Scottish independence referendum, plus jokes.

Wings Over Scotland


And I would ask 500 more

Posted on May 06, 2013 by

It’s indescribably beautiful that the No camp’s much-trailed “500 questions” PDF about independence actually features 507. At least they’re getting their arithmetic wrong downwards for a change. When all those are answered they promise hundreds and hundreds more, so we thought we’d give them a head start on Volume 2.

manyquestions-prog278

508. What’s that coming over the hill in an independent Scotland? Is it a monster?

509. War! HURGH! What will it be good for in an independent Scotland?

510. Who’ll put the bomp in the bomp-a-bomp-a-bomp in an independent Scotland?

511. Who’ll put the ram in the ramalamadingdong in an independent Scotland?

512. How much is that doggy in the window in an independent Scotland? (Not the one with the waggly tail, the other one. We won’t be able to afford ones with waggly tails, and nobody knows what currency we’d be paying with.)

513. What time is love in an independent Scotland?

514. Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near in an independent Scotland?

515. When, will I, will I be famous in an independent Scotland?

516. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, IF a woodchuck could chuck wood in an independent Scotland?

517. Why does it always rain on me in an independent Scotland?

518. Is this the way they say the future’s meant to feel, or just 20,000 people standing in a field in an independent Scotland?

519. If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me in an independent Scotland?

520. Who let the dogs out in an independent Scotland? Who? Who?

521. What’s inside a girl in an independent Scotland?

522. If a picture paints a thousand words, why can’t I paint you in an independent Scotland?

523. What’s the frequency in an independent Scotland, Kenneth? (Presumably “of death threats from evil cybernats to your lovely daughter”.)

524. I would do anything for love in an independent Scotland, but I won’t do what?

525. Kelly, can you handle this? Michelle, can you handle this? Beyonce, can you handle this? I don’t think they can handle this in an independent Scotland.

526. What if God was one of us in an independent Scotland?

527. What would you do if you saw spaceships over Glasgow in an independent Scotland?

528. Is she really going out with him in an independent Scotland?

529. What difference does it make in an independent Scotland?

530. Did you fall off a building and land on your head, or did a truck in an independent Scotland run over your face instead?

531. WHAT’S she gonna look like with a chimney on her in an independent Scotland?

532. What’s so funny ’bout peace, love and understanding in an independent Scotland?

533. Do you take me for such a fool to think I’d make contact with the one who tries to hide what he don’t know to begin with in an independent Scotland?

534. Dancing at the disco, bumper to bumper – in an independent Scotland, where’s me jumper?

535. Ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with in an independent Scotland?

536. All my people, right here, right now – d’you know what I mean in an independent Scotland?

537. You know I hate to ask, but are ‘friends’ electric in an independent Scotland?

538. Why don’t we do it in the road in an independent Scotland?

539. Where do we go from here? Is it down to the lake in an independent Scotland, I fear?

540. What costume shall the poor girl wear to all tomorrow’s parties in an independent Scotland?

541. What was it to you that a man laid down his life for your love? Were those clear eyes of yours ever filled with the pain of tears of grief? Did you ever give yourself to one man in this whole world? Or did you love me, and will you find your way back one day to Xanadu, in an independent Scotland?

542. Have you seen your mother, baby, standing in the shadow in an independent Scotland?

543. How do we solve a problem like Maria in an independent Scotland?

544. Grocer Jack, Grocer Jack, is it true what Mummy said – you won’t come back in an independent Scotland?

545. Did you think I would leave you crying, when there’s room on my horse for two in an independent Scotland?

546. Thurston! Watt! Thurston! I think it’s ten thirty, we’re calling from Providence, Rhode Island. Did you find your shit in an independent Scotland?

547. What’s new in an independent Scotland, pussycat?

548. Who’s the black private dick that’s a sex-machine to all the chicks in an independent Scotland?

549. Baby, where did our love go in an independent Scotland?

550. Jeepers creepers, where’d you get those peepers in an independent Scotland?

551. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi in an independent Scotland, ce soir?

552. Do you plan to let me go for some other guy you knew before in an independent Scotland?

553. Whose bed have your boots been under? And whose heart did you steal, I wonder? This time did it feel like thunder in an independent Scotland, baby?

554. What if this party fears two in an independent Scotland?

555. Are we men, or are we Devo?

Join in any time!

691 to “And I would ask 500 more”

  1. Ray says:

    Sticks and stones may break my bones, but will chains and whips still excite me in an independent Scotland?

    The only half-decent one I put on Twitter!

  2. scottish_skier says:

    How many roads must a man walk down in an independent Scotland?
    Before he admits he’s lost anyway.

  3. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    Formatting, people!

    558. On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses in an independent Scotland?

    (Thanks to @ThadrinBB)

  4. mogabee says:

     
    Twist and shake in an Independent Scotland?

  5. Eva says:

    Are you lonesome tonight in an independent Scotland?

  6. scottish_skier says:

    559. Will February make me shiver in an independent Scotland?

  7. mogabee says:

     
     A sense of purpose (a real sense of purpose ) in an Independent Scotland?

  8. Joybell says:

    Will there be a long and winding road in an independent Scotland?

  9. Mister Worf says:

    Why oh Why oh Why oh Why oh – will that still spell yoyoyoyo in an independent Scotland?

    Have you seen this dog in an independent Scotland?

    (Important one for me) Will Klingons still have to be off the starboard bow in an independent Scotland?

    Will Captain Britain still protect an independent Scotland or will the fact barely anyone knows who he is still mean he’s completely useless?

    Will “Nanomachines, Son!” be an acceptable answer for everything in an independent Scotland?

    Will an independent Scotland force the rUK to replace trident with Metal Gear?

    METAL GEAR?!

    Snake?

    Snake?!

    SNAAAAAAKE!

    Who was phone in an independent Scotland?

    Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like in an independent Scotland?

    Will we still be subjects of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air in an independent Scotland?

    Where on earth is Carmen Sandiego in an independent Scotland?

    Where’s Wally in an independent Scotland?

  10. scottish_skier says:

    555. Are we men, or are we Devo?
    :-)
    560. Who wants want to live forever in an independent Scotland?
     

  11. mogabee says:

     
     Do I predict a riot in an Independent Scotland?

  12. Heather McLean says:

    Hahahaha!! I thought I was reading a BBC Scotlandshire effort there for a moment! Love it Rev! 

  13. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    “555. Are we men, or are we Devo?
    :-)”

    Was quite proud of that one. Would make a good poster on September 17th. Apart from the terrible misogyny, obviously.

  14. Joybell says:

    Will my chewing gum lose its flavour on the bedpost in an independent Scotland?

  15. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    561. “…you’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky in an independent Scotland? Well do ya, punk?”

    (HT: Peter A Bell.)

  16. scottish_skier says:

    562. Is this the final countdown to an independent Scotland?

  17. Lobeydosser says:

    563.  Will the stars fall down from the sky. Every time you walk by in an Independent Scotland

  18. Marcia says:

    Will things be Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep in an Independent Scotland?

  19. themadmurph says:

    will we be looking through Gary Gilmour’s eyes in an independent Scotland?

  20. YesYesYes says:

    Will Ziggy still be playing guitar with Weird and Gilly in an independent Scotland?
     
    Will the coloured girls still go, ‘doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo’ in an independent Scotland?
     
    Will the Valley Girls still be ‘ok, fine, for sure, for sure, in an independent Scotland?

  21. Erchie says:

    564. When there’s something weird, in your neighbourhood, who you gonna call in an independant Scotland?

  22. Marcia says:

    Will there be March Winds and April Showers in an Independent Scotland?

  23. Alasdair Mark says:

    Well I’ve read a good amount of the literature available and considered myself a fairly solid Yes voter. However, I’ve just got to question number 160:-
    What will be Air Passenger Duty /taxation regime for private planes?

    You’ve won me over Better Together, how can I deal with this level of uncertainty…

  24. Ron says:

    I can’t see it, but I cant believe it’s not here yet ….
     Damn. it is. (thinking cap on … )

  25. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    “I can’t see it, but I cant believe it’s not here yet ….
    “Why do birds, suddenly appear, every time you are … in an independent Scotland?””

    514. :D

  26. Morag says:

    Gin a body meet a body, comin through the rye, gin a body greet a body, need a body cry [in an independent Scotland]?

  27. Tris says:

    When you’re alone and life is making you lonely will you still be able to go Downtown in an independent Scotland?

  28. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    “Will my chewing gum lose its flavour on the bedpost in an independent Scotland?”

    Pinched that for a tweet :D

  29. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Salmondchanted evening..in an independent Scotland ?

  30. Ron says:

    Are we human, or are we dancer … in an independent Scotland?
     
    (hah!)

  31. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    565. If a tree falls in the forest in an independent Scotland, does anyone hear it?

  32. Morag says:

    Will ye no come back again?  [in an independent Scotland]

  33. inverisla says:

    Are we not men? we are devo! I think is the correct quotation…….great list!
     
     
     
     
     

  34. Ron says:

    Doctor Who? in an independent Scotland.
    (v. poor)

  35. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Will we be allowed to drive on the left and use vowels in an ndpndnt Scotland ?

  36. scottish_skier says:

    566. If I went back in time and killed my grandfather in an independent Scotland, would I still exist?

  37. Yesitis says:

    At first I was afraid
    I was petrified
    kept thinking I could never live without you by my side
    But then I spent so many nights
    thinking how you did me wrong
    and I grew strong
    and I learned how to get along in an independent Scotland.

     

  38. cynicalHighlander says:

    What colour will the traffic lights be in an independent Scotland?

  39. pmcrek says:

    Mah Nà Mah Nà Do doo be-do-do, Mah Nà Mah Nà Do do-do do, Mah Nà Mah Nà Do doo be-do-do be-do-do be-do-do be-do-do-doodle Do do do-doo do, in an independent Scotland?

     

  40. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    567. http://twitpic.com/cos3lc

  41. YesYesYes says:

    Will it still be easy when we yahbahdahbahdoo in an independent Scotland?

  42. molly says:

    Hi Rev, was meandering through the Belfast News and came across a link to a’ future for Catalans outside of Spain’ which then linked through to the Wilson Initiative. Really interesting on Catalonias economic outlook (by experts ) and also the role of the media BUT I do not know how to embed/link the articles ?
    Will computing for eejits still be free in an Independent Scotland ?

  43. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Will we have better weather if we have our own Met Office in Scotland ?

  44. Tim says:

    How long will a piece of string be in an independent Scotland?

  45. Ron says:

    Will we be dismissed as “cybernats” for simply voicing an opinion, in an independent Scotland?
     
    (no.)

  46. Ron says:

    Will my toast land butter-side up in an independent Scotland? Why doesn’t Salmond come clean on this important issue?

  47. AmadeusMinkowski says:

    An Auld Alliance contribution to #500questions
    <blockquote class=”twitter-tweet”><p>Voulez-vous coucher avec moi dans une Ecosse independent, ce soir? <a href=”https://twitter.com/search/%23500questions”>#500questions</a></p>&mdash; Andrew Haddow (@andrew_haddow) <a href=”https://twitter.com/andrew_haddow/status/331525440126730242″>May 6, 2013</a></blockquote>
    <script async src=”//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js” charset=”utf-8″></script>

  48. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Can we still use GMT in an independent Scotland ?

  49. Iain mcewan says:

    I don’t want to change the world I’m just looking for new England in an independent Scotland?

  50. Geoff Huijer says:

    572. Tell me why I don’t like Mondays in an independent Scotland

  51. Lobeydosser says:

    Will we be able to make the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs in an Independent Scotland

  52. Indion says:

     
    Should Scotland be an independent country in an independent Scotland?

  53. AmadeusMinkowski says:

    An Auld Alliance contribution to #500questions taken from twitter:
    “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi dans une Ecosse independent, ce soir?”
    ***************
    * Rev., apologies for the previous garbled-link of mine just above.

  54. pmcrek says:

    Will every day still be caturday in an independent Scotland?

  55. Geoff Huijer says:

    569. What do you want from life (The Tubes) in an independent Scotland?

  56. Gordon Hay says:

    Will every picture tell a story in an independent Scotland?

  57. mogabee says:

    570. Have we any wool in an Independent Scotland?

  58. Ron says:

    Will we only get a per-capita share of the UK air in an independent Scotland?

  59. mogabee says:

    Damn..too slow !!

  60. Geoff Huijer says:

    571. Should I stay or should I go in an independent Scotland? (stay!)

  61. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Will gravity be taken seriously in an independent Scotland or is it running out ?

  62. Ron says:

    Can I still get Sky Atlantic in an independent Scotland!?

  63. Jiggsbro says:

    Should I stay in an independent Scotland or should I go?
     

  64. MajorBloodnok says:

    What direction will water go down the plughole in an independent Scotland?

  65. pmcrek says:

    Oh ye canny shuv yer Grannie aff a bus in an independent Scotland?

  66. Jiggsbro says:

    What’s the name of the game in an independent Scotland?
     
    What do you get when you fall in love in an independent Scotland?

  67. Boabyfett says:

    Will the TARDIS still travel in time and space in an independent Scotland?

  68. YesYesYes says:

    Will the cool wind blow in Ian Taylor’s hair as he hands a brown envelope to Alistair Darling on a dark, desert highway in an independent Scotland?

  69. I am worried for Schrodinger’s cat if Scotland is independent – will he be in the box or not?

  70. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Will skid marks still be out of 10 in an independant Scotland ?

  71. Lurker in the wings says:

    Will you Take me to the dance and hold me tight
                    I want to see the bright lights tonight
     In an Independent Scotland.

     

  72. Baheid says:

    Will l have sunshine on a cloudy day in an independent Scotland.
     

  73. Derick says:

    The Tay will teem with frogs in an Independent Scotland. They will come up into your palace and your bedroom and onto your bed, into the houses of your officials and on your people, and into your ovens and kneading troughs.
    ribit
    ribit
    ribit
    and will the fridge light stay on when we close the door in an Independent Scotland (no, because of the Darkness obviously)

  74. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    “BUT I do not know how to embed/link the articles”

    Just copy the URL with Ctrl-C and paste it into your comment with Ctrl-V.

  75. Albert Herring says:

    What’s the time in an independent Scotland, Mr Wolf?

  76. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    We we still be able to send England food parcels from an independent Scotland ?

  77. cynicalHighlander says:

    Will gravity still work in an independent Scotlad

  78. Jiggsbro says:

    Will I still be too sexy for this shirt in an independent Scotland?

  79. Karamu says:

    It (500 questions) talks about the Post Office as though it delivers some sort of amazing service….I beg to differ! Hey, may be we will get a guarantee of two deliveries a day (you know like we used to).

