Scottish independence referendum, plus jokes.

Wings Over Scotland


Translation time

Posted on December 16, 2013 by

We’ve only corrected one paragraph in the following otherwise-verbatim story from today’s Daily Record, so that it now says what it actually means rather than the paraphrased family-newspaper version. Can any eagle-eyed readers spot it?

Bedroom Tax: Scots MPs’ committee demand Con-Dems axe savage spare room policy

THE Scottish Affairs Committee, led by Labour MP Ian Davidson, will call on the UK Government to scrap the law that sees money deducted from society’s most vulnerable.

andavidsonrecord

SCOTS MPs will today demand that the Con-Dem Government axe the bedroom tax.

Westminster’s Scottish Affairs Committee, led by Labour MP Ian Davidson, will publish a 40-page interim report on the tax.

It will call on the UK Government to repeal the law that sees money deducted from the housing benefit of tenants deemed to have a spare bedroom.

The report says that estimates for the number of Scots affected by the bedroom tax vary between 82,500 to 105,000.

It claims the policy, which has been condemned by the United Nations, penalises those least able to bear.

Davidson said: “This tax is little more than a cut in public expenditure, designed to hit the poorest.

“Some glaring flaws are already apparent.

“We wish to draw these faults to the Government’s attention.”

A DWP spokesperson said: “Piss off, Rab C. Nesbitt. Your piddly handful of haggis-munchers doesn’t get to give us orders, because there are over 500 English MPs and most of them are Tories. So you can ‘demand’ things until you’re purple in the face, but you can actually achieve the square root of sod-all, so take your quaint working-class regional accent and your comical delusions of relevance and get back to doing whatever all our rich donors tell you to do like a good little Jock-wallah, you tiresome oik.”

It might take a couple of read-throughs, but you’ll get there.

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44 to “Translation time”

  1. Pedro says:

    London Tories/London Labour. 2 sides of the same tarnished coin.
    Oh, and no; I can’t tell. Every paragraph seems perfectly feasible to me.
    The good Daily Record. Sticking up for London Labour within a United Kingdom.

  2. Kenny Campbell says:

    If only they had all got off their arses and voted a few weeks back ……..

  3. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    JUST one paragraph?
    Very difficult.
    Can you give us a wee clue, svp.

  4. Jingly Jangly says:

    Does the report say anything about the 46 labour mp’s including 10 from Scotland  who didn’t turn up to the vote which could have lead to the axing of the Bedroom Tax?

  5. Robert Kerr says:

    “most of them are tories”
     
    Wrong.
     
    Almost all are,
     
    Red, Yellow and Blue !

  6. But you forget, Stuart. Labour’s all about The Struggle. The whole point of The Struggle is to Carry on Struggling (while lining your pockets from people you’re purportedly struggling against and doing your personal damnedest to become the people you are purportedly struggling against).

    God forbid we should actually do something like vote Yes. What would all the Anti-Tory Protesters, Anti-Bedroom Tax Protesters and Anti-Nuclear Protesters have to do at the weekends if we were to vote Yes and do away with all these things at one fell swoop?

  7. david mcgill says:

    Eh!1- Didnt Blue Liebore not refuse to back an earlier Plaid Cymru/SNP amendment on this?
    2. Didnt Anus Sadwar copy this amendment and like many other Slab drones not turn to vote on it?
    3. dIDNT dAVIDSON (BAYONETER OF THE WOUNDED ) either not turn up for the vote or abstain or sumthin?
    4> Wasn’t this policy -albeit in milder form not a New Torylabour policy IN THE FIRST PLACE?
    Eh ? Aye!

  8. I know, SCOTS  MPS :-)

  9. GP Walrus says:

    That’s a very realistic Iain Davidson mask (obviously dating from his younger days) but no-one is peeping out through the eye sockets.

  10. Horacesaysyes says:

    Is it “Westminster’s Scottish Affairs Committee, led by Labour MP Ian Davidson, will publish a 40-page interim report on the tax. ” as I’m struggling with the idea of Davidson leading anything? ;)

  11. beachthistle says:

    Here’s a link to the report: http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm201314/cmselect/cmscotaf/288/28802.htm
     
    Here is a paragraph that didn’t get past the editors/censors:
     
    For the avoidance of doubt, we wish to place on the record that the view of the Scottish Affairs Committee is that we believe that money paid by taxpayers in Scotland should be used to ameliorate the impact of the Bedroom Tax, which is being implemented by the non-separate DWP using public finance which is partly made up of money paid by taxpayers in Scotland.

  12. Gray says:

    You’ve omitted the bit where they said Westminster’s Scottish Affairs Committee, led by Labour MP Ian Davidson, an influential independent think tank said a BBC spokesperson.

