps the mission statement for both…” Nov 8, 13:19
James Che on Vibecoding A Better World: “We have to think of a larger picture before becoming independent as much as we would pay attention to details…” Nov 8, 12:10
Aidan on Vibecoding A Better World: “It is 180 degrees the other way 100% yes. The “Westminster” route did produce a pathway to independence in 2014…” Nov 8, 11:51
James Che on Vibecoding A Better World: “When Scotland is recognised as independent it will effect and have a affect on every other Country around the world…” Nov 8, 11:50
James Che on Vibecoding A Better World: “The approach from the Countries of Ireland and Wales towards the influx of migration and high taxes from Englands parliament…” Nov 8, 11:35
Hatey McHateface on Vibecoding A Better World: “You write an enormous screed to explain why the obvious solution is impossible, 100%. Found a plebiscitary party, establish plausible…” Nov 8, 11:27
James Che on Vibecoding A Better World: “It would be of Great advantage to other nations and populations around the world to ensure that Scotland is recognised…” Nov 8, 11:20
Hatey McHateface on Vibecoding A Better World: “That’s your opinion, Alf, and that of a few supporters. It’s almost as if you don’t know us Scots at…” Nov 8, 11:11
James Che on Vibecoding A Better World: “100% yes. Your reasoning is sound up to the point where you suggest that we can perhaps do UDI, or…” Nov 8, 10:51
Alf Baird on Vibecoding A Better World: “Excellent summary. The role of independence leaders is to unveil their oppression to the people. The SNP elite has never…” Nov 8, 10:29
James Che on Vibecoding A Better World: “Hatey, The system is not just tragic for Scotland, but for Ireland, Wales and England. Long ago I realised that…” Nov 8, 10:12
