1. That the Tories hadn’t offered the Lib Dems anything on electoral reform. The sudden, desperate and resentful least-possible offer of a referendum on the absolutely useless AV (which does almost nothing for the Lib Dems) was a panic reaction to Brown’s game-changing resignation.
At least, it’s statistically probable that you do. The majority – 53% – of votes cast by the British electorate last Thursday were worthless, because they were cast for candidates who didn’t win, and are therefore simply thrown in the bin by the First Past The Post electoral system.
So if you were one of the thousands of people locked out of polling stations across the country on Thursday night, don’t fret too much. Your vote would probably have been completely ignored anyway.
Because the aim was a hung parliament, and we got just about the hung-est parliament possible. The Tories need the Lib Dems to form a majority, Labour needs nearly everyone to form a majority, and the smallest parties could yet have the crucial say. Wow, that's hung. But what now?
I haven't been to bed yet. I may be cranky. But with over 90% of results in, it's not really possible to draw any conclusions from last night's election other than (a) almost everyone in Britain is a pathetic, brainless cretin, and (b) everything about our "democracy" is a sick black joke at our expense.
With just two days until an election that could mark either one of the greatest days in British political history or one of the blackest, we're all a bit nervous about the future. But one thing that's great for easing tension is free cash, and that's what appears to be on offer from Stan James this week.
The terrifying image above is Ladbrokes' predicted map of the UK come Friday morning. (You can find much more detail on it here.) It makes a few questionable assertions and contradicts itself in a number of places (eg Glasgow East), but where's the money?
So the debates are over. We've heard at great length from three right-wing politicians, offering us three slightly different flavours of right-wing policies. No alternative voices were permitted.
And the really troubling thing about this election is that that means NOBODY is speaking for the majority of the British population. It almost certainly means that nobody is speaking for you. Which, you might think, is a pretty odd way to be running a supposed democracy.
One of the most striking things about the current election is the BBC's total abandonment of even a pretence at impartiality with regard to the nationalist parties in Scotland and Wales (and other smaller parties like UKIP too), which is most obviously visible in the Corporation's determined exclusion of them from the defining theatre of the campaign – the leaders' debates.
In the light of protests pointing out that excluding what Ofcom defines as "main parties" in Scotland and Wales during an election is against broadcasting regulations, the BBC (and ITV and Sky, although the latter subsequently broke ranks – see above) hastily rebranded the programmes as "Prime Ministerial debates", and insisted that they were only for the politicians contesting the keys to 10 Downing Street.
The gigantic irony, of course, is that it looks increasingly as if NONE of the participants in the debates will actually be the next Prime Minister.
Clue: it’s not because they like having sex with children.
It’s because, along with the war in Afghanistan, they’re one of the only two major campaigning issues on which there isn’t even a manufactured illusion of disagreement between the three main parties standing in the General Election of 2010. Everyone is singing in perfect harmony from the same hymn sheet on this one: the unemployed are dangerous and despicable criminals.
Much like Afghanistan, none of the London parties speak for the UK electorate on this important issue. Which is, y'know, kinda strange. You'd think wars and spending scores of billions of pounds on pointless weapons in a recession would be just the sort of thing that would come up during an election as points of contention. But maybe I'm missing something.
Hang on. Is this classic reverse psychology? Does the Daily Mail actually WANT a hung parliament, for doubtless sinister reasons of its own?
Because it's hard to imagine that a major British newspaper could be edited by anyone SO stupid as to think this absurd, hysterical rubbish (based on an out-of-context quote EIGHT years old) could do anything but strengthen the feelings of anyone who's sick of the old Labour-Tory carve-up of this country. So let's help them, eh?