  80. Jiggsbro says:

    I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me in an independent Scotland?

  81. Derick says:

    Will we see clearly when the rain is gone, in an Independent Scotland?
    OH YES
    albeit the bastard midgies may still obscure the view

  82. AmadeusMinkowski says:

    Will it still be called the Higgs Boson in an Independent Scotland?

  83. Jiggsbro says:

    What if I say I’m not like the others? What if I say I’m not just another one of your plays in an independent Scotland?

  84. AmadeusMinkowski says:

    Will Pythagoras’ Theorem still hold in an Independent Scotland?

  85. Hetty says:

    we’re on a road to nowhere, without an independent Scotland…
    will it be raining men? in an independent Scotland?
     

  86. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Will we Tie a yellow ribbon round an old oak tree in an independent Scotland ?

  87. Jiggsbro says:

    Tommy, can you hear me in an independent Scotland?

  88. pmcrek says:

    Will three positive integers a, b, and c satisfy the equation an + bn = cn for any integer value of n greater than two in a seperate Scotland?

  89. fizzinghumanbomb says:

    will my g-spot still be up my arse in an independent scotland?

  90. AmadeusMinkowski says:

    Does hope still die last in an Independent Scotland?

  91. cynicalHighlander says:

    Will tomorrow ever arrive in an independent Scotland

  92. scotty says:

    what is the sound of one hand clapping in an independent Scotland?

  93. muttley79 says:

    You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar when I met you in an independent Scotland.

  94. Jiggsbro says:

    Where will bears shit in an independent Scotland?

  95. kininvie says:

    And, as #500questions trends everywhere to universal ridicule on Twitter, DH tweets that the ‘important thing was to get it trending’. There are positive trends….and there are disasters. Most people can tell the difference.

  96. cynicalHighlander says:

    Will a bird in the hand be better than two in the bush in an independent Scotland?

  97. Should auld acquaintance be forgot in an independent Scotland?
     
    Is this love, is this love, is this love, is this love that I’m feeling in an independent Scotland?
     
    Will you still look good on the dance floor in an independent Scotland?

  98. The Man in the Jar says:

    “Woke up this morning” in an independant Scotland

  99. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Will tribute band Jockny Rebel be allowed to gig in an independent England ?

  100. Frazzle dazzle darling says:

    No no, no no nono,no no nono limits for an independent Scotland. More of a statement than a question. Can you pump up the jam tomorrow in a scotland duped into passing by the chance of a lifetime?

  101. Baheid says:

    Will l wait 40 mins for a bus then two will come along in an independent Scotland ?

  102. jon abroad says:

     
    What would you do if I sang out of tune,
    would you stand up and walk out on me in an independent Scotland?
     
    Say”Goodbye” with a little help from my friends in an independent Scotland.

  103. The Man in the Jar says:

    There`s no lights on the Christmas tree mama, they’re burning big Louie tonight. In an independent Scotland

  104. Jiggsbro says:

    How many beans will make five in an independent Scotland?

  105. Marcia says:

    Is it true the sun ain’t gonna shine anymore in an independent Scotland?

  106. Lobeydosser says:

    Will we serve strangers in blue suede shoes in an Independent Scotland?

  107. Jiggsbro says:

    Will I still be pretty fly for a white guy in an independent Scotland?

  108. Iain says:

    Jonathan Swift (1738) - “A fool can ask more questions than the wisest can answer.” True or false?

  109. Patrick Roden says:

    Will ‘Wee Willy Winky’ still run through the toon, upstairs doonstairs in his nightgoon,
    In an Independent Scotland.

  110. pmcrek says:

    These are not the droids you are looking for in a seperate Scotland?

  111. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Will Mackies ice cream still be made in Britain in an independent Scotland ?

  112. mogabee says:

     
    Will I be staring at your window with a suitcase in my hand in an Independent Scotland?

  113. AmadeusMinkowski says:

    Will CYBERNAT still mean “Countering Your British Establishments Relentless Negativity and Tripe” in an Independent Scotland? #500questions

  114. The Man in the Jar says:

    Tomorrow belongs to me. In an independent Scotland

  115. Jiggsbro says:

    Will I be able to get you out of my head in an independent Scotland?

  116. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    What will be the cost of a shot on the dodgems in an independent Scotland..Salmond needs to come clean !

  117. BuckieBraes says:

    Is it live or is it Memorex in an independent Scotland?

  118. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Will north sea gas smell saltier in an independent Scotland ?

  119. Nairn says:

    I’ve heard that in an independent Scotland, not only will there be no mice, buzzards or toasters, but all pop songs will have to be re-written to replace any foreign place names with Scottish ones. Does this mean it’ll now go ‘Hot Dog, Jumping Frog, Auchtermuchty?’ just after they play ‘Do You Know The Way To Auchenblae?’ What is the SNP’s plan to deal with this?
    Still – at least that Abba song won’t need to change. So that’s something.

  120. Lobeydosser says:

    Will Frightened Rabbit feel safe in an Independent Scotland?

  121. YesYesYes says:

    Will Ian Smart ever learn to sing the world is black, the world is white in an independent Scotland?
     
    How much will that doggy in the window be in an independent Scotland?

  122. Morgwn C Davies says:

    Where have all the flowers gone in an independent Scotland?

  123. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Will Frankie Goes to Holyrood in an independent Scotland ?
     
     
     

  124. Marcia says:

    Will it still be  Breakin’ Up Is Hard To Do in an Independent Scotland

  125. The Man in the Jar says:

    Give peace a chance. In an Independent Scotland
    Power to the people. In an Independent Scotland
    Whatever gets you through the night. In an independent Scotland
    Stand by me. In an independent Scotland
    Just like starting over. In an independent Scotland
    I’m losing you. In an independent Scotland
    Watching the wheels go round. In an independent Scotland
    John Lennon was an indie. Who knew?

  126. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Will it might as well rain until September because we have so many MacLeods in an independent Scotland ?

  127. ron17 says:

    Imagine All The Freedom in an Independant Scotland.

  128. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    To see a future grandchild in an independent Scotland…Imagine 

  129. scotty says:

    if you go will you send back a letter from America to an independent Scotland?

  130. Lobeydosser says:

    Will a Scotsman an Englishman and an Irishman still be able to walk into a bar in an Independent Scotland.

  131. Ron says:

    Will this beat your previous most-commented blog post Stu … (in an independent Scotland)

  132. Yesitis says:

    Will Cowdenbeath win European City of Culture 2018 in an independent Scotland?

  133. mogabee says:

     
    Will I be Queen of New Orleans in an Independent Scotland?

  134. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    What will the price of mince be in an independent Scotland ?

  135. Morgwn C Davies says:

    Who crying now in an independent Scotland?

  136. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Will border collies need passports in an independent Scotland ?

  137. Michael Granados says:

    Who says Scots don’t have a sense of humor…  I’ve been howling reading through all this.  500 questions is an amazing gift from the no campaign.  Please say you are going to post answer and mock one question a day till the referendum!

  138. YesYesYes says:

    Will Susan Calman still be crying over you in an independent Scotland?

  139. pmcrek says:

    Will the sand people still ride in single file to hide their numbers in a seperate Scotland?

  140. Jiggsbro says:

    Will she be born with it in an independent Scotland or will it be Maybelline?

  141. mogabee says:

     
    Baby it’s cold outside in an Independent Scotland…isn’t it?

  142. cynicalHighlander says:

    Will it still take 24hrs to Tulsa in an Independent Scotland?
     

  143. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Will MP3 players have to be converted to MSP3 players in an independent Scotland ?

  144. HighlandMartin says:

    Will these voices in my head still have a scottish accent in an Independent Scotland.

  145. BuckieBraes says:

    Will I ever get used to not living next door to Alice in an independent Scotland (for example if I was in Coldstream and she was in Cornhill on Tweed)?

  146. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Will English mustard cut it in an independent Scotland ?

  147. cynicalHighlander says:

    Will GMS be linked to a cartoon channel in an independent Scotland?

  148. megz says:

    my absolute favourite was Chris Stephens “Would you like me to be the cat?” totally pmsl at that one

  149. HighlandMartin says:

    Can you still Voulez Vous in an Independent Scotland.

  150. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Will Glen Campbell be a malt whisky in an independent Scotland ?

  151. Lobeydosser says:

     Which direction will Swallows fly come the winter, in an Independent Scotland?                
     Will Santa still come down the chimney in an Independent Scotland?

  152. Morag says:

    Will MP3 players have to be converted to MSP3 players in an independent Scotland ?
     
    Bwahahahaha!

  153. cynicalHighlander says:

    Kendomacaroonbar says:
    6 May, 2013 at 11:49 pm

    Will Glen Campbell be a malt whisky in an independent Scotland ?
     
    Scrag End at best or Tripe.

  154. scotty says:

    if i were  a Carpenter,and you were a lady,would you marry me anyway in an independent Scotland
     

  155. Steve McKay says:

    Way down deep in dependant Embro
    The Tories joined the LibLabs and formed a moneyfesto
    Emboldened like new lovers, they danced a dainty tango.
    But poll dancing now forced them to call it Um…..Devo

  156. Clancheif says:

    One that gets banned from an independent Scotland
    You wont get me i’m part of the union

  157. pmcrek says:

    The big ship sails, through the alley, alley oh. the alley, alley oh, the alley, alley oh. The big ship sails, on the alley, alley oh. On the last day of September in a seperate Scotland?

  158. GP Walrus says:

    Will Johann Lamont be available for comment in an independent Scotland?

  159. hooch says:

    Supercalifragile dipstick expi KY jelly in an independent Scotland? (Sorry)

  160. David Smith says:

    Hey Mr Spaceman, will you please take me along for a ride in an independent Scotland?

  161. Morag says:

    Guys, I know I’m not very good at this, but half of these aren’t questions, they’re just statements you’ve tacked a question on to.
     
    Does haughty Gaul still invasion threat to an independent Scotland?

  162. AmadeusMinkowski says:

    Will Plank’s Uncertainty Principle become even more uncertain in an Independent Scotland?

  163. Iain says:

    What will the union flag look like if Scotland becomes independent?

  164. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Will there be enough telephone numbers left in an indpendent Scotland ?

  165. pmcrek says:

    A cat, a flask of poison, and a radioactive source are placed in a sealed box. If an internal monitor detects radioactivity (i.e. a single atom decaying), the flask is shattered, releasing the poison that kills the cat. After how long can the cat be thought to be both simultaneously alive and dead in a seperate Scotland?

  166. YesYesYes says:

    Will Ian Smart still be waiting for an alibi in an independent Scotland?

  167. Morag says:

    Will we have to reinvent the wheel in an independent Scotland?

  168. Clancheif says:

    When will i, will i be famous in an independent Scotland

  169. Lobeydosser says:

    Will it still be ok to use a bucket n spade to make sandcastles in an Independent Scotland

  170. GP Walrus says:

    Will there still be colours in an independent Scotland or will everything go back to black and white like during WWII?

  171. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Will the Edinburgh Fringe have to be coiffured to a more manageable ‘shed’ in an independent Scotland ?

  172. AmadeusMinkowski says:

    Will the Northern Lights still shine on an Independent Scotland?

  173. cynicalHighlander says:

    Will the residents of Dallas have to relocate to Dallas?

  174. Baheid says:

    Will Charlotte need planning permission for her web in an independent scotland 
     

  175. GP Walrus says:

    Will my bum look big in an independent Scotland?

  176. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Will my shoe size become smaller in an independent Scotland ?

  177. cynicalHighlander says:

    Kendomacaroonbar says:
    7 May, 2013 at 12:14 am

    Will my shoe size become smaller in an independent Scotland ?
     
    Your shoes will be the least of your worries!

  178. Jiggsbro says:

    In an independent Scotland, Doctor Who?

  179. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    CH
     
    you’ve met my wife I guess >

  180. Clarinda says:

    Will Donald still be teased about his lack of troosers in an Independent Scotland?

  181. Jiggsbro says:

    How independent will we be in an independent Scotland if we still speak English?

  182. Morag says:

    Cosi fan Tutte in an independent Scotland?

  183. The Man in the Jar says:

    Will Jackie Baillie ever tell the truth in an independent Scotland?

  184. Lobeydosser says:

    Will cats still meow and dogs bow wow in an Independent Scotland?

  185. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Will we see a return of white dog poo in an independent Scotland ?

  186. Yesitis says:

    Will Lake of Menteith be renamed Lake of Personteith in an independent Scotland?
     
    Thanks Rev Stu and everybody, tonight has been good :)

  187. jon abroad says:

     
    Can you tell me where my country lies… an independent Scotland?
     
    …selling England by the pound.

  188. scotchwoman says:

    Will Charlie Be My Darling in an Independent Scotland?
    Will Alastair Still be their Darling in a rUK?

  189. cynicalHighlander says:

    Will we be Lonesome Tongiht in an independent Scotland?

  190. Holebender says:

    Haven’t read all the comments so apologies if someone has already asked this one: will 42 still be the ultimate answer to the ultimate question of life, the Universe, and everything in an independent Scotland?

  191. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    last un from me,,,,
     
    Will the labour party ever become Scottish in an independent Scotland ?

  192. Lobeydosser says:

    Can we still ask for a full English breakfast in an Independent Scotland?

  193. Baheid says:

    Will Wullie Rennie still be as welcome as a hole in a lifeboat in an independent scotland

  194. Lanarkian says:

    If it takes a man a week to walk a fortnight in an independent Scotland, how many apples will there be in a barrel of grapes (Scottish ones) ?

  195. G H Graham says:

    Will one legged men still be allowed to compete in arse kicking competitions in an independent Scotland?

  196. YesYesYes says:

    Will Jock please stop tickling Elaine Murray at FMQs when Scotland becomes independent?

  197. Lobeydosser says:

    Will our water still be soft in an Independent Scotland?                                                            
     

  198. G H Graham says:

    Will we be informed before boarding buses & trains that “Your papers are NOT in order!” in an independent Scotland?

  199. jon abroad says:

     
    If I said I thought Susan Calman had a very strong animus, would you hold it against me?

  200. The Man in the Jar says:

    Will motorcycles have to be fitted with ashtrays in an independent Scotland?

  201. GP Walrus says:

    Will we still be allowed to have middle names, if we can afford them, in an independent Scotland?

  202. Chic McGregor says:

    Why? why? why? De Liars?  (apologies to Tom Jones)

    Hello, is it Free your lookin for? (apologies to Lionel Ritchie)

    Will U’s Still Love Me Tomorrow? (apologies to Carol King)

    Finally, to switch from questions to answers, whether Scotland votes Yes or Scotland votes No, the answer when pro-independistas are asked about its status post referendum will be the SAME, albeit for diametrically opposed reasons  i.e. “We told you so.”

