1. That the Tories hadn’t offered the Lib Dems anything on electoral reform. The sudden, desperate and resentful least-possible offer of a referendum on the absolutely useless AV (which does almost nothing for the Lib Dems) was a panic reaction to Brown’s game-changing resignation.
At least, it’s statistically probable that you do. The majority – 53% – of votes cast by the British electorate last Thursday were worthless, because they were cast for candidates who didn’t win, and are therefore simply thrown in the bin by the First Past The Post electoral system.
So if you were one of the thousands of people locked out of polling stations across the country on Thursday night, don’t fret too much. Your vote would probably have been completely ignored anyway.
Because the aim was a hung parliament, and we got just about the hung-est parliament possible. The Tories need the Lib Dems to form a majority, Labour needs nearly everyone to form a majority, and the smallest parties could yet have the crucial say. Wow, that's hung. But what now?
I haven't been to bed yet. I may be cranky. But with over 90% of results in, it's not really possible to draw any conclusions from last night's election other than (a) almost everyone in Britain is a pathetic, brainless cretin, and (b) everything about our "democracy" is a sick black joke at our expense.
With just two days until an election that could mark either one of the greatest days in British political history or one of the blackest, we're all a bit nervous about the future. But one thing that's great for easing tension is free cash, and that's what appears to be on offer from Stan James this week.
The terrifying image above is Ladbrokes' predicted map of the UK come Friday morning. (You can find much more detail on it here.) It makes a few questionable assertions and contradicts itself in a number of places (eg Glasgow East), but where's the money?
So the debates are over. We've heard at great length from three right-wing politicians, offering us three slightly different flavours of right-wing policies. No alternative voices were permitted.
And the really troubling thing about this election is that that means NOBODY is speaking for the majority of the British population. It almost certainly means that nobody is speaking for you. Which, you might think, is a pretty odd way to be running a supposed democracy.
One of the most striking things about the current election is the BBC's total abandonment of even a pretence at impartiality with regard to the nationalist parties in Scotland and Wales (and other smaller parties like UKIP too), which is most obviously visible in the Corporation's determined exclusion of them from the defining theatre of the campaign – the leaders' debates.
In the light of protests pointing out that excluding what Ofcom defines as "main parties" in Scotland and Wales during an election is against broadcasting regulations, the BBC (and ITV and Sky, although the latter subsequently broke ranks – see above) hastily rebranded the programmes as "Prime Ministerial debates", and insisted that they were only for the politicians contesting the keys to 10 Downing Street.
The gigantic irony, of course, is that it looks increasingly as if NONE of the participants in the debates will actually be the next Prime Minister.
Clue: it’s not because they like having sex with children.
It’s because, along with the war in Afghanistan, they’re one of the only two major campaigning issues on which there isn’t even a manufactured illusion of disagreement between the three main parties standing in the General Election of 2010. Everyone is singing in perfect harmony from the same hymn sheet on this one: the unemployed are dangerous and despicable criminals.
Much like Afghanistan, none of the London parties speak for the UK electorate on this important issue. Which is, y'know, kinda strange. You'd think wars and spending scores of billions of pounds on pointless weapons in a recession would be just the sort of thing that would come up during an election as points of contention. But maybe I'm missing something.
Hang on. Is this classic reverse psychology? Does the Daily Mail actually WANT a hung parliament, for doubtless sinister reasons of its own?
Because it's hard to imagine that a major British newspaper could be edited by anyone SO stupid as to think this absurd, hysterical rubbish (based on an out-of-context quote EIGHT years old) could do anything but strengthen the feelings of anyone who's sick of the old Labour-Tory carve-up of this country. So let's help them, eh?