Aidan on Looking up at the stars: ““Lib Dumb” – you’re so witty and clever James, will you be at the fringe this year? Northcode has told…” Mar 11, 06:14
Young Lochinvar on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “HMcH @ 4.06 You have to be joking “old boy”! Scotchland Office seat warmers like yerself would probably be exempt…” Mar 11, 05:03
James Barr Gardner on Looking up at the stars: “Bring back Wee Willie Rennie, he was funnier…….” Mar 11, 02:46
Peter McAvoy on Looking up at the stars: “Will they cooperate to oppose the planned scrapping of jury trials in England and Wales,or remind Westminster of how these…” Mar 11, 01:38
Cynicus on Looking up at the stars: “Geri says: 10 March, 2026 at 9:45 pm “I dunno how he has the nerve to even collect a salary…” Mar 11, 01:12
Cynicus on Looking up at the stars: “Scot Finlayson says: 10 March, 2026 at 9:18 pm, `A carpetbagger is a derogatory name term for an outsider….. ..It…” Mar 11, 00:54
James on Looking up at the stars: “There’s a dark underbelly in the Lib Dumb movement. “Movement” being the operative word. Speaking of which – where’s Adrian…” Mar 10, 23:12
Geri on Looking up at the stars: “I dunno how he has the nerve to even collect a salary after he said Scotland shouldn’t be allowed to…” Mar 10, 21:45
Iain More on Looking up at the stars: “I have nothing to add to what has been said already although to refer to him as a wank stain…” Mar 10, 21:25
Scot Finlayson on Looking up at the stars: “Hamilton is an English carpetbagger, `A carpetbagger is a derogatory term for an outsider—historically a Northerner in the post-Civil War…” Mar 10, 21:18
Lorncal on Looking up at the stars: “Dear Lord, that man never learns, does he? We’re doing it for you, Anas! If I were Anas Sarwar, I’d…” Mar 10, 20:38
Geri on Looking up at the stars: “It’ll dawn on the electorate one day that they’re really all just one big party.” Mar 10, 20:34
ScotsCanuck on Looking up at the stars: “….. I can only say of Coal-scuttle, he is the personification of the saying “you can’t fix stoopid”.” Mar 10, 20:14
100%Yes on Looking up at the stars: “What would I rather have Lib-Dem leader resign or the SNP out on their ear, good bye SNP hopefully for…” Mar 10, 20:05
Morgatron on Looking up at the stars: “He is a useless wank stain to be honest. His friend Anas – surley thats a spelling mistake!” Mar 10, 20:05
Geri on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “‘You cling to this like mamas titty’ Says the monarchist who clings to something out the dark ages. Where men…” Mar 10, 20:03
Geri on Scotland’s Most Frightened: ““which apparently democratically elected its latest leader, in a process that with no preparation lasted a whole week, and lead…” Mar 10, 19:46
Alf Baird on Scotland’s Most Frightened: ““withdraw from the Union” There is no need to withdraw from something that does not exist. Scotland was annexed, according…” Mar 10, 19:30
Alf Baird on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “On the contrary, in the paternalist colonial society it is the colonized native as dependent ‘child’ who clings to the…” Mar 10, 19:18
sarah on Looking up at the stars: “I think he’s looking for a way out of the “leadership” – or does the extra pay mean he actually…” Mar 10, 19:05
100%Yes on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “There’s bigger fish to fry than indulge into to the mind of someone who doesn’t know from one day to…” Mar 10, 18:34
100%Yes on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “He does these video from mummy’s house, I hope. Ornament refers to something that enhances the appearance of an object…” Mar 10, 18:23
Hatey McHateface on Scotland’s Most Frightened: ““mild” Is that the Scots for over a million casualties?” Mar 10, 17:52
Aidan on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Sorry pressed submit before I finished typing, that should say that Iran is the latest despotic dictatorship Geri is fawning…” Mar 10, 17:42
Mark Beggan on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “The things that Transgenderism and Islamic terrorism have in common is their ability to infiltrate and use Socialist administrations for…” Mar 10, 17:27
Mark Beggan on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “20 IRGC sponsored terror attacks in the Union of Kingdoms have been stopped by MI5 in the last 2 years.…” Mar 10, 17:19
Aidan on Scotland’s Most Frightened: “Good to see you back CC, as you’ll see not much has changed whilst you were away. The peaceful democratic…” Mar 10, 17:18