  203. Robert Bryce says:

    Will my socks still work in an independent Scotland?

  204. G H Graham says:

    666. Will the southbound carriageway of the M6 at Carlisle be nicknamed “Highway to Hell” in an independent Scotland.

  205. Holebender says:

    You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack You may find yourself in another part of the world You may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile You may find yourself in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife You may ask yourself, well, how did I get here? (in an independent Scotland)

  206. Cath says:

    Do you know the way to San Jose from an independent Scotland?

  207. cynicalHighlander says:

    Kendomacaroonbar says:
    7 May, 2013 at 12:18 am

    CH

    you’ve met my wife I guess >
     
    :;):

  208. muttley79 says:

    Will everybody be homeless and unemployed in an independent Scotland? 

  209. Clarinda says:

    Will Lorne sausage have to be triangular in an Independent Scotland?

  210. Cath says:

    What are dark matter and dark energy? I’ve asked the SNP this numerous times and they cannot provide an answer.

  211. G H Graham says:

    888. Will Jackie Bailie stop munching through 11,000 calories a day in an independent Scotland?
     
    (That’s the same number as the one she made up when she described how many jobs would be lost at Faslane/Coulport.)

  212. The Man in the Jar says:

    Will the sky still be blue in an independent Scotland?

  213. Clarinda says:

    Cath – we had enough problems with Gray matter until it disappeared into a sandwich franchise.

  214. Jiggsbro says:

    Will.i.am in an independent Scotland?

  215. Doug Daniel says:

    Oops, I’ve tweeted so many that I’ve reached my daily Twitter limit…

  216. The Man in the Jar says:

    Will Michael McMahon join the Orange Order in an independent Scotland?

  217. Patrician says:

    In L’Oreal adverts will they still say “because I’m worth it”? in an independent Scotland

  218. The Man in the Jar says:

    Will I have to live in a mud hut and forage for nuts and berries in an independent Scotland?

  219. G H Graham says:

    69. Who’s ya daddy ….. in an independent Scotland?

  220. Baheid says:

    Will things still go bump in the night in an independent Scotland ?

  221. YesYesYes says:

    Will I still have much in common with my long haired lover from Liverpool in an independent Scotland?

  222. G H Graham says:

    747. Strangers in the night. More or less likely that the groundlights will fail in an independent Scotland?

  223. Holebender says:

    AmadeusMinkowski says:
    7 May, 2013 at 12:00 am

    Will Plank’s Uncertainty Principle become even more uncertain in an Independent Scotland?

     

    It’ll still be Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle!
     

  224. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    999. Will there still be murrdurrs in an independent Scotland?

  225. YesYesYes says:

    Momma, just killed a man in an independent Scotland.

  226. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    101. What’s the worst thing in the world in an independent Scotland?

  227. G H Graham says:

    999. When attempting to cross the English border at Carlisle, will we be refused entry by UK Border Agency staff dressed like the Gestapo, inexplicably announcing “Nein ! Nein! Nein!”, post independent Scotland?

  228. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    midges !!!!!

  229. pmcrek says:

    If a plane crashes on the border between England and a seperate Scotland, where will they bury the survivors?

  230. Kirriereock says:

    How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood in an independence Scotland?
    And, related to wood:
    Will lumberjacks still be okay and be able to work all day and sleep all night in an independent Scotland? 

  231. Jiggsbro says:

    Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or fifty duck-sized horses in an independent Scotland?
     

  232. G H Graham says:

    750. In an independent Scotland, will Dunkirk spirit be readily available duty free in 750cl bottles?

  233. Clarinda says:

    Will I have to slap my thigh with a wet Arbroath Smokie in an Independent Scotland?

  234. Dal Riata says:

    Will only fools rush in to an independent Scotland?
     
    Will Jock stop his tickling, a-tickle-ickle-ickling in an independent Scotland?
     
    Will Maggie wake up if think I have something to say to her in an independent Scotland?
     
    If I’m in a band and it starts playing different tunes, will you see me on the dark side of the moon in an independent Scotland?
     
    Will there be a hi, ho, silver lining, everywhere I go in an independent Scotland?

  235. YesYesYes says:

    Will Ruth Davidson in the name of love, stop asking her interminable questions at FMQs in an independent Scotland?

  236. YesYesYes says:

    Will Ed Miliband dig a pony in an independent Scotland?

  237. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    246. Will the M8 have to be renamed the M1 in an independent Scotland?

    (THAT’S DAMN CLEVER.)

  238. YesDivit says:

    If George Osborne speaks in a forest with no-one around to hear it, is he still wrong?

  239. Lobeydosser says:

    The road is long with many a winding turn in an Independent Scotland

  240. jon abroad says:

     
    Lobey: damn. Beat me to it.
     
     
    It’s a long long road, from which there is no return
    While we’re on the way to there, why not share in an independent Scotland?

  241. Etrigan says:

    Will there still be Pot Noodles in an independent Scotland?

  242. Jiggsbro says:

    Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like in an independent Scotland?

  243. Nairn says:

    Will we still be able to contribute to random periodic bombings of Middle-Eastern states in an independent Scotland?
    Will our national media still be largely controlled by one megalomaniacal Australian in an independent Scotland?
    Will our beloved television and radio icons of the 1970s turn out to have been compulsive sexual predators with a truly depressing, yet astonishing regularity in an independent Scotland?

    Well, we’re going for 500, right?

  244. will there be more pandas than conservative AND Liberal MSPs in an independent Scotland?

  245. Lobeydosser says:

    Will symbiotic relationships be allowed in an Independent Scotland?

  246. Lobeydosser says:

    Will dust still gather in the same places in an independent Scotland?

  247. Lobeydosser says:

    Thanks Rev Stu.  This has been fun, never posted here before as I fear I’m not as articulate as some nor as witty as others. I enjoy this site so much and I’d recommend it to anyone interested in the debate. Anyhoo, night night all, its been a pleasure.

  248. Etrigan says:

    Can we still have an independent Scotland in an independent Scotland?

  249. Dal Riata says:

    Will you be walking on broken glass in an independent Scotland?
     
    Will you be able to hide your lyin’ eyes in an independent Scotland?
     
    If you look for a job and then you find a job, will heaven know you’re miserable then in an independent Scotland?
     
    Will they know it’s Christmas time at all in an independent Scotland?
     
    Who’s going to pay attention to your dreams, plug their ears when you scream and then drive you home tonight in an independent Scotland?

  250. scotty says:

    would i still be considered left handed in an independent Scotland?

  251. Matt says:

    246. Will the M8 have to be renamed the M1 in an independent Scotland?

    Will Elizabeth II have to be renamed Elizabeth I in an independent Scotland?

  252. Taranaich says:

    Let’s get a Metal Injection into proceedings:
     
    Would you still bring your daughter to the slaughter in an independent Scotland?
     
    Revolution in their minds, will the children start to march against the world in which they have to live and all the hate that’s in their hearts in an Independent Scotland?
     
    Will electric eyes take a pride in probing all our secret moves, and will their tearless retinas takes pictures that can prove, in an independent Scotland?
     
    Will 6, 6 6, be the Number Of The Beast in an independent Scotland?
     
    Will the only card you need in an independent Scotland be the Ace of Spades?
     
    In an independent Scotland, can you hear the banshee scream?
     
    Will light still be required to exit and night to enter upon the Sandman’s coming in an independent Scotland?
     
    Will the Metal Inquisition sentence you to death by guillotine in an independent Scotland?
     
    In the event of heavy metal or no metal at all, will the wimps and posers in an independent Scotland leave the hall?
     
     

  253. G H Graham says:

    637 (a). I can keep a secret; it’s the people I tell who can’t. What secrets then would be revealed in an independent Scotland?
     
    637 (b). Is it possible that Nicholas Witchell would not become any more ginger in an independent Scotland?
     
    637 (c). Is it remotely possible in an independent Scotland, to spent a few seconds glancing at an old B&W picture of Diana Dors and not just see a big pair of tits?

  254. Weedeochandorris says:

    Will the Haggis breeding season change in an indpendent Scotland?

  255. AmadeusMinkowski says:

    @Holebender
    Thanks. Plank’s constant appears in Heisenberg’s Principle. 
    Will Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle become even more Uncertain in an Independent Scotland?

  256. Stuart Black says:

    The Tomahawk Kid, do you know what he did, in an Independent Scotland?
     
    Even scans to the music, nice…

  257. AmadeusMinkowski says:

    Viz-a-viz #500questions,
    Is the Scotsman’s Newspaper joining in with
    Independence: Exlplain effect on Lottery, say Tories“?
    Truly, the Scotsman is fast becoming its own parody.

  258. Stuart Black says:

    I knew we had to say goodbye…
    When I felt that warmth against my thigh…
     
    HEY! Is that you pissing on my leg, in an independent Scotland…

  259. Laura says:

    Will we still be dreaming of a White Christmas in an independent Scotland?
     
    Will there be Congratulations and Celebrations in an independent Scotland?

  260. ianbrotherhood says:

     
    When Scotland becomes independent could you just give me the moonlight, give me a Spacehopper, and leave the rest to me?

  261. Inbhir Anainn says:

    666.  In an independent Scotland will we see the return of the de’il and the excise man?
     
    In an independent Scotland will Izzy Fraser get top billing on reading the national news?
     

  262. Stuart Black says:

    Will a good brisk sit still be the preferred form of exercise in an independent Scotland?

  263. Stuart Black says:

    Will there still be a moose, loose, aboot this hoose, in an independent Scotland?
     
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wioh5qUj7fM

  264. Coolheads Prevail says:

    All your base are belong to us. How will this impact defence policy in an independent Scotland? 

  265. Tinnicus says:

    I want to know, have you ever seen the rain coming down on a sunny day, in an independent Scotland?

  266. Macart says:

    Do I look bovvered in an independent Scotland? Well do I? :)

  267. john king says:

    MajorBloodnok says:
    6 May, 2013 at 10:57 pm

    What direction will water go down the plughole in an independent Scotland?”
    same way as now, as Osborne wont let us have counter clockwise in an independent Scotland
     

  268. bunter says:

    Will we still have a leap year in an independent scotland.

  269. john king says:

    marcia says
    “Will there be March Winds and April Showers in an Independent Scotland?”

      

      no cos the bitter brigade will switch them round,
    in the interests of fairness you understand?

  270. john king says:

    I would keep this one going stu, I can see this going viral, 
    in an independent Scotland you understand ?
     

  271. john king says:

    Lobeydosser says:
    7 May, 2013 at 2:17 am

    Thanks Rev Stu.  This has been fun, never posted here before as I fear I’m not as articulate as some nor as witty as others. I enjoy this site so much and I’d recommend it to anyone interested in the debate. Anyhoo, night night all, its been a pleasure.”
     
    dont let shyness stop you loabydosser
    everyone here’ll agree I’m as bright as a blackout but noone says so 
    stick around stranger your mighty welcome
    everybodies opinion is valid whether we can put it down on paper well or not
    in an independent Scotland

  272. Davy says:

    Can I hit myself in the fanny with a kipper and call myself one of the big girls, in an independent Scotland.
     
    Will Iain Grey ever pay for that “subway sandwich”, in an independent Scotland.
     
    Thank you all for the best laugh I have had in ages, in a soon to be independent Scotland.
     

  273. Craig P says:

    It’s not a question, but Gordon is a Moron in an independent Scotland

  274. Craig P says:

    What is the weather going to be on 18 March, 2020, in an independent Scotland? The people demand to know. 

  275. john king says:

    Jiggsbro says:
    7 May, 2013 at 1:09 am

    Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or fifty duck-sized horses in an independent Scotland?”
    I don’t know but I would really like to know if whatever your on will be on prescription free in an independent Scotland? 

  276. HighlandMartin says:

    Will my coat still fit me im an Independent Scotland? 

  277. Craig P says:

    Don’t blame it on the sunshine, don’t blame it on the moonlight, don’t blame it on the good times, blame it on an independent Scotland.

  278. Seasick Dave says:

    What will New Scotland Yard be called in England?

  279. bunter says:

    Will Ms Calman be funny in an independent Scotland

  280. Ray says:

    Good work everybody, been a good way to start the day, catching up on all this. Has the Better Together campaign jumped the shark? I can’t possibly see how they can be more ridiculed.
     
    Something that’s been bugging me all night though, but been scared to ask because it’s so serious a question…what colour will Blu-Tack be in an independent Scotland? WE NEED DETAILS.

  281. Graeme Purves says:

    Can ye show me the road an the miles tae Dundee in an independent Scotland?

  282. bunter says:

    Will there still be a Greigs in an independent Scotland. (that ones for a certain Ms Baillie).

  283. bunter says:

    Will a pun o mince still weigh the same in an independent Scotland?

  284. Tattie-boggle says:

    O/T I see the Hootsman running a pension story . Reading between the lines it looks like Westminster Agency (GAD) gave the SG dodgy figures

  285. Patrick Roden says:

    Will I still get fluf in my bellybutton….in an independent Scotland?
     
    Salmond needs to tell us before the vote!!!!!

  286. john king says:

    “Will I ever get used to not living next door to Alice in an independent Scotland (for example if I was in Coldstream and she was in Cornhill on Tweed)?”
     
    Alice? Alice? who the f**k is Alice? 
    in an independent Scotland 
      

  287. Seasick Dave says:

    If I take the High Road and you take the Low Road will I still be in Scotland afore ye in an independent Scotland?
     
    My Garmin will have to be updated.

  288. Graeme Purves says:

    You have created a Monster, Rev, and the National Collective is on the case too!
    But will Blair McDougall be employable as a campaign director in an independent Scotland?

  289. bunter says:

    Will they laws of gravity still apply to an independent Scotland as under a FOI, it appears that the Scottish Gov have failed to consult with the almighty.

  290. Seasick Dave says:

    What will Sally Magnusson and Margaret Curran do in an independent Scotland?

  291. cadgers says:

    Are ye dancin or just the way your standin in an independent Scotland?

  292. AHamilton says:

     Will pygmy goats fly in an independant Scotland singing, “the dish ran away with the spoon”?

  293. Boorach says:

    Will every journey still start with the first short step in an independent Scotland?
    Will ‘are we there yet’ still be the most asked question in an independent Scotland?
    and
    Will the last mile still be the longest in an independent Scotland?
     

  294. Silverytay says:

    Will rivers still flow in an independent Scotland .
    Will salmon still swim upstream in an independent Scotland 
    will we have still have scotch mist in an independent scotland 
    and most importantly ‘ Will I still be able to visit the in laws up in Perth in an independent Scotland .

