The Narcissism Of No Differences
So that’s the full set of manifestos in.
You can download them all here in a oner, if you’re REALLY bored. But we don’t advise it, because we can just tell you what they say in a couple of minutes.
SNP: “If you’re even reading this we know you’re absolute idiots, so here are a load of ridiculous pie-in-the-sky promises that both you and we know we have neither the ability nor any serious intention to keep, which we could have done during the last 19 years if we’d wanted to, and which we’ll immediately forget the day after the election.”
REFORM: “Scotland cannot be a country, but it can be the most successful country in the world that isn’t really a country and can’t run its own affairs.”
LABOUR: “We’ll fix absolutely everything! Just don’t ask for any detail about how, since we won’t actually be changing any of the SNP’s policies.”
CONSERVATIVES: “Did we mention we’re against independence?”
GREENS: “We’ll chop the genitals off your kids the SECOND you look away.”
LIB DEMS: “We’ll fix all the problems in education and health and transport and the cost of living, unlike all the other parties who have promised the exact same things but in different colours. Did any of them mention potholes? Oh, all of them? Well, we’ll do potholes too.”
“And we’ll trans your children too, just like the SNP and Greens!”
And that’s pretty much it. Here’s our official best-to-worst ranking of the manifestos, based purely on how short they are and which therefore has the lowest volume of bullshit for unfortunate would-be voters to wade through.
1st place: Reform (56 pages)
2nd place: SNP (74 pages)
3rd equal: Tories, Labour (both 94 pages)
5th place: Lib Dems (96 pages)
6th place: Greens (an endurance-sapping 168 pages)
Absolutely nothing will change in Scotland after this election, not even if this happens:
Nor this, which alert readers may note is based on the exact same poll:
It’s all a gigantic waste of time, money and attention. On the upside there are just three more weeks of it to survive, readers. Then we’ll have a new Parliament, and things will really take a turn for the worse.
I wouldn’t say its a waste of time for those that have just been elected, would you???
Its now a carer with all the benefits of a toff and after being election 7 times full state pension.
This is what Scotland is up against!!!
All together now. “Always look on the bright side of life. Always look on the bright side of life. Always…..”
You hold your ground without screaming or ranting Sarah.
Holding your stance against all odds. Respect.
Devolution is the rope around Scotland neck with its people hanging on the cross waiting to die.
Its upsetting, but just wait and see what happens during the next five years. We’ve wasted countless years trying to convert the SNP back to being a party for Independence, when our focus should have been to try and destroy the SNP for good.
I will be burying my head in the sand for the next five years and hope they’ve all gone away
The swapping around of some useless faces for some different useless faces…. Be good to see the back of my local MSP Michael Matheson
Keep your voting boots on folks. There could be a general election coming round the bend.
What these parties need is a strap line that has already worked elsewhere.
How about-
Make England’s favourite Colony Great Again.
It could be MEGA.
If they get rid of Starmer before May 7th, Labour might get a wee bounce.
I read an article by Offord (whom I dislike) on FWS Supreme Court Judgement,a year ago, and I couldn’t disagree with a word of it.
My Tory candidate is the only one to mention women’s rights, albeit women’s safety, so far (out of SNP, Green, Libdum and Tory). Strange times.
Time yet for the Scottish Women’s Party, Karen? Too late for this election, but the next? Set it up ourselves, unlike the ‘trans’ parasites who infiltrate and take over other parties? When you discover how little in the way of resources are allocated to women and girls, it is shocking. Then, these barstewards infiltrate their way into services and charities specifically for women and girls and suck the funding out of them (illegally, as their obligations do not permit it) by accessing it as ‘transwomen’, i.e. men. Governments actually threaten the removal of funding from specifically female services and charities if they do not open their doors to the men in frocks, i.e. autogynephiles and fetishists with paraphilias and other sexual perversions.
The postie delivered election leaflets and I used them to start a bonfire. That will be my sole participation in the farce.
Two female family members, who have always voted SNP, said that they feel disenfranchised and won’t be voting. That actually saddened me. Another reason to hate the ("Tractor" - Ed) Sturgeon.
Politicians promise us free bus travel and cheaper eggs instead of ending the 30 year wage stagnation that has curtailed our spending power.
Illegal immigration and rape gangs are seen as inconveniences to be managed rather than symptoms of societal breakdown.
Independence in 28? I’m not feeling the excitement – – – the anticipation. Swinney is too boring to animate the country; besides, setting the heather alight would be against his net zero agenda.
Let’s face it: The next parliament is just going to be like this one but with trannies in it.
WE ARE PROPER MENTAL wins by a pantomime horse’s nose, or a balding ginger-haired scrotum (if I’m being perfectly frank).
“On the upside there are just three more weeks of it to survive, readers.”
Anyone else remember how general elections used to take 3 weeks total, from start to finish? Back in the 70s for instance. Apparently nowadays campaigns are legally required to be a minimum of 25 working days. This 2026 Holyrood election seems to have been going on for at least 2 years.