  13. heraldnomore says:

    Led by Ian Davidson
     
    Can’t be right, he’s not fit for the rank of Brown Owl.  Did you miss out the ‘i’ in the first word?

  14. handclapping says:

    Is it that you’ve cut out the bit where they accused Pamela Nash of hypocrisy for signing this as a member of the Committee when she couldn’t be arsed to vote on Labour’s own motion to repeal it?

  15. Bugger, tried to edit last comment but someone else posted, Labour should have know where to go on this, they brought it in and now trying to champion getting it booted after not turning up for the vote isn’t going to wash, do they really believe the people up here are that stupid

  16. Murray McCallum says:

    The spokesperson for the Doomed Workers and Pensionless must be the envy of Westminster – being able to openly say what they think and all.

  17. velofello says:

    “Right then fellow committeers on the Scottish Affairs team, wecome and as your Chair I invite your involvement, whit…what will we discuss and decide on. Suggestions?

    The White paper? Anybody read it? Naw. Other ideas?

    The Celtic Green Brigade? A wee bit leaning to one side of the electorate mebbes.

    Clutha, helicopters? Naw, Murphy snaffled that one.

    Bedroom tax? Aye well its been a few weeks since so the public will have forgotten our ..eh..stance then.Good idea, lets prepare a principled stance, on paper. And before we start, have you all filled out your expenses?”

  18. handclapping says:

    This spying is going too far. How else does the DWP know that Ian Davidson has a string vest? He’s always immaculately suited and booted when he attends the House.
     
    No that can’t be right, Is it that youve taken all the worst sweary words out of the last paragraph? It doesn’t read right.
     
    I’m plumping for the last para but I can’t say why.

  19. Jimbo says:

    Is it: “Bedroom Tax: Scots MPs’ committee demand Con-Dems axe savage spare room policy dreamt up by the Labour Party”?

  20. BuckieBraes says:

    And, in the event of a No vote, the theme of that last paragraph will finally become the official, unconcealed position of the UK government.
     

  21. gordoz says:

    Westminster’s Scottish Affairs Committee, led by Labour MP Ian Davidson – ‘nough said.

    Anyone for fixing bayonets ?

    Never could trust a guy that threatens women.

  22. gordoz says:

    Rev  – is the edit function faulty at the moment ?

  23. Brian Powell says:

    I suspect Ian Davidson might have a sociopathic ‘personality’. he lied bare faced.
     
    In the comments in the Herald today, I described the video clip of when he was caught at the anti-bedroom tax rally some months ago, by a member of the public, and questioned how he voted on the bedroom tax. Shown here on Wings.
     
    QUESTIONER: “Mr Davidson! You abstained from the [bedroom tax] vote?”
     
    DAVIDSON: “No I didn’t.”
     
    Q: “You didn’t abstain from the vote?”
     
    D: “No.”
     
    Q: “How did you vote?”
     
    D: “I voted No.”
     
    Q: “You voted No?”
     
    D: “Yes, I voted against the government.”
     
    Q: “Did you?”

    D: “Yes.”

    But he had abstained, as shown in the Parliamentary records.
     
    Seems the reporters in the Daily Record might have the same problem.

  24. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    “Rev – is the edit function faulty at the moment ?”

    Not that I’m aware of. But it’s not that great at the best of times, because comments come in so fast.

  25. Andrew Morton says:

    @Roddy MacDonald
    Good point. Interesting that the SNP wants to achieve the object which will mean they’re no longer needed while Labour don’t want to achieve that which will destroy them.

  26. Iain says:

    The first sentence is also wrong.
    The Scottish committee is not made up entirely of Scots MP’s
    Would be a bit hard when it has 4 Tories in it

  27. Hetty says:

    Hard to tell who are the most deluded here, I Davidson, the Daily recite from the tory hymn sheet, or the punters reading and believing this dross. These people pretending to care really deserve to suffer horrendous and continuous nightmares, their decisions, or lack of rather, affects the lives of many very vulnerable people…
    I must watch a couple of Dickens this xmas, shame though, in real life these greedy rich boys will be unlikely to get their comeuppance and see the disastrous error of their ways.  

  28. scottish_skier says:

    SCOTS MPs will today demand that the Con-Dem Government axe the bedroom tax.
     
    This is missing the prefix ‘Proud’ or ‘Real’?

  29. CameronB says:

    Obviously a welcome development, though nothing but warm words as yet. The phrase deceitful opportunism springs to mind, but of course the tame MSM will never say anything as ‘challenging’ as that.

  30. Paul Kelly says:

    I thought it was illegal to munch haggis, just in case there isn’t enough of them for the tweed coat wearing, coke heads who hee-haw their way around our privatized countryside to shoot.

  31. Ian Brotherhood says:

    It’s such a shame that Davidson is going to leave Scotland when we vote Yes.
     