  295. Patrick Roden says:

    Will Ukip still describe the Scots as subsidy Junkies, winging like trampled bagpipes,
     
    In an independent Scotland ?
     
    http://munguinsrepublic.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/english-and-uk-politics-get-more.html?showComment=1367909550631

  296. Laura says:

    Will that be Shaken not Stirred in an independent Scotland?

    Will Rev Stu get a day off in an independent Scotland?

    Will my dog still chase the cat in an independent Scotland?

  297. Simon says:

    Anyone keeping count of the questions? It strikes me that coming up with 500 stupid questions is harder work than it looks at first. Give those “hard working” BT people some credit!

    Who’s afraid of an independent Scotland?

  298. Patrick Roden says:

    @ bunter..
    Will they laws of gravity still apply to an independent Scotland as under a FOI, it appears that the Scottish Gov have failed to consult with the almighty.
     
    No they haven’t, the Scottish Government have taken legal advice from Jesus who advises that the Scotland will have it’s fair share of gravity… as long as we are willing to pay a reasonable price to London……
     
    In an independent Scotland. ;-)

  299. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    Are we going on
     
    A Magical Mystery Tour
     
    into an Indpendent Scotland
     
    Anything after 1980 is crap

  300. pa_broon74 says:

    Will Frosties still be GREEEAAAT in an independent Scotland?
     
    Will the Cheetah still be the fastest land mammal in an independent Scotland?
     
    Will John Lewis customers still never knowingly be undersold in an independent Scotland?

  301. Stuart Black says:

    Well, youse all might laugh, but ah’m for one worrit aboot this Air Passenger Duty on private jets, how is this gonnae affect us all?
     
    There’s big serious questions in there, ye ken…
     
    ps Is no.6 no the same as no.13? Perhaps someone could explain the difference, cos ah’m too wee, poor, and stupit tae see it masel’.
     
    6. If negotiations on EU membership made clear that an independent Scotland would be required to join the European currency would the Scottish Government agree to those terms or forego membership of the EU?

     

    13. If a commitment to eventual Euro membership was a condition of EU membership, would the Scottish Government sign such a treaty?

  302. Patrick Roden says:

    One of my favourites on Twitter,
     
    ” I have heard that cats will only have eight lives in an Independent Scotland, is this true?
    Cat lovers need to know !
     
    In an independent Scotland.

  303. Craig M says:

    I think the merriment and lack of dignity displayed by these comments is shocking. With what is a serious subject I would like to inject some gravitas back into this by posing three extremely important questions.
    1. Will A Darling still qualify for a peerage in an Independent Scotland?
    2. Will D Alexander (red Tory variety) still be allowed to strut the world’s stage like the towering statesman that he thinks he is, in an Independent Scotland?
    3. Will both of the above be provided with a suitable new gravy train in order to milk the public purse and line their pockets, in an Independent Scotland?

  304. Bugger (the Panda) says:

     
    AmadeusMinkowski says:
     
    7 May, 2013 at 12:00 am
     

    Will Plank’s Uncertainty Principle become even more uncertain in an Independent Scotland?

     
     
    Aye, mibbes

  305. Derick says:

    Will Van MacHelsing be unemployed due to the lack of vampires in a Independent Scotland?  Yes must come clean

  306. Dcanmore says:

    Would the Video Kill the Radio Star in an independent Scotland? … if yes make it Call Kay(e) please!

  307. Stuart Black says:

    @Craig M: Troughs will be provided.

  308. Derick says:

    Will ‘In the Summertime’ be renamed ‘In the Endless, Howling Awful Winter’ in an Independent Scotland

  309. Derick says:

    Will Captain Oates have to say ‘God this is an Awful Place, I may be some time’ when he’s away out to the shops (for example, Tesco) in an Independent Scotland

  310. Boorach says:

    Will cockles and mussels still be alive-a-live-oh in an independent Scotland?

  311. Dcanmore says:

    Could we Pump up the Volume in an Independent Scotland? … oh yes!!

  312. Archibald Berwick Melrose [aka Archie] says:

    Would Donald lose his troosers in an Independent Scotland?

  313. bunter says:

    Will we still be allowed to use the alphabet in an independent Scotland?

  314. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    Would we still have to walk
     
    500 Miles or more
     
    to get to the Mother of Parliaments?

  315. Turnbull Drier says:

    Will we still be able to tak the high road in an Independant Scotland?
     
    Will we still be able to tak the low road in an Independant Scotland?
     
    Wll I  be in an Indepandant Scotland before you, in an Independant Scotalnd?
     
     

  316. Bobby Mckail says:

     Will whatever numbers left still support LibDems after Nick Cleggs I hate Johnny Foreigner interview on Sky and BBC in an independent Scotland?

  317. Silverytay says:

    Craig M@8.14   
    The answer to all your questions is NAW 

  318. Iain says:

    Will we still have our wee bit hill and glen in an independent Scotland?

  319. Tattie-boggle says:

    Will Milk still be past your eyes in an Independent Scotland

  320. pa_broon74 says:

    Having skimmed down BT’s list of questions and only managing to get to no. 86, it seems the entire 500 can be encapsulated by asking the following: Will someone be able to fill out an application form in an independent Scotland?
     
    Other than to provide some welcome levity on this website, what the actual fuck are BT thinking with this; its utter nonsense.

  321. The Man in the Jar says:

    Will there still be Irn in my Brew in an independent Scotland?
    A very serious question indeed.

  322. Ray says:

    Will the car in front still be a Toyota in an independent Scotland?

  323. scottish_skier says:

    Other than to provide some welcome levity on this website, what the actual fuck are BT thinking with this; its utter nonsense.
    Don’t fall into the trap of looking for rational thought where none exists.

  324. Brandon Flowers says:

    Are we human or are we dancer in an independent Scotland?

  325. scottish_skier says:

    Will ‘Scotch broth’ just be ‘broth’ in an independent Scotland?

  326. Bugger (the Panda) says:

     
    In an independent Scotland will the Pope do away with St Jude and name
     
    Alastair Darling
     
    as the
     
    Patron Saint of Lost Causes
     
    ?

  327. Caroline Corfield says:

    Can we blame it on the sunshine, the good times, the moonlight or will we still need to blame it on the boogie in an independent Scotland?

  328. The Man in the Jar says:

    Will people on the East Coast still have the bizarre habit of requesting “salt n sauce” on their chips in an independent Scotland?

  329. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    MajorBloodnok says:
     
    6 May, 2013 at 10:57 pm
     

    What direction will water go down the plughole in an independent Scotland?

     
     
    Could well be counter-clockwise, if we can a find a big enough saw.

  330. Macart says:

    @Pa Broon
     
    Pa if anyone bothers to actually read through 500 questions without falling asleep, they deserve a medal. Its not a rational concept from anyone never mind BT. Only in the imaginations of people like Messrs McDougall and Darling could this be called a serious attempt to engage with the public.

  331. Joybell says:

    When I walk through a storm will I hold my head up high in an independent Scotland?

  332. scottish_skier says:

    Presumably, 498 questions will be asked today, 497 tomorrow….
    Which will bring us down to just one on the day.

  333. Laura says:

    What will the RUK or FUK be called in an independent Scotland?

    quick gander at the questions:
    461 What country would Scottish expats be citizens of post separation?

    -they can’t be serious!

  334. Robyn - Quine fae Torry says:

    What time will the one o’clock gun go off in an independent Scotland?
     
    Will Ally Bally Ally Bally Bee still be greeting for a wee bawbee to buy some Coulter’s candy in an independent Scotland? 
     
    Will people on the West Coast still only want salt and vinegar on their chippy in an independent Scotland?
     
    Will we be nearly there yet in an independent Scotland?

  335. pa_broon74 says:

    @macart & S_S
     
    Every now and again you get lulled into a false sense of, well sense I suppose. Which means when BT etc come out with stuff like this, you’re taken aback when in fact; its juts a reminder of how unhinged their argument is.
     
    Every single one of those five hundred questions are based on one premise and one premise alone: that we are all uniquely stupid.
     
    I’m going to have to stop thinking about it because my incredulous gland has ran out of… I don’t know – Cred?

  336. scotchwoman says:

    Will beelzebub have a devil put aside for me in an independent Scotland…..?

  337. mogabee says:

     
    Will the rocks melt with the sun…in an Independent Scotland?

  338. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Where does the Scottish government stand on the Hokey Cokey….. Are we IN or OOT  In an independent Scotland ?

  339. scottish_skier says:

    Anyhoo, good to see the EU referendum being splashed all over the front pages.

    Given that UKIP and many Tories want out, I can see support for Scotland becoming independent and remaining in the EU climbing rapidly.

    Scots logic dictates that if the Tories/UKIP hate something, it must be good.

  340. Joybell says:

    Ah but, will bluebirds fly over white cliffs in an independent Scotland?

  341. scotchwoman says:

    Will.i.am in an independent Scotland? 

  342. bunter says:

    Will water be too volatile in an independent scotland.

  343. Cath says:

    How many varieties of Heinz will we get in an independent Scotland?

  344. Iain says:

    Rev Stu, has your twitter feed disappeared (that’s not one of the 500 Qs btw)?

  345. Dave McEwan Hill says:

    pa_broon74 says
    “Every single one of those five hundred questions are based on one premise and one premise alone: that we are all uniquely stupid.”
    Exactly – that answers all these questions and any others – except why are the uniquely stupid people all clustered in the Better Together campaign
     

  346. Albalha says:

    Will Jim Morrison be resurrected when we break on through to the other side in an independent Scotland?
    Will we able to stop thinking about tomorrow in an independent Scotland, will it soon be here and will it be better than before?

  347. alexicon says:

    Will I still be able to get a peerage in an Independent Scotland?
    What am I saying! That was probably number 1 in Darling and Lamont’s fictitious list.

  348. The Man in the Jar says:

    @Joybell
    Bluebirds are in fact indigenous to America and one has never flown over the “White Cliffs of Dover” ;-)
    Another Westminster lie!
    PS An American wrote the song!

  349. AmadeusMinkowski says:

    @Buuger (The Panda)
    Would we still have to walk 500 Miles or more to get to the Mother of Parliaments?
    Brilliant. By the way, I made a mistake, its Heisenberg, not Plank, so should read.
    Will Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle* become even more Uncertain in an Independent Scotland.
     
    * From the foundation of Quantum Mechanics :)

  350. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    Will there still be a Better Together movement in an independent Scotland?
     
    Serious question.

  351. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    “Rev Stu, has your twitter feed disappeared (that’s not one of the 500 Qs btw)?”

    Um, no. Why would you think that?

  352. velofello says:

    Will Santa come to an independent Scotland?
    Will the tooth fairy come to an independent Scotland?

  353. Bugger (the Panda) says:

     
    AmadeusMinkowski says:  a propos Heisenberg
     
    There you go, spoiling my day.
     
    I had happily forgotten all that shit, except the graffiti about it on the inside of the bog door.

  354. AmadeusMinkowski says:

    The Scotsman’s Newspaper carries its own #500questions with
    Independence: Exlplain effect on Lottery, say Tories“?
    So the Scotsman has finally arrived at its ultimate destination, Self-Paraody.

  355. Cath says:

    “except why are the uniquely stupid people all clustered in the Better Together campaign”
     
    Bit of a self fulfilling prophecy if your entire campaign is based on assuming everyone is stupid.

  356. ianbrotherhood says:

    Who is the man who handed Kay(e) her arse on a plate about 9.15 re Ian Smart?

  357. Iain says:

    @Rev. Stuart Campbell

    ‘“Rev Stu, has your twitter feed disappeared (that’s not one of the 500 Qs btw)?”
    Um, no. Why would you think that?’

    Can’t see it in Firefox or Safari, though it was there earlier this am.

  358. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    Iain brotherhood
     
    see below and on Lets Pretend thread
     
     

    Gordon Bain says:
    7 May, 2013 at 9:23 am

    On Call Kaye right now they’re discussing whether footballers should be held up as Role models. I thought I’d try to highlight the disparity between treatment of Leigh Griffiths for an offensive Tweet compared to Mr Smart. 
    Sorry, had to cut this short as Kaye actually spoke to ma. I say spoke to when I should say talked over. I’m not much of a public speaker though but the point has to be made.
    Saor Alba!

      

     

     

     

  359. Cath says:

    Will the Schwarzchild radius stay the same in an independent Scotland? That Alex Salmond had better answer that one cos if it doesnae, Scotland could fall straight into a black hole the day after separation. Is that really a risk worth taking?

  360. AmadeusMinkowski says:

    @Bugger (the Panda)
    Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle:

    Will the uncertainty encoded in Plank’s constant become even larger in an Independent Scotland? :)

  361. megsmaw06 says:

    Will the odds against pieces flung from 20 storey flats reaching earth still be 99/1?

  362. Albalha says:

    Apparently SmartieTweetGate is covered in some of today’s printed media.

  363. Cath says:

    “Will the odds against pieces flung from 20 storey flats reaching earth still be 99/1?”
     
    If Plank’s constant changes that could be even tougher for the SNP to answer.

  364. ianbrotherhood says:

     
    @Bugger (The Panda)-
     
    Thanks for that.
     
    Gordon Bain is a hero! And modest with it:
     
    ‘I’m not much of a public speaker though but the point has to be made.’
     
    It was superb – she was totally rattled, her voice was so high that my dogs came in to listen.
     
    Well done that man.

  365. Tim says:

    When you have eliminated the impossible, will whatever remains, however improbable, be the truth in an independent Scotland?

  366. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    Amadeus
     
    see Cath above
     
     
    Cath says:
     
    7 May, 2013 at 9:38 am
     
    Come to think of it, will black holes have to me renamed Blue holes?
     
    I think we need to ask Iain Smart about that.
     
     

  367. The Man in the Jar says:

    This one is for Stuart Black!
     
    “Was her daddy bad?
    Was it bullets for my baby?
    But there’s one thing bothering me,
    Who was the Man in the Jar?”

  368. Macart says:

    @Pa Broon
     
    Know exactly what you mean. When I first heard of this 500 questions stunt I thought somebody is taking the proverbial. I couldn’t believe that BT was so uniquely foolhardy as to insult the entire Scottish electorate. But hey never underestimate the oppositions capacity for shooting themselves in the foot. One question or one thousand there is only one answer – In an independent Scotland a democratically elected Scottish Government will make choices on any given subject in the best interests of the Scottish electorate.

  369. Silver19 says:

    And will pi still be 3.14159 in an independent Scotland ?
    More important will a Scotch Pie just be Pie in an independent Scotland ?
    And what will happen to Scotch Egg in an independent Scotland ?
     
     

  370. Cath says:

    How many prime numbers will there be in an independent Scotland?

  371. Luigi says:

    What happens if there aren’t enough helicopters to evacuate the millions of refugees?

