1. That the Tories hadn’t offered the Lib Dems anything on electoral reform. The sudden, desperate and resentful least-possible offer of a referendum on the absolutely useless AV (which does almost nothing for the Lib Dems) was a panic reaction to Brown’s game-changing resignation.
At least, it’s statistically probable that you do. The majority – 53% – of votes cast by the British electorate last Thursday were worthless, because they were cast for candidates who didn’t win, and are therefore simply thrown in the bin by the First Past The Post electoral system.
So if you were one of the thousands of people locked out of polling stations across the country on Thursday night, don’t fret too much. Your vote would probably have been completely ignored anyway.
Because the aim was a hung parliament, and we got just about the hung-est parliament possible. The Tories need the Lib Dems to form a majority, Labour needs nearly everyone to form a majority, and the smallest parties could yet have the crucial say. Wow, that's hung. But what now?
I haven't been to bed yet. I may be cranky. But with over 90% of results in, it's not really possible to draw any conclusions from last night's election other than (a) almost everyone in Britain is a pathetic, brainless cretin, and (b) everything about our "democracy" is a sick black joke at our expense.
With just two days until an election that could mark either one of the greatest days in British political history or one of the blackest, we're all a bit nervous about the future. But one thing that's great for easing tension is free cash, and that's what appears to be on offer from Stan James this week.
The terrifying image above is Ladbrokes' predicted map of the UK come Friday morning. (You can find much more detail on it here.) It makes a few questionable assertions and contradicts itself in a number of places (eg Glasgow East), but where's the money?
So the debates are over. We've heard at great length from three right-wing politicians, offering us three slightly different flavours of right-wing policies. No alternative voices were permitted.
And the really troubling thing about this election is that that means NOBODY is speaking for the majority of the British population. It almost certainly means that nobody is speaking for you. Which, you might think, is a pretty odd way to be running a supposed democracy.
One of the most striking things about the current election is the BBC's total abandonment of even a pretence at impartiality with regard to the nationalist parties in Scotland and Wales (and other smaller parties like UKIP too), which is most obviously visible in the Corporation's determined exclusion of them from the defining theatre of the campaign – the leaders' debates.
In the light of protests pointing out that excluding what Ofcom defines as "main parties" in Scotland and Wales during an election is against broadcasting regulations, the BBC (and ITV and Sky, although the latter subsequently broke ranks – see above) hastily rebranded the programmes as "Prime Ministerial debates", and insisted that they were only for the politicians contesting the keys to 10 Downing Street.
The gigantic irony, of course, is that it looks increasingly as if NONE of the participants in the debates will actually be the next Prime Minister.
Clue: it’s not because they like having sex with children.
It’s because, along with the war in Afghanistan, they’re one of the only two major campaigning issues on which there isn’t even a manufactured illusion of disagreement between the three main parties standing in the General Election of 2010. Everyone is singing in perfect harmony from the same hymn sheet on this one: the unemployed are dangerous and despicable criminals.
Much like Afghanistan, none of the London parties speak for the UK electorate on this important issue. Which is, y'know, kinda strange. You'd think wars and spending scores of billions of pounds on pointless weapons in a recession would be just the sort of thing that would come up during an election as points of contention. But maybe I'm missing something.
Hang on. Is this classic reverse psychology? Does the Daily Mail actually WANT a hung parliament, for doubtless sinister reasons of its own?
Because it's hard to imagine that a major British newspaper could be edited by anyone SO stupid as to think this absurd, hysterical rubbish (based on an out-of-context quote EIGHT years old) could do anything but strengthen the feelings of anyone who's sick of the old Labour-Tory carve-up of this country. So let's help them, eh?