Gavin on The Aims Of Justice: “Thank you for sticking with this, Stu. What you are doing is really important. Without your courage and tenacity, we…” Aug 21, 15:37
James Che on Before Action: “All this effects and affects how the law is dealt with in Scotland. If a Colonial Country comes to light…” Aug 21, 15:35
James Che on Before Action: “For instance is the 1800 Anglo- Irish agreement in 1800 with the parliament of England or the supposed parliament of…” Aug 21, 15:27
James Che on Before Action: “Alf, Indeed this is not Scots laws but the justice and laws of England, That said Scots know now that…” Aug 21, 15:18
Mark Beggan on Before Action: “I reckon the Scottish establishment will fight this with every means at their disposal. If they lose the legal battle…” Aug 21, 14:37
And Spouse on Before Action: “What is the chance that there might be a long game here. If they, SNP, can summon up the money…” Aug 21, 14:21
Confused on The Land Of Do-As-You-Please: “arday got the martyr’s death alright – he also fills a more pagan role; the “fool”, the “king for a…” Aug 21, 14:18
Mark Beggan on Before Action: “I understand that Sarah but to ride a bike you must first posses one then you need to learn how…” Aug 21, 14:15
Confused on The Land Of Do-As-You-Please: “incoherent as usual, main. I think you are in “must have a dig, because”- mode. do you have some perverse…” Aug 21, 14:13
Mark Beggan on Before Action: “Woke ideology! As you say it is a concept, nothing more. It has no foundation or academic relevance. Professor Alf…” Aug 21, 14:03
Confused on The Land Of Do-As-You-Please: “that was a fucking zinger – you should get your own slot on C4, or HIGNFY you’re yet another fucking…” Aug 21, 14:01
Hatey McHateface on Before Action: “Relax and don’t worry. It’ll pass.” Aug 21, 13:48
Captain Caveman on Before Action: “”You choose to ignore the content of just about EVERY article that Stu writes. Instead you continue to focus on…” Aug 21, 13:41
Garavelli Princip on Before Action: “I find myself in the extremely unusual position of agreeing entirely with Hatey!” Aug 21, 13:32
Chas on Before Action: “Absolute shite Alf…… as usual. I am amazed that all the faults, incompetence,sleekitness in Scotland are ALWAYS the fault of…” Aug 21, 13:02
Hatey McHateface on The Land Of Do-As-You-Please: “@Southernbystander Not the least of the terrible evils of DEI is the niggling doubt, every time one encounters a burocrat…” Aug 21, 12:59
Hatey McHateface on Before Action: “Naw, sarah, Alf is wrong. A simple majority of MSPs at HR passing a vote of No Confidence is all…” Aug 21, 12:36
100%Yes on Before Action: “Who are you calling the “establishment” if you mean the SNP or Scottish government then say it.” Aug 21, 12:32
Douglas on Before Action: “Excellent response to an apparently deaf, dumb and blind organization which, in my view, is shaming Scotland. A crowd funder…” Aug 21, 12:28
lothianlad on Before Action: “Thank you Stu for your persistance They know that the truth will expose their crimes fully. We know that sturgeon…” Aug 21, 12:28
Anne Cowling on Before Action: “A faint cry goes up from the constabulary, ‘why isn’t this working….?’ Send up the bat signal when you start…” Aug 21, 12:20
Hatey McHateface on The Land Of Do-As-You-Please: “There’s something about seeing multiple examples of Alf’s “former colonised peoples” hanging about on street corners, in pedestrian precincts, and…” Aug 21, 12:19
Campbell Clansman on Before Action: “Spend more money on lawyers, who’ll send another demand to the government, a demand that will again be ignored? A…” Aug 21, 12:13
sarah on Before Action: “You are correct, Alf. The Scottish establishment will always kowtow to Westminster until we manage to get out from under…” Aug 21, 12:10
Hatey McHateface on Before Action: “That’s certainly an innovative technique for dealing with those SNP luminaries who have gone on record to state they don’t…” Aug 21, 12:01
Captain Caveman on Before Action: “Brilliant, great news. If and when a fundraiser becomes necessary, I’ll be more than happy to chuck some quids into…” Aug 21, 11:58
Alf Baird on Before Action: ““In the name of justice, transparency and accountability, we will continue trying to expose what all of them are united…” Aug 21, 11:52
Nicky T Naquetti on Before Action: “Kick them in the nuts. Let’s see if they have any – or if they are simply neutered pets for…” Aug 21, 11:36
Just Asking on Before Action: “I have a question which perhaps one of your readers could answer. Suppose a large, household-name national charity launched an…” Aug 21, 11:36
Alf Baird on The Land Of Do-As-You-Please: ““Great Scot, it is embarrassing to be British!” Indeed it is, not least because many ‘peoples’ now understand that ‘to…” Aug 21, 11:36