  372. bunter says:

    Will my English auntie still be able to get access to a plain loaf and square slice if Scotland becomes independent.

  373. The Man in the Jar says:

    Will Minnie the Moocher
    Still be a Low down Hoochi-Coocher
    In an independent Scotland?

  374. Mister Worf says:

    “Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like in an independent Scotland?” I said,
    And it looks like some helpful spambots on twitter want to know the same sort of thing! And I have more questions now.

     
    Is this a meme now?
    How long will Bitter Together be able to pretend this was part of the plan?
    Have the vile nasty cybernats ruined your fun by having their own fun?
    Are there actually any questions in there that haven’t already either been answered, can’t be answered now because the situation might change, can’t be answered because westminster or the EU have to be asked, or have actually already been answered?

  375. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    Post independence,
     
    Will we have to send food parcels south of Gretna?
     
    Satire or wot?

  376. Boorach says:

    @ TMITJ 
    i reckon she’ll have to settle for being a hoochter tuichter!

  377. bunter says:

    Will Scottie lose the power to beam up people in an independent Scotland.

  378. Boorach says:

    Most importantly though…. Will Susan Calman find her funny bone in an independent Scotland?

  379. Craig P says:

    Anyone who was in the Boys Brigade might recognise this one:

    Will your anchor hold in the storms of life,
    when the clouds unfold their wings over Scotland?

  380. David Smith says:

    Will space still be The Final Frontier in an independent Scotland.

  381. Boorach says:

    Will the East coasts of Caithness, Sutherland and Ross-shire stop being the far NW in an independent Scotland’s weather forecasts?

  382. AmadeusMinkowski says:

    O/T
    For a historical perspective on the Labour Party’s “more-devo-will-be-along-in-a-minute” approach to leading the Scottish electorate up the garden path, loop up Hamish Mitchel’s
    Labour Betrays Scotland in 1979 Referendum article
    One notes that the Labour line was to support the Referendum, but the betrayal was by MP’s who rebelled and wouldn’t support it; there rebellion was against Scottish interests! 
    The above web page is part of what looks to be a 1997 referendum blog, and its a treasure trove, likely to be of great value for YES today. Check it out
    http://atschool.eduweb.co.uk/hamish/virtind.html
     
     

  383. Tam Glen says:

    Will Happy Jock, still live in the sands at the Isle of Skye,

  384. Wendies for Independence says:

    Will three craws still be able to sit upon a wa in an Independent Scotland?

  385. G. Campbell says:

    This monkey’s gone to heaven, but what will happen to deceased long-tail primates in a separate Scotland?

  386. Boorach says:

    Just how lang will your lum reek in an independent Scotland?

  387. AmadeusMinkowski says:

    O/T 2
    Regarding Scotland’s 1979 devolution referendum, The Scotsman has a Comment article by Prof. Christopher Harvie: “the impact of the 1979 devolution referendum
    Well worth a read, especially in conjunction with Hamish Mitchel’s blog above; for those who want to go deeper, that is!

  388. Stuart Black says:

    @Rev Stu: I mentioned the Make Believers documentaryupdate yesterday, at the bottom of the flagellation thread, just had another one in and the DVD design has now been sent to the printers, so it shouldn’t be too long.
    Happily, the proposed design – very plain, I have a picture, but don’t know how to get it on here – has a statement as follows:
     
    “The Producers grant permission to copy and distribute this documentary including distribution on file sharing and video websites.”

  389. Iain says:

    Will the Scottish Government apologise for invading England in 1745 and causing such panic in London?
    Will the Scottish Government seek redress for the losses at Culloden in 1746?
    Will Braveheart be remade in Scotland with Scottish actors but not Billy Connolly?

  390. The Man in the Jar says:

    Will a wee boy wi a wee bow an ara still shoot at a wee cock spara sittin oan a wheelbara in an independent Scotland?

  391. AmadeusMinkowski says:

    O/T 3
    (Not)Smart Tweet
    Article just appeared in Herald on (not)Smart Tweet, referring to McConnell in title into the bargain.

  392. Clydebuilt says:

    Rev Stu
     
      shurely it should be
     
    “Are we not men…..We are Devo”

  393. Midgehunter says:

    Will marine technology lead the way in dry-cleaning in an independent Scotland??

  394. Tim says:

    Will Rev. Stuart Campbell know what we mean in an independent Scotland?

  395. Memphisto says:

    Will all Scottish inventions since 1707 stop working in an independent Scotland

  396. Morag says:

    Will my love still be but a lassie yet in an independent Scotland?

  397. Morag says:

    Trying to get this to 400….
     
    Will the days still grow shorter as we reach September in an independent Scotland?

  398. Dave McEwan Hill says:

    Will Ian Smart become a hero of the revolution in an independent Scotland?
    It takes a special kind of genius to completely sink the unionists’ Calman stunt

  399. handclapping says:

    Will Groundskeeper Willie get a Scottish passport from an independent Scotland?

  400. EdinScot says:

    Will i be alive and kicking in an independent Scotland
     
    You lift me up, dont you ever stop,  im here with you
    Now its all or nothing
    ‘Cause you say you’ll follow through
    you follow me, and i, i, i follow you.
    Och go on then…will we have Simple Minds in an independent Scotland

  401. G. Campbell says:

    Life is a mystery. Everyone must stand alone. But could Scotland?

    *Ian Smart hands canister of petrol to cybernat cross burners in background*

  402. Boorach says:

    Will we no gae back again in an independent Scotland?
     
    YOU’RE DAMNED RIGHT WE WON’T,

  403. Albert Herring says:

     Will Scotland’s oil wealth continue to be be spent on London in an independent England? #500questions

  404. G. Campbell says:

    Now you may try to subtract it. But it just won’t go away. One, two, three. But will it still be the magic number in an independent Scotland?

  405. Boorach says:

    Will the earth still move for us in an independent Scotland?

  406. Jiggsbro says:

    My dog’s got no nose. How will it smell in an independent Scotland?

  407. Leodhasach says:

    Why does it always rain on me? Was it because I voted Labour when I was 18? 

  408. Matt says:

    Will universities in indy Scotland continue to carry out world-class research, making the future even more scary and uncertain?

  409. Leodhasach says:

    Like a Bat out of Hell, will I still be gone when the morning comes in an independent Scotland?

  410. Laurence says:

    Will the sound of a barrel being scraped be the same in an independent Scotland?

  411. handclapping says:

    If we all live forever in an independent Scotland what is Swinney going to do about pensions?

  412. handclapping says:

    If the moon is made of green cheese how will this affect the Scottish Government’s space program?

  413. The Flamster says:

    Laughed all the way through these:
    Will there still be Ginger Nut (Biscuits) in an Independent Scotland? and
    Will these boots still be made for walking in an Independent Scotland?

  414. Clarinda says:

    Will there be a law against shovin’ grannies aff the bus in an Independent Scotland?

  415. handclapping says:

    Money money money but what will it be called in an independent Scotland?
    If Salmond can’t tell us, will it still be a rich man’s world in his independent Scotland?

  416. Laura says:

    Alex Salmond must tell us now, will there be The Muckin ‘o’ Geordie’s Byre, in an independent Scotland?

    Will the SNP fund Delany’s Donkey Run the Half Mile Race?
     

  417. MajorBloodnok says:

    What kind of noise annoys an oyster in an Independent Scotland?

  418. handclapping says:

    This is ridiculous, already more than 500 unanswered questions from ordinary members of the public and potential voters. Better Together have had over 300 years to come up with the answers to these obvious questions and they haven’t  even attempted to answer one! How can we possibly make any decision on whether we want to remain as subjects of the UK if they cannot guarantee any answers.

  419. G. Campbell says:

    We wanna be free. We wanna be free to do what we wanna do. And we wanna get loaded. And we wanna have a good time. That’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna have a good time. We’re gonna have a party. But I don’t have a passport or driving licence. And the man at the counter won’t sell me alcohol without suitable identification. And wee Brian’s idea to put a false moustache on didn’t work. And my dad’s tweed jacket is way too big for me anyway. So my question is this: will I still need to provide ID in an independent Scotland if I want to buy booze?

  420. Tasmanian says:

    To be honest, no amount of lyrics quotes can beat some of UKOK’s actual questions. Apologies, I don’t know how to use cite tags in comments.


    475. The Metropolitan Police currently provide for range of counter terrorism responsibilities covering the UK. Would an independent Scotland replicate this and what would the financial cost be?

    476. There is currently an absence of trained professionals in areas such as counter terrorism and specialist policing in Scotland. Does the Scottish Government have an immediate plan to remedy this shortage in the event of a ‘yes’ vote?

    475: As there is ‘currently an absence of trained counter terrorism professionals’ in UK Scotland, the Scottish Government will move the responsibility of CT policing to Barra Police Station and have no loss of effectiveness.

    Also, 95 and 396 are duplicate.

  421. Tasmanian says:

    So many questions. It must be impossible for any nation to establish itself upon leaving the British Empire. That’s the reason why 25% of the nations on the globe are red! OH WAIT.

  422. Seasick Dave says:

    Anyway, what are the answers to these 507 (give or take) questions if we vote No?
     
    I need to know.

  423. Jiggsbro says:

    Why is a mouse when it spins in an independent Scotland?

  424. Aplinal says:

    Who knows were the times goes in an Independent Scotland?
     
    Rev.  Presumably you’ll stop at 500 comments ;-)

  425. Seasick Dave says:

    What time will Alan Cochrane’s helicopter be leaving?
     
    And where from?

  426. Aplinal says:

    @Tasmainian
     
    Hey, you read them all!? Kudos
     
    Will Holyrood be able to afford another brick in the wall in an Independent Scotland?

  427. Seasick Dave says:

    I’m beginning to think that BT are correct; there are just too many unknown unknowns.
     
    Last question though (honest), once we separate from England, how far out into the Atlantic will Scotland get before it sinks?
     
    If its too far to swim back, I’m voting No.

  428. Albalha says:

    It’s been said before but one of our greatest weapons is humour, not many laughs to be had with the other lot, maybe it’s a simple as that, they’re, in the main, humourless types who take themselves way too seriously and are more concerned about what they’ll lose at an individual level than the future of Scotland. For many, perhaps Mr Smart etc, the idea we could actually vote YES was unthinkable but now they’re worried.
    Let’s laugh our way to independence ……. a touring stand up comic show taking on the lies/doublespeak and desperation. 10 shows based on answering 50 of the BT questions in each one.
     
     
     

  429. G H Graham says:

    711. Will Alistair Darling work from 7 to 11, trying to figure out how to successfully flip his house at taxpayers expense, one more time before he’s out of a job in an independent Scotland?

  430. Lobeydosser says:

    Can we still go down to the tube station at midnight in an Independent Scotland.      
     

  431. Laura says:

    From BT
    In 500 days Scots will answer the most important question we have ever been asked.
    Today Better Together ask 500 questions.
     
    Is it just me or does the first sentence not undermine the second?

  432. Lobeydosser says:

    Will Jonny still be good in an Independent Scotland?

  433. Robert Kerr says:

    Will IPA be Independence Pale Ale in the new Independent Scotland ?

  434. Yesitis says:

    Will shark attacks increase in an independent Scotland?

  435. Cath says:

    What will the speed of the sound of loneliness be in an independent Scotland?

  436. muttley79 says:

    The night we met I knew I needed you so
    And if I had the chance I’d never let you go
    So won’t you say you love me?
    I’ll make you so proud of me
    We’ll make ‘em turn their heads every place we go in an independent Scotland.

     

  437. Stuart Black says:

    Here’s a real question for our “Better Together” comrades.
     
    In the nigh on forty years that Westminster has been hoovering up the proceeds of that oh so volatile commodity that Scotland is floating upon, can not a miniscule amount of the proceeds have been spared to, for instance, upgrade the A9 to a dual carriageway, generating much needed employment, cutting the needless road deaths on this accident blackspot, and speeding up the transport link between two of our major cities?
    Or was there nothing to spare after the M25, the Channel tunnel, the Millenium dome, and all the rest of the Londoncentric vanity projects?
    Better Together? My arse.

  438. Stuart Black says:

    The speed of the sound of loneliness! Nice.

  439. G H Graham says:

    925. In an independent Scotland, a typical workday may continue for many to start at 9 and finish at 5.
     
    How many of those available work hours then will Alistair Darling spend fiddling with his wedding tackle while lying under a sunbed during the entire month of January?
     
    925 (ii)(b).  Will he clean up his own mess?

  440. Jeannie says:

    Will mammies still caution their weans to desist from arguing lest it a’ end in a greetin’ match in an independent Scotland?

  441. Silver19 says:

    Will it still be the case you must wait 30 minutes after eating before swimming in an  Independent Scotland ?

  442. Silverytay says:

    Will wings manage to reach 500 posts on the issue of 500 questions by the end of the day ?

  443. Albalha says:

    If you’re asking yourself if you should stay or you should go in the event of an independent Scotland, I suggest if you go there may well be trouble but staying may of course see it double.
    Do you hear London calling, that I suppose is the question to answer.

  444. Jiggsbro says:

    If Scotland has a separate monarchy, will God still save our Queen?

  445. uilleambeag says:

    Will the Bain Principle still apply in an independent Scotland?

  446. Albalha says:

    @stuartblack
    Thanks for the link, given the obvious need for repeat answers maybe we can ascertain how few answers are needed to answer their 500 questions.
     

  447. G H Graham says:

    999. Currently 999 is the primary emergency service phone number.
    The full time services are … 

    Police
    Ambulance service
    Fire Brigade
    Coastguard

    The calls are free and there are no service charges to the caller assuming the emergency is genuine.
    In an independent Scotland will callers be allowed to report that Domino Pizza delivered beyond their promised 30 minute rule & claim a free deep fried Mars bar?

  448. Tasmanian says:

    @Aplinal

    Well, I skimmed them. Then copied the PDF into Notepad++. Incidentally, it is disgraceful for an organisation to publish a document with ‘FINAL’ in the title when it’s peppered with inconsistent formatting and missing punctuation.

    949494: What character will terminate a sentence to indicate a question in an independent Scotland

    Many many many of them are nonsense. Let me just present some of the padding from that document.

    29. An independent Scotland would no longer be protected by the British Armed Forces, would new Scottish Armed forces units be created?
    Would this include a:
    30. Scottish Army?
    31. Scottish Navy?
    32. Scottish Marine force?
    33. Scottish Air Force?
    34. Scottish Special Forces?
    35. Scottish Territorial Army?

    What is the Scottish Government’s strategy for achieving a separate Scotland’s membership of the
    70. Food and Agriculture Organisation?
    71. International Atomic Energy Agency
    72. International Civil Aviation Organisation
    73. International Labour Organisation?
    74. UNESCO?
    75. UN Industrial Development Organisation?
    76. World Food Programme?
    77. World Health Organisation?
    78. World Meterological Organisation?
    79. World Tourism Organisation?
    80. Commonwealth?
    81. OECD?
    82. International Olympic Committee?
    83. Interpol?
    84. International Maritime Organisation?
    (How about a photocopied form letter?)

    What work has been undertaken to assess whether X would be higher or lower in an independent Scotland:
    117. income tax?
    118. VAT?
    119. National Insurance contributions?
    120. Corporation Tax?
    121. fuel duties?
    122. tobacco duties?
    123. alcohol duties?
    124. Capital Gains Tax?
    125. Insurance Premium Tax?
    126. betting and gambling duties?
    127. the Climate Change Levy?
    128. Inheritance Tax?
    129. Vehicle Excise Duty?

    146. What work has been undertaken to assess the Vehicle Excise Duty rates for different types of vehicles?
    147. What work has been undertaken to assess Vehicle Excise Duty exemptions – e.g. for classic vehicles?
    (Possibly my favourite question. Will Chitty Chitty Bang Bang require VED in Scotland? WE MUST BE TOLD.)
    148. What work has been undertaken to assess Vehicle Excise Duties exemptions for disabled people?

    193. Would an independent Scotland have its own distinct approach, or would firms be expected to adhere to the existing UK Corporate Governance Code and standards?

    330. Would pensioners continue to receive a free TV licence in a separate Scotland?

    340. Should Dundee or Aberdeen win UK City of culture, how would a vote for independence impact this status?
    341. What assessment has the Scottish Government made of whether a Scottish athlete who currently, or intends to, compete for team GB at the Olympic Games will be able to do so in the future should they wish to?
    342. How many Scots athletes would be disenfranchised by not being part of Team GB?
    (A negative number.)
    343. Would a separate Scotland enter teams into the Olympics and Paralympics?

    350. How much would a first class stamp cost in a separate Scotland?

    356. Will a separate Scotland have a Universal Service Obligation (USO) which guarantees:
    (That’s not a question.)
    357. At least one delivery of letters every Monday to Saturday to every address in the UK?
    358. At least one collection of letters every Monday to Saturday from every access point i n the UK that is used to receive letters and postal packets for onward transmission?
    359. Postal services at an affordable, uniform tariff across the UK?
    360. A registered items service at an affordable public tariff?
    361. An insured items service at an affordable public tariff?
    362. A free-of-charge postal service to blind or partially sighted people?
    363. And Free carriage of legislative petitions and addresses?

    435. Where would the Scottish Government plan to set its maritime border with the rest of the UK?
    (DANGEROUS for Westminster to remind Scots of the 1999 theft!)

    Here’s a plan. Stu, can you put a Bugzilla bug tracking database on wosland somewhere and we submit these 500 as bugs. They can then be merged, categorised, marked as irrelevant, passed back to Westminster, and the few remaining (like would Scotland retain UK privileges within the EU) actually debated.

  449. Coolheads Prevail says:

    Will it be possible to find me and follow me through corridors, refectories and files in an independent Scotland? 

  450. EdinScot says:

    Will Wendys brain still be the size of a planet in an independent Scotland?

  451. uilleambeag says:

    What are the Scottish Government’s plans re the tying of shoe lacers in an independent Scotland?

  452. Weedeochandorris says:

    Will Nessie pop oot, playing bagpipes, for a photie session in an independent Scotland?

  453. Dcanmore says:

    Will the answers to these 500 questions mean thousands of more jobs for Scots in an Independent Scotland?
     
    YES 2014!

  454. velofello says:

    Will there be Smart lawyers in an independent Scotland?

  455. YesYesYes says:

    Will UKIP still be a fool for UKOKs love in an independent Scotland?

  456. Jeannie says:

    Will we expect the Spanish Inquisition in an independent Scotland?

  457. velofello says:

    Will the yowes still be ca’d tae the knowes where the heather grows an’ the burnie rows, in an independent Scotland?

  458. velofello says:

    Will we sing “Will ye no come back again?” with feeling, to the Better Together departees?

  459. Jiggsbro says:

    What plans have the Scottish government made for independent health, education and legal systems in a separate Scotland?

  460. EdinScot says:

    Can Scots and visitors alike have tours of Lamonts’ secret bunker in an independent Scotland and will Erchie be one of the friendly ghosts on this tour?

  461. YesYesYes says:

    How much will babysitters be paid in an independent Scotland?

  462. handclapping says:

    @uilleambeag Gosh I didn’t realise it was that serious I thought this was just fooling around but …
    Is it Right over Left and under or Left over Right?
    and how are we going to pay for all the nursery assisitants if this is to be taught at school as we cant possibly expect parents to do all this and potty training too?

  463. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Will I have to give my NHS dental fillings back in an independent Scotland ?

  464. Jeannie says:

    Will mammies still offer to gie us somethin tae greet fur in an independent Scotland?

  465. Macart says:

    @Jeannie
     
    Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition. :)
     
    More importantly will we have harbour side fish slapping competitions in an independent Scotland?

  466. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Will I still be able to tumble ma wilkies in an independent Scotland…. ah mean will ah ?

  467. Jeannie says:

    Will I still have to call ma pants “Cary Grants” in an independent Scotland?

  468. Stuart Black says:

    In an independent Scotland will mony a mickle still mak a muckle?

  469. Jiggsbro says:

    Will we still be allowed to eat Yorkshire pudding in an independent Scotland?

  470. Jeannie says:

    Will I still have to save people’s blushes and discreetly refer to their piles as “Duke of Argylls” in an independent Scotland

  471. Kirriereoch says:

    Who shall know the known knowns and known unknowns in an independent Scotland?
    And who shall know or not know the unknown knowns and unknown unknowns in an independent Scotland? 
    Does anybody known or unknown actually know? Or not know?

  472. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    What will that thingee that takes stones oot o horses hooves be caw’ed in an Independent Scotland ?

  473. YesYesYes says:

    Will Ian Smart fight the law and the law win in an independent Scotland?

  474. Jiggsbro says:

    Do you know who I am in an independent Scotland?

  475. HighlandMartin says:

    @ Tasmanian @12.55pm
     
    Thanks for posting that. 
     
    I was just wondering how many could be answered …’the electors of an Independent Scotland will choose a Government and get back to you on that one..’

  476. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    If an independent Scotland remains in the EU will we all have to wear E U Jimmy Hats ? I mean wull we ?

  477. Archibald Berwick Melrose [aka Archie] says:

    Scoot to the 500. Thanks Rev. Stu for such a great post and especially LobeyDosser who found out ‘Theres a place for you….ya just got to push a wee bit” 
     

  478. handclapping says:

    Will we still be able to get Student Loans for paying our potty training fees in an Independent Scotland?

  479. Jeannie says:

    Will Cumberland sausages  be called Butcher Cumberland sausages in an independent Scotland and won’t this cause confusion if your butcher isn’t actually called Cumberland?

  480. YesYesYes says:

    Who’s going to take the kids to school in an independent Scotland and will the kids be united?

  481. Jiggsbro says:

    A teacher in the UK gave a wrong answer and became a wild fox for five hundred lifetimes. What if he had given a wrong answer in an independent Scotland?

  482. Craig P says:

    At the risk of mashing memes, even the cats are getting in on this.

    ‘I Can Has Independent Scotland?’

    http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250×250/37602939.jpg

  483. Jeannie says:

    Will we finally find out who “that masked man was” in an independent Scotland?

  484. HighlandMartin says:

    Hmmm just having lunch and wondering will there be more bits of chicken in my chicken soup in an Independent Scotland

  485. Jiggsbro says:

    Will this be a question in an independent Scotland?

  486. Tasmanian says:

    Er. I meant to say: a lot of those questions seem to imply that an independent Scotland is required to immediately reinvent, for example, legislation on what types of car must pay VED. What’s wrong with retaining UK legislation until it’s found to be unworkable in an independent Scotland?

    Here’s another thought. Let’s go through this list and turn it on its head.

    61. Would the UK retain the military helicopter capacity to evacuate North Sea oil platforms in the event of a major incident?
    105. What changes would the UK make to personal taxation bands?
    106. Would the UK introduce a 50p tax rate?
    107. Would the UK introduce a 10p tax rate?
    117. What work has been undertaken to assess whether income tax would rise or fall in the UK?
    118. What work has been undertaken to assess whether VAT, NI, fuel duties, (etc ad nauseum) would rise or fall in the UK?
    197. What assessment has been made of the impact on Scottish brands in the UK market if there is a Scottish vote to remain in the UK?
    229. Would pensioners continue to receive the Winter Fuel Allowance in the UK?
    230. Would the Cold Weather Payment continue in the UK?
    231. What work has been undertaken to establish at what age the state pension would be paid in the UK?
    233. Will Working Tax Credits continue to be paid in the UK?
    234. Will Job Seekers Allowance continue to be paid in the UK?
    235. Will Child Tax Credits continue to be paid in the UK?
    236. Will Child Benefit continue to be paid in the UK?
    237. Will Housing Benefit continue to be paid in the UK?
    238. Will Disability benefits continue to be paid in the UK?
    241. What rate will benefits be paid at in the UK?
    323. Would the BBC remain as the main public broadcaster in the UK?
    330. Would pensioners continue to receive a free TV licence in the UK?
    350. How much would a first class stamp cost in the UK?
    356-363. Will the UK Royal Mail retain a Universal Service Obligation (USO) which guarantees a bunch of stuff?
    364. British Telecom currently has a Universal Service Obligation which requires it to provide a telephone line to households across the UK. How long will the UK government continue this?
    365. What will the minimum wage be in the UK?
    417. Does the UK Government expect to maintain the current levels of funding for university research?
    452. How is citizenship defined in the UK?
    476. There is currently an absence of trained professionals in areas such as counter terrorism and specialist policing in Scotland. Does the UK Government have an immediate plan to remedy this shortage?
    484. If Scotland voted against separation, would Scottish votes have any impact on the outcome of the 2015 UK General Elections?
    488. How many Ministers would there be in the UK-wide Parliament?
    489. What would their salaries and expenses be? HA HA HA HA HA
    490. What would the electoral system be for the UK-wide Parliament?

  487. Jeannie says:

    Will somebody finally tell us who took the dogs out in an independent Scotland?

  488. Archibald Berwick Melrose [aka Archie] says:

    Send all of these great questions to Susie C….give her something to work with and show our largesse…………said with gritted teeth.
     

  489. Marker Post says:

    How much will a hauf an a hauf be in an independent Scotland?
     
    (Wan, of course)
     

  490. Jeannie says:

    Will my bum still be oot the windae in an independent Scotland?

  491. Jeannie says:

    Will my arse still be in parsley in an independent Scotland?

  492. Albalha says:

    Will @tasmanian get a gold medal for services to research into stuff and nonsense, and coming up with alternative questions, in an independent Scotland?
    PS Thanks for effort

  493. Midgehunter says:

    HEALTH WARNING:
    Will kippers be allowed to smoke in an independent Scotland?
     
    Will independence hinder the further development of lactose-free water?
     
     

  494. FreddieThreepwood says:

    Will the answer to life, the universe and everything still be 42 in an independent Scotland?

  495. Jeannie says:

    Will the official “windae hingin” season still commence on the first of May in an independent Scotland?

  496. EdinScot says:

    Will kay still be able to use her ‘e’ in an independent Scotland?

  497. Lobeydosser says:

    Will we know what Scotland has in its pocketsies when were  Independent.

  498. HighlandMartin says:

    Will I have to ask someone first, if that insult was in quotes in an Independent Scotland?

  499. handclapping says:

    Nearly there now
    Will I still wanna go home when day de light come in an Independent Scotland?

  500. Jeannie says:

    Will it still be committing social suicide to no take your turn of the sterrs in an independent Scotland and will it still be a social faux pas to “keep a durty hoose”?

  501. Jiggsbro says:

    If it’s a penny for your thoughts, but in a discussion you put your two pence worth in, who will get the extra penny in an independent Scotland?

  502. YesYesYes says:

    Will Ed Balls grow some gonads in an independent Scotland?

  503. HighlandMartin says:

    @ Lobeydosser
     
    Good point.. furthermore, will our armies still be kept up our sleevies in an Independent Scotland?

  504. Midgehunter says:

    Will V.A.T on IT be reduced so that we can all afford IT …. ?
     
    Climbing out of poverty and on to the dole ..!

  505. YesYesYes says:

    Will Better Together take the money and run in an independent Scotland?

  506. YesYesYes says:

    Will Eric Joyce and Ian Davidson hit me baby one more time in an independent Scotland?

  507. EdinScot says:

    What will be the ‘union dividend’ in an independent Scotland?

  508. Jeannie says:

    Is there any chance we could at last see the return of that master of entertainment, lightning wit and repartee that was the legendary Glasgow Bus Conductor, in an independent Scotland?  Personally, I just love a man in uniform.

  509. Lobeydosser says:

    Can we still set our phasers to scunner in an Independent Scotland.

  510. How many ships sail in the forest in an independent Scotland?

  511. How many strawberries grow in the salt sea in an independent Scotland?

  512. YesYesYes says:

    Will the pandas in Edinburgh Zoo still be singing if you like it then you should have put a ring on it in an independent Scotland?

  513. G H Graham says:

    888. Post independence, will stairheid rammy expert, Johann Lamont try not to look & sound like a stairheid rammy expert?
     
     
     

  514. Will ye go lassie go in an independent Scotland?

  515. YesYesYes says:

    Will Ryan miss his wee roll and sausage in an independent Scotland and has he dropped out of university yet?

  516. Clarinda says:

    Will occasional tables always be tables in an Independent Scotland?

  517. Bugger (the Panda) says:

     
    EdinScot says:
     
    7 May, 2013 at 1:01 pm
     

    Will Wendys brain still be the size of a planet in an independent Scotland?

     
     
    Uranus

  518. YesYesYes says:

    Does the Scottish government have any plans to ascertain the whereabouts of Lord Lucan and the remains of Shergar in an independent Scotland?

  519. Stuart Black says:

    Will the waiting for the federals finally be over in an independent Scotland?

  520. YesYesYes says:
    7 May, 2013 at 1:49 pm

    Will Ryan miss his wee roll and sausage in an independent Scotland and has he dropped out of university yet?

    Brilliant?
    Will Donald’s ancestors be upset that he hasn’t made life better for them in an independent Scotland?
    Will Donald have got rid of his fleas in an independent Scotland?

  521. Doug says:

    To Westminster:  If I wanted to break free. I want to break free from your lies, you’re so self-satisfied and I don’t need you.  Would an Independent Scotland allow me to do this?