Ian Smith on It just takes a beat: “If someone had donated to the ring fenced fund at the same time as buying bitcoin or Nvidia shares, could…” Jul 11, 23:58
Hatey McHateface on It just takes a beat: “Good post, Northy. Don’t take yourself off to Alpha Centauri just yet.” Jul 11, 21:18
Hatey McHateface on It just takes a beat: “It’s worth observing that the regular moon howlers don’t think so. You’ll never hear a peep of criticism aimed at…” Jul 11, 21:10
Bilbo on It just takes a beat: “Demonstrations in a number of deprived areas in Glasgow this week. MSM says it involves men who committed alleged sex…” Jul 11, 20:42
Alf Baird on It just takes a beat: ““Not even liberation.scot can fill the gap if the SNP disappears.” Lorncal, I suspect most of Liberation Scotland’s 20,000 members…” Jul 11, 20:17
Confused on It just takes a beat: “widdecombe? – I think farage done it. He was round at her house, telling gas chamber jokes, having a rare…” Jul 11, 19:54
James Barr Gardner on It just takes a beat: “You’ve hit the nail on the head with your comment, some of these cultists have threatened violence against those who…” Jul 11, 18:38
Lorncal on It just takes a beat: “Alf: you illustrate my point well. I agree that a massive civic political movement for independence would be preferred, perhaps,…” Jul 11, 17:43
twathater on It just takes a beat: “Stuart Campbell would certainly have earned that ACCOLADE ,yet there are still moronic snp apologists and sycophants over t’Internet ACCUSING…” Jul 11, 17:00
Alf Baird on It just takes a beat: “The point both you and Andy, and the Rev and others miss, Lorncal, is that we do not need another…” Jul 11, 15:50
Young Lochinvar on It just takes a beat: “Rev Further to your interview with Martin Geisler is there any sign of John Swinney having taken up residence in…” Jul 11, 15:43
Lorncal on It just takes a beat: “Andy: I agree with the Rev’s logic and your comment, but, again, what is going to replace the SNP? The…” Jul 11, 14:35
Luigi on It just takes a beat: “The second photo of Honest John is hilarious. He looks like the tin man in the Wizard of Oz.” Jul 11, 13:29
robertkknight on It just takes a beat: “Today’s The National front page… SNP OFFER TO REFUND ‘INDYREF’ DONATIONS Concession despite ‘no evidence of fraud ‘ finding Whose…” Jul 11, 13:23
TURABDIN on It just takes a beat: “more on same meme. WE GOT RHYTHM…..or you’s the bass. https://theconversation.com/racial-stereotypes-of-african-footballers-persist-a-world-cup-is-a-good-time-to-talk-about-them-286673” Jul 11, 13:04
TURABDIN on It just takes a beat: “TALKING ABOUT «MONEY» QUOTE they dream of «corporate monarchies ruled by ceo kings» https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cly8eqyj8e2o representative national government is necessary, democratic…” Jul 11, 12:40
James Barr Gardner on The Only Notes That Really Count: “If you paid by bank transfer and your address and bank details have not changed then the SNP should be…” Jul 11, 12:07
shug on It just takes a beat: “When the civil case approaches the only deal you should consider is Name the Alphabeties Lady Dorian out Swinney and…” Jul 11, 11:31
Knuckle_Heid on It just takes a beat: “Wow, look at all those press articles! And not one of them would be there if WoS hadn’t doggedly pursued…” Jul 11, 10:25
Bilbo on It just takes a beat: “Politicians get photographed in positions under lighting where when photographed, they appear to have a halo above them. When John…” Jul 11, 08:54
Northcode on It just takes a beat: “I would, if I had the means, chase down the ragged, walking dead corpse of the SNP and at last…” Jul 11, 07:34
Captain Caveman on The Only Notes That Really Count: “🙂 He’s a 60kg working lines Rottweiler male (our 7th of this magnificent breed). However, his aggression dial is turned…” Jul 11, 07:32
twathater on It just takes a beat: “That pathetic response from polis Scotland only serves to show just how ill served The Scottish public is with the…” Jul 11, 03:14
Frazerio on It just takes a beat: “The simplest way of putting it is: There is a cover up going on. Simple question. The big question. Why?…” Jul 11, 02:53
James Barr Gardner on The Only Notes That Really Count: “Wee Peem gas offered to repay, meantime he is in the gaol.” Jul 10, 22:45
Tartan Tory on It just takes a beat: “I certainly had and kept records, but after seven years it goes in the bin! By contrast, I recently cleared…” Jul 10, 22:43
James Barr Gardner on The Only Notes That Really Count: “Ignorance of the law is no excuse in any country. If it were, the laws would lose their effect, because…” Jul 10, 22:38
Mark Beggan on It just takes a beat: “That’s the guy that hates kids.” Jul 10, 21:58