    Imagine the poor wee wifie in leafy suburbia, Sussex or somesuch civilised zone, getting that knock on the door – she opens it to see a small, baldy, angry-looking man who then wrecks her quiet life by saying something she does not understand, and has to have translated: ‘Awright there hen? Ahmyernyoonayburr.’

  32. Jamie Arriere says:

    “We wish to draw these faults to the Government’s attention.”
     
    This must be the offending paragraph, as I’m sure they had no intention of telling anybody and were planning to bury it in the catacombs somewhere, but some bastard leaked it (boy, is he/she in for a doing!) so they had to publish.

  33. lumilumi says:

    :-D Rev Stu!
     
    Actually, not so funny. SLAB and rUKLAB are using the bedroom tax as political football, a useful thing for political point scoring. Not giving thought to the people it actually affects RIGHT NOW.
     
    Despicable.
     
    Also despicable is their accusations of the Scottish Government not mitigating the effects of this terrible Westmister (UK) government policy.
     
    Why should the SG pay for the shortfall caused by Westmister policies out of their meagre and diminshing pocket money? It’d mean taking money away from other budget lines, such as infrastructure investment, which might actually help the Scottish economy grow.
     
    That said, the SG has moved more money to discretionary housing allowances, and SNP councils have adopted a no evictions policy – unlike Labour councils, some of which even threaten parents not only with eviction but taking their children into care! (How would that save money to the council I fail to see. Or is it only about punishing the poorest and most vulnerable, the “benefit scroungers”?)
     
    Grand hypocricy from SLAB/rUKLAB!
     
    The Westminster government aren’t very good at long-term strategic planning for the long-term future of the country, their attention span is, at most, the time between general elections.
     
    Now they think they can beat the SG (SNP) with the bedroom tax and win a few political points that way. Forgetting to tell the electorate that the SG’s hands are tied.
     
    The compliant MSM will report this line and ignore all the facts. They will not report the fact that the only way to get rid of the bedroom tax and start building a more simple, more fair welfare system is to vote YES next year.
     
    PS. Good to have my leccy back. After Friday’s storm, my home was without for at least 36 hours and I took refuge at my friend’s place with wood stove heating! All these damn trees in Finland falling on power lines!

  34. Pin says:

    Hahahaha! Brilliant!

  35. muttley79 says:

    The Daily Records’ attempt to pretend that the Labour Party are any different to the Tories is pitiful.  It really is descending into the realms of propaganda now.  SLAB voted against the SG allocating the £20 million towards alleviating the problems caused by the Bedroom Tax.  This was the most they could spend.  Many of SLAB’s MPs have abstained on votes relating to the Bedroom tax in the Commons as well, see Anas Sarwar for evidence. 

  36. ronnie anderson says:

    DWP/UK gov, Provided £10mil to scottish councils, Scottish gov with less money provided £20 mil & will provide more in the future, finances permiting, Davidson grandstanding again, the Scottish muppets Committee

  37. faolie says:

    The heroic struggle against the bedroom tax by Labour on behalf of the proletariat. About as effective as the Judea People’s Front’s struggle against the Roman oppressors:
     
    JUDITH: Here! I– I’ve got an idea. Suppose you agree that he can’t actually have babies, not having a womb, which is nobody’s fault, not even the Romans’, but that he can have the right to have babies.
    FRANCIS: Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother. Sister. Sorry.
    REG: What’s the point of fighting for his right to have babies when he can’t have babies?!
    FRANCIS: It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.

  38. Tasmanian says:

    “So you can ‘demand’ things until you’re purple in the face,”

    Isn’t his face a shade of purple by default? Title photo suggests so.

  39. Vronsky says:

    Win-win for Labour.  They can yell their heads off at the iniquity of the Bedroom Tax, safe in the knowledge that nothing will come of it.  Should they be elected in 2015 they will of course continue it, with every confidence that those dumb enough to vote for them won’t notice.

  40. Les Wilson says:

    Who would believe ANYTHING that Davidson is in charge of? thinking of that who would believe ANYTHING Labour says these days? We simply cannot trust any, Unionist party, they are so obviously out to feather their own nests.
    They truly are the most deceitful party. Scotland is just a big, inconvenience for all of them.

  41. Holebender says:

    Does anyone know if the Tories or LibDems on the committee back this report?

  42. desimond says:

    Easy…it should say

    So you can ‘demand’ things until you’re purple in the face, but you can actually achieve the square SAUSAGE of sod-all,

    Anyone else hear Nick Clegg raging about new Immigration threats from Theresa May…”And they still havent implemented Exit Checks which was something I insisted on when we formed the co-alition“.

    Wow Nick…that’s really getting those priorities right mate!

  43. bald eagle says:

    ian brotherhood   @9.02pm
    stop picking on small baldy wee men
    what have i done to you
    anyhow i dont know where sussex is so leave me alone         ‘



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