  522. EdinScot says:

     
    Bugger (the Panda) says:
    7 May, 2013 at 1:52 pm

     
    EdinScot says:
     
    7 May, 2013 at 1:01 pm
     
    Will Wendys brain still be the size of a planet in an independent Scotland?
     
     
    Uranus
     
    LOL!  So they can still talk out their assholes in an independent Scotland then?

  523. Jeannie says:

    Will Auntie Mary’s canary still be allowed to live up the leg of her drawers in an independent Scotland or will the RSPB have something to say about that?

  524. handclapping says:

    Clarinda says:
     
    7 May, 2013 at 1:52 pm
     

    Will occasional tables always be tables in an Independent Scotland?

     
    Zen  :)

  525. pmcrek says:

    How will Bob Marley like his doughnuts in a separate Scotland?

  526. Stuart Black says:

    Will the red, red robin still go bob, bob bobbing along?

  527. Exactly how quickly should one bugger off in an independent Scotland?
    #HIGNFY

  528. Hotrod Cadets says:

    In an independent Scotland, is this the real life or is it just fantasy?

  529. Jeannie says:

    Will one man from Carntyne and a great big greyhound dug called Boa band a lassie called Senga go to join the Parish without the requisite bottle of wine because of minimum pricing on alcohol in an independent Scotland?

  530. MajorBloodnok says:

    With reference to Lobeydosser – how many legs will horses be allowed in an Independent Scotland?

  531. The Man in the Jar says:

    Will I still be allowed to Smack my bitch up, in an independent Scotland?
    Yours I. Davidson

  532. Hotrod Cadets says:

    What is an independent Scotland all about, Alfie?

  533. Boorach says:

    Will those three old ladies still be locked in the lavatory in an independent Scotland?
     

  534. Can we have Freddie Mercury, Brian May, John Deacon and Roger Taylor in drag on the stamps in an independent Scotland?

  535. Will Ian Taylor want his dirty money back in an independent Scotland?

  536. Jiggsbro says:

    Yaffa yat? Whit yat yaffa in an independent Scotland?

  537. Lobeydosser says:

    @Jeannie. LMAO in a nearly Independent Scotland

  538. Jeannie says:

    @major bloodnok
    With reference to Lobeydosser – how many legs will horses be allowed in an Independent Scotland?
     
    - Just one rank bajin :)

  539. Boorach says:

    Why were they there from Monday till Saturday in an independent Scotland?
    and
    Why did no-one know they were there in an independent Scotland?
    and
    Why is my question mark key being worn to a frazzle in an independent Scotland?

  540. Jiggsbro says:

    How many dollars will I have to have in my hand when I’m waiting for my man in an independent Scotland?

  541. Dcanmore says:

    Would I be able to put 200 people in a room and pretend its 600 people in an Independent Scotland?

  542. The Man in the Jar says:

    Will The Reverend De Wayne Love of the First Presbyterian Church of Elvis the Divine become Moderator of the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland in an independent Scotland?

  543. HighlandMartin says:

    Will Katie Birnie’s wooden leg still be allowed to kick the bairnies oot o bed in an Independent Scotland?

  544. Jamie Arriere says:

    Where do you go to my lovely, when you’re alone in your bed in an independent Scotland?

  545. Jamie Arriere says:

    Will the pheasant plucker’s son still be filling in until the pheasant plucker comes in an independent Scotland?

  546. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Will Telly Savalas need a licence in an independent Scotland ?

  547. Albalha says:

    @JamieArriere
    Back streets of Nairn, I think she said.

  548. handclapping says:

    19 September 2014 It will have only just begun in an Independent Scotland

  549. EdinScot says:

    Will special k chocolate & strawberry flavoured cornflakes be able to speak with a Scots accent if we put them up our nostrils when we stand next to that ‘nationalist shillobith’ in an independent Scotland on a rainy day?

  550. Stuart Black says:

    The Man in the Jar says:
     

    Will The Reverend De Wayne Love of the First Presbyterian Church of Elvis the Divine become Moderator of the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland in an independent Scotland?
     
    I do hope so, if not I ain’t gonna go to Goa…
     
    I just can’t help myself.
     

  551. G H Graham says:

    921 (7)(f)(iii). Optical Illusion: -
     
    When Scotland achieves independence, will Jackie Baillie’s arse make my car appear to look smaller than it actually is?

  552. Stuart Black says:

    Yes.

  553. Will ye gang love and leave me noo in an independent Scotland?

  554. Jeannie says:

    Will it be compulsory to step we gaily on we go, heel for heel and toe for toe when we go to Mairi’s wedding or will we still be allowed to feck the whole thing up and make arses of ourselves like we usually do after a few drams in an independent Scotland?

  555. Caroline Corfield says:

    When we have the report into the research on the discussion and ask questions of that research so we can report to the report and debate it – will we already be in an independent Scotland?

  556. G H Graham says:

    652 (G)(7)(viii). APPRENTICESHIPS
    22. WOODWORKING
    d). Leadership
    After independence who will be responsible for screwing the drawers off the tallboy?

  557. Jamie Arriere says:

    @Albalha
    Knowing her as I do, it would more likely be doon at the harbour looking longingly out to sea.
    lol

  558. Jiggsbro says:

    Where will the energy be in that debate in an independent Scotland?

  559. Jeannie says:

    @GC Graham
    After independence who will be responsible for screwing the drawers off the tallboy?
     
    Well, it cannae be Jimmy Saville – he’s deid.

  560. G H Graham says:

    754. STATE BENEFITS

     
    Is thurr nae chance of gettin ‘sumfin fer nuthin’ fae stairheid rammy expert Johann Lamont efter indy pendance?
     
    Whit aboot a free Tunnock’s Tea Cake?

  561. The Man in the Jar says:

    @Stuart Black
    at 2:31pm
    All we need is some damn fool lying on some foreign beach wearing psychedelic spandex trousers smoking damn dope thinking he’s getting conscious expansion. If I want conscience expansion I go to my local tabernacle and I sing! In an independent Scotland!

  562. Jeannie says:

    How will the man from Del Monte react to a “No” vote in the referendum?

  563. Jamie Arriere says:

    @Albalha
    Knowing her as I do, it would more likely be doon at the harbour looking longingly out to sea.
    lol

    ….the number of times I’ve been down there at fuckin four in the morning in ma jammies….

  564. G. Campbell says:

    Rolling down the hill. In yellow and black. I see a figure out in front me. His body shapes itself accordingly. Will Alex Salmond have stabilisers fitted in an independent Scotland?

  565. Graeme Purves says:

    High Noon on 18 September 2014:
     
    Oh, to be torn twixt love and duty
    Supposin I lose my fair haired beauty in an independent Scotland?
     
     

  566. Jeannie says:

    Do members of the Orange Order get upset when they’ve been tango’d?

  567. Laura says:

    Will a door still be a-jar in an independent Scotland?

  568. G. Campbell says:

    Who is God? Well, it’s an invisible person, and he lives up in heaven, up there. God is somebody who rules the world. He’s sort of like a spirit, I guess up in outer space. He kind of started all the plants growing, and he started people. Well I guess he’s kind of big and fat. He can see us whatever we do, whatever we do, he has such powerful eyes, he has to have millions and thousands and billions, and he can still see us when we’re bad. He could be sitting on the table right now, but you can’t see him. If he was a bad man, he would make everything bad, and we wouldn’t have electricity, he wouldn’t make people; that’s what would happen if God wasn’t nice. He’s not though, what – a lot of people think he’s just a feeling – but I think he’s a real person. Well, I think that God, um, isn’t a person, but he’s up in the heavens, and he’s watching over us right now. But will he go in the huff if Scotland becomes independent?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qrbfRqBdpY

  569. MajorBloodnok says:

    If I’m laying lino in an Independent Scotland, will I still need a flair for it?

  570. Weedeochandorris says:

    Will we still get to call a half loaf, a half loaf, in an independent Scotland?

  571. Jamie Arriere says:

    Will an Independent Scotland lobby for Houghmagandie to become an Olympic sport?

  572. YesYesYes says:

    @Roddy Mac,
     
    Will Donald’s ancestors be upset that he hasn’t made life better for them in an independent Scotland?
    Will Donald have got rid of his fleas in an independent Scotland?”.
     
    LOL.  So it was you who posted that video on You Tube? I think it deserves another airing, just to remind ourselves what we’re up against:
     
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udSR5GTmmTo

  573. BillyBigbaws says:

    Will the Wichita lineman still be on the line in an independent Scotland? 

  574. Cath says:

    Will Mary Mac’s mother still be makin’ Mary Mac mairry me in an independent Scotland?

  575. Dal Riata says:

     
    Will our womenfolk still come from a long line of fannies in an independent Scotland?

  576. YesYesYes says:

    And for the benefit of undecided voters:
     
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tth-8wA3PdY

  577. Laura says:

    Will the UK become, rumpUK or formerUK
    I mean you can’t have FU KIP and FU KOK

  578. Cath says:

    Will we all still be allowed to be in Garry Glitter’s gang if we go independent or will he not want us any more?

  579. sneddon says:

    Will people on the East Coast still have the bizarre habit of requesting “salt n sauce” on their chips in an independent Scotland?
    One day the whole world will do this :)

  580. Elizabeth says:

    Wull Donald at last be able tae say whaur his troosers are  in an independent Scotland?

  581. Jamie Arriere says:

    Wha wid fill a coward’s grave in an independent Scotland?
     
    (no, let’s not start another list….)

  582. The Man in the Jar says:

    @Sneddon
    Aye Right!
    Youl have had your tea?

  583. Mac says:

     
    Will there be drunken sailors in an independent Scotland, and if so what will we do with them?

  584. Mac says:

     
    Will ye no come back again no come back?

  585. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    How much will a penny caramel be in an independent Scotland ?

  586. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    Will people on the East Coast still have the bizarre habit of requesting “salt n sauce” on their chips in an independent Scotland?

    SALT’N'SAUCE WILL BE COMPULSORY.

  587. Marcia says:

    Kendomacaroonbar
     
    A penny. That takes be back to the 1950′s when we used to annoy the local shop with daft questions like that - ah memories. Will be allowed memories in an Independent Scotland>

  588. YesYesYes says:
     
    7 May, 2013 at 3:32 pm
    @Roddy Mac,
     
    LOL.  So it was you who posted that video on You Tube?
     
    Guilty, M’Lud.

  589. Cath says:

    “Will be allowed memories in an Independent Scotland”
     
    As long as they don’t involve any other part of the union. Any memories involving rUK will be vetoed by Westminster.

  590. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Will nostalgia be like wot it used to be in an independent Scotland…Marcia n’ me wanna know ….and what about the workers ?

  591. uilleambeag says:

    Will the lads in white still go at the speed of light in an independent Scotland? Will it still be good to be young and daring? Twitter clarification on these important points is yet to be heard from Pete Wishart. 

  592. Silverytay says:

    Rev    How many posts on the one subject do we need to break the record in an independent Scotland .

  593. The Man in the Jar says:

    What about pointed sticks?

  594. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    Silverytay: we broke the record about 300 ago :D

  595. Jamie Arriere says:

    Will Bonnie Wee Jeannie McColl still be the belle of the ball in an independent Scotland?

  596. YesYesYes says:

    @Roddy Macdonald,
     
    Guilty M’Lud”,
     
    The gravity of your offence is such that although, against my better judgement, I am not empowered to impose a custodial sentence on you, the limited powers that the Rev Stu has invested in me leave me no alternative. I therefore sentence you to a 12 month subscription to Labour Hame, a letter of repentance to the Truth Team and a night out at a Bangladeshi restaurant with Ian Smart. I hope the severity of this sentence will be a deterrent to others who may be tempted to engage in these vicious cybernat crimes.  

  597. Jeannie says:

    If 4 and 20 virgins come down from Inverness, by the time the ball is over will there still be 4 and 20 less in an independent Scotland?

  598. Jamie Arriere says:

    Were the 4 and 20 virgins fae Inverness and Bonnie Wee Jeannie McColl at the same ball?
     
    Is there a Co-operative hall in Kirriemuir?

  599. Ghengis says:

    This just in from BetterTogether headquarters at Pacific Quay:
     
     
    What is the difference between a duck?
     
    #500Questions

  600. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    Jeannie
     
    Where are you going to find the 4 and 20 virgins in Scotland after the independence vote, 2014, nevermind Inverness.
     
    On a less probable note, I was just stuffing a chicken and Maggie “Stair heid” Curn came into a my mind.
     
    Can I get rid of these thoughts in an independent Scotland, pleeeeeeeesssssseeeeee!

  601. Jeannie says:

    And will the yin that did it last time still no be able tae dae it noo in an independent Scotland?

  602. Jeannie says:

    Will Tunes still help us breathe more easily in an independent Scotland?

  603. Jiggsbro says:

    What is the difference between a duck?
     
    One of its legs both work better together.

  604. Jeannie says:

    Will the Gay Gordons be allowed to get married or will they just have to make do with a civil partnership in an independent Scotland?

  605. Patrick Roden says:

    My favourite from Twitter:
     
    “Will my border collie need a passport…in an independent Scotland “

  606. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Patrick,
     
    I posted the original earlier on this thread..somebody has copied it….Brill !!

  607. handclapping says:

    Have you heard? Its in the stars that next July an Independent Scotland only will collide with Mars.
    Well, did you ever. What a swell Union this is.
     
    and we had colour in those days. or was it color?

  608. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    My Bullterrier had an EU passport and  chip so he could cross land borders without problems.

  609. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Will my marriage licence still be valid in an independent Scotland, but not anywhere else ?

  610. Inbhir Anainn says:

    In an independent Scotland will the First Minister stop stroking or brushing the side of his head/face whilst answering questions at FMQ’s?
     

  611. Hotrod Cadets says:

    What would be the boiling point of water in an independent Scotland?
    Would Blue Peter badges still be valid in an independent Scotland?
    Can Alex Salmond guarantee that Godzilla would not attack an independent Scotland?

  612. Joybell says:

    Will Lucy still be in the sky with diamonds in an independent Scotland?

  613. Dcanmore says:

    Will M’Lud Jack McConnell allow his elderly neighbour to use the coal shed in an Independent Scotland? His neighbour needs to know! (preferably not through the court).
     
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-tayside-central-17357394
     
    Will the Hillman Imp make a comeback in an Independent Scotland? (people of Linwood need to know).

  614. Laura says:

    To me this is such an appropriate song
    http://youtu.be/OsDh8u1-Oq4

  615. Dramfineday says:

    Will I still be able to wear a faux hat when someone mentions Auchtermuchty in an independent Scotland?
    Will there still be one for me and 19 for you in an independent Scotland?
    Will cauld winter still howl o’r moor and o’r mountain in an independent Scotland?
    More importantly: Will Galloway still be bonny in an independent Scotland? (no George NOT you).

  616. Jeannie says:

    Will we still teach kids to sing Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes in that order in an independent Scotland or will be allowed to mix the order up just to confuse them?

  617. Dramfineday says:

    Will I still be able to watch paint dry in an independent Scotland?
    Will I still be able to watch the grass grow under people’s feet in an independent Scotland?
     

  618. Jeannie says:

    In an independent Scotland will the old custom be resurrected of designating the first carriage of the last train from Glasgow to Coatbridge on a Saturday night as “for single singers only”?

  619. Marcia says:

    Can you make yourself a happiness pie in an Independent Scotland?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1K5qDUNiIw
     

  620. Patrick Roden says:

    @Kendomacaroonbar   Nice one buddy ;-)
     
    Will bairns still ‘run aroond the streets we thir erse hingin oot the back oh thir troosers’..
     
    In an independent Scotland.

  621. Joybell says:

    Saw a girl in Edinburgh today with a bag saying “Buckie Lugger” on it.  Will we still be allowed to laugh at spoonerisms?

  622. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Joybell,
     
    Maybe she was actually carrying some Buckfast’s famous tonic wine in her knapsack …hence the luggin ?

  623. Name (required) says:

    what will ‘ i cant believe its not butter’ taste like in an independent Scotland

  624. StevieTV says:

    Will we still be allowed to speak English in an independent Scotland?

  625. cynicalHighlander says:

    What time will bedtime be in an independent Scotland?

  626. Joybell says:

    Kendomac
     
    I got the tonic wine bit, but my husband got the spooner bit.  I’m not usually so slow.  Honest. Maybe I’ll be quicker in an independent Scotland.
     
     

  627. the rough bounds says:

    Whatever happened to the Chi Rho’s in an independent Scotland?

  628. David Cunningham says:

    “what will ‘ i cant believe its not butter’ taste like in an independent Scotland”
     
    That’s an easy one – the answer is it still won’t taste like butter. :-)

  629. Morag says:

    Bored now.

  630. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Will we still be able to leave the toilet seat up in an independent Scotland ?

  631. Elizabeth says:

    Can we hope that the sentiment expressed in Hugh MacDiarmid’s  poem “The Parrot Cry” comes to fruition in an independent Scotland?
    Tell me the auld, auld story
    O’ hoo the Union brocht
    Puir Scotland into being
    As a country worth a thocht.
    England, frae whom a; blessings flow
    What could we dae withoot ye?  
    Then dinna threep it doon oor throats   
    As gin we e’er could doot ye!
      My feelings lang wi’ gratitude
      Ha’e been sae sairly harrowed
      That dod! I think it’s time
      The claith was owre the parrot!   
     
    Tell me o’ Scottish enterprise
    And canniness and thrift,
    And hoo we’re baith less Scots and mair
    Than ever under George the fifth,
    And hoo to ‘wider interests’
    Oor ain we sacrifice
    And yet tine naething by it     
    As aye the parrot cries.
      Syne gie’s a chance to think it oot   
      Aince we’re a’ weel awaur o’t,
      For, losh, I think it’s time
      The claith was owre the parrot!
     
    Tell me o’ love o’ country
    Content to see’t decay,
    And ony ither paradox
    Ye think o’ by the way.
    I doot it needs a Hegel
    Sic opposites to fuse;
    Oor education’s failin’
    And canna gie’s the views
      That were peculiar to us
      Afore our vision narrowed
      And gar’d us think it time     
      The claith was owre the parrot!
     
    A parrot’s weel eneuch at times     
    But whiles we’d leifer hear    
    A blackbird or a mavis     
    Singin’ fu’ blythe and clear.
    Fetch ony native Scottish bird
    Frae the eagle to the wren,
    And faith! you’d hear a different sang
    Frae this painted foreigner’s then.
      The marine that brocht it owre
      Believed its every word
      – But we’re a’ deeved to daith     
      Wi’ his infernal bird.
     
    It’s possible that Scotland yet
    May hear its ain voice speak
    If only we can silence
    This endless chatterin’ beak.
    The blessing wi’ the black
    Selvedge is the clout!     
    It’s silenced Scotland lang eneuch,
    Gi’e England turn aboot.
      For the puir bird needs its rest - 
      Wha else’ll be the waur o’t?   
      And it’s lang past the time
      The claith was owre the parrot.
     
     
    And gin that disna dae, lads,
    We e’en maun draw its neck     
    And heist its body on a stick    
    A’ ither pests to check.
    I’d raither keep’t alive, and whiles
    Let bairns keek in and hear
    What the Balliol accent used to be   
    Frae the Predominant Pairtner here!
      – But save to please the bairns
      I’d absolutely bar it
      For fegs, it’s aye high time
      The claith was owre the parrot!

  632. Laura says:

    Morag says:     
    Bored now
     
    Move on then, some folk have just joined the party.
     
     

  633. Morag says:

    :D

    If Stu would put up a fresh post, I’d be out of here.

    Changing Herald story, England trying to grab our oil, it’s all good.

  634. The Man in the Jar says:

    Will Buckfast come in biodegradable bottles in an independent Scotland?

  635. sneddon says:

    Kendomacaroonbar says:
     

    Will my marriage licence still be valid in an independent Scotland, but not anywhere else ?’
    It’ll make holidays abroad interesting :)

  636. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    “If Stu would put up a fresh post, I’d be out of here.”

    DAY. OFF. :D

  637. Morag says:

    YOU CAN’T HAVE A DAY OFF!

    Your country is not yet free, and you talk of “day off”?  (That’s what the convener of my previous SNP branch tended to say if we tried to get out of a campaign day or something.)

  638. Dramfineday says:

    Will Bill Stickers be free from prosecution in an independent Scotland or would other countries apply to have him extradited?
     
    Goodnight!

  639. Dal Riata says:

    In an independent Scotland, how will we ever know who put the bop in the bop shoo wop shoo wop or who put the dip in the dip da dip da dip?

  640. Baheid says:

    Will Howling Wolf singing The Constipation Blues be an independent Scotland’s national anthem ?

  641. The Man in the Jar says:

    Will we have had our tea? in an independent Edinb Scotland?

  642. Baheid says:

    Dammit, it was Screamin’ Jay Hawkins. (Bloody Fiddich again)
     
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ic3g8Xnf7LI

  643. Morag says:

    You know, y’all are repeating yourselves….

  644. The Man in the Jar says:

    Will Scottish Labours polices consist of Gonynodaethat” First Minister of Scotland–”How?” Scottish Labour – “Just Gonyno?” In an independent Scotland?

  645. Joybell says:

    How many of us googled “The Constipation Blues” to see if it existed?  I guess we’re sorry now!

  646. Dcanmore says:

    But haud oan Morag … the Union Dividend allows us to be ‘bored’ and ‘repeat ourselves’ without the fear of invasion or being targeted by North korea. What I say is will we be able to have the luxury of being bored and to repeat ourselves in an Independent Scotland, could we afford that? I think we should be told!

  647. Laura says:

    Morag says:     
    You know, y’all are repeating yourselves.
     
    Yup, I’m looking forward to the ones around midnight or later (weesmileything)

  648. Kendomacaroonbar says:

    Hey Rev,   I’ve just been playing with the Hootsman and London Labour Poll and body count algorithim and it looks like you’ve passed the 21,000 post mark for this thread !  

  649. DPICT says:

    BTW I did not compile the above list, i came across it on a well known hifi forum. I cant confirm the authenticity, but if it’s even partially correct, people should know about it. No need for 500 questions as to why we need out of this corrupt system.

  650. Patrician says:

    How many shades of grey will there be in an independent Scotland?  enquiring minds want to know ;-)
    Did a big boy do it and then ran away in an independent Scotland?
    Will there be jam in an independent Scotland? (There will be cake but there is no jam)

  651. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    DPICT: we’re going to need some links to evidence before we publish that very long list of very serious claims.

  652. Marcia says:

    Will Scotland win the Eurovision Song Contest as an Independent country.
     
    Shall we give our neighbour 12 points?

  653. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    “BTW I did not compile the above list, i came across it on a well known hifi forum. I cant confirm the authenticity, but if it’s even partially correct, people should know about it”

    If it’s only “partially correct” then it’s all kinds of libellous.

  654. DPICT says:

    This information is available to anyone interested but as i said, i did not do the research.

  655. Chic McGregor says:

    If we try really hard, could we persuade London to redraw the maritime boundary and take some of that problematic, volatile oil off our hands in an independent Scotland?

  656. Morag says:

    Or as one wag reportedly said, “Problematic stuff that.  We really ought to get rid of it as soon as possible.  Has anyone tried burning it?”

  657. G H Graham says:

    101st. Broadband or Band of Brothers
     
    Will Aye-Pads be marketed as opthalmic field dressings or personal communication devices in an independent Scotland?

  658. therealben10 says:

    Will we still be able to eat pickled onion monster munch in an independent scotland?

  659. Davy says:

    Will “Jackie Ballie” stop lying her arse off on radio Scotland right now, in an independent Scotland.

  660. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    Will the Crisps still be Crisp in an Independent Scotland.

  661. Doug says:

    Would 666 still be the number of the beast in an independent Scotland?

  662. Boorach says:

    Will I still be able to spend my days watching ospreys fishing in the Dornoch Firth while reading WoS threads in an independent Scotland?

  663. Kenny says:

    Will Dustin Hoffman be entitled to extol the virtues of stovies in an independent Scotland?

  664. Kenny says:

    Will you still find woodland fertilising ponfiffs in an independent Scotland?

  665. MajorBloodnok says:

    Would 667 still be the number of the neighbour of the beast in an independent Scotland?

  666. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    Ah, looks I will have to do a moonlight flit.

  667. Clarinda says:

    Will it be compulsory to wear knickers under all fur coats in an Independent Scotland?

  668. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    Not in Edinburgh Clarinda, or Dundee

  669. Clarinda says:

    BtP – Edinburgh OK – Dundee?

  670. The Man in the Jar says:

    MajorBloodnok says:
    8 May, 2013 at 7:05 pm

    Would 667 still be the number of the neighbour of the beast in an independent Scotland?

    Major is 667 not already the fax number of the beast in an independent Scotland?

    I’m sure it was the last time I saw a fax regarding his Labour party membership renewal.

  671. john king says:

    I’ve got one ,I’ve got one!
    hello? hello? is anyone there?
    bugger!
    too late
    damn-it, it was really good as well
    doh!
    oh well maybe I’ll be allowed to sing karaoke in an independent Scotland? 

    Hello Muddah, hello Faddah
    Here I am at camp Grenada
    Camp is very entertaining
    And they say we’ll have some fun if it stops raining

    I went hiking with Joe Spivey
    He developed poison ivy
    You remember Leonard Skinner
    He got ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner

    All the counselors hate the waiters
    And the lake has alligators
    And the head coach wants no sissies
    So he reads to us from something called Ulysses

    Now I don’t want this should scare ya’
    But my bunkmate has malaria
    You remember Jeffery Hardy
    They’re about to organize a searching party

    Take me home, oh Muddah, Faddah
    Take me home, I hate Grenada
    Don’t leave me out in the forest where
    I might get eaten by a bear

    Take me home, I promise I will
    Not make noise, or mess the house with
    Other boys, oh please don’t make me stay
    I’ve been here one whole day

    Dearest Fadduh, Darling Muddah
    How’s my precious little bruddah
    Let me come home if you miss me
    I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me

    Wait a minute, it’s stopped hailing
    Guys are swimming, guys are sailing
    Playing baseball, gee that’s bettah
    Muddah, Faddah kindly disregard this letter

    I thank you I thank
    applause applause

    hello? hello?
    oh well if you really have to listen to the real thing here it is I suppose
    Hello Muddah Hello Faddah – Allan Sherman (cover) – YouTube
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vybVaAOurY0

     

  672. Joybell says:

    Oh well, I’ll post to keep you happy, and a wee hand clap.  You’ll not know whether its a slow one or not.

  673. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    Soap and Salad dodgers as well.
     
    Broughty Ferry maybe the fur coat and nae nickers.

  674. john king says:

    well I suppose it’ll be left to me to sweep up then ,huh
    what a messy lot,
    you should see the rubbish, 
    oh come on who left these red panties?
    I’m looking at you bloodknok

  675. john king says:

    your not from Broughty Ferry by any chance are you colonel?
    and whats that terrible smell in here?
    and will you look at all the salad left to waste?

  676. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    No, but I suspect Clarinda just might be.

    wrt Dundee, soap and salads, these are what my daughters told me. One went to school there and the other studied at Dundee Uni.

    A Dundee shower they told me was a dousing of deodorant.
     
    Just sayin.

  677. Albalha says:

    Lots of us from Dundee on here, who may or may not shower daily, I wouldn’t be knowing nor caring too much, where are you from yourself Panda?
     
     
     

  678. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    Maryhill, yes I know but, that was a long time ago. I have lived in France for the last 20 or so years.

  679. Albalha says:

    You live in France and question Dundonains use of soap, showering etc, alors, c’est vraiment un monde fou.

  680. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    D’accord but I did have my monthly shower this morning.
     
    In my defence we used the bath to store our coal in Maryhill.
     
    I lived for about 12 years in Freuchie, thus the Dundee connections of my two daughters.
     
    I ran across Clarinda some years back on another blog and somehow worked out that she lived in the Ferry.
     
    This may give you a wee laugh
     
    http://subrosa-blonde.blogspot.fr/2009/12/message-from-b-panda.html
     
     

  681. Jamie Arriere says:

    Clearing up a loose end here…..668 is the neighbour of the Beast ; 667 is across the road!

  682. Dramfineday says:

    Right, this is the last from me on this subject (hurrah, did you say?)
    Will we be told if the Battersea dogs home in an independent Scotland
    Will women still open doors in their nightdresses in an independent Scotland
    (thanks Chic)

  683. Clarinda says:

    Well BtP – I’ve only been to Broughty Ferry a couple of times – born and educated in the capital and now live above the Fair City but hanker for my DNA origins beyond Lairg.  I still keep up with the ‘Dundee Wifey’ and I fully support the application of soap with a good rub down on a regular basis.
     

  684. Dave McEwan Hill says:

    Sadly, I don’t know any women with doors in their nightdresses.

  685. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    Nice to see you are still around.

    rub down with soap and water?

    I’m a wire brush and Dettol man myself.
     
    James

  686. skeelo says:

    I found the No campaign’s 500 questions utterly hilarious.
    This strategy is the best example I have ever seen of the Gish Gallop in the wild. And that really isn’t a good